tattoomytoe Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 so there are all these relationship books, therapies, articles, lists....etc... Designed to help make relationships better right? So why are most of us still in the dark? is it the lack of needed change? i just do not get it.... well yeah i guess i do...people get degrees and are still dumb as rocks. i am just soo frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 What I have learned in the last 5 months about love, marriage and emotional needs......holy crap....I feel like I just started my adult life...and I;m 34 yo. After what I have been through.....I think it should be MANADOTRY for males and females to learn how to meet thier SO's emotional needs. I think people are too selfish in today's society. People put there own needs and wants ahead of there marriage relationship. If one can learn to meet the needs of the S.O....I truely believe the world would be a better place. My wife and I just started to read a book called "His Needs. Her Needs, how to build an affiar proof marriage". And from what I have read so far.....all I can say....is this book is going to be an increadible help to improve our marriage. I know...its just another book....but it seems to have some very creadible advice about how men and female view and partake in meeting needs in a relationship. An eye opener to say the least. We are truely two totally different beings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tattoomytoe Posted December 17, 2004 Author Share Posted December 17, 2004 exactly...you both are willing to change your ways though right? good for you two! Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe exactly...you both are willing to change your ways though right? good for you two! WELL...yes..sorta. I decided I needed to change after what my wife did. She was the one who had the quasi-ONS. And I understand that because I was not meeting her emo needs, she went elseware. SO I am and haved changed...and she is FINALLY taking notice. But her on the other hand....well the last few weeks...I noticed her moving back to were she USED to be....selfishness for her own needs. I called her on it and told her she had to make a decision of what she truely wanted from this marriage. I told her I am a strong person....and I love her more than anything in the world. BUT I finaly decided that I could not remain here if SHE didnt show that she truely wanted to be in this with me. I basically told her that I would leave if she didnt change also. At that point, she finally realized, that after so many years together and me saying I would never leave....she took that for granted the last year or so and assumed she could walk all over me.....but no more. I am a better person than that....and I am choosing to make a change...and if you dont change with me....then, well....then I will leave. She didnt like that, it scared her......BUT she said she needed to hear me say to get her off the fence....and i can say, the last week has been alot better.....but I know it will take time with her.... She asked me to hang in there...and i will, becasue my conviction to this marriage is strong.....BUT I also know that I need love too....I cant just give and give without reciprocation. Its a personal decision to make changes. To become selfless in a sense. To put your needs behind the needs of the marriage. IMO...Marriage needs come first, family second and individual last. BUT....it does not mean you have to totally give up things you want....it just means you have to understand and accept that you are a couple and you need to compromise on individual wants and needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tattoomytoe Posted December 17, 2004 Author Share Posted December 17, 2004 wow! you have learned a lot! good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe So why are most of us still in the dark? I don't think most of us are in the dark, I think most of us are mesmerized by the strobe light we keep staring at! Every once in a while everyone has a moment of clarity, but that darn strobe light changes color and we get lost again. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 YES I HAVE TAT....YES I HAVE.... and I am never going back to what I used to be....NEVER.... I was a selfish person in our early years of marriage.....and that is what drove her to what she did....it was years in the making.....and i never had a clue....makes me sick in the head sometimes. I wish I could go back and redo somethings....but I know i cant.....BUT I CAN CHANGE......that I know. I view other relationships is such a different light now.....its like I can see others peoples hurt....because of what I know now about emotional needs....its something I never even knew existed until now. I dont pry into others peoples problems....but with what I know now....I do say things to people to help them see what they are doing wrong, without telling them...I just say things on what I am doing and why i am doing it. As I look at it now......most people I know are SOOOO selfish...and it saddens me that they just dont get it. And...I can also say, that most men I know (including me, until now)....are just plan stupid when it comes to meeting a womens needs....we just are....hahahahaha. And that is why I think we all need some training. I think we are just too pig-headed when it comes to romance....we just dont get it....hahahahah but with help from you ladys, we will get there......but the guy has to be willing to learn....some call it being pussy-whipped....BUT I CALL IT LOVE. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe so there are all these relationship books, therapies, articles, lists....etc... Designed to help make relationships better right? So why are most of us still in the dark? is it the lack of needed change? i just do not get it.... well yeah i guess i do...people get degrees and are still dumb as rocks. i am just soo frustrated. Hehe.. I was just saying the same thing to the hubby the other day at Barnes and Noble, only I was referring to the diet books. Never has there been a bigger obsession with dieting, diet pills, and diet books - and never has our nation been fatter and more unhealthy. Relationship books are everywhere, yet the divorce rate has skyrocketed. I guess that people in general are really good at giving advice, but not nearly as good as following it. Everyone wants a 'magic pill' - whether it be the magic "makes your relationship perfect" pill, or the "lose weight with no diet or exercise" pill. Ah well, such is life. As long as there is hope for the "magic pill" the self help and diet industries are going to be perpetually rich. Link to post Share on other sites
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