soconfused84 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) I'll try and make this as short and sweet as possible. I met this MM now over a year ago. We talk everyday throughout the day. We hook up maybe every three weeks, strictly sexual. He's a lot older than me and told me in the begining "no love is allowed here". This is just for fun. Ok great. I have NO intentions of leaving my H. My H and I have a semi open relationship before people go and judge me, but anyways. So OF COURSE talking everyday we happened to kind of become eachothers...best friends? in a sense. I'm going through a lot in life and he always seemed to be my level headed side, guiding me. We've connected so well. Now here is what gets me. He KNOWS I will not leave my H. He knows that even if he left his W today I could never be with a man like that. Porn/Picture addict, weird in the head. Now here's the deal with him. He still to thisbday reminds me he only wants this for fun, ok great....he threatens to leave all the time if I get to "mushy/lovey" (even though he knows I would never want him for even a bf) I'm just a girl, I put him on a pedistal for fun because it makes him feel good. Wrong or right whatever. However when I "praise him" or boost his ego to much...he threatens to run because it makes him uncomfortable. Ok weird. I can't ever imagine running because a guy tells me how gorgeous I am. Anyways, so here is the thing. Key phrases he has said to me. He tells me all the time I should find someone else and deserving of such a great guy. Then when I joke about it, he gets really upset. Now all the sudden he is showing SO MuCH jealousy. On social network sites he's like who is this guy? How do you know him? Blah blah blah. I'm like he's just a friend, and then he will be like "oh I don't care he seems like a great guy go for it" and I'm like no he's just a friend, then he will be like really, i dont care, but then show total obvious signs ten seconds later that he does care!! Like wth!? So I've told him in the past how I don't think I will ever find another guy like him. We have an incredible...incredible!...sexual chemistry. So lately he has said weird ass things like "tell me you will never find another guy ever, tell me you will only want me forever" like some weird ego thing! So i play along, like i always have to make him feel good, tell him I think hes practically god to me, then he starts threatening to run because I'm getting to lovey and stuff! Seriously, its giving me a headache. So I totally backed off him. Though ill admit, I have this serious probably unhealthy attachment to him for some weird reason. (I love what he gives me I think intimately). So anyways I backed off, well, he hasnt, he's wondered why I have. He's come around a lot more. Did i mention mid relationship he ended things because he felt so guilty, w e didn't talk for a week, then one day he came back and said he can't not have this and wanted me back. I'm just so confused, hell it probably all sounds confusing. I don't even know what I'm asking lol. I just don't get why he's doing this. Im to lovey he wants to run, I'm not lovey enough and he thinks I'm seeing someone else, its perfectly fine if im seeing someone else, then no it isn't, just bacl and forth and back and forth on everything. Believe me, I stopped the emotional stuff internally as this guy gives me a headache. However, i admit, i stay around for the sex. I'm just now really really curious why he is like this. It's like he wants to own me, but with no emotional attachment. He obviously has some emotional feelings because he tells me if the situation was different hed want to be with me. He's told me he wishes we could date ans go to movies and stuff etc etc.....obviously there is something there. I dont know. Edited November 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Wow...he is really screwing with your head. No matter what you do he wants the opposite. He doesn't sound as though he knows what he wants. That is a lot of drama to deal with for sex. I wouldn't be able to put up with someone messing with my head like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 What is a semi-open relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soconfused84 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 Our semi open relationship is where he knows what goes on deep down, but on the outside, what he doesnt know can't hurt him. It's messed up. Thats a whole other thread lol. He doesn't mind sharing me, but doesn't want to hear about it. It's really complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Our semi open relationship is where he knows what goes on deep down, but on the outside, what he doesnt know can't hurt him. It's messed up. Thats a whole other thread lol. He doesn't mind sharing me, but doesn't want to hear about it. It's really complicated. So your husband is totally OK with you going outside of the marriage as long as you don't fall in love with someone else or give him any details of what you do? Does he see other women as well? Same deal? Do as you please just don't talk about it? Your MM is using you and you are using him. Dangerous game and you both are going to end up getting hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Yes I agree with you. he wants to own you with no attachment, as if you are an object or a toy. It also sounds like you don't really have an open marriage. Thinking that ypur husband must know and is accepting it because its ok with him, is not an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 It's messed up. yea, it is. you can't pussy-foot around this..... either you are or aren't in an "open relationship." seems to me that you define it on what's convenient to your needs. as to your question regarding this "older" guy, he's giving you the ol' "hot & cold" routine. you seem to be enjoying yourself, so what's the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 He sounds like a LOT of energy. I would quickly grow tired of the hot/cold routine and view him as someone that really has no idea what he wants, thinks, feels, etc. I would probably be heavily pushing him to therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soconfused84 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Our semi open relationship means, he knows I'm a really sexual person (not near as much as him) so he allows me to have some on the side if needed. He does not. I've said ok to it, but hes not interested. Yes, this is probably as weird sounding to you as it is still to me. Also he's bisexual. We've explored that side with him together, perhaps that has a lot to do with it. This does not matter as to what I'm talking about though. As for this other "relationship" I guess the only thing I don't get is his care for me. We talk numerous times a day, never about just sexual things. He cares about my health (gets angry when I'm not eating right or seeing doctors like I should) he cares about my education, my job, etc etc. Always trying to help "better" me in some way. He's there for me when I'm going through really rough times. So if its 100% about fun with him, why is he concerned about my personal life and wanting to see me succeed and stuff? He doesnt trust anything or anyone, its weird. I asked him the other day why he cant trust me, he said nothing at all, so I replied someone must have really hurt you, again he said nothing. I guess I dont know why I care so much. He is very exhausting, I guess I just love trying to figure people out, much like a hobby. Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 He's developing feelings for you, care and concern about health, job, education; realizes he should not, you deserve a great guy; then the realization he can't be with you, who are these others. When you express feelings of affection he gets angry because he knows you can't have a relationship throw in a dash of guilt. He's behaving as a man who is conflicted in his emotions. Give him some time to adjust or cut him lose if you have no feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 This guy just sounds like the antithesis of everything a man should be. Ugh. He's a porn addict, a user, and only thinks with his little head. There's just not one thing you've said about him that doesn't repulse me. Quite honestly, I've never, ever had a man tell me I'm only 'fun' for him. I would find that so completely degrading and disrespectful that he'd cut off at the knees the second he had the balls to say it to me. But you seem totally fine with that so I guess it works for you. But to address your issues, this has NOTHING to do with love and everything to do with EGO. He wants none of your emotions, but don't think it doesn't do his little ego good to know that you're looking at him like he's some kind of demi-god. If he sees you giving attention to someone else, then that means he has to share your admiration with someone else and he won't be having any of it. I'm going to repeat this - it has NOTHING whatsoever to do with love. NOTHING. Excellent advice and analysis. I wish I had known this before (or maybe I did know it and chose not to believe it) Link to post Share on other sites
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