How do I get my ex to give me a second chance months later???

[m511y]

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me in September. She started having doubts about me and for good reason. My priorities were in the wrong plce. I was constantly thinking of myself befor her or any oneels in my life. I was very self centered. She was also concerned with where I was heading with my life. I think she was unhappy because of me, but at the same time she had told me she needed to go out and find herself.

 

She had one more semester of school and I had graduated in May. She has spent this time being a college student, seeing other people and having fun. I have also seen other people in this short time but it dosnt seem right holding any ones hand but hers.

 

Since she broke up with me an alarm went of in my head. I have gotten my priorities together. I'm not self centered and I have great dreams and am on my way to making them come true. I have realised that I took our relationship for granted. I never thought she would leave me. Now I know better. She graduates from school next week and is comming back to my area. I miss her very much. I would love to rekindle what we had.

 

I know if we got back together things would be different. I have corrected so many of my mistakes. My eyes are widee open. There is so much I want to show and do for her. I would do anything for a chance to show her how much she means to me and how much our relationship means to me as well.

 

Is there any chance of me getting back together with her? What should I do. She truly means more to me than I could ever explain and I hate myself for being how I was. One good thing that has come of us breaking up is that I have grown up and taken a steep back. I am starting to remeber who I am and who I want to be.

 

Should I try to get her back, or should I compleetly cut all ties to her because it is to difficult to have her in my life? If I should try to get her back, what should I do? Any help would make me feel better. thanks.

[GreenCap]

Hey M

 

While I was unable to get a direct and clear response, I am somewhat in your situation although, in my ex's eyes that is. Someone told me that you have to improve yourself and somewhere down the line, your ex will see it and come back. It doesn't hurt to have mutual friends in this case but most importantly she has to continue to have you in her heart. My ex, found a new bloke and indicated that she will marry him, that he is the one. A little to late for me.

 

Seems you have your whole life in front of you so by all means, improve yourself for yourself but not to satisfy someone's checklist. If you feel that the checklist is something you have considered then, go ahead and proceed. So in the end, even if she never does come back, you would have improved yourself and you will love yourself and that will bring others to come to love you.

 

Hope I make sense. I try to follow the above advise daily but unlike you, the sense of betrayal that lives within me is gnawing at my insides like a cancer. I know I cannot let it get the better of me but the circumstances of our breakup was tough.

 

It seems that you still have time - don't despair - you've already started on a course that appears productive.

[m511y]

I try to improve my self every day. My new thing is that every day is a new day. I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me and the important people in my life. However if it helps with her thats good too.

 

So so far I'm doing whats right for my situation, thats good to hear. What do I do when she comes home? I want to let her know how much I care about her but I dont want to scare her away.

 

GreenCap, I have descovered that it is never to late to be happy. It shouldnt depend on a girl, it should depend on you and your values. Keep it together and dont forget who you are. If you hahve do whatever it takes to remember. Thanks for the post bud.

 

[Weird]

Well son, nothing you can do to make her give you a nd chance. You can only hope she wants to try and work things out in the near future or gives you an opportunity to prove to her you are a better person now, assuming you don't talk to her now. If you do still talk to her then just show her through your actions you are a beter man now and if she sees that and wants to be with you she will.

 

One of the greatest gifts people have is the act of forgiveness yet maay don't do it. Sad, really.

 

Here's hoping you get the chance to prove to her you're a beter guy and she will let you back in her life.

 

All I know is you should not try and press the issue with her because pressing her for a 2nd chance or whatever will only result in you getting burned.

[XNemesisX]

First of all I want to say good for you for making some good changes in your life!

 

You all were together for 4 years, that is a long time. I don't see how anyone could get over a 4 year relationship in 4 months (I'm guessing that is how long you all have been broken up?) If she still has feelings for you, which it sounds like she probably does, she just wanted you to change your ways a bit...then I think it sounds like the odds are in your favor for a reconciliation.

 

I am also wondering if you have been doing NC or have you been keeping in touch? Sounds like you need to see eachother and see if it is going to be possible to rekindle the flame. Hopefully she will be able to see for herself how much you have changed.

 

At the same time, do be careful and not get your hopes up TOO much. People can change so quickly I've learned. I would keep it pretty casual at first. See if she wants to go to dinner one night or something. Take it slow, then see how she responds. You should be able to tell by her body language if its going to be something you can really pursue.

 

I am really wondering about the level of contact you two have...if you are already in contact the transition shouldn't be too awkward.

 

I hope it works out for you! She may see that the breakup was just what you needed to make positive changes in your life, and that is all she needed you to do. If not, like someone else said, its still good you made the changes anyway!

[Sukotto]

It could have ended many months before that in her head, the person who breaks off a relationship is usually unhappy and rather than come out and say it and see what can be done they slowly deattach themself from the relationship. In her eyes it could have ended 10 months ago, it just took her 6 months to end it.

 

You need to show her through actions that you've changed. Dont be all needy and demand that she does something or try and manipulate her into giving you that second change. She needs to want to do it for it to have any chance of being permanent. If your not talking then gradually start chatting with her.and try to arrange for the two of you to meet up and hang out. You'll need to do that a few times to create positive moments.

 

If she brings up any of your bad habbits then completely agree with her that they were and say that you've changed but you shouldn't bring it up yourself. The whole point of getting someone back is to try and create positive moments with the new you, once that happens you can get back to dating.

 

I hope it goes well!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by m511y

Should I try to get her back, or should I compleetly cut all ties to her because it is to difficult to have her in my life? If I should try to get her back, what should I do? Any help would make me feel better. thanks.

 

No, you should not try to get her back. Move on and take this as a learning lesson. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first but you also need to take care of the needs of the people around you.

 

Don't stay friends with her, just leave her alone. Find someone else. She was not for you and both of you are way too young to understand.

[strange love]

Ok read your post...

Hmmmmm

I guess part of getting back with your ex depends on fate. It also depends on being around her. One time when I broke up this chick, I was aksing older people about their experiences. One fellow said to me look back in school I had a girl break up with me and well I decided to take the just friends route.. he didnt push it. He said well the end up spending time together still and one day one thing lead to another.

 

I got an ex from like 10 yrs ago and I remember thinking at the time of breaking up with her oooooo how can I get her back?? I guess I didnt see 10yrs later she would be available.

 

Best bet I would say is keep in touch with her., and just be yourself, be somewhat aloof.

 

Its great to move on etc..

but keep this in mind at some point, you will get tired of moving on. At some point you have to develop certain skills to either keep the relationship together or work out the differences even after theres been a break up.

Its a know fact actually I read most long lasting relationship have some breakup /reconcilation/seperation point.

[nan]

My ex has said the same thing about me in the sense that I'm selfish, self-centered, ect. and as you were, I was. My ex, who was my boyfriend for 3 years, is giving me a second chance right now as a person, not yet as a love interest. But I think that is a start. If you can get her to go to dinner, talk on the phone, something like that, then you can show her how much different and better you are. Just make sure that you really are better and are not just acting that way to win her back, because old habits die hard and they could come back to bite you in the a**. DO NOT, ever say "I have changed, or but I have changed" this will immediately make her turned off to you, she will think you are lying, and she will start looking for flaws and picking arguements about you. You are setting yourself up for disaster. Let her judge for herself and if she brings up anything about the old you, immediately agree with her, and do not do the, you're right but..... There should be NO but, just you're right. Agree and she will probably be surprised, because if you were anything like I was, I always had something to argue about when it came to my problems and I always had exceuses and reasons. Give her no reasons. I hope that you can get her to give you a second chance as a person so that you can prove to her that you really have changed. Sounds like whether or not you get her back, she has done an amazing thing for you by showing you the way to make yourself a better person. Good luck!