crush on my coworker but I have a boyfriend

[MapleWish]

my boyfriend and i have been together over 5 months, he's 19 and i'm 20, we're a year and 6 months apart and before we started dating i told myself i wanted an OLDER guy, i haven't dated A LOT but the guys i have were all younger than me. so i set my standards a little higher.

 

so now where i work we recently a hired a 28 year old. he's friendly, charming, very attractive and just one of "those" coworkers that'll flirt all the time, whether he means anything by it or not, and i'll flirt back. i feel i've developed sort of a crush on him, i enjoy nights i work with him and i try to find excuses to be around him, like taking beer bottles to the bar when he's in that vicinity. YES i feel awful for feeling this way when i have a boyfriend but to be honest the entire time i've been with my boyfriend i've been telling myself i forfeited my standards of wanting an older guy and i'm having to deal with the traits of someone younger than me (something i wasn't too keen on doing again), like i kinda want someone older, more mature, knows what they want,, etc.

 

i asked my coworker tonight coyly if he was married, engaged, or had a gf and when he said no i brushed it off claiming that i was just checking cause i'd feel bad flirting with him if he was taken (and yes i actually would, if he was taken i'd keep away). there's been no indication he likes me he's just a flirt, but he knows i'm flirting (he's ok with it) and he knows i find him attractive. we don't have a whole lotta time to talk at work so i figured i'd get his number to text him and find out more about him, if there's any connection tween us and then figure if he's what i'm looking for or not, hence if he's a player, or a one night stand guy (not my type). only thing i know about him so far is he has an ex he still talks to which MAY imply he still has feelings but we havent discussed that far.

 

i do love my boyfriend but feeling this way i think of a scene in Six Days Seven Nights, at the end one couple was saying that if they truly were in love, then the girl wouldn't have fallen for Harrison Ford's character. my boyfriend is everything i could want but he was single for 2 years before he started dating me, he was clueless about relationships, so i feel like older is what i need. And in my opinion he's not too old for me, I have a girl friend my age dating a 36 year old. Also I'd be smart about this, I wouldn't cheat at all, right now I'm just flirting but if I were to actually be involved with my coworker or getting to know him I wouldn't do it while I have a boyfriend

[Toddbt12y1]

Well, there is another form of cheating: emotional cheating. Some consider this worse than physical cheating.

 

Your younger bf will gain experience. That's what makes a relationship fun...is what experiences you can potentially gain. I am baffled though. You claim you wouldn't flirt with this guy, if he had a partner himself. ..but neglect the fact you have a partner too.

 

But I will not further dog you on that....

 

You want this guy so much, you should end it with your younger bf(especially before emotions run too high...and something happens that is regretful). Then try and see. I think pursuing his phone number, out of this desire, would be unfair to your now bf.

 

One thing to be friends, and people can be flirty, if by nature. But you have an interest in him. This could lead to something bad...

 

But you like him, and not to let your standards down, pursue him or avoid him.

[bubbaganoosh]

. my boyfriend is everything i could want but he was single for 2 years before he started dating me, he was clueless about relationships, so i feel like older is what i need.

 

Of course he's clueless. He's only 19 years old. You want to go after a 28 year old guy? You have anything in common with a guy 8 years older than you? Like your GF whose dating a 36 year old man. What could she have in common with a man 16 years older than her? That's a bunch of years ya know.

 

You haven't grown up enough yet. If your BF is a good guy and treats you like a guy is supposed to treat a woman (girl in your case) then you have something good. Why throw it away. Sooner or later you BF will start to notice that you have your eye on someone else and he just might no be happy. Bottom line is this. If your not happy, let him go so he can find another girl. If you are happy with him, at least have the common courtesy to devote your attention to him. That's what a grown up does.

[MrBossMan]

If you call yourself a real woman, then prove it by either breaking up with your boyfriend or telling him exactly what's going on (no trickle-truth). Then report back here so that we can hold you accountable.

 

The reason I say this is because, look...

 

If you're doing this now, then every guy you ever develop a crush on in the future (and trust that there will be many more) will cause you to be unable to control yourself.

 

You're not in love with your bf. Maybe you've grown to care for him, are comfortable in the relationship, etc. But you don't have any passion or raw desire for him in a way that no one else could draw your eyes away from him (obviously). That's what you need to have for a man to have a fulfilling relationship and marriage, eventually.

 

I know you probably didn't have the prospect of picking up and leaving your boyfriend on the table, but if you're ready to be a grown-up, you need to stop playing games and put it on the table right now and then get ready for major and uncomfortable changes.

 

I hope you learn from this and grow.

 

All the best.

[pink_sugar]

Before you go any further, consider this. If this guy is flirting with a lot of women, besides you, can you imagine being serious with him while he's still goofing around with other women, even if it's nothing but harmless fun?