Help gauging an ex

[munkeygurl]

My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. Our relationship only lasted six months, but it was very intense romantically, physically and spiritually. I am 25 and he is 22. We were together every single night of those six months, and much of the day as well. I have been in a lot of relationships, but this one was different. We loved eachother equally and overwhemlingly.

 

We had been fighting a lot for the two weeks previous. This was due to me being a stressed-out freak during final exams and being verbally abusive to him. He became depressed and didn't want to do anything, which made me even angrier. On the last night we were together, I let him know I was really not happy in the relationship. At the time I thought it was him making me unhappy, but have since realized it was my lifestyle and the unnecessary sacrifices I was making for him that were making me resentful. He responded to my unhappiness by offereing to rub my feet, which I cattily refused. The next morning he offered to take me out for breakfast and was being all lovey to me, but I brushed him off and insulted him. We ended up fighting for the next few hours and for some reason I wanted to hurt him so I kind of pushed him into a mutual breakup.

 

Later that day I regretted that decision, and have been regretting it ever since. He is a stubborn man, and has said that he will never get back with any of his exes. He hasn't to date.

 

Of course at first I did the grovelling, but I have some pride so I stopped that after the first day when I realized I was just pushing him away. It was pretty bad. He says he wants to be friends and he has never loved someone or been as close to someone as me in his life, and is terrified he will never find someone else like that (and this is AFTER the breakup (last week was our last conversation). I have been dating other people and I know he has been hooking up with girls at bars, but I dont care because I know he is still in love with me. He even said that making out with other girls was a horrible experience for him because the are "fat, ugly and stupid" compared to me.

 

Unfortunately I work right across the street from his apartment. It's absolute torture.

 

Basically, I want him back within the month after we both have some time to sort out our lives and minds. I realize I dont NEED him but I love him to pieces and miss him so much.

 

Do any of you have any advice for me? Does it sound like he might take me back? I have truly learned from my mistakes. Right now we are avoiding eachother, but have many mutual friends.

 

Should I just accept that he is gone?

[chica]

I think you two will sort this one out munkey.

Just let things cool down a bit more first, ok?

 

You have really reminded me of a relationship I had with a guy who was a few years younger. I felt very strongly and passionately about the relationship and as a result, when things didn't feel right I got pretty intense.

 

This was hard for him to cope with and I ended up finding that the best way to vent those emotions and get my feelings out clearly without fighting was to write it all down (sometimes I gave him the letter, sometimes I just kept it for myself). That way you can clarify your emotions for yourself as well as being able to be honest with him in a calm way.

 

*(what star signs are you two?)*

 

good luck, i hope it works out

[indigo_moon]

It all sounds dysfunctional. It's not healthy to begin dating someone and spend every single night together right from the start. You can't appreciate your partner fully and your relationship doesn't grow enough when you're with each other every single day.

 

You admit you were verbally abusive and b*tchy to him....you say you now realize it was because of "unnecessary sacrifices" you were making for him.

 

You treated him like crap and I hope you learn a lesson from it all....just because things in life or in the relationship are bugging you, that doesn't give you the right to mistreat someone who cares about you. But you're both young, you'll learn to treat guys better, he'll learn not to take crap and hopefully you'll both learn not to be so dependent on one another.

 

Let him go, move on.

[Weird]

I am with indigo moon on this one. I can't imagine spending every signle night and many days with a girl that I only was dating for 6 months. I'd kill myself.

 

People need space at the start. Marriage is for spending every single day/night together not 6 months into a relationship.

 

Anyway, you fugged things up, shouldn't have abused him and now he is hurt by it. I hope that it works out for you but at the same time I hope you've grown up and won't go back into the same routine if he decides to give you another chance. Most guys would not give you that 2nd chance (I believe in 2nd chances in most situations and think you deserve one )so if he does, I really hope you will value it and wont take advantage of him like you did before....and if you two getback together, give the brother some room to do stuff that doesnt involve you.

[munkeygirl]

When I originally posted this I thought I had actually deleted it (I was pretty wasted at the time), so it is a nice surprise to see it here with some responses.

 

and chica, I'm a scorpio and he's a taurus-gemini. Our suns are in opposition and our moons are in perfect conjunction.

 

Thank you for your responses! Treating guys crappily is wrong and I realize this fully. Even someone that adores you will only put up with so much crap before they have had enough. There is a huge lesson to be learned here.. I think I've figured it out a little late, unfortunately. I didn't mean to be abusive, I just have absolutely no tact and say whats on my mind and he is VERY SENSITIVE. bad combo.

 

So, it's been over three weeks since the breakup and I haven't been contacting him. Out of the blue he shows up at my work and then later comes to my local haunt where he knows I will be, proceeding to hug and flirt with me. His friends say he dragged them there so he could see me. Muahahah sounds like he is coming around. Everyday since he has txted me. Hmm. Im playin it cool.

 

The only thing is, he is only 22. He should be out having fun with his friends and not tied down...not in a serious relationship. I wonder if it is possible to change the patterns of our relationship if we do try it again? I am willing to let things go and even deny a second chance if it in his best interest; however who am I to decide what is right for him? sheesh.

[Mr Spock]

I just think you're bored and need to find someone new.

[munkeygirl]

I have lots of options, and they are all attractive. The problem is that I am still in love with my ex and it wouldn't be fair to any new person. Things are getting better though.. letting go a lot and I just want my ex to be happy- with or without me by his side.

Thats what true love is, right?