How do people settle?

[RedRobin]

Red Robyn,

 

I am at a stage in life where, I too, cannot be into a guy sexually unless he treats me well. Any slip up, and my attraction falters.

 

This has never happned to me before, but a guy is completely had over heals in love with me atm. He is the most amazing guy. Earns good money and really looked after me. He would honestly move mountains for me.

 

Yet here is the difference with HIM versus SPARK guys:

 

- he is cute enough objectively, nothing wrong with his looks, yet I do not feel like kissing him or pleasuring him OR even having sex with him

 

- I spent weeks with him most days, and still it didn't change, event though he continued to treat me like a princess

 

- the 3 other dudes that DID get my heart racing, I wanted to kiss them within a day or so of talking a lot to them!

 

- with the spark dudes, I got EXCITED about the prospect of exploring dating with them; with the first guy, the genuine, loyal and amazing partner guy - I did not get an surge of excitement when he texted.

 

I do not go for bad boy, bad guy types, so why not just get to KNOW a guy I spark with, and take things slow? I do not seem to go for the hot, out of reach unattainable "bad boys". Perhaps my choices of spark boys are safe?

 

Why not find the spark and then be sensible and not jump the gun?

 

That is what I am looking to do.

 

I do not find it hard to find that 24 our spark; whereby, within 24 hours of knowing the guy, I feel a high level of desire to be sexual with him NOT that I want to put it into practice with the next lucky guy:lmao: Not until he proves he is genuine.

 

My definition of a 'bad boy' is likely different than yours. I came across one or two objectively bad ones in my late teens early twenties and knew what to avoid ever since then... no worries.

 

My definition NOW of a 'bad boy' is any man who is not commitment or LTR relationship oriented.

 

I'm not sure what to tell you... except maybe one thing... Your enjoyment of options has a lot to do with the travel you do, willingness to engage in casual sex/FWB, and the fact that you are young and attractive.

 

Change any one of those variables, and your options will shrink considerably.... leaving much fewer men with potential to be 'good guys' to sort through. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[Ruby Slippers]

If you notice, the vast majority of the people in this thread advocating the 'never settle' mentality are also single.

Well, sure. Those in relationships either feel they settled, or do not feel they settled. Few people who feel they settled will admit it or talk about it in those terms. It takes a lot of self-awareness and honesty to admit you settled for less than you wanted and feel internal conflict about it. Those who do not feel they settled are probably happy in their relationships and don't have much interest in pontificating about the matter.

 

Some LSers do talk about their happy relationships in which they feel they did not settle, and unless they're endlessly bragging in a superior way (which you do see sometimes), I always like reading those posts, because it shows you it is possible, and it's rarely some mythical thing. They just happened to meet someone they really clicked with and things worked.

 

If you want to be in a relationship, you will definitely be settling on some things - and guess what - so will your partner!

No relationship is perfect, but I think in some, both people feel they are not settling, but really couldn't do any better than the relationship they have.

 

It's kind of the way I feel about the house I live in right now. It's not perfect, and my dream house would have a fireplace, swimming pool, etc. - but for where I am in life, the house I live in is like a princess house to me, and I relish and think about how thankful I am to live in such a nice place every day.

 

Technically, I am "settling" by not having every little thing I want in a house - but it doesn't feel that way because most of what I want is here, and none of my deal-breakers are broken.

[heartshaped]

They don't see a relationship as this miraculous event, this overwhelming trauma and rebirth of the heart and soul we've built it up to be (or imagine it to be in our fantasies).

 

This.

 

I hate the term "spark". When I go out with someone the only thing that matters to me is whether or not I'm attracted to him. I don't think or worry about sparks or butterflies or being all over the top crazy about him the second I meet him. I'm a romantic dreamer, but I'm a practical one at that.

 

And the man I'm with now, I'm crazy about him, but can't say really if we have a spark. Never have thought much about it. I just know he makes me smile and laugh like no one else can and I've loved him for as long as I can remember in depth that I never experienced before. That's enough for me.

[xxoo]

If you notice, the vast majority of the people in this thread advocating the 'never settle' mentality are also single. If you want to be in a relationship, you will definitely be settling on some things - and guess what - so will your partner!

 

I'm in a relationship, and I don't feel that I've settled at all. Not because he's perfect (nor am I), but because I crave his company and his touch on a daily basis. I want him, warts and all.

[joystickd]

People have the definition of settling in regards to dating/relationships all wrong. Yeah the people that say "never settle" are single because they are too protective of themselves. They are so afraid of being hurt that they miss out on meeting someone and enjoying the process of dating and transition to relationship. They hate to compromise on some things out of fear they will lose some control in the dynamic of the relationship. It's ok to meet a prospective partner halfway on some things because in the end you are both getting what you want. There are a few that see compromise as this evil word like it was the plague.

[Woggle]

I don't feel like I settled at all but I think I have a different vision of settling than most people do. I don't measure my marriage based on movie version of romance that would actually be considered creepy if it were applied in real life.

 

If most guys in real life stood under a woman's window with a boombox they would get a restraining order slapped on them but in the movies it is considered very romantic.

[Phoe]

What I don't understand are the people who actively admit "yeah, I settled", but then spend YEARS with that person, continually pass up other options, say "I do not want to marry this person" and then get engaged.

 

I have watched people do this. Pass up other opportunities and continue to whine and moan about how unhappy they are with their current partner.

 

 

Is it all just bogus? I dunno.

[Leigh 87]

My definition of a 'bad boy' is likely different than yours. I came across one or two objectively bad ones in my late teens early twenties and knew what to avoid ever since then... no worries.

 

My definition NOW of a 'bad boy' is any man who is not commitment or LTR relationship oriented.

 

I'm not sure what to tell you... except maybe one thing... Your enjoyment of options has a lot to do with the travel you do, willingness to engage in casual sex/FWB, and the fact that you are young and attractive.

 

Change any one of those variables, and your options will shrink considerably.... leaving much fewer men with potential to be 'good guys' to sort through. Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

 

 

I don't engage in casual FWB often. I really don't prefer it at all:( It only ever occurs when I have not had sex in ages and do not have a boyfriend for months at a time.

I am by no means easy to bed anymore, at this age. I do not put accross the casual vibe, whereby the guys I have sparked with think I am not relationship material.

I am well travelled, have many interesting and funny stories to tell, I am getting a college education atm, and I make a lot of people laugh. I doubt the guys I have been MOSTLY do NOT consider me relationship "material".

I DO go for people within my realstic range, too ( NOT model look alikes!, or rocket scientists)

 

I do not believe that the only reason I sparked with so many guys this year alone, is due to the fact they think I am easy as well as hot (to them, I know I am average to most men). I think I am a better quality woman than that of a women who most guys look to as "easy sex"...... and I don't believe the guys all thought " wow, she just doesnt have enough to give me conversation wise, better use her for an easy lay"

 

I do think there are a lot of nice guys out there. If you have a lot to offer, which it sounds like you do, Red Robyn, I do NOT believe it is rare to find a genuinely nice guy.

I think the fact you assume guys who have had FWB are NOT decent, is your issue; why you think decent men are so rare, is because you have a very high standard as to WHAT is decent.

I can look at a guy who has seen hookers in the past and has had FWB, and see him as a genuinely nice guy, if he happens to be, say, altruistic, is lovely to other peope around him, and if he seems lovely in general!

Because I am open to seeing that a man who has used a hooker before can be relationship material later on, AND the fact FWB guys CAN make good husbands with the right girl; I Have A MUCH.. MUCH Huger pool of men frm which to pick frm.

 

Hey, by the way - my good friend ended up with a dude; they had a total fairytale romance, head over heals for each other frm day ONE.

HE had engaged in casual sex most weekends after ihs long term R failed, then he met my friend and BOOM; he was love struck.

They had HOT chemisty, he had engaged in a lot of casual sex, AND he is now about to become an adoring husband to her. He is of a VERY high character and it is SO CLEAR to all around them, that his past HAS NOT shaded his life with his future wife.

Sorry, but just because a guy has engaged in casual sex..... This guy is honestly totally NUTS about my friend, and I strongly believe he will remain 100% loyal and happy with her.

 

.............................................................

 

You are right; the travel and my youthful looks help me get sparks with guys who seem decent.

 

IT IS NOT my willingness to engage in casual sex, which I find quiet insulting, since I believe most of the guys I sparked with believed I was RELATIONSHIP material.

Most of the guys I sparked with were also relationship minded and open to a serious relatioship; one even PREFERED relationships, or he had no sexual relations at all.

 

Don't hate me, but I am getting botox within a year and I am getting m nose straightened (yes a nose job) too.

I also plan to travel more to the final two continents I have not been to indlusing antarctica when I am in South America.

I am just being honest with myself; the nose job and botox, coupled with my rich life experience and the fact I am interested in a wide range of intellectual topics, will HOPEFULLY increase my odds of finding not only the spark, but a decent, relationship minded gentlemen.

 

I have a rich life and I love living too,so it is not just the physical that will drive me to sucess. One day I do hope to find this spark and have hot chemistry, but with a suitable man, who will come to love me because of the kins of woman that I am.

With some work on myself as well as on my appearance, I AM hopefull I will arrive at that romantic and thrilling relationship.

I know I will have to wait longer fo the spark WITH a dude who is long term material.

 

I am happy to wait. More travel to do solo.

 

You ARE very correct on your correlation between looks and travel, and the likelyhood of coming accross me you spark with.

 

DO NOT agree with the casual se vibe; I DO NOT give that off at this life stage, after what I have learnt lately and up until this point.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I don't feel like I settled at all but I think I have a different vision of settling than most people do. I don't measure my marriage based on movie version of romance that would actually be considered creepy if it were applied in real life.

 

If most guys in real life stood under a woman's window with a boombox they would get a restraining order slapped on them but in the movies it is considered very romantic.

 

 

 

Whatever.

 

My good friend fell totally head over heals for her guy JUST like in the movies. They fell in love within a month.

 

They are still together, totally loved up.

 

It happens to people who have hot chemistry and butterflies, for people who end up being their best friend as well as their lovers.

 

IT IS RARE but it happens. And it is not THAT rare in your 20's, when options are ample.

[Leigh 87]

No one is suggesting that...

 

 

 

 

So, where are these "spark dudes" you speak so fondly of...

 

 

 

We didn't work out. We weren't a match in the end. But it was not because I went for lust and hot chemistry above good character. They were nice guys who were relationship minded. They just werent the right matches.

 

I deff do not go for bad boys or guys who are not into relationships, due to going for hot chemistry versus lack of substance.

 

They were decent. I doubt I will have trouble having hot chemistry again but with a guy who IS compatible long term.

 

No idea why people think it is THAT rare to find.

[Never Again]

https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/anecdotal

[Leigh 87]

Jesus, you sound like the most high maintenance chick I've ever heard. You sound completely different on this post vs. your other post where your boyfriend made you go to bed horny and you had to finish yourself off. Here you sound frigid and picky.

 

You said this current guy you're with makes a lot of money and treats you like a princess, but you don't desire him? If that the case don't expect the relationship to last too long, unless of course he doesn't mind you not wanting to have sex with him, which is rare.

 

I wrote on another post about women desiring the guys who treat them like crap, and you proved it. The 'nice' 'loyal' guys you mentioned are getting the shaft. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Bad guys might turn you on, but they aren't going to give you the loyalty and caring you want.

 

 

 

I was not romantically attracted to the guy who treated me well.

I did not want to settle down with a guy I was not excited to be with in that way.

 

I did not want to be with him. HOW is that high maintenance?

 

I am not picky. I do not give a flying crap if a guy is fat, bald, has bad teeth (even though I have straight teeth myself and I am slim), or WHATEVER.

 

I am after hot chemistry, with a guy who is relationship minded and treats me well AND is a very decent person.

 

I REALISE that, in light of my above criteria, I cannot afford to be picky with looks or whatever. SO I'm not.

 

I am open to feeling it with any guy I feel it with, irrespective of looks.

 

I also also do not care if they are poor, blue collar or white collar.

 

I would not say I am being fussy at all.

 

I just did not want to be with the current guy who is amazing to me, because I feel NO urge to be WITH him.

 

WHY be with a guy because HE is crazy about me?

 

I happen to want to travel a lot and I feel no URGE to be in a relationship, so why, exactly, am I in the wrong for being too "Picky" to settle for him?

 

I dont want to be with him.

 

And I DO NOT prefer bad boys who treat me badly. I like NICE guys.

 

The guys I have had HOT chemistry with? I liked them because they WERE NICE.

 

They paid for the dates, they told me I was beautiful (I am average but to them I was special), and they were nICE GUYS to me in every sense of the word.

 

NOT SURE why you assume I want the out of reach bad boys.

 

I would take a poor, bald, chubby guy who I have hot chemistry with and treats me like a princess, over MR charisma who is hot and successul in societies eyes, anyday.

[Weezy1973]

I'm in a relationship, and I don't feel that I've settled at all. Not because he's perfect (nor am I), but because I crave his company and his touch on a daily basis. I want him, warts and all.

 

Exactly - people that are in happy relationships never feel they settled even though they admit their partner is less than perfect. The settling talk is something relegated to perpetually single people and people that aren't good relationship material.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I'll explain my way of looking at things when it comes to finding love.

 

For myself, there's a distinct difference in the levels of potential and motivation within each...I guess you could say potential romantic interest, depending on the characteristics, in which I would define as a "romantic" potential partner versus just a "non-spark" platonic/friendship situation.

 

"Non-spark/no chemistry"

 

This is a person who I may think is a great person, with a lot of qualities that could be either ideal or not ideal in terms of the fundamental values or compatibilities I would consider in a long-term relationship.

 

However I feel nothing emotionally/internally about this person between us, I don't get a sense of earnest or an inclination to pursue or get physical...or feel any kind of essence or connection that transcends the "normal" standard list that most everyone seems to have when determining their ideal person.

 

In this case, it doesn't really matter what she has, especially for myself I don't really care about a "list", it doesn't increase the chemistry/spark that I feel for her. I may greatly respect, even adore or cherish the kind of person she is...I'd go out of my way for a person whom I respected and I felt was a "good person"...but I can't give my heart to them...even if I tried.

"Mild spark/increases over time or there is something about them that is attractive"

 

Keep in mind, none of this has to do with beauty, how skinny a woman is or anything like that...some women I find very attractive but feel no "spark/chemistry" with, others I find less attractive but feel a spark with..it's not just about the superficial qualities.

 

With a person like this, I may not have had an initial reaction or attraction towards this them...but over time I found something magnetic about their personality or demeanor that I can kind of use to look past the lack of intensity that I like to feel for a woman.

 

There are certain qualities and behaviors in a woman that I find very alluring, which may compel me romantically to pursue a woman I didn't initially have much of a desire for.

 

However, where it gets tricky is what is sustainable...can I sustain this feeling? will this feeling eventually fade? is it enough for me to keep myself invested in that relationship?

 

Maybe, maybe not...I'm sure I could pursue a relationship with her If I really desired it..but honestly, I don't know if she'd be getting all of me because that takes a lot for me.

"Intense spark/chemistry"

 

This is the kind of woman that actually makes me feel nervous, my heart will drop a few floors at the thought or sight of her...I will get fouled up a bit and struggle internally to maintain my composure which is 90 percent of the time, if not higher...easy for me to do at my age/experience...however I can just barely keep it together enough to NOT make it completely obvious.

 

I'm typically confident/composed and unwavering in my attitude/demeanor unless really out of my comfort zone, and feeling this way is out of my comfort zone.

 

The feeling I get just by looking into her eyes makes me feel like I just want to pop, and I know it right away without a doubt this is someone I could get really out of control with emotionally because I will compartmentalize my feelings If I can, it's in my nature...there's just something deeper there though, something more intense and a fiery passion or even just a connection that immediately goes beyond the surface (that can vary)...it really feels like you can look into the soul of that person and when it clicks and you both feel the same way it's just amazing to experience, it's like being on a drug...and like you could feel that way forever.

 

That makes the love-making, the kissing, the sensuality and just overall interaction with this person feel more intense and overwhelming...I'm not even a spiritual hippie or religious folk, but there's something undeniably distinct about that experience.

 

................

 

With that being said....however..

 

I do believe that humans fundamentally for survival must be able to mate with one another in the worst case scenario...I believe that we're wired to save the world from utter extinction if necessary, it's not really much a "choice" after a while...I think that we're naturally able to connect with a person after spending a considerable amount of time with them and furthermore investing in that relationship, so it makes perfect sense to me that people could develop relationships out of friendships.

 

I think men and women will eventually pursue a romantic relationship or interest if the circumstances permit, just to see what's there..eventually....which is why I believe there is some people who wave the "spark" business as something best left to romantic novels and cheesy chick flicks and just base their relationship, connection on other values.

 

I believe that's within our natural ability as human beings to decide what "love" is, and some people fear far more being alone or have other agendas that doesn't necessitate any kind of strong intense experience or emotion to fulfill their needs, as well as some people not having the choice...some people might find that experience all together intimidating and frightening, because you do lose control over yourself when you're in that high intensity level of emotions with someone. But that's part of what makes it special, if you could control it what would make it different from anything else you experience? maybe that's the romantic in me talking though.

 

Can it be one-sided? absolutely...and unfortunately that is good enough for some people, personally it is not for me...If I felt that kind of chemistry/connection with someone and they didn't feel that way towards me...demonstrated through their actions and words, I would definitely walk away because I wouldn't want to be in that kind of a relationship, I know what the alternative or at least the possibility is...luckily that's not something I've had to experience save for one time...and that was a bit of a complicated situation where it wasn't initially that way...usually I am on the receiving end of it and do not reciprocate...which is difficult in it's own right in another way..it sucks to reject someone or hurt someone who feels you are "it".

 

I've met a lot of people however who have not ever felt any kind of intense feeling or passion for someone...many people, maybe that's just something that some people have within themselves...maybe it's just something rare that only some people can inspire, maybe it's just two of the right people, maybe some people are just "crazy"...but at the end of the day, to live without it after experiencing it....I don't know how you wouldn't feel like you weren't experiencing the potential out of love because for me love without a spark is mostly a friendship on the next level...sure call it fleeting at times or dysfunctional or even self-destructive behavior if you must, maybe you've got a point there to an extent..

 

But I could not imagine, at least at this point in my life...ever feeling or accepting anything less for someone who I would consider spending a great deal of my life with and pursue it even further, I just don't understand how someone would accept that..personally that would feel like absolutely settling, and I hope the trade-off is worth it or necessary.

[Leigh 87]

Ninjainpyjamas - I experienced that instant thing ONCE, hardcore, and both me AND the guy seemed to be really nervous around each other.

 

This was early to mid September.... After that Berlin guy I tried long dstance with and asked for your advice about.

 

.......................................................................

He said he would sweat when eating. He constantly worried about how I felt.

 

I noticed him sweating around me.... Getting uneasy, nervous...

 

We both expessed how the intensity can actually serve to scare two people, even though we both seemed to find it lacking in our previous relationships.

 

..LOng story short, we were both a mess some of the time around each othe, shaking, sweating, him thinking a younger thin girl like me would leave him for a guy my own age....

 

Intensity is fantastic if you can control it.

 

ME? I am not a that stage where I am ready for that sort of love yet. You know what I mean. I pushed it away when I had this recently...

 

However, I could never settle for less than the last intensity that you described.

 

Once you feel that level of excitement, passion, motivation to put fourth the effort and CHEMISTRY, You DO NOT want to go back...

[Eternal Sunshine]

"Intense spark/chemistry"

 

This is the kind of woman that actually makes me feel nervous, my heart will drop a few floors at the thought or sight of her...I will get fouled up a bit and struggle internally to maintain my composure which is 90 percent of the time, if not higher...easy for me to do at my age/experience...however I can just barely keep it together enough to NOT make it completely obvious.

 

I'm typically confident/composed and unwavering in my attitude/demeanor unless really out of my comfort zone, and feeling this way is out of my comfort zone.

 

The feeling I get just by looking into her eyes makes me feel like I just want to pop, and I know it right away without a doubt this is someone I could get really out of control with emotionally because I will compartmentalize my feelings If I can, it's in my nature...there's just something deeper there though, something more intense and a fiery passion or even just a connection that immediately goes beyond the surface (that can vary)...it really feels like you can look into the soul of that person and when it clicks and you both feel the same way it's just amazing to experience, it's like being on a drug...and like you could feel that way forever.

 

That makes the love-making, the kissing, the sensuality and just overall interaction with this person feel more intense and overwhelming...I'm not even a spiritual hippie or religious folk, but there's something undeniably distinct about that experience.

 

 

 

This is what I have been looking for and never been able to find (well the reciprocated version anyway). I felt it once or twice but one of those times the guy was married with kids and I couldn't act on it.

 

Anything less than that is settling to me. So my question is: how unrealistic it is to wait for reciprocated version of this type of chemistry? Probably as unrealistic as hitting the jackpot.

 

I am realizing this so I am exploring the more realistic types of connection.

[Leigh 87]

Eternal Sunshine,

 

I think that the only reason this intense chemistry it is akin to hitting the jack pot (for you) is due to the fact; you do not FEEL it for many.

 

I have felt pretty decent chemistry for a few guys second half of this year alone.

 

I am not more attractive or desirable than you are.

 

Bottom line; I am open to more dudes than you, there fore the intense chemistry is something I find more often, with a guy who feels the same way some of the time.

 

And no, I do not scape the bottom of the barrel;My standards are not as high as yours when it comes to intelligece and perhaps looks, however, their character still needs to be along the lines of what YOU look for (kind, respectful, very high integrity)

 

 

 

 

Your standards are SO HIGH, that perhaps you could invest in seeing a therapist just to SEE if you can work out a way to be more receptive to other types of men.

 

 

 

 

You are like me and Ruby slippers; we not only need a spark and reasonable chemistry, but also frm a guy who is also crazy about us. And a decent sort of a fellow.

 

You will not be happy without this, so perhaps your only option will be; learn how to open yourself up to more men.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I have taken drugs before.

 

A few things in life make me high in much the same way..

 

- drugs

 

- airports and travelling ( a travel addict since childhood)

 

- hot chemistry/ with a person I start to fall in love with.

 

 

 

 

ALL those highs deliver a VERY similar affect.

[man_in_the_box]

Anything less than that is settling to me. So my question is: how unrealistic it is to wait for reciprocated version of this type of chemistry? Probably as unrealistic as hitting the jackpot.

 

Unrealistic? I don't know - nobody knows. Life is too subjected to too many variables to make any sort of guess on this. But you can definitely up the odds of it happening.

 

I prefer loner type activities and I meet maybe 1-2 single men over 30 in a year. I actually think that initially meeting someone is purely luck. I kept waiting for it to turn around, but it hasn't yet.

 

You probably realize how much this is turning the odds against finding what you want right? There's never a guarantee but it helps immensely to force yourself to meet new people more regularly. How are you supposed to find someone who you have reciprocated chemistry with if you barely meet new people? Opposed to sparks this is something you can actively control.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Unrealistic? I don't know - nobody knows. Life is too subjected to too many variables to make any sort of guess on this. But you can definitely up the odds of it happening.

 

 

 

You probably realize how much this is turning the odds against finding what you want right? There's never a guarantee but it helps immensely to force yourself to meet new people more regularly. How are you supposed to find someone who you have reciprocated chemistry with if you barely meet new people? Opposed to sparks this is something you can actively control.

 

Yep - that's definitely something I need to force myself to do more of.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have taken drugs before.

 

A few things in life make me high in much the same way..

 

- drugs

 

- airports and travelling ( a travel addict since childhood)

 

- hot chemistry/ with a person I start to fall in love with.

 

 

 

 

ALL those highs deliver a VERY similar affect.

 

Haha Leigh it's the same for me. Travel makes me feel giddy with excitment. So do drugs and love

[Tephros]

I am curious how do people date someone they are meh about and end up sticking with it? Some of them even seem genuinely happy.

 

My life would be so much easier if I could do that. I am looking for some pointers, especially from women.

 

Because some people become, in one way or another, dependent upon the relationship and would rather stick with something "good" than give it up for what they see as a small chance at something "great." I mean, you like somebody a lot and then they propose. It's a lot easier to say yes than say, "You know, this is good, but I think I can do better, someday." Then they have a midlife crisis and get divorced...

[Kate9292]

I have taken drugs before.

 

A few things in life make me high in much the same way..

 

- drugs

 

- airports and travelling ( a travel addict since childhood)

 

- hot chemistry/ with a person I start to fall in love with.

 

 

 

 

ALL those highs deliver a VERY similar affect.

 

Yeah, best feeling is when I use MJ while close to my bf. Double effect!

 

I wouldn't settle for anyone I couldn't do it with.

[Thierro]

I try to settle more because I have a ridiculously high standard. I believe a lot of people want their relation to be too perfect. You’ll have to compromise somewhere. I am happy with my girlfriend although I feel bothered by certain behavior. I try to communicate so expectations are met in a healthy way.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah, best feeling is when I use MJ while close to my bf. Double effect!

 

I wouldn't settle for anyone I couldn't do it with.

 

 

Oh, I hate weed. Is that what MJ is? LOL sorry, I had a pretty innocent upbringing and never partied or took drugs up until recently.

 

I seldom get wasted, and do not take drugs every year. Not something that is cool to do all the time.

 

I was a pot head when younger, and it made me horny. NOW? Well, YEARS later I tried it again.... After ten years without it.

 

It just gave me anxiety straight away and did my head in.

 

Never again:lmao:

 

I knew if I got horny anyways, that the dude I was in a LTR with woulnt "feel like" pleasing me anyways, so...