How do people settle?

[Leigh 87]

Yeah but this is not a Disney movie. It's real life.....

 

 

Some people find a person that makes their heart flutter. It is not THAT uncommon.

 

My good friend met a guy. They BOTH fell MADLY in love. They BOTH get butterfies moths later.

 

Yes, she is beautiful, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen for girls like me or guys like you.

 

You sound cute enough and you have a good job. I can't see why this cannot happen for you?

 

Her bf is a fair bit shorter than her. She doesn't care.

 

She is a beautiful girl who does NOT go for conventionally good looking guys. Her boyfriends ARE NOT hot to most girls.

 

Not all girls are shallow with looks.

 

I have met three guys that I felt a spark for since May already. This spark and "happy feeling" you think is only in fairy tales happens more often tha you think.

[Phoe]

Why does EVERYONE act like chemistry and lust PLUS a decent, good guy only happen for he rare few?

 

I don't think I've acted at all like it's only for the rare few.

 

 

I just know it hasn't yet happened for me. And that's okay.

 

 

I'd love to have the best of both worlds, but I would be very happy and grateful just to have a good guy who cares about me. A spark and incredible passionate chemistry can be compromised and might grow through time.

 

 

It's really lovely that you've had good experiences, but that doesn't mean it's strange that other females haven't. I don't think me and ES are oddities or anything. Neither are you. We all 3 just have had different experiences thus far

[GoodOnPaper]

 

I have met three guys that I felt a spark for since May already. This spark and "happy feeling" you think is only in fairy tales happens more often tha you think.

 

That means at least two of the guys will lose out. Some of us know all too well about always being on that side of the competition. After awhile it erodes your motivation to rely on such "sparks".

[carhill]

Do you think that most men here have 3 women chasing after them?

 

YMMV, but being chased by married women has never been an issue for myself. That's been consistent but I finally put a stop to it concurrent with my divorce

 

The answer is no. Most can't even get one to remotely like them. That is why they settle like somedude did, which brings me back to my original point.

 

Perhaps an important consideration, if one limits to healthy and demonstrably single women. My answer, having dated, having had LTR's, having had married women chasing me, having been married, is also 'no', and I have now a solid four years of proof positive of that reality. The most recent 'maybe' (one which could be remotely construed as 'chasing') has a boyfriend.

 

The bottom line is that men and women have very different dating experiences. For some reason, women can't seem to understand this.

 

It's OK; I don't expect women to understand or empathize with a man's lot in life, whether that be in business, social or romantic realms. Why should they? That's what life experience, and marriage, taught. So, in a sense, I've settled for that reality. It is what it is. If I'm ever presented with an exception, well, I'll deal with it then. If not, I'll have settled for a pretty lucky life otherwise. No complaints.

[Leigh 87]

You really do not have any understanding of what men go through when dating at all.

 

If I was more naive and less experienced, I'd be inclined to take your advice.

 

 

*shrugs*

 

I am not a guy (last time I checked:lmao:) therefore I have no business in trying to undestand how hard it is for you men.

 

All I know is: I believe I will find a guy one day who I will feel a spark for and have sexual chemistry with AND who is a decent, nice guy and treats me like a princess.

I will find a guy I am crazy about and who is crazy about me, and he will not think he settled because TO HIM I will be hot/ attactive.

 

I think if a normal girl like me can do it, most people can.

 

I am a positive person and, although 5/10 in looks, I still have strong points that SOME guys really find attractive; such as my nice teeth, nice figure and the fact I have travelled a lot and that I am kind and make people laugh a lot.

 

Everyone has good attributes! Even average looing chicks like me! Most peoples 5/10 will be someones 9/10.

 

Looks are subjective anyway. Just because I am average looking, I do not think for a second that there are SOME guys who think I am beautful to THEM, even if I am not to most guys.

 

I don't think average girls like me HAVE to be "settled for" by men who are not all that attracted to us:sick:

 

I have even found 3 guys I sparked with in the past few months who thought I was way more than te 5/10 I am to most people.

 

 

 

Why can't normal looking guys feel as positive as I do about love?

 

I have absolutely NO inclination of having to settle?

 

I am not sure why average looking people feel they have to "settle"

 

Having too high standards is the ONLY obstacle, which I don't have, therefore I have been fine so far with finding guys I am into, who are also into me.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think I've acted at all like it's only for the rare few.

 

 

I just know it hasn't yet happened for me. And that's okay.

 

 

I'd love to have the best of both worlds, but I would be very happy and grateful just to have a good guy who cares about me. A spark and incredible passionate chemistry can be compromised and might grow through time.

 

 

It's really lovely that you've had good experiences, but that doesn't mean it's strange that other females haven't. I don't think me and ES are oddities or anything. Neither are you. We all 3 just have had different experiences thus far

 

 

 

 

You're really attractive ladies, not sure why average girls like me have guys who think we are attractive and want to date us?

 

I am not delusional either, the 3 guys I felt chemisry with, I am 99.9 % sure they did not feel like that were settling for me due to not being abe to get the "hot" girls. To them I WAS hot.

 

Come to Sydney? You would have much better luck here.

[Leigh 87]

I don't even know ONE man who would choose the kind of relationship you describe as a lifetime partnership.

 

Unless they are about 15.

 

 

 

Men I know who are well balanced simply want a girl they are attracted to and who they click with and have strong romantic feelings for. And who is nice to them:lmao:

 

Things in the bedroom are naturally good when two people are fallig in love. The techincal side of things can be manipulated; people tell people what they like and dislike.

 

Being at someones beck and call is not attractive. I was like that with my ex:sick: I did everything for him....They appreciate it but in a perverse way, they grow less attracted to you!

 

I don't know any decent men who expect some porn star who is a model look alike AND who waits on them:sick:

[Eternal Sunshine]

I see that this thread is starting to disintegrate quickly.

 

I dunno, for some reason as much as luck with my career was on my side, luck with men wasn't.

 

I would admit responsibility if I was somehow screwing it up but I don't even meet anyone for me to screw things up. In the last 2 years things have not gotten to that point. I prefer loner type activities and I meet maybe 1-2 single men over 30 in a year. I actually think that initially meeting someone is purely luck. I kept waiting for it to turn around, but it hasn't yet.

 

I was also never into bad boys. Guys that I have been attracted to (prior to the last 2 year where I haven't even met anyone to be attracted to) seemed like really good guys at first but then I discovered that they didn't want commitment, were treating me poorly, lying, had other girls on the side.... Straight up bad boy makes me want to

[Leigh 87]

They keep it to themselves

 

 

Or, Ive met a select few who purposefully settle because their dream girl would cheat on them eventually

 

 

 

For fcks sake. It is not about the best looking people not being available.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that girls like me, and guys of my equivalent, can actually find partners who DO find them super attractive?

 

Guys I have been with all loved my slim figure and large boobs, and TO THEM I was as good as any porn star in bed they could "imagine"

 

 

NOT ALL GUYS end up with average girls like me and think " wow, I really wish she was hotter and better in bed"

 

Your views are skewed and not the reality for many men, who are crazy about their normal looking wives and want to ravish them in bed.

 

NOT ALL men think " god I wish didn;t end up with an average girl, wish I had a hotter women"

 

Sheesh.

[CantonBound]

For fcks sake. It is not about the best looking people not being available.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that girls like me, and guys of my equivalent, can actually find partners who DO find them super attractive?

 

Guys I have been with all loved my slim figure and large boobs, and TO THEM I was as good as any porn star in bed they could "imagine"

 

 

NOT ALL GUYS end up with average girls like me and think " wow, I really wish she was hotter and better in bed"

 

Your views are skewed and not the reality for many men, who are crazy about their normal looking wives and want to ravish them in bed.

 

NOT ALL men think " god I wish didn;t end up with an average girl, wish I had a hotter women"

 

Sheesh.

 

Yes, men will settle because they have very few options. Women will not settle because they have a ton of options.

 

This is why you are average looking and get attractive men.

 

For average looking men or below, they will have a hard time unless they have a deep social circle.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, men will settle because they have very few options. Women will not settle because they have a ton of options.

I don't think it's that simple. My ex is gorgeous, tall, sexy, smart, charming, and attracts women like crazy. But he's also a conservative introvert, and didn't seem to want to ride the roller coaster of dating a bunch of women until he found that magical connection. He's a practical, goal-oriented guy who seems to want someone who can complement his life in a stable, reliable way - not the drama of someone setting his heart on fire. Some people have a more limited or practical view of what is possible or even desirable for them. Others just can't be satisfied with less than fireworks.

[Leigh 87]

Yes, men will settle because they have very few options. Women will not settle because they have a ton of options.

 

This is why you are average looking and get attractive men.

 

For average looking men or below, they will have a hard time unless they have a deep social circle.

 

 

No, these men found me attactive also.

 

I Know for a fact that some men find me very attractive. Just cos I am "average" doesn't mean I am not SOME guys 8/10.

 

I have had attactive men think I am genuinely hot.

 

My super hot friend is with a girl who is larger than me, far worse body and not better looking than I am. He happens to love her cheaky smile and killer personality and attitude.

 

I do have strong points; I am slim wiith large boobs and a butt and a killer figure. Straight teeth. Clear skin.

 

Average girls like me have guys who DO NOT think they have "settled" with us.

 

 

I GUARANTEE girls like me DO NOT have to end up with men who feel they "settled" for us.

[CantonBound]

I don't think it's that simple. My ex is gorgeous, tall, sexy, smart, charming, and attracts women like crazy. But he's also a conservative introvert, and didn't seem to want to ride the roller coaster of dating a bunch of women until he found that magical connection. He's a practical, goal-oriented guy who seems to want someone who can complement his life in a stable, reliable way - not the drama of someone setting his heart on fire. Some people have a more limited or practical view of what is possible or even desirable for them. Others just can't be satisfied with less than fireworks.

 

He's the exception (the winner of the genetic lottery).

 

I'm sure you had tons of guys chasing after you. I'm not very surprised that you chose him.

 

90% of men don't have and will never have the kinds of options that he has.

[Ruby Slippers]

He's the exception (the winner of the genetic lottery).

Yes, and my point is that even though he has no problem getting women, my impression was that he was ready to do what seemed like settling to me. He wasn't crazy in love with me and said that was for teenagers. He seems to want to marry a decent match and make it work. That sounds like settling to me.

 

I'm sure you had tons of guys chasing after you. I'm not very surprised that you chose him.

Well, I left him, so I didn't end up choosing him.

 

90% of men don't have and will never have the kinds of options that he has.

Yet some of those men will hold out for passion and fireworks, and won't settle. I'd rather be with a "regular" guy who's crazy about me and me him than a guy tons of women want who merely regards me as a sensible choice, but isn't really passionate and fired up about me. That kind of life sounds sad and bland to me.

[string of letters]

I feel almost all men settle. Because most men cannot attain an insanely hot woman who is willing to be at his beck and call and acts like a pornstar in the bedroom. That is really what most men desire. All guys I know that married average-looking women fantasize about other women constantly and lament they couldnt get a hot girl.

 

I don't generally reply to posts that I find off the wall, but somehow this one bugged me. There must be hundreds of guys on LS alone who have learned that 'insanely hot' doesn't necessarily signify much of anything, and may even be better avoided. Although it might seem like a strange way of looking at things, for counterexamples to 'all guys you know', it might not be a bad idea to consider male 'superstars' (handsome, rich, famous) who ended up marrying women who are fairly average looking, when they almost certainly could have had someone 'insanely hot' instead. I admit that I don't keep up with pop culture, but my impression is that there are a fair amount of people who would fit this description, especially if you look past the ones who are obviously superficial and ostentatious to begin with.

[Leigh 87]

Yes, and my point is that even though he has no problem getting women, my impression was that he was ready to do what seemed like settling to me. He wasn't crazy in love with me and said that was for teenagers. He seems to want to marry a decent match and make it work. That sounds like settling to me.

 

 

Well, I left him, so I didn't end up choosing him.

 

 

Yet some of those men will hold out for passion and fireworks, and won't settle. I'd rather be with a "regular" guy who's crazy about me and me him than a guy tons of women want who merely regards me as a sensible choice, but isn't really passionate and fired up about me. That kind of life sounds sad and bland to me.

 

 

 

Yes that is all I ask for too; an average guy who is passionate about me and who's fire I light.

 

Apparantly, the guys on here are so pessemistic and negative that they don't seem to believe that a girl like me can find a guy that hasn't "settled for me":lmao:

 

Sad really, their outlook on dating!

[CantonBound]

Yes that is all I ask for too; an average guy who is passionate about me and who's fire I light.

 

Apparantly, the guys on here are so pessemistic and negative that they don't seem to believe that a girl like me can find a guy that hasn't "settled for me":lmao:

 

Sad really, their outlook on dating!

 

My outlook matches my experience.

 

For what it's worth, I don't believe a girl could feel that way about me either.

[Phoe]

For average looking men or below, they will have a hard time unless they have a deep social circle.

 

 

 

See, I never quite understood this mindset, personally.

 

 

90% of the men I know right now are taken. Of that small percent that are single, half of them WANT to be single...

 

 

When talking about heterosexual couples, for every GIRL that's in a relationship, there's a guy that's in that relationship with her. Clearly things aren't THAT awful for a normal guy if there's a normal girl out there who's in a relationship with one.

 

 

And that "top 20% of guys" weirdness would make no sense here either. Unless we assume there's excessively rampant polygamy, infidelity, or widely skewed gender ratios.

[PJKino]

I know plenty of cute girls that don't do that. The only girls I know that chase male models are women that look like a model themselves.

 

In general I've noticed women are much more willing to let personality make up for looks than men. With men, first you gotta meet their physical standards THEN they'll critique your personality.

 

Wow, your future wife will be so lucky.

 

lol. Women value looks as much as men..

Edited November 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Editorial remark redacted.

[CantonBound]

See, I never quite understood this mindset, personally.

 

 

90% of the men I know right now are taken. Of that small percent that are single, half of them WANT to be single...

 

 

When talking about heterosexual couples, for every GIRL that's in a relationship, there's a guy that's in that relationship with her. Clearly things aren't THAT awful for a normal guy if there's a normal girl out there who's in a relationship with one.

 

 

And that "top 20% of guys" weirdness would make no sense here either. Unless we assume there's excessively rampant polygamy, infidelity, or widely skewed gender ratios.

 

Well, there is a lot of infidelity.

 

But I believe that most guys just date the first girl that likes them.

 

I can't say either way though. I'm ugly and girls don't like me. So I get nothing.

[Phoe]

But I believe that most guys just date the first girl that likes them.

 

Maybe if the first girl is someone they like as a person and find reasonably attractive.

 

 

I've known average and below average guys who passed on girls simply because they weren't interested in that particular girl. Not that there was something very wrong, just wasn't their cup of tea.

 

 

I was rejected a handful of times last month myself!

 

 

I think it takes a particular kind of mindset or scenario in order for a guy to just date the first girl that likes him.

[Leigh 87]

My outlook matches my experience.

 

For what it's worth, I don't believe a girl could feel that way about me either.

 

 

 

Well, I choose to believe there are men out there who WILL NOT think they settled for me.

 

I have personally found cute men who actually thought I was very hot to them.

 

Not all Average girls are "average" to every men they meet. Especially since I know how to dress well.

 

Do you not understand that a women doesnt have to be beautiful in societies eyes, in order to find a man who THINKS she is beautiful?

 

I am not deluded. I have actually found men who find me to be very attractive.

 

Looks are subjective, and women like me DO NOT have to be "settled" for.

[CantonBound]

Well, I choose to believe there are men out there who WILL NOT think they settled for me.

 

I have personally found cute men who actually thought I was very hot to them.

 

Not all Average girls are "average" to every men they meet. Especially since I know how to dress well.

 

Do you not understand that a women doesnt have to be beautiful in societies eyes, in order to find a man who THINKS she is beautiful?

 

I am not deluded. I have actually found men who find me to be very attractive.

 

Looks are subjective, and women like me DO NOT have to be "settled" for.

 

Yes, but this is because you're a woman. All women have many options because women are held on a very high pedestal in our society, while men, like myself, are marginalized for the most part.

 

Looks are generally not subjective, but women are given more of a pass on all attributes due to the desperation and lack of options of most men.

 

So, even though me and you may be equal in the looks department, you will always have men chasing you and I will never have women chasing me, no matter how we "choose" to see things.

[Leigh 87]

Yes, but this is because you're a woman. All women have many options because women are held on a very high pedestal in our society, while men, like myself, are marginalized for the most part.

 

Looks are generally not subjective, but women are given more of a pass on all attributes due to the desperation and lack of options of most men.

 

So, even though me and you may be equal in the looks department, you will always have men chasing you and I will never have women chasing me, no matter how we "choose" to see things.

 

 

 

Sorry, but you called yourself ugly and now you saying that I am ugly yet get guys?

 

 

excuse me, but some guys legitimately find me attractive.They do not all think they "settled" with me in ANY sense. In fact, some of them were thrilled to have a thin girl with a killer figure and they regarded me as one of the hottest girls they had been with.

 

LOOKS. ARE. SUBJECTIVE.

 

 

 

Not all men view me in the same light, and not all women will find you ugly.

[Leigh 87]

Has any other girls like me, found guys who really didnt think they "settled" with us?

 

Surely it is not some sort of delusion? That average women can get guys who DO NOT think they settled with us?

 

 

 

Why on earth do people on here think average women will never get a guy who hasn't settled for them?

 

I really don't understand this view.

 

For starters; body chemistry, personality and the fact looks re SUBJCTIVE come into play.

 

Plenty of average women are the apple of some guys eye. The guy does not think he settled just because the girl is not "hot" by societies standards.

 

Some people are really deluded if they think all men settle UNLESS their women is hot.

 

Like. Wtf? This is really ludacris.

 

Being head over heals in love with a girl is NOT settling. PLENTY of normal looking girls have guys who are crazy about them.

 

 

One guy told me, actually, while his mates were looking at a mens mag " you know, I know ___ is not as hot, but I would never want to be with anyone else"

 

He was crazy about her and would not trade her for a hotter girl. She made him feel a certain way that is priceless when compared to having a "hot" girl.

 

He DID NOT feel like he settled.

 

She was an average girl like me.