Why did he/she break up with you?

[Riou]

Of course the real reason might never be told,but what reasons did your dumper give you when breaking up?Did it make sense to you?

[Tomthetiger]

Just blah blah blah.. Dont wanna know the real reasons.. Youll never get them.. the only thing youll get is the anger! Just forget the dumpers! You can breath without them.

[Riou]

Just blah blah blah.. Dont wanna know the real reasons.. Youll never get them.. the only thing youll get is the anger! Just forget the dumpers! You can breath without them.

 

This is a sharing thread.Right now maybe it still hurts for you to recall what they said but it will get better.. For those who are steadily progressing,i think it would be fun to share some of the breakup excuses and have a joke or laugh about it.

[Haydn]

She said i was far too good looking, to rich, to much charisma, charming, life and soul of any party. Kind to my mother. Great in bed. Generous, well adjusted, great Father and role model to all.

 

Ok.......No reason at all. But thats as close as i could get to working out her cryptic dumping messages.

 

I am now off to rescue the fair maiden from the dragon.

 

 

 

 

 

This is a sharing thread.Right now maybe it still hurts for you to recall what they said but it will get better.. For those who are steadily progressing,i think it would be fun to share some of the breakup excuses and have a joke or laugh about it.

[greenfairie]

Said i lived too far ( lived 30-40 mins less than where i lived ) when we first dated ! we needed time to grow apart on our own, i'm still his soulmate, but we're too young to be together right now to make things work because we weren't happy where we were in our lives, blahblahblah, he just gave me a lot of that bull****

[alex007]

My ex gf asked me where I see my self in 5 years and 10 years so I told her my life plans and said I could wait to have kids later down the road because I am 8 years older then her... she then thought of how old we would both be thwn after 4 months dating she decided I was to old for her then said I was a really great guy but we are just not compatable.... she always knew everything about me... and after months of inviting me everywhere and wanting to spend more time with her friends... told me I was way too needy.... lol...

[d0nnivain]

Two dumped me to get back together with their EXs.

 

One dumped me b/c I wouldn't sleep with him. He didn't want to date a virgin.

 

One dumped me because school was getting out for summer & he didn't want to do an LDR.

 

The guy that really broke my heart dumped me because he didn't want to marry me. He didn't like the fact that we were in the same competitive business & I wasn't simply awed because I could do his job just as well as he could. He wanted a SAHM which was never going to be me.

 

As much as I hated the last guy's reason, I had no reason to believe anybody lied to me, when the offered an explanation about why the relationship was over for him.

[aybc123]

reason given: she said she wasn't healthy enough to be in a relationship but that if she was it'd be with me

 

actual reasons:

- probably didnt feel quite the same after we got back together due to a combination of:

1) wanting and romanticising what you cant have and the contrast to reality when you get it

2) not being able to trust me properly after i broke up with her before

3) feeling we hadn't changed that we were just in the same relationship with the same problems as before.

 

- she actually hadn't been well mentally, and although she was getting better probably thought she should figure out being on her own

 

- from how she was around them/ things she said im almost certain friends and family probably encouraged her to end it or not get too involved again, last time we were together and then broke up she was a wreck so i can't blame them for thinking it was a bad idea was just them looking out for her.

 

i think they're mostly good reasons, the third one kind of annoys me, she always placed so much importance on what other people thought of her/ what she did rather than what she wanted when we were together which was very frustrating. Also the second is annoying because she started dating someone else just a couple of months later, and actually just 2 weeks after nearly having another breakdown due to a temporary move that i had to be there to hold her together for, but i suppose that's her problem now not mine - although im a sap so if she wanted my help again at some point i would undoubtedly give it despite everything.

Edited November 11, 2013 by aybc123

[Eddie007]

"I'm not happy" is the only reason she gave.

 

I've never persued to try and find any other reason.

[30andsad]

Combination of reasons on both sides:

 

My issues:

 

- Self-centered

- Didn't court her enough anymore

- Complained about going out with some of her friends. In fairness though, I liked most of her friends, just not one couple that she was growing closer and closer with.

- Her exact words, "She felt stifled, controlled and manipulated and that I didn't care one iota about what was most important to her as long as I was happy and content." Even though she misses me, she still feels a lot of anger towards me because I didn't prioritize her enough.

 

Her issues:

 

- Afraid of full commitment

- People pleaser (big time), to the point that she just did what I wanted the first 8 months or so of our relationship without being honest about what was important to her creating a bad foundation.

- Lost her identity in the relationship

- Very non-confrontational and likes to run away from issues or pretend they are not there rather than find solution and fix the problem.

 

I admit I have always been very self-centered, not something I am proud of, but I am not a controlling, mean or manipulative person. I think some of her insecurity and low self esteem maybe mixed with my self centeredness and strong personality to perceive that kind of feeling. I've never had another girlfriend feel I was controlling or any of my friends to say they feel that way about me.

 

People will say I'm selfish, and that is something I do need to work on a lot, to be more giving of my time and resources. Everyone thought we were happy together though and yes we had some issues to work through, but nothing that I didn't think could be worked through. I don't think I realized the extent of her unhappiness.

[pinkie]

Because I wanted a motorcycle. He said I was too small and fragile.

 

I think he was controlling and I'm glad it's over Vroom vroooom!!!

[Never Again]

What she told me:

 

- "I don't feel the way I think I'm supposed to feel at a year into a relationship"

- "I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I ever want to get married, have kids, where I want my career to go...or even if I want to end up with a boy or girl." (Had one experience with a girl, ever, years ago. So...buh?)

- "I'm happy every time I talk to you and think about you all the time...but I feel like I don't miss you enough when you're gone."

- "I still think you're attractive...but I don't feel the romantic connection, I don't feel the spark right now."

- "I think we just started dating too soon after my last relationship ended. I've never been on my own for more than 2 months...I've never had a year on my own to learn to be alone...I think I need that."

- "I feel like we went backwards - we barely knew each other, and then we jumped right into dating and got so close so fast...and then slowed down."

[AnyaNova]

(Referring to the actual breakup, and not the last meeting or what happened in-between).

 

Reason Given: He hadn't felt anything while kissing me the night before (and apparently wasn't willing to stick it out to see if that might have been transitory).

 

Probable actual reason: The night before he had been grilling me about whether there were going to be jobs in the area for me when I completed my program. When I wasn't able to 100 percent guarantee that there would be, and name places and specific freaking start dates, it probably triggered some of his attachment issues and fears of abandonment. Cut and run no matter how he feels because its too risky, he might get hurt later.

[reddragon588]

Never really got a good reason other than she loved me but no longer was in love with me and thought that it is important to be single when you're young because no one gets married to their first love. All of those reasons are stupid though and none of them are really addressing her fear of commitment that runs rampant in her family.

[Minneloa]

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

[yorkie]

started off we grew apart cos of her job then it changed from the hurt i caused her during the break up yes she said that lol , TBH she changes her mind all the time and she is confused so i dont really know!

[im_thedude]

She drove off a cliff and burned to ash in the subsequent explosion

[Nikki Sahagin]

Here's what I've been told and what I have told people:

 

Ex 1: Dumped me

Claimed: He was confused. Was so young. Our relationship felt like a trap. In the future we will be together again.

Real: I heard from his friend he had fallen out of love with me.

 

Ex 2: I dumped him

Claimed: I am going travelling and it's just not good timing.

Real: I did not love him and did not want to be with him long term

 

Ex 3: Mutual

Claimed: Long distance

Real: Long distance

 

Ex 4: (not really an ex but for the purposes of the thread...) He ended it

Claimed: Wasn't sure what he wants

Real: I'm just not that into you.

[2fargone]

Combination of reasons on both sides:

 

My issues:

 

- Self-centered

- Didn't court her enough anymore

- Complained about going out with some of her friends. In fairness though, I liked most of her friends, just not one couple that she was growing closer and closer with.

- Her exact words, "She felt stifled, controlled and manipulated and that I didn't care one iota about what was most important to her as long as I was happy and content." Even though she misses me, she still feels a lot of anger towards me because I didn't prioritize her enough.

 

Her issues:

 

- Afraid of full commitment

- People pleaser (big time), to the point that she just did what I wanted the first 8 months or so of our relationship without being honest about what was important to her creating a bad foundation.

- Lost her identity in the relationship

- Very non-confrontational and likes to run away from issues or pretend they are not there rather than find solution and fix the problem.

 

I admit I have always been very self-centered, not something I am proud of, but I am not a controlling, mean or manipulative person. I think some of her insecurity and low self esteem maybe mixed with my self centeredness and strong personality to perceive that kind of feeling. I've never had another girlfriend feel I was controlling or any of my friends to say they feel that way about me.

 

People will say I'm selfish, and that is something I do need to work on a lot, to be more giving of my time and resources. Everyone thought we were happy together though and yes we had some issues to work through, but nothing that I didn't think could be worked through. I don't think I realized the extent of her unhappiness.

 

 

 

Ye this is basicly my ex and me in terms of dynamics. Saying I didnt give her enough affection.... True. Í never said I loved her.... True, doesn't mean I didn't say it in other words or didn't show it.

 

 

Now still saying she loves me, even though she has someone else. Didn't even tell her family yet. I believe her, all of it. Doesn't change a thing though... Her choice, not mine...

[radiodarcy]

You'd have to ask him. We met online and after corresponding a few days he told me how everything I had said made him want to learn more about me; and how he was totally committed to doing that.

 

But whenever we had the opportunity to meet, he would come up with excuses that seemed just plausible enough to be legitimate. But he would never attempt to re-schedule for another time.

 

After that, he would drop out of contact for days at a time then return with some vague excuse, apologizing when I told him how upsetting his behavior was.

 

I finally went NC for my own mental health.

 

Who knows though: maybe he lost interest, met someone else or realized he probably wasn't ready for a new relationship after only being 6 months out of his previous one. I flat out asked him if it was any of these and he denied it. But who knows.

 

All I know is dropping off the face of the earth (I haven't heard from him since Friday) as a means of dumping someone has to be the worst way to break up with someone. Because now I have to do what he was too cowardly to do himself - - help him to dump me...

Edited November 11, 2013 by radiodarcy

[Armyguy123]

What she says:

- Felt like she could walk all over me and had the power.

- Shes not good at relationships and always ruins them.

- I'm too good for her and deserve someone better.

- Afraid of distance when I leave for Army training.

 

Real reason IMO:

- Commitment phobe.

- Has an unrealistic expectation of what she wants in a partner and cannot even meet them herself.

- Unresolved personal issues that she selfishly chooses to ignore rather than to work on.

- Insecure about self only wants to feel wanted and not to reciprocate the feeling.

- Emotional maturity of an 18 year old in a 24 year old's body.

- Constantly questioning own impulses and desires and remains unsure.

- Afraid that there is someone better out there.

- Not knowing the difference between real intimacy and sexual attraction.

- and worst; Narcissistic, selfish, and unable to feel true empathy, acts on own truly selfishly motivated desires.

[highinthesky]

'I'm too busy with work and I'm not for you right now.' By text.

 

Same old line, but they don't mention how busy they are until a few months down the line

[alex007]

What she says:

- Felt like she could walk all over me and had the power.

- Shes not good at relationships and always ruins them.

- I'm too good for her and deserve someone better.

- Afraid of distance when I leave for Army training.

 

Real reason IMO:

- Commitment phobe.

- Has an unrealistic expectation of what she wants in a partner and cannot even meet them herself.

- Unresolved personal issues that she selfishly chooses to ignore rather than to work on.

- Insecure about self only wants to feel wanted and not to reciprocate the feeling.

- Emotional maturity of an 18 year old in a 24 year old's body.

- Constantly questioning own impulses and desires and remains unsure.

- Afraid that there is someone better out there.

- Not knowing the difference between real intimacy and sexual attraction.

- and worst; Narcissistic, selfish, and unable to feel true empathy, acts on own truly selfishly motivated desires.

What happened who broke up with who? Was her name Cassandra?

[singme2sleep]

My ex claimed it was because his life had become a total mess and felt he just couldn't be in "that kind of relationship right now" and it was "making him confused" blah blah blah.

 

I believed it to be true at the time because I saw first hand of all the stress he was dealing with and he was the type to push his SO away in such circumstances.

 

So for 3 months I cried buckets and was basically a total wreck. We had very little contact, I wanted to give him space. It wasn't until shortly after I stupidly sent him a birthday card that I found out through Facebook that he was in a new relationship!

 

Idk if the dumper is ever sincerely honest regarding their feelings in breaking up...but it hurts either way.

Edited November 12, 2013 by singme2sleep

[Jc12345]

Mine broke up with me because I went to a strip club. We fought about it and remained together for two years. She then broke up with me for it after our anniversary. A week later she was dating one of her exes. Coincidence?