First Love

[pastlove]

During my childhood and early adult life at one time, I fell in love with a young man that resided in my neighborhood. We lived on the same street and block. Well, as we became older, I made a decision that I would talk to him and maybe get to know him. We both were very quiet and serious individuals and never talked to one another as well. One day, I heard some heartbreaking news that he was getting married and it was too late. So, I moved on with my life, got married and had one child, then divorced. So here I am 25 years later, browsing through and found him on the internet. So, we have been intouch and talking, yes, he remains to be married has 2 kids older though. As we have been talking, I confessed my feelings for him back in the day. He was never aware that I was in love with him. So, we talk alot, and everyday we are on the internet talking. But, it seems as though that he's not happy in his marriage. He has made comments to me that if he would to ever get divorced, he would live with her. Then recently said when I get divorced, I do not want to get married, I want to live together. Interesting, how he and I never talked back in the days, but, we have many similarities with respect to music, food, cars, sports, motorcycles and tattoos. I had mentioned to him that if he were to go into a tattoo shop and pick a tattoo that he liked that I would place on my lower back. So, he's going to the tattoo shop to pick one out. He's also a romantic like myself, loves to dance and drink and have good sex.

 

Okay, we have not seen each other in 25 years, but, I have emailed him some photos of myself, and I saw a photo of him at a nightclub that was running on screen in a presentation. Not expecting to see him on this screen, but, he was there with his spouse. Interesting because it just doesn't seem either of them are happy in that picture, seems as though they are together because of the kids. Anyway, I do care for him and the possibilites of me loving him could be present. I guess, that I will continue to talk to him over the net. We have talked on the telephone too. He's so sweet, he giggles and laughs as well as stutters at times when he talks to me. He sounds very happy and so do I. By-the-way, I had asked him will I ever see you again? He said "Oh! yes, we will meet again." He's a lovely man and it hurts me that it wasn't me. I am not jeoulous of his wife. His wife is irrelevent to me. Sometimes people go through life a different life, then it changes later to a new life. Maybe I am dreaming? In all of this, I had mentioned to him that some men have been interested in me and that I just ignore them. He asked me if I had though about dating any of these men, I said no because I am not interested at this time. I am in school, night school, college. Then he said, how would you know that it was meant to be if you don't give him a chance? Then I said I would, if he met my qualifications and I sent him my specs. I said, If a man wants to be with me, fine, and it depends on him. I have never dated a married man before and if I should, that would be my decision. Included, I would never enjoy coming between a man and his spouse, if a married man decides that it's time for him to move on with his life and divorce his wife, and that should occurr, then it would be something that he wants to do for himself and for all the right reasons for himself because he should come first and be true to himself. Because, he wants to be truly happy with the one he wants to be with and love, love in another time.

 

This was his statment to the above. I'll have to say that was very deep again... But what is great about u like u said u say what is on your mind.. You have a nice weekend. Talk to you soon.

 

I also told him that I almost stopped the wedding and when I said this his voice became soft and he repeated "You almost stopped the wedding....." I said softly yes, I almost stopped it, but, I didn't want to hurt you that way. So, I let you go.

 

I let him go..... I turned my back, move forward with my life and here we are 25 years later.

 

What do you think?

[indigo_moon]

I think you're living in a bit of a fantasy world. It doesn't sound like you ever really knew him from the start, you admit that neither of you even talked at all way back then..so how do you know he was this great guy then and REMAINS this great guy now?

 

"So, we talk alot, and everyday we are on the internet talking. But, it seems as though that he's not happy in his marriage."

 

I think this is what you WANT to believe.....but it doesn't mean it's the truth. Would you really expect him to tell you, "I love my wife and my life and I'm happy in my marriage"? Of course he wouldn't tell you that, even if it were true. He's obviously flattered that you found him after all these years....for all you know he's been a serial cheater all these years, a drunk, an abusive husband, beat his kids, couldn't ever hold down a job, a drug addict, a porn addict, etc. You never really knew him back 25 yrs ago, you surely don't know him now..only what he's choosing to tell you.

 

And just because you both agree that if he divorced in the future, and you being divorced now, in the future you'd prefer to just live together..........this isn't some magical similarity.........mean people who divorce decide they don't want to go down that road again. Pretty common.

 

"Not expecting to see him on this screen, but, he was there with his spouse. Interesting because it just doesn't seem either of them are happy in that picture, seems as though they are together because of the kids."

 

You can't possibly tell how happy a couple are in their marriage by looking at a picture. Again, you're trying to make yourself believe he's not happy. If his kids are older ,as you say they are, I'm sure if the marriage was so bad and he wasn't happy,he'd leave. But he's there and has been there for a quarter of a century.

 

 

I'm sure it's exciting to catch up with someone from your younger days but he might be the biggest butthole around....you only know the sweet things he tells you now. It's not right of him to be communicating daily to a women on the internet, when he's married. It's disrespectful to his wife. He obviously doesn't have a lot of integrity...plus he's telling you that you 2 will meet in the future..........I feel sorry for his wife.

[pastlove]

I agree with all your points and yes, I have thought about everything you said. I am a very logical person. Correct, we never talked, however, we would both look at one another in passing back in the day. His sister was my maid of honor in my wedding. I was friends with all of his sisters. True a picture doesn't tell all. However, I know him and before these old feelings began to resurface, when he and I would talk and his kids were brought up he just seem happy about his kids, but, when he would breifly bring-up his wife, the tone in his voice would change. Sure, I didn't expect to see him with his wife. True, maybe I am and maybe I am not living in a fantasy world. Just because I have some feelings for him again doesn't mean I can't date men. He's has asked me if I wanted to end this because he didn't want me to get hurt and I replied No. He said okay. Also, maybe he has cheated on his wife. Come on she's huge, and he's a body building and belongs to the law enforcement. I don't believe it's right for a man to do this, but, whatever, if she doesn't satisfy him sexually and doesn't perform fantasy sex with him do you blame him. I am sure, he's cheated on her, I am sure and I don't care. The photo of both of them come on she had on a forced simle and he was smiling too, but, he just didn't seem interested in her, his are nor hands were not touching. Her smile was forced, believe, me I have studied human behavior and have taken many obseverations in humans and reviewed photos and voice patterns and behavior. He hasn't told me anything, but, when I first talked to him, he did say "that the best thing that happend to his brother was his second marriage." This was the first of our conversation 5 months ago, and I couldn't understand what he meant.

 

Sure, maybe it's a fantasy and I recognize this and maybe not. However, it doesn't stop me from dating. Included, I have thought about him communicating with me over the internet, sure, it's disrespecful. This marriage should have never happened, he was 24, she was a foreigner to the U.S. He didn't know her, she's just a housewife. If she would become sexy and enjoy sex with him, I am sure he wouldn't be seeking his somebody else. Sure, he's going to tell me this and that, but, he has yet to inform me that he is unhappy in his marriage, I can tell in his voice. Sure he's happy to hear the things I am telling him, so what, maybe if she would tell him that she loves, him more or if she would just take on some risks with him and become exciting then he wouldn't be looking at other woman. Maybe he's having sex with her and thinking of me, because, I do know one thing, I turn him on and second, I know what kind of woman he likes. They need to be sexy, have a body, takes risks. He enjoys a sex goddess and his wife she's none of these things. I am not saying that I don't care about her, but, she is irrelevent to me because I never met her nor did I ever have conversation with her. Well, 20 years ago I was introduced to her 2x's, but, she was extremely reserved, didn't talk, too introverted and I was just surprised. He does bring his wife up in conversation because we talked about all the girls he dated in the early 70's and how shy they were and he couldn't get them to talk. Then he talks about how his wife was, I am sure she's opened up, but, he wants to enjoy life. Not saying that I will be the one. Who knows, but, he's waking me up too, I have an 18 year old daughter in school, I have returned to college and at this point in time as he is aware, I am not intersted in anybody. Now if he were to divorce sure, maybe, besides if he wants to meet me in the future. Sure, why not, we both had an interest in one another, but, we would pass each other by fear of rejection. So, he married and I married. He remains to be married to her, but, is affraid to take that leap with the one for him. Besides, his mother was a single parent for years and I strongly believe he didn't want to divorce because he didn't want to place his spouse in that situation. His wife was beautiful 20 years ago, but, I was shocked to see that she has truly changed. Doesn't look the same, overweight, just, just..... Not to say that if he loves her, then, he shouldn't accept her no matter what. But, come on... she needs to do something quick. Otherwise, he's going to find that person.

 

So, I maybe living in a fantasy world, huh, maybe, but it feels good. We both like to workout our bodies and have similiarities. I am a former builder and he's always built his body and maintained his figure. She doesn't work, I work and am a professional in my trade and have a side business. Come on, she should do something. Do something mentally and physically to entise him otherwise, I will. If it were to ever occurr, I wouldn't feel guilty because, she's irrelevent. Come on he takes care of himself, builds his body, she's short and chubby. I am 5'4", tall, slender, I wear hip huggers, and love tattoos not too many, Harley's, fast cars and I am sexy...... What's up, girl, dude, get with the program. I am 42 my daughter is attending Miami University, I was a single parent, I am in college. Come on, every man wants his wife to be a sex goddess and if they don't do something then he will go and look elsewhere. This works both ways with woman as well. My ex didn't take care of himself, too reserved, he was heavy, I asked him to come to the gym and workout with, never did it. So, I left him. It works both ways, woman want the same thing. She needs to try to keep him otherwise this latina is going to do her magic on him and have some fun.

[HokeyReligions]

Sounds like your top priority in a relationship is looks and sex. Lots of people share that priority and lots of couples break up over those things. I don't think that is a good foundation for a lasting relationship.

 

I certainly wouldn't feel truly loved or find any deep contentment or joy if I thought my husband was with me only because of my looks and my sexual abilities. That seems so shallow and un-fulfilling, but some people can make it work I guess.

 

If he leaves his wife I hope she can find someone worthy of her and who shares her priorities and will love her. If you and this guy both feel that weight, looks, and sex is the key ingredient in a relationship then you two deserve each other. You would be a good match, providing nothing happens to change those things.

[pastlove]

I know it's shallow, I agree, but, I wasn't that way before, I would date, bald men, not built men. You know, it's alot involved. It's deep, I agree, she should first try to do something with herself. Yes, maybe she will find somebody that would enjoy her as she is if something should ever occurr between the two of them, but, as far as I am concerned presently, I am not in the picture. It's his decision. I do know that I make him happy and he makes me happy, but, he is married.

 

Finally, the truth about me has come out, looks and sex, yes, I derserve a good looking man and good one that enjoys good sex too. Not that it will be him. Of course it's not a good foundation, but, we have been touching base on other areas as well. The prime building block of any relationship is communication.

 

I am not focusing on him, because I plan to date and I told him this too one day soon maybe by summer. Seems as though he becomes quiet when I tell him this. Anyway, I am happy. I hope things workout for him first.

[indigo_moon]

Considering your age, I'm really surprised that you haven't yet learned what's truly important in terms of qualities in another person. You seem very shallow and misguided and vain. The body is just something that houses the core of a person....their heart, their values, how they treat others, their integrity, etc. You and him sound like a good match because you're both stuck on looks and your bodies. Beauty and looks can be gone in a flash....should tragedy strike.....like an accident that leaves someone disfigured, or one of thousands of diseases that can change a person's physical appearance or even ability to maintain a physically active lifestyle. A person could be a beauty queen one day and get hit by a bus the next day and have scars all over their face...but by your standards and beliefs, it's all about looks. That's sad. You don't know his wife's situation or why she is the way she is. Maybe she has so much more than looks and a perfect body.........maybe she has a kind heart, a sense of compassion for others, maybe she'll one day leave an amazing legacy to the world and her children.

 

You go on with your shallow fantasy world. *rolling eyes*

[pastlove]

I understand integrity, honesty, love and passion and that looks are not everything. Sure, who doesn't. I have been there, I weight 185 lbs one time, believe you me and dated heavy men, bald etc. Also, men that financially secure, but, never remained with them, they wanted me because I was truly an honest person and believes in integrity, however, it's time for me to do what I feel is good for me.

 

Sure, I believe she is probably a kind hearted person so am I. Maybe we are a little shallow, so what. Sure, people become sick and get disfigured, however, those are situations that happened because of a life tragedy. She can fix her self. It's not too late. Maybe we are meant for each other, who knows. Maybe they were meant for each other, but, in life, we all fall out of love and move forward and find that one person that matches their personality. I am into myself, yes, I am because I worked hard to get the body I have, I made this change because I was tired of looking at flabby and fat. Only one person can make a change in their lives and it's that one single individual. So, I am vein, so what. Any person would if they worked all that fat and flab off their bodies after having it for 19 years.

 

I don't think so, I am not misguided, I think those that don't take care of themselves and don't go after what life has to offer them are misguided. Sure, stay home eating those donuts and chips, continue becoming a couch potatoe. See where it will get you. Yes, I am 42, yep, I know right from wrong, but, age has nothing to do with it, it's what you want in life for yourself and decide what you deserve in life as well. I lived in poverty for 18 years, so don't give me crap, I worked my way out of and continue do so. I used to feel sorry for myself, but, not anymore, I worked my way out of poverty. So, you tell me, shouldn't she work hard to keep what is her's. I am not here take it away from her but, sometimes in life, love comes. Somewhere in time, watch that movie.

 

I am not alone their many people like myself men and woman. Those that do not take care of themselves can try to do better for themselves first in life shouldn't put down those that have done a better job and have moved forward and are now yes, into themselves because we worked hard at it. Hard to push ourselves out-of-poverty and ready to move forward and find what is right for her. If he wants me, he'll come to me and if it wasn't meant to be. I let him go, remember that old love saying. "If you let him go and he he returns it was meant to be and if not than it wasn't." Something like that. So here we are 25 years later.

[pastlove]

Ah, fantasy, no, don't think so. I understand reality and fantasy and the reality is that he's married. It's his decision not mine because I am single.

 

I love myself and I come first to me. Yep, looks come and go, yes they do, but, one can maintain their bodies so that it remains firm. Yes, life is about looks, many people out there like this. That's life. I don't like men that have beer bellies, why, come on can he really satisfy a woman with that tug in the way and if she's heavy, come on imagine her on him sure......

[SexyFatGirl]

Quote:Come on she's huge, and he's a body building and belongs to the law enforcement. I don't believe it's right for a man to do this, but, whatever, if she doesn't satisfy him sexually and doesn't perform fantasy sex with him do you blame him.

 

 

I find this comment very disturbing...are you telling us that fat people can not perform sexually? And in other comments you make, you keep referring to this woman like you know what she has been through and that because of her so-called flaws she cant satisfy HER husband. Dear mabye she doesnt feel she has to change, mabye she is happy with her self.If you dont know someone dont judge people by their looks, seriously its kinda childish, especially childish for a MOTHER to say...did you teach your children that looks dont matter, its whats inside that counts?

 

Carry on with your ranting and raving about what his wife looks like and what she doesnt do, but remember he is still with her and not you and doesnt seem like he wants to be...figure that one out.

 

Signed a fat woman who has no problem keeping her man satisifed in bed or out of bed.

[Nocturnalkitee]

You said that you were not jealous of his wife,well to me it sounds like you are. Everything that you said about her was negative. You don't even know this woman. You know only what her husband has told you.

 

 

If he doesn't have a problem with his wife not working, why do you. Why do you care that she is over weight. You are not having sex with her.

 

You sound more like you are 18 oppose to someone in their 40's.

[indigo_moon]

You sure are fixated with his wife, why is that? You don't know her life or her situation or even her health status...maybe there's a medical reason she's overweight, did that ever occur to you? You assume she just sits at home eating chips and donuts but you don't know anything for sure. For all you know maybe she really does work and he's just handing you a line of BS to make you feel sorry for him. Maybe he beats her and treats her like crap and she has the self esteem of a flea and is dealing with depression and sees no way out. You only know HIS side of the story in addition to what YOU want to believe.

 

I find it ironic that you admit to having been an overweight person yourself, yet you have this much judgment and contempt against her and people who are overweight in general. Doesn't sound like you have much compassion. You, by your own admission, were once large - at the time did you think it was nice to be looked down on?

 

I think you're quite delusional. You knew him 25 yrs ago, you didn't even date him then, you and he didn't even TALK then......though you claim you loved him? Honey, love is more than just being attracted to someone....what you had then was nothing more than infatuation.

 

You also don't know how old the picture you've seen of him on the website is........it could be 10 yrs old for all you know..........he could have the biggest beer belly this side of the Mississippi. He also could be really lousy in the sack, not able to get or keep it up, seriously smelly balls and a real sloppy lover with a dick the size of a cocktail weenie..................

 

It's really tacky of you to be carrying on communicating with him, knowing full well that he's married. Where i come from, that's called skank.

 

I'm sure he loves his wife a lot and remains with her after all these years because of that............and the only reason he's corresponding with you is because he's like a teenage boy who's so flattered that you tracked him down, and he's curious.

 

My condolences on your obvious overall disconnection with reality.

[pastlove]

No not fixated, it's a latin thing. We in our group of friends have all maintained ourselves, we gained, lost, gain and lost. We just can't believe after all these years she never took care of herself with the man that she has. Beats her sure, nope, I know his sisters and mom.

 

You must have been hurt at one point in time. Yes, I was fat, but, prior to being heavy I weighed 105 lbs. She should work out, no she's not ill. We have all kept in touch, she's just fat, the picture was last week at a club I went to and it was dated December 3, 2004.

 

Besides, I wasn't coming on this site to be criticized, I was seeking advice. Therefore, you advice is your opinion, however, you seem to be very negative. Why is it because you are married and affraid that other woman may be out there that are more seductive than you? What is it?

 

Medication does get a person over weight sure, they do, but, that's not her condition. She just doesn't take care of her self. Besides, when two people know that they had feelings for one another, but, couldn't get together because of circumstances that were out-of-our control due to parents not liking each other and placed their children involved in the situation and this is what kept us apart it's not our fault. We are adults know, and if it's there, it's there.

 

I feel for everything you have said, and, maybe you have a condition and are over weight is this it? Because if it is, it's nobody's fault, only nature. Sure, he loves, her, I am sure, but, there are many types of love. Love comes and goes. Does your husband love you for who you are, or are there problems? Are you affraid of woman like us? Should be...

[pastlove]

Don't get my kid involved in this. She's has nothing to do with this. The way I raised my child is my business. But, I think that most people that get innocent childrent involved are poor white trash.

 

Sure, I am jealous, she has the man I have always wanted, but, jealous because of her fatness, no..... besides you girls make me laugh. Have you ever seen a picture of Selma Hyett. Yep...... that's me. I hope you can work on that... Nope, I am sure he's decent in size, besides it's not the size it how he uses it.

 

But, if want to go there, you woman must all be heavy. Come-on, sure some heavy woman can satisfy their man, but are really satisfying him or is he just with you because you all cook and clean for him and iron his clothes and have bunch of kids. Sure, some heavy women are sexy and seductive and I applaude those that look that way. Most are big boned.

 

A skank, no, if I were a skank, I would have sexed him up by know. I don't believe in that. It's his decision and the ball is in his court. I am single and can date whomever I please. If he wants me sure, I'll be there. Besides, marriage is just an institution a contract, where two people are involved and can't get the hell out of contract because they might have too much to lose or pay childsupport and most men believe in "It's cheaper to keep her". Maybe this is the problem with some of you, he will never tell you this.

 

Sure, I shall continue speaking to him until we meet again.

[indigo_moon]

Have you ever seen a picture of Selma Hyett. Yep...... that's me.

 

Anybody can claim anything on the internet, how hilarious that you would think we're going to take you seriously.

 

Why did you come here for advice anyway? You seem very adamant that you know what you're doing, that you're not doing anything wrong, that you're this middle-aged hot sex goddess who's so sure of herself, who's so superior to this guy's wife, you know so much about her and why she's overweight (which is ludicrous because you're not her doctor, you don't know her health history or her lifestyle, etc) and how he's so unhappy bla bla bla.

 

And you're the one who brought up your daughter in previous posts so of course we can bring her up, too. As her Mom, you're a role model............but from where I sit, if you want to talk about trailer trash, you're the one who's got the hots for a married man, you're the one who disses and judges your fellow woman, you're the one who thinks you're all that and that cat's arse.........I hope your daughter has the good sense to find herself a female role model who teaches her to respect her fellow woman, to respect the boundaries of someone's marriage, to be grounded in reality - because she sure wouldn't be getting any of that from you.

[HokeyReligions]

Sweetie, you seem to believe that you are so much better than every one else. It's going to be very difficult to find someone and keep someone when you have such a low opinion of others. People get tired of that after a while.

 

Be careful of how you post here -- you are flirting with a flame and flamers get banned.

[RowanRavyn]

All advise is based on opinion based on personal experiences.

[pastlove]

Nope, not better, just worked hard it getting better and I continue to get better. You see, I love myself. The most seductive quality in a woman for a man is that she loves herself first.

 

I don't have alow opinion of her, I just believe that she may consider in thinking of losing that weight. She was a beautiful woman back then, what in the world happend. Illness no!

 

 

 

So good luck with yout lives, and I hope that I find luck as well, with him or without him.

 

Need to work out tonight bacause I am going out!!!!!

[pastlove]

Nope, not middle aged just getting better. You don't get it. Besides, kids are innocent. I am sure your parents raised you to "do as I say, not as I do". Besides, my daughter has 4 yr scholarship.

 

Interesting, how phsychology can really hurt somebody, sure we are on the internet and anybody can work their body into shape. It just takes hard work. Listen, I need to workout and party tonight. Goodluck and for me goodluck too. No pain, no GAIN!!! Sorry, I had to say that.

[izzybelle]

OMG! let me start by saying that i also consider myself to be somewhat vain at times. well, maybe a lot of times! my appearance and the attractiveness of who i'm with is important to me, i'll admit that. but.... i couldn't honestly ever say that i feel i'd be a threat to someone just because i'm somewhat attractive and in good shape. sure, there are men out there that prefer women who are in great shape, and i do take care of myself...but for me, not for them. perhaps many lust after those women who are in exceptional shape but i do believe there are just as many who don't. some may look outside their marriage to be with someone they consider to be more attractive than their spouses (both men and women) but i don't believe that's the only reason, or maybe even the most likely reason, people might stray.

 

my ex MM, i think, was more attracted to me because of who i am, not because of what i looked like. i don't know what his wife looks like, and i suspect she's bigger than i am, but i think he looked to me because of the way she treated him, not because of the way she looked. she was nasty to him with her words, but he never, ever said anything to me about not finding her attractive because of her appearance. and honestly, i'm not sure i'd ever want to be with someone who was only attracted to my body.

 

and heck, years ago i dated a man who was a professional athlete and used to having women who worked out all the time. i'm tiny and at that time was in much better shape than i am now. 20 years and 2 kids changes a body in a lot of ways, but he told me at one point that he was tired of being with women who were so focused on their appearance, that he liked the fact that i was soft, like a woman should be.

 

my point is, it takes all kinds. and having a daughter who's 11, i try my best to encourage her to see the good in people. beauty is only skin deep.

[SexyFatGirl]

Just wanted to let you know i just had a nice big piece of cake....

 

 

 

 

Eaten off me...

 

you really need to get over this fixtation with fat people, If someone has a problem with their weight that is their problem.....not yours. Get a life and grow up. For someone who is in their 40's with a kid you sure are single-minded.

 

If you still want to talk to this guy thats kool, im not judging you on that, but for crying out loud unless he point -blank says that he doesnt want her cuz shes fat, leave the woman alone.If shes not worried you shouldnt be. Have a nice day.