I am dating a divorcing man and am wondering....

[green eyed ann]

I am dating a divorcing man and am wondering what he's going through and how patient I should be.

 

We've known each other as work acquaintances (we don't work at the same company though) for about 9 years and he and his ex wife filed for divorce this past Spring. They've been living separate lives for about 3 years - so he's been going through the separation process for sometime now. The divorce will be final in mid-January. They had no kids and were married for twelve years. The divorce is also uncontested financially - they both at money.

 

At any rate, he called me in early September and said that he's been wanting to date me for sometime and that when he got divorced - I was the one that came to mind for him and that he wanted to call me. Well over the past 3 months we've gotten pretty close - he's taken me home to meet his mom and show me around the town he grew up in. I've also spent time with his mom when she's come to visit here as well.

 

We had been progressing a little faster in the first two months and we're now going a little slower now - I see him once a week and we talk on the phone everyday. We live about an hour away from eachother - so it's not really easy to see eachother without planning. However, he doesn't ask me out every weekend as he says he needs sometime alone to go through the divorcing process. Seeing eachother once a week is not the best either and I wish we spent more time together. However, in our phone conversations, he does share his life with me....what he's doing, etc.

 

I've let him do all the work in the relationship - all the calling, all the making of plans together. We had a discussion this past week about our relationship - prompted by him because he could feel me pulling back.

 

In the discussion, he told me that he was falling for me and didn't want to screw it up as he's going through the divorcing process and feels it's best to go slow. I trust him as I've known him so long, met his mother and he's told his colleagues at work about us.

 

My question is - should I believe him? Should I wait it out with him as he feels we should go slow a little longer - at least until the divorce is done next month? In general - how should I proceed? I'm falling in love with this guy - he's great and treats me very well - we have a great time together and have a lot in common. He's told me that his mom really likes me and wants us together. He's also told me that what he is looking for his a long term commitment and wants children. I want the same thing. What should I do......

[Matilda]

I think you should give him the time he needs. He has just made a huge mistake with his life, I think he is right to be cautious in moving ahead romantically.

[green eyed ann]

thanks Matilda - just one question. Do you think I'm wasting my time with this guy given what he's going through...or is your sense that his recovery may not take that long. It may be easier in that they've been in the separation process for sometime and have no kids....any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.