My BF's bestfriend is a chick with a 36D cup

[klandes]

ok so i know the topic just screams out insecurity. And it might be somewhat, but you gotta understand from my own personal experience, close friendships between a man and a woman just don't work out in the long run, especially if they're both physically attractive. Every guy friend i have, has made a move on me or confessed a certain love, even after years of knowing them they decide to pop the question. So i sort of relate my experience with my current BF situation.

 

I've known him for more than 4 yrs, and we've been on and off since then, but this time we're both living in NYC. Now we're both 23, in love and serious about each other. It's just this girl Janice who's he's been best friend's with since grammar school. And sometimes i just don't get how - other than smoking grass together, they're into complete different things. "Janice" is white, attractive, very ghetto, likes black guys and listens to hip hop. He's the opposite of what she's into. Whatever it is, it's not the main issue.

 

Last summer i tried to be smart and befriended her. She was always very cool with me and we did hang out often, let's just say we became close. And it is then, when she began to confess things to me about him, sometimes she would talk sh*t and tell me all the stuff HE would say about me, even if it would hurt me. And some sh*t did hurt, like he was only with me to Fck around and such. i couldn't stand it. This girl is also best of friends with my BF's ex high school sweetheart. Who was lying here? i'll never know. Is it getting a bit too confusing now?

 

He denied her words, i got tired and broke it off, he came back to me begging, and i loved him then and i still do now. I learned to swallow the fact that they're best friends. But it all came back when she came to visit him and he told me she "had" to sleep in his bed because there was nowhere else. His place is tiny, but there are sleeping bags out there you know!! I kept my cool and I just plain and simple said that next time Mark (a close friend) comes over he will crash in my bed. He looked at me like he was about to kill me. i don't get it.

 

The thought of them two sleeping in this small twin bed just makes me scream with rage.

 

I don't what to do, i'm at that point where i wanna shake him and tell him it's either her or me.

 

 

*names have been changed for my own personal protection*

[dyermaker]

I think the following conditions are fair:

 

1. Under no circumstances whatsoever does another woman share a bed with him.

2. Stop going outside the relationship to communicate problems.

 

If he can't do that, exit stage left.

[tokyo]

If his friend lied he should be more concerned about the appropiateness of his actions. Letting her sleep in his bed is such a no-no even without her lies.

[bicyclejunk]

A few years back, wayyyy before I met my current Fiance,

 

I went to England with my Best Friend Katrina. We back-packed

and got a one bed hotel a lot of places to save money and slept in

the same bed many times.

 

When my fiance found this out she got SOOOO jealous of her. But it was years

before I even met her and would NEVER do it now. It's so not cool to share a bed when

you got a Signifcant other, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Whatever.

 

 

It's not Cool.

[savethedrama4allama]

Originally posted by bicyclejunk

It's not Cool.

 

Nice to see a man say that. Agreed.

 

Its about more than boobs anyway. I think about my boyfriend's female friends like this: if he liked her like that, they would have hooked up a loooong time ago. But they didn't. Besides, bigguns are not always all they're cracked up to be, now are they?

[GirlDown]

my boyfriend would never have a female friend come to see him and stay in his place. and even he did, he would not allow said female friend to share his bed, any size bed for that better, with him in it! but that's just him i guess.

 

if your boyfriend needed to see this girl so badly and she absolutely had to stay with him, he could have at least said "you take the bed. it might be a little uncomfortable to sleep on the floor, but i would be uncomfortable sleeping in a bed with someone who's not my girlfriend."

 

this guy either doesn't have any respect for you, or is just completely stupid. get rid of him.

[bicyclejunk]

P.S.

 

 

I'm a dude and Big Boobs are NOT where it's at.

[savethedrama4allama]

Originally posted by bicyclejunk

P.S.

I'm a dude and Big Boobs are NOT where it's at.

 

 

My B-cups are absolutely dancing with joy.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by bicyclejunk

P.S.

 

 

I'm a dude and Big Boobs are NOT where it's at.

 

hey speak for yourself! i have big boobs (not implants, so not perfect of course) and while not everyone loves big boobs, some (well, most guys i know) definitely do!

 

i know you're trying to make her feel better, but it is all about preference! we big-boobed girls get bad raps! why does everyone think a big rack means "i am a slut" or "i want your boyfriend and i am going to use these puppies to get him?"

 

ack, they're just boobs...why does it make a difference what size they are?

[savethedrama4allama]

I dont see anywhere that someone said girls with big boobs are hoochies. Just that girls with big ones are nothing to get jealous over for that fact alone.

[Starry_Night]

No way! His actions were extremely inappropriate and inconsiderate to you and your relationship. I would have been more than angry. Now for believing anything this best friend girl says. She probably has a thing for him, and the fact that she remained best friends with him even though her best friend and him are no longer together would worry me some. I would not be happy with the entire situation but I know you can not control your partner nor should you try. You should explain your feelings to him about her and if he does not respect you then maybe the relationship doesn't mean that much to him.

[bicyclejunk]

[color=darkred]Yep, Didn't say anything about Big boob equaling= Slut.

 

I know guys who think Big Boobs are the Way to go.[/color]

[color=red]I'm just not one of them[/color]. I think Big Boobs aren't very attractive. But that's

 

[color=green]no offense to you. My girl has A-cups and they perfect.

 

It's just preference.

 

Only reason I made the statement is because i think it's LAME for gals

 

to be threatened by other gals, just because they have Big Boobs.

 

Hence the fact that she posted "My BF's bestfriend is a chick with a 36D cup"

 

Some women think they have power over guys because they got big things

 

hanging off their chests. They are no big deal. And I know plenty of other

 

heterosexual males such as myself, who think the same thing. I'll take Nice legs

 

over Huge boobs any day.[/color]

[klandes]

Most of you are right, and believe me it's wonderful for my 34 Cs to hear that that not all guys are into the bigger the better, but sadly it's only a small percent.

i'm just baffled at the way he told me or confessed to it, i was simply wondering where she had slept that night, and he just said it out loud "my bed" like it was such a typical and normal thing to do with long time "buddies"... i appeared very aloof and pissed at the same time but i was so perplexed as to, is this normal? and how far is too far? I mean, I, myself remember sleeping with my male neighbor/buddy for years, no sex involved. again, that was years ago.

I'm glad to hear that i do have something too worry about and that i'm not intimidated by this girl. well, maybe a little, after hearing this i do. i'm just dubious and incredibly jealous, everytime i hear her name i just want her to dissapear from earth or get a life of her own...whichever, either one works for me.

 

My concern now is that how to bring this up to him?? without sounding intimated or jealous, even if we all know that's the case.

[zara]

but it's really no big deal. If there was anything to worry about he wouldn't have told you that she slept in his bed would he?! And if he were attracted to her in any way then he probably would not have shared a bed with her because it would have been too awkward for him.

 

I have shared a bed with most of my male friends and it just hasn't been an issue, it's just somewhere comfortable to crash. Similarly, my last long term bf had a very close female friend and i know that he'd go visit her and it didn't worry me in the slightest that they had to share a bed - it just was never gong to happen between them, they were more like brother and sister.

 

If he is not her type in any way then that should just reinforce the fact that you don't have anything to worry about! She probably knows him better thsn anyone else, faults and all and it sounds as though she has been honest with you in the past about him so value her as an asset.

 

Speaking of assets... big boobs do not mean a thing! I've got e cups (implants) and am no more likely to steal someone's man now than i was before i had them! Not all men are boob men, in fact, it's one of the reasons my ex left me!

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by bicyclejunk

[color=darkred]Yep, Didn't say anything about Big boob equaling= Slut.

 

I know guys who think Big Boobs are the Way to go.[/color]

[color=red]I'm just not one of them[/color]. I think Big Boobs aren't very attractive. But that's

 

[color=green]no offense to you. My girl has A-cups and they perfect.

 

It's just preference.

 

Only reason I made the statement is because i think it's LAME for gals

 

to be threatened by other gals, just because they have Big Boobs.

 

Hence the fact that she posted "My BF's bestfriend is a chick with a 36D cup"

 

Some women think they have power over guys because they got big things

 

hanging off their chests. They are no big deal. And I know plenty of other

 

heterosexual males such as myself, who think the same thing. I'll take Nice legs

 

over Huge boobs any day.[/color]

 

yeah, it definitely helps to have both...

 

i didn't say anyone here personally said anything about negative about big boobs, i just meant in general. i know guys who like big boobs when they are with a girl who has them, and then can be just as happy with another girl who doesn't have them. not only is it preference, it's matter of caring about who you are with at the time you are with them, regardless of chest-related matters.

 

 

th fact that she did say "my bf's best friend is a girl with a 36D" is why i added the rest of my statement...her issue with her boyfriend would (or should be) the same whether the girl was fully stacked or flat as a pancake.

[Cecelius]

I can't take another "innocent friend in the bed" comment. He did wrong (not horribly wrong, but you know what I mean). Not to be crude, but if she's as endowed as you say, either her parts would have been pressed into him, or his into her. Would you let them dance that way?

 

I suppose you could argue that you should be allowed to enter amateur strip nights because "nothing [too serious] will happen." We all look for our significant others to avoid broaching upon something that smacks of shadiness.

 

My ex got into beds when she was 18, 19, 20 with male friends. Maybe only 20% of the time did it result in something. My current g/f was engaged and "had" to sleep in this other guy's bed since her friend was already on the sofa (she ended up dumping the fiancee for the bed guy).

 

Anyway, if "nothing" will happen, why don't they shower together? Or share hotel rooms" Heck, why don't they just date and then he'll come home to you for the serious stuff.

[zara]

You seem to imply that if a man and a woman share a bed it can only be for sexual purposes. That is not true. I have shared a bed with straight male friends and with gay female friends and guess what?...- NOTHING HAPPENED! We are just friends, not attracted to each other in any way.

 

As for you comment about entering strip nights, i'm not even going to go there - suffice to say i am a professional stripper and i hate it when people denigrate my profession.

[GirlDown]

i have also slept in a bed several times with guys for non-sex related purposes.

 

however, both times i was single. that is a huge difference.

 

my boyfriend would be enormously pissed if i slept in a bed, a chair, a teepee, or anything else with another guy, and i would be none too thrilled if he did the same. it's not even so much ofa trust issue, it's more of a respect thing. i would be more shocked to hear he actually fooled around in that bed, but why make me wonder anyway? no point. just opening up a huge can of worms. if you are with someone, sleep with that person. (unless neither of you have a problem with opposite sex bed-sharing, then, hey go nuts )

 

but it's almost like michael jackson--granted, a bit more disturbing and frightening because michael is kinda scary and children are involved--but his argument is "why does sharing a bed with someone have to be sexual?" and some people say "okay, michael, you're right, here's my kid, he can sleep in your bed", others say "no way michael, this is wrong, there is no way that this is not sexual" and still others would say "okay michael, maybe you're right, and it could be completely innocent, but there is absolutely no need for it so why insist on doing it and pissing off all these people and really making yourself look bad if you're not getting anything out of it, and my kid is not sleeping in your bed no matter how innocent you say it is"

 

once again, different because the people involved are different, but the reactions are the same. i'm one of the "why put yourself in that kind of unnecessary position, and if you do, you do deal with the consequences" people. i know it's also different because young influential children are obviously not adults and do not have the ability to make rational decisions that adults do. but that's also the point--adults have the choice of making a decision that they know will either upset someone or not even ruffle their SO's feathers.

 

oh and ceceliius--i agree with some of your post, especially the last part.

 

but amatuer strip nights? that's a whole different ballgame. you say that a girl will claim nothing "too serious" happens to make it sound like it's obvious something serious really would happen

 

i don't think my boyfriend would like very much for me to attend an amateur strip night, but he would much rather me dance on a stage that then sleep in a bed with someone else. one is an occupation, and some just like the thrill of being looked at. sharing a bed can be pretty intimate.

 

i've never seen an amateur strip night where anything even close to serious has happened...just chicks trying it out.

[Cecelius]

My point on the stripping was facetious and I think GirlDown put it pretty eloquently. The point is, if you're involved with someone and purportedly loyal, there is something incorrect about intentionally putting your hand into the lion's mouth. Why make it even look like something is up?

 

Also, the coed bed sharing thing is primarily something that young people do as a way of being mature and sophisticated. I am sure there are many posters here who have experiences on both sides. The point is, a good man who cares for (1) doing the right thing and (2) being respectful to his g/f doesn't get into a bed with another woman (for any purpose). It's not a question of being secure or insecure: if your SO is smacking you in the face with a mildly inappropriate action, you're not insecure for calling foul.

 

Frankly, since the original poster is not really emotionally involved with him, I'd say keep that up. He may be fine, but get accross that you are invincible to emotional wounds, but that disrespect /disloyalty and shadiness will be met with a swift, dispassionate response.

[zara]

i happen to take my stripping very seriously, flip comments about it get on my tassles

 

Would have to disagree about the co-ed bed sharing. i'm almost 30 and shared a bed with a male friend last week and a gay female friend the week before becasue it was better than one of us sleeping on the floor! Neither of theier partners had a problem with that and i agree with the poster who said it's fine if all parties are cool with it.

 

Otherwise it is an issue of respecting someone else's feelings, but the point i was trying to make is that the contextual implications are wholly dependent on the parties involved - there can be no assumption of inappropriate behaviour because that is for those involved to decide.

[Cecelius]

Context is fine. I would also suggest that until one has double checked with one's SO to see if they are extremely liberal or conservative, one should take some simple, boringly mainstream views, including that generally, sleeping in the same bed is a little shady.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by zara

i happen to take my stripping very seriously, flip comments about it get on my tassles

 

Would have to disagree about the co-ed bed sharing. i'm almost 30 and shared a bed with a male friend last week and a gay female friend the week before becasue it was better than one of us sleeping on the floor! Neither of theier partners had a problem with that and i agree with the poster who said it's fine if all parties are cool with it.

 

Otherwise it is an issue of respecting someone else's feelings, but the point i was trying to make is that the contextual implications are wholly dependent on the parties involved - there can be no assumption of inappropriate behaviour because that is for those involved to decide.

 

exactly