starting over with everything

[audiojunky]

I have just recently, in the past couple weeks, that things are over. We live together, and she moved out yesterday. Since then I have not been home. I'll have to go back today and see what is left for me.

 

Anyways, it has been over a year since we first met. The first six months we were together were great. We both moved to a new city and things started becoming hell. I started to put way too much effort into the relationship to make her happy and constantly received a bitchy and uncooperative attitude in return. It became so bad that ultimately it lead up to this, me telling her that she either needed to work on putting more effort into making things good between us like I was, or that she needed to leave. She chose the latter.

 

Now I feel pretty scared about the future. My ex had hsv-2, genital herpes. She was always on valtrex. We didn't use a condom all the time. I was really convinced that I was someday going to marry her and my acceptance of her hsv was the last thing I made an issue in the relationship. Now I am worried about whether I have it or not since I have never had an outbreak.. and the part that upsets me the most is telling future partners, casual or not about this.

 

In addition to this I feel angry and cheated over the way I was treated and in a way used in this relationship. I've failed in a way to keep myself happy and content at the expense of another person.. I would of sacrificed anything to make her happy and that is pretty much what I did. Friends of mine have told me that these qualities are really great to have and that I deserve better... but I feel like such an idiot for not realizing how far out of step that I let myself get.

 

Now it is pretty much time to start over... time to flush out all of the things that will make me forget and learn from all of this. Maybe someone could recommend some things that they have done. I'm not sure if I should see a therapist. I'd like to lose about 20 pounds. I want to focus on myself again and make sure that the next time I get involved with someone that my focus on my own well being isn't taken away by someone else's discontent with their own personal life.

[HokeyReligions]

While the relationship may have been rocky, it was a learning and growing experience for you. Try to think of it in that respect and think about what you have learned about yourself and what qualities you feel would be best from new partners in the future.

 

Take one thing about yourself that you really want to change and work on that first. Don't try to do everything at once -- that gets overwhelming and its easy to become depressed about everything.

 

Take your weight for now. Change your diet, increase your water intake and get some exercise. Walk more or swim or find some sport or activity that you enjoy. Get into a habit or routine that helps you.

 

You have not failed or been cheated because the whole relationship was a personal growth experience for you so make it a positive.

 

Check with your doctor about the hsv and get accurate information on what to do to prevent passing it along. Don't get into a serious relationship for a while and always use a condom.

 

Even though you are single, I would recommend reading the <URL removed> website and looking at the questionnaires they have for couples. I have found these beneficial for myself alone, as well as when my husband and I have had problems. Just reading them and understanding some of the issues couples face can improve your communication skills with future partners and helpful in understanding your own priorities.