Loneliness

[Loveless21]

How do you handle the loneliness? I tend to lie awake and picture all our good times which drives me mad! I dont have any family nearby to help with kids etc so I truly am on my own other than the nights he has the kids. Its very daunting. I dont have many people to turn to and it makes it so much harder to focus on whats real and what Im imagining (about the good when i know theres no way itll work).

 

When Im feeling fragile I will want to take him back in a hearneat bc at least theres sense of familarity and a sense of belonging.. When Im feeling strong I know theres no way I can deal with his lies, threats, anger and verbal abuse. Its so hard to stay positive though. Once the kids are asleep and laundry folded i just feel LOST. tv is losing its appeal and i cant focus much on anything.

 

I want to call him when i feel weak bc he knows everything about me even better than i know myself. He offers advice as long as its not about him.. But i know hes with other girls at this time. And im just by myself. Waiting. For what? im not sure.

[d0nnivain]

Can you find a local support group?

 

otherwise to fill your time, try volunteering somewhere to keep busy & meet new people.

[AZtragedy]

I am also struggling with the loneliness of being left, suddenly. I have a cat, and he has been extra sweet since she left me (and him)....I know my cat is lonely, too, because he is more affectionate than he was before, and now he is always in the same room with me.

 

So far (it has been almost 6 weeks since my wife left and moved in with some jerk) every night has been tough to be alone. When I am not with family in the evening, I tend to be online a lot....it bothers me when it is too quiet in the house, so I try to keep music on. I have had zero interest in tv since she left, and cannot concentrate enough to read much more than 15 mins or so at a time.....

 

Eating meals by myself has been so hard, too...we always cooked our meals together and ate together - for years.....

 

I suppose the only "advice" I can give right now is to try to get to bed early, or earlier than you used to (if you can sleep, that is). The days are bad enough, and nights are worse.

[Loveless21]

I keep busy all day but once im done with it all i just feel empty. I want to hold someones hand and just get a ****ing hug but truth is i havent been getting either in my marriage..

[Loveless21]

Was thinking of getting a cat but unfortunately i cant afford ANY extra expenses.

[M30USA]

For every minute you spend thinking about the good times spend 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 minutes thinking about the bad times--cuz that is evidently the ratio of good to bad if you decided to end it.

[TheBladeRunner]

For every minute you spend thinking about the good times spend 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 minutes thinking about the bad times--cuz that is evidently the ratio of good to bad if you decided to end it.

 

That helps to do that....in the end, I needed to demonize the EXW to get through. The first year was the worst, I was OK the days and nights I had my daughter, but the worst day of the week for me still sometimes is the Wednesday of the week she has her for the weekend.

 

Don't sweat it OP, it get's better with time.....

[alonefornow]

In your original post you mentioned your fear of being alone. You also mentioned that you're still young after 10 years of marriage. I'm guessing that you haven't really spent much time as an adult alone. Unfortunately too many people don't and have a really tough time once they find themselves in that situation. So I'll ask you the same question I had to really ask myself.

 

What's so bad about being alone?

 

Once you start getting answers to that, you can start addressing them, and that will make you feel empowered. For example, one of the things that really scared me was not having another person who could help financially if times got tough. So I set goals to get myself into a better situation financially so that wouldn't be a concern. Working on those goals not only helped me get over my fear of being alone, but also gave me many really productive things to focus on.

[Shocked Suzie]

It does get better and as time moves on... you begin to adjust to your own routine and come to terms with how things now are at the moment... you will find you won't mind being on your own, even enjoy it too. To be honest some alone time is quite healthy "once your in a better head space" it's important to look at yourself and sole search too.

 

In the awful situation we are all in....so many emotion aren't there. I had a huge set back past 3/4 weeks as I'd been so busy before It all hadn't really fully hit me, I had some time off work and in this time I've had the chance to really look at things and look inside myself...hit a real low, but again I've bounced back and feel much better, it's all just part of the readjustment process....it does improve x

 

If you are into exercise, it's a really good and very social thing to do, so many people go alone to the gym, for walks, swimming to tennis clubs..... No one looks at you in fitness when you walk in alone, it's a great starting point, it obviously makes you fit, but more importantly it makes you feel great! I would not be where I am now mentally if I'd not been power walking, swimming and paddle boarding.

 

Hugs... Xx love the thought of your cat giving you some company n comfort :)