I cheated on bf but his reaction scared me

[NilaJones4]

I'm not sure if I should continue the relationship. Thing is he scared me and I thought he was going to go physical on me; I've never been this scare in my life and I felt cornered. He ended up punching a wall, getting in my face and calling me out all sorts of names in the book before finally backing down and leaving. He slammed the door on the way out.

 

He did end up apologizing but expressed how he was never felt that hurt in his life and how he felt bad about not controlling himself. Thing is when I asked if he was going to hit me or something, his answer got me worried. He replied ''That's why I had to leave, never hit a woman in my life, don't think I would have been able to sleep well had I done that'' and just kept saying sorry and how he wants to work it out.

 

I know it was wrong to cheat but he scared me and don't think I can get over the way I felt threatened. We later on discussed this and he was calm this time but I can't forget it. But do I overlook this one time incidence?

[Keenly]

I'm not sure if I should continue the relationship. Thing is he scared me and I thought he was going to go physical on me; I've never been this scare in my life and I felt cornered. He ended up punching a wall, getting in my face and calling me out all sorts of names in the book before finally backing down and leaving. He slammed the door on the way out.

 

He did end up apologizing but expressed how he was never felt that hurt in his life and how he felt bad about not controlling himself. Thing is when I asked if he was going to hit me or something, his answer got me worried. He replied ''That's why I had to leave, never hit a woman in my life, don't think I would have been able to sleep well had I done that'' and just kept saying sorry and how he wants to work it out.

 

I know it was wrong to cheat but he scared me and don't think I can get over the way I felt threatened. We later on discussed this and he was calm this time but I can't forget it. But do I overlook this one time incidence?

Ahahahahah:laugh::laugh:

[NilaJones4]

Ahahahahah:laugh::laugh:

What's so funny? I really got scared.

[Grumpybutfun]

NilaJones:

Keenly has helpfully bolded a part of your quote in his reply. Think of irony. Think of your boyfriend controlling his violence even though he was hurt and angry, and not following through with the violence of hitting you. Now, think of you not controlling your desires and betraying and cheating on your boyfriend anyway. Who do you think did the wrong thing here?

Helpfully,

Grumps

 

p.s. Most people would have reacted with anger at hearing this news. Punching a wall, slamming a door and screaming at you is really a normal response unless you have veins made of icewater or you are stoned. You can call the police but don't be surprised if they think you are wasting their time. This is not abuse, so please do not try to lessen actual abuse with trying to feel that he did something abusive towards you. My wife works with domestic violence victims and this pales at what these poor women go through. You need to worry about what you did.

[NilaJones4]

Grumpybutfun, no I'm not going to call the police over this. I do feel total remorse over what I did and do want this relationship to work out. Just that I got scared. I've never seen him this way before but I'm going to let it go.

[Lizrd3000]

Grumpybutfun, no I'm not going to call the police over this. I do feel total remorse over what I did and do want this relationship to work out. Just that I got scared. I've never seen him this way before but I'm going to let it go.

Now, that's real love!

Do you think he will let it go, though?

 

I honestly despise you for turning the blame on him. YOU ARE IN THE WRONG, NOT HIM. HE SHOULD END IT WITH YOU. I really hope he has the backbone to dump you like a bag of trash.

[Keenly]

I laughed because you cheated on him, which is selfish, and when telling him you are still being completely selfish and making it all about you.

 

 

You are mad his reaction to your betrayal? He just showed you that he really cared about you, and you just showed him that you don't really care about him.

[tom670]

Now, that's real love!

Do you think he will let it go, though?

 

I honestly despise you for turning the blame on him. YOU ARE IN THE WRONG, NOT HIM. HE SHOULD END IT WITH YOU. I really hope he has the backbone to dump you like a bag of trash.

 

Typical cheater gaslighting.

It was actually smart of him to leave.

This one lost his cool and I don't blame him.

 

Utah sheriff's deputy TJ Brewer assaulted father for having sex with his wife in son's room | Mail Online

[Editbee]

In all honesty wouldn't this be the equivalent of a woman finding out her bf, the man she loves dearly cheated and possible breaking all his stuff? I've even seen one of my female cousin who reacted once by slapping a cheating bf and we all know that was absolutely not typical of her.

 

However, I can see why the OP's bf stopped what he was doing and left. As a male, he is forced to not act violently. Overall, I think guys have it harder in the way that it must have taken a lot of self-restrain even when he is deeply hurt in one of the worst way possible (cheating on someone is like spitting in their face and telling them how they mean nothing) but still having the strength to not harm the girl but just called her out on what she is, which explains the ''punching a wall instead'' thing.

Typical cheater gaslighting.

It was actually smart of him to leave.

This one lost his cool and I don't blame him.

 

Utah sheriff's deputy TJ Brewer assaulted father for having sex with his wife in son's room | Mail Online

Even after something like this, the guy at least didn't go after his wife but his father.

 

The OP did deserved to get all those names called out. I think anyone would have done the same. It's the least to expect from a man who is not only upset but totally heartbroken.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Editbee

[gaius]

Just dump him already. The fact your mind twisted his anger and pain at your wronging of him into some kind of wrong against you and an excuse to leave means you're just dying for one.

[turnera]

I'm not sure if I should continue the relationship. Thing is he scared me and I thought he was going to go physical on me; I've never been this scare in my life and I felt cornered. He ended up punching a wall, getting in my face and calling me out all sorts of names in the book before finally backing down and leaving. He slammed the door on the way out.

 

He did end up apologizing but expressed how he was never felt that hurt in his life and how he felt bad about not controlling himself. Thing is when I asked if he was going to hit me or something, his answer got me worried. He replied ''That's why I had to leave, never hit a woman in my life, don't think I would have been able to sleep well had I done that'' and just kept saying sorry and how he wants to work it out.

 

I know it was wrong to cheat but he scared me and don't think I can get over the way I felt threatened. We later on discussed this and he was calm this time but I can't forget it. But do I overlook this one time incidence?

First, let me say I am ALWAYS first in line to tell an abuse victim to run away from an actual abuser. Second, however, BOY, do you have some growing up to do.

 

"I know it was wrong and all"...really? Sure doesn't sound like it.

 

Do him a favor and leave him so he can find someone who won't cheat on him before they are even married.

[turnera]

But do I overlook this one time incidence?

Why not? YOU expect HIM to overlook YOUR one-time incidence. And HE didn't even do anything to hurt YOU.

[Editbee]

I don't even see it one bit close to abuse. He probably punched that wall as a replacement. What else could he have done? Even when angry and devastated, most grown men know their strength and don't use it on the girl.

 

I feel sorry for the OP's bf. It seems that he's doing all the apologizing as if he were the bad guy in the story when it was her that caused that reaction.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Editbee

[Sparta]

WOW she is doing the same **** that all cheaters do blame shift. so she does not look at the real problem HER

[Editbee]

WOW she is doing the same **** that all cheaters do blame shift. so she does not look at the real problem HER

So bad enough that she even posted this on the abuse section of the forum. This seems like a disdain towards the real abused victims. I know what an abusive man is really like and ''not hitting a woman no matter how hurt you are'' would be the last thing on an abuser's mind.

[Toddbt12y1]

Man...What a joke.

 

He sure did pick top billing here. What a great excuse to end something you never wanted. What a liar. No, you didn't love him. His reaction is normal. Least he refrained. Something obviously too difficult for you to manage, OP.

 

If it were me; I'd broken up with you in a heartbeat. Dime a dozen isn't worthy of me. What a sickening disgrace! A blameshifting disgrace.

[bubbaganoosh]

Maybe you should stop thinking about yourself for a change and think about how you really hurt him. He didn't deserve to be cheated on. If you didn't want to be with him, you should have made it clear before stepping out on him.

 

Try acting like an adult for a change and think of how he's feeling because you couldn't resist dropping your pants with another guy. Your plain selfish and inconsiderate. I hope he wises up and when he come back he throws your ass out. You deserve it.

[d0nnivain]

On some levels I get your fear Nila. If you are physically smaller than your BF I can understand how his anger may have made you afraid.

 

 

That said, he showed incredible self restraint. He punched a wall, not you. Even if seeing him do that was scary for you, his behavior at possibly one of the lowest most emotional points in his life shows that he is not an abuser.

 

 

My husband would NEVER hit me in a million years but I have seen him pi$$ed & let me tell you, it's terrifying.

 

 

If your BF forgives you & takes you back, it's up to you if you want to go. Clearly you already are part way out of this relationship which is why you cheated, so what's the point in staying? Just don't leave on the pre-text that he is physically abusive because he's not.

[Zahara]

I think his reaction was understandable. When I caught my ex cheating, I wanted to tear him apart. I didn't touch him. I was so close, I could have ripped his eyeballs out, literally but instead I turned around and kicked his stereo system off the shelf.

 

Your boyfriend restrained himself really well and did the right thing by stepping back and controlling himself. You on the other hand showed zero restrain and zero self-control. How self-entitled you are. Cheaters. Blame shifting at its best.

 

The poor guy. I feel sorry for him that he's sticking with you.

[Madman81]

I think you've decided to equate the fact that you FELT scared into "abuse", which this wasn't. Not even close.

 

Realistically, what reaction did you expect from him? And, how did you anticipate you'd feel in response to that reaction? Happy?

 

I don't blame him for being angry. However, he kept control of his emotions and didn't hurt you. That shows a considerable degree of self control, which you unfortunately seem to lack. I think you should end things with him and let him go and find somebody else with whom he can enjoy mutual fidelity.