greenfairie Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 (edited) How come when confronted in a calm manner about whether or not he/she has a new boyfriend/or girlfriend, they won't just fess up and tell the truth? I don't understand why some exes can just tell their ex gfs/bfs the truth. I'm not usually the confrontational type or someone to scream or throw a tantrum, but why couldn't my ex tell me the truth? It really hurts knowing having someone that was a part of your life for years not be able to tell you the truth to your face Edited November 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merged threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizrd3000 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 He might not want to hurt you. My ''ex'' who is now my girlfriend again, did not tell me she was interested in someone else while we were apart, because it'd hurt me. When we got back together she immediataly told me she kissed another guy, but did not like him in the end. It's probably because he doesn't want to hurt you. OR He doesn't want to tell you so he can still have you hooked on his line. Whatever the intention behind it, stop being so curious about his love life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Maybe because it's not your business? Maybe because you used the word "confronted", which probably indicates a level of drama he doesn't want to deal with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Maybe because it's not your business? Maybe because you used the word "confronted", which probably indicates a level of drama he doesn't want to deal with? I think it is my business because he was toying with my emotions telling me he loves me misses me but we couldn't be together at the moment, I swore off dating and sex waiting for him, and the girl he was dating WHILE he was telling me all of this.. But he would never admit to me about IS my old best friend…. the only reason why I wanted to "confront" him is because his girlfriend (now not anymore ex best friend) kept going to a mutual friend of mine crying and sobbing about how much she wants to be my friend… I had so many friends of mine (some of them include family) come up to me talking about how much of a liar she is and how my ex already told them that they've hooked up and are dating. It just blew my mind that SHE wanted to be my friend. That's why I had to go talk with him and get the truth but he still wouldn't admit it and I wasn't being overly dramatic like a whole "screaming tantrum diva" thing. I was quiet most of the time and I even told him I'm happy for you guys if you guys are happy but please don't fool me if you guys really are together because that'd just be too painful for me to handle. Out of all women and men in the world, they had to choose each other. Double betrayal sucks. For real. So maybe you can see why this is a part of my business. If I had no clue who the girl he was dating, I would SO much prefer that because I would have NOTHING to be bothered by. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uwaae Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I bet you like the challenge of this guy huh? Either that, or he is the only guy in your town Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 To be honest, it's really none of your business, which is probably why he's being evasive. He doesn't owe it to you to give you that information. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 why are you even confronting him about it? you are broken up, deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 This is why you should be in NC. Why would you want to put yourself through this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I'm not really sure what good it's going to do for you to hear from him has a new gf. In my case I asked him because we weren't officially done, but his contact had waned considerably - - with him disappearing for days at a time. So I finally asked him. He said no. But then he disappeared again. That pretty much said it all for me, so I just initiated NC. If he does indeed have a new gf, it's not going to change anything on my end - - other than crush me. And I'm already crushed as it is... Having him confirm it would be like pouring salt in the wound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 The harsh reality is - WHO CARES? You certainly shouldn't. He's your EX for a reason. Sure, at one point I would have cared if my ex had someone, but I did the work and now I could give two flying fracks what the h3ll he's doing. Do the work, move on and free yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
panoramicview Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with your ex. You have several threads open and have asked similar questions for weeks now. The betrayal of what he and your friend did hurts, but harping on it will not change the fact that it happened. Him admitting it won't make you feel better either. You have a new boyfriend and are still focusing all your attention on your ex. You should probably cut him loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 wait a minute.. Your on NC or trying to openly stalk your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Why do you care? He's your ex. Like everyone else is saying, move on with your life and find someone who wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Yes he has a new gf and it's probably your ex friend. Why doesn't he admit it to you? Because he feels it would hurt you too much. What should you do? Move on with your life and your new bf. Get IC if you have to to get over him. He does not want you back nor is he coming back. It was a horrible thing they did to you but you must move on. Stop looking back before you turn to stone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm not really sure what good it's going to do for you to hear from him has a new gf. In my case I asked him because we weren't officially done, but his contact had waned considerably - - with him disappearing for days at a time. So I finally asked him. He said no. But then he disappeared again. That pretty much said it all for me, so I just initiated NC. If he does indeed have a new gf, it's not going to change anything on my end - - other than crush me. And I'm already crushed as it is... Having him confirm it would be like pouring salt in the wound. We never really made things clear, so it always felt like the relationship was not officially done. If I felt or knew we were truly done, I would have never asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 wait a minute.. Your on NC or trying to openly stalk your ex? NC. Stalking? Nope, blocked him on everything. I don't ever reply to his messages either but I still can't get over this. It's like a weird obsession. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 This is why you should be in NC. Why would you want to put yourself through this? Because we have a lot of mutual friends and get invited to a lot of parties… I can't find myself to stand to be around them if they really are together. They just keep on denying it WHILE he's playing the both of us like a fiddle. It's like a love triangle I don't want to be a part of. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 We never really made things clear, so it always felt like the relationship was not officially done. If I felt or knew we were truly done, I would have never asked. maybe i'm over thinking this but: if there was never any concrete conclusion on either end (yours or his), perhaps it's best just to consider it done for your own sake? also, are you defining officially done, as his confirmation that he has a gf? you mentioned on another thread you have a boyfriend, so by those standards, it's officially done on your end. or no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 maybe i'm over thinking this but: if there was never any concrete conclusion on either end (yours or his), perhaps it's best just to consider it done for your own sake? also, are you defining officially done, as his confirmation that he has a gf? you mentioned on another thread you have a boyfriend, so by those standards, it's officially done on your end. or no? okay. i never considered myself officially done with him in my mind, i was always expecting us to get back together because we mutually agreed to go on a break…. we kept in touch too for a while, still talking and acting like bf/gf. THEN not even a little while later, i find out from a bunch of people that he's dating my old best friend. i NEVER reached out to him to confront him about this for months. i just left it alone because iwasnt sure what to do. but he still kept messaging me, saying he loves me, misses me, wants to be back with me but he couldn't…. then finally one day, my old best friend wants to get in touch with me and i decided i had to reach out to my ex to get the truth JUST by sitting down in front of him. even if he denied it, i would still know. not trying to act cocky, but it's just a weird gut instinct when you just know. he just denied it and then THAT was my confirmation. after that, i stopped reaching out. but it STILL pains me to this day. i definitely think the never having a conclusion to our story is what i'm fighting on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Ahh ok. That makes sense. I can see where you're coming from and I would want to know too. But it seems like the more you try to get him to admit it, he shuts down and then it gets to you (as it would for me as well). In other words, you're still giving him all the power. As painful as it may be to go quiet (and believe me I know how painful that can be), wouldn't it be easier (and less exhausting) than to push him to admit it? Chances are once you back off he'll probably break down and tell you anyway. As of now it sounds like he's being very passive aggressive and you're pushing him is only fueling that - - and most likely his ego 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Don't you have a boyfriend yourself? What your ex is doing should be none of your concern at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Don't you have a boyfriend yourself? What your ex is doing should be none of your concern at this point. This is what I'm wondering. What about this poor guy caught in the middle of all this BS? Do him a favor and cut him lose until you get this sorted, which by the sound of it, is a long way off. Right now, you are no better than your ex, leading on another with no concern of his feelings. Shame on you! Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 This is all game playing. It is not healthy. And will not lead to a healthy relationship with him or anyone else involved. I am sure you have come across people explaining the post bu process. What he says to you after breaking up with you means nothing- because if it meant something, you would be together. NC is used to avoid all of that confusion. If I had remained in contact and taken what my ex said to heart then I would have been constantly waiting, then devastated, then waiting again. That was pretty obvious to me even with the little bit of contact I had with him. As long as you keep yourself wrapped up in the web of this you should prepare yourself to keep feeling this way. Either that, or you completely disappear from this stuff, you make clear boundaries with mutual friends so he and she isn't mentioned, and you stop thinking about them, and stop plotting as to what might happen. Don't set yourself up for this disaster. It is not worth your sanity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts