On being stuck up.... (or maybe just socially awkward) and what to do about it

[ChampionSound]

Hi...

 

I've always been a little socially awkward... I don't always feel like a part of the group, or sometimes don't want to feel like a part of the group. I have mostly female friends, and have some very affectionate and close relationships with them, and I'm good at communicating, but sometimes in a crowd I feel out of place. I also have 'eclectic' taste which means that sometimes I may seem like I'm from another planet....

 

A few years ago one of my exgirlfriends told me that it seemed like I thought I was better than everyone else... I was hurt by that, because in truth I was just not comfortable with the social environments we were in, and had self esteem issues. Since then I have worked a lot on myself and feel much better about my place in the world.... but this still comes up sometimes.

 

Just stupid things, like going to a party and everyone else will be be getting retardedly drunk and singing songs. I can talk to people and enjoy that, but I have no interest in drinking or the culture they're celebrating.... It's kind of an 'outcast by choice' thing that I grew up with, and although I have worked a lot to become more accepting and open, and also tried to build myself a place in the community that is representative of my values... it is still an issue today.

 

Any tips or suggestions... can anyone relate?

[chica]

Hey ChampionSound

 

one of my exgirlfriends told me that it seemed like I thought I was better than everyone else... I was hurt by that, because in truth I was just not comfortable with the social environments we were in, and had self esteem issues.

 

I can really relate to that. Though much less since I've gotten older and maybe more relaxed, I was often seen as being snobbish or arrogant or as having a "superiority" issue. People just misinterpret my facial expressions or body language and make assumptions.

 

Often though, if people are getting that you "think you're better than them" as a result of you not acting the same way as them, I think that that reflects something about their own insecurities. Maybe they feel less confident when someone watches their extroverted behaviour but doesn't laugh or join in.

 

I think you should feel proud of trying to:

build myself a place in the community that is representative of my values

rather than buying into the hype

 

If you really feel crap about it, try having a drink with them after all

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ChampionSound

Just stupid things, like going to a party and everyone else will be be getting retardedly drunk and singing songs. I can talk to people and enjoy that, but I have no interest in drinking or the culture they're celebrating.... It's kind of an 'outcast by choice' thing that I grew up with, and although I have worked a lot to become more accepting and open, and also tried to build myself a place in the community that is representative of my values... it is still an issue today.

 

Any tips or suggestions... can anyone relate?

 

 

Being shy or keeping to yourself often looks like one is stuck up. I know some attractive people who are quite shy and new people they meet don't realize this. These people come off as being stuck up or stand-offish when they are in reality quite nice but just shy.

 

You should keep this in the back of your mind.

[moimeme]

People get into a snit if you don't do exacty as they do. Too bad for them. If you don't enjoy interacting with alcohol-riddled brains, then don't apologize for it. Sometimes it's hard when you're not one of the herd but there's no reason you should compromise your values just to 'fit in'. You will find folks like you - they're just rarer and harder to find.

 

People are threatened by 'not-like-me'. It's pitiful, because society is better for having variety. Get used to it and be your own human and if some people take that unto themselves, let them. It doesn't mean you should be unfriendly, but you can be friendly without having to hang with them or do as they do.

[UnicornGirl]

The same thing happens to me. People always think I am "self-assured" and confident and get turned off to pursuing friendships with me ... I'm really just shy as hell. What helps me is to ask people questions when I meet them. Then they know I'm interested, but I don't have to do the talking, so I can relax. Ultimately, though, your personality type will work to your advantage, as you make an impression on people.