Crazy Situation In Need Of Way Out...

[Chewy1576]

alright....heres the scoop...i started dating this girl i work with about 5 months ago. I know i know...dating someone you work with is a no-no but i thought long and hard and felt it would be safe to do. We continued flirting for a few weeks and i discovered that she was already in a relationship. I thought to myself that if she was flirting this heavily with me that her other relationship wasnt very strong and that i just might pull it off...so i didnt back away. After a few more weeks of flirting we found ourselves really liking eachother. Just about the same time her boyfriend proposes!! I come to find out that they have been together for 2 years and that they had been planning on getting married for a while. Feeling dissappointed we thought that it would be best to stop flirting and just be friends. Over the next few days we discovered that we couldnt just be friends...that we both wanted to be more than friends so we...more or less...started dating. So over the next few months her engagement starts to fall apart because she is spending so much time with me. Here comes the "what was i thinking?" part... Just about every week we would be really happy together at the first of the week. During the week things will start to get a little stressful. By the end of the week she misses her fiance so much or he threatens to leave her, which causes her to dump me on my ass and tell me that we can never talk or see each other again. This cycle went on for 2 months! Here is where my heart comes into the story. i know i should have ended it and let her go long ago but i truely felt that i could make her more happy than she was going to be with him after cheating on him. I wanted to give her a new beginning and show her that i would be there for her every bit as much as he would have and that i was the better one to be with. In a heated arguement, he tells her that either she never talks to me again or they are through...she choses to talk to me. That night was our first time we sleep with eachother. The next morning he calls her and says that he is sorry and that he didnt mean it and that he wants her back but she choses to stay with me. Over the course of the month he leaves her messages and says some really mean and degrading things and makes threats toward me. Personally, i wanted to beat him into the ground for doing that to her but she warned that if i did she would never talk to me again, so i kept my cool and held back. After being together for about a month, she tells me that she misses him so much and that she wants to go back to him inspite of all he as said to her. We break up and she goes back to him, but she still wants to talk and be friends. Her going back to him just tears me apart...talking to her helps because i didnt have to keep inside what i felt about her...i could still tell her when i missed her and that i still loved her. After a week she knocks on my door in the middle of the night and says that her engagement is off and that they are broken up for good. I rush to hold her and tell her that i am so sorry and that i still love her and that i will do anything to be there for her. she tells me that she shouldnt have broken up with me and that she wants to be with me now. I tell her that i cant take her breaking up with me again and that she will have to prove that she really wants to be with me. We start dating again and she shows me that she wants to be with me and that she is trying to get over him. I understood that it was hard for her because she missed him so much and that they had a lot of history together, but i tried to show her that there was also so much ahead of her if she wanted to be with me. They dont even talk for about 2 weeks...then one day i see she is reading a text from him. Once again he is being degrading and threatening me. She feels bad because the only family he has around is his brother because his family moved out of state and he didnt have many friends left because he spent all of his time with her over the past 2 years so she wants to be there for him and help him get over her. I had to find out the hard way this doesnt work... Last night...after a wonderful evening together...she tells me that she really misses him and that she feels that being with him is the right thing to do. It wasnt anything i have done. She just felt that being with him would be the best thing for everyone involved. It kinda came out of nowhere and i was really surprised. We layed in her bed for hours and cried about how much it hurt and how much we would miss each other. We decided that it would be best not to talk anymore and let each other move on with our lives. Now let me explain how i have handled all of this mess...not once have i asked her to leave him...not once. I always told her that that decision was hers to make and hers alone. i have never lied to her and i have never said one bad thing about her. When she would say that she didnt know what to do i suggested that she follow her heart. Everytime her heart told her to be with me. All of the people around her that knew what was going on said that she was happier with me than with him. Her family had accepted that she wanted to be with me. But yet she still ended up with him. I have accepted that it is time to move on and pick up the pieces, but its just so hard! i miss her so much and want her back but it hurts to know that i cant have her back and i probably wont ever see her or speak with her again. I still believe she would be happier with me but its her decision and i have to accept it. I guess im looking for ways to help keep her off my mind and help get through this...sorry the story is so long...but its not a common thing and i wanted to give you the details so you would somewhat understand what was going on...so if you have any suggestions or comments feel free to respond...thanks

[quankanne]

as cruel as this sounds, you just need to walk away from this one. From what you've written (she tells me that she really misses him and that she feels that being with him is the right thing to do and she tells me that she shouldn't have broken up with me and that she wants to be with me now), it sounds like you've got a real drama queen on your hands, one who isn't mature enough to stick with the decisions she makes. Instead, she'd rather waffle, and in the end, she's screwing three people out of any real relationship: you, the other guy and herself.

 

just walk away. you may feel like you've got a huge hole in your heart afterward, but believe me, you do heal, and along the way, you find the love you are meant to have. And not be stuck in an endless cycle of self-afflicted drama this chick seems to thrive on.

 

a much better woman waits for you, but you've got to make that serious commitment to getting away from this other girl and concentrating on what's healthy for you. Otherwise, dude, you're going to be one miserable guy ... all because you put the fate of your heart in the hands of a chick who doesn't value it enough to stay committed to you.