Trying to understand why people do what they do

[Sukotto]

drjones: I met heather through my friends girlfriend, my friend has now ended it with his girlfriend in the past week so it would be a bit awkward and i'll just hang out with my friends for the time being. I went over to drop off my ex's present last night and she gave me one. Before you know it we're back in bed again but i managed to realise what i was doing and refrained from sex. I literally have no self control and told her in future that we should try to avoid being alone together. There is still an extreme physical attraction that neither of us can seem to get rid of. We were just sitting talking and she put her head on my shoulder and chatted away. She then turned round and lay with her head in my arms still chatting. Then she sat up and gave me a hug and the next thing i knew we were kissing and the rest progressed.

 

Just as I was getting to leave she gave me a hug and said that she hoped I had a nice christmas and a good brithday, at that point I could feel my eyes starting to well up. I realised that this christmas would suck in comparison to last year where we had dinner at hers, then travelled to Aberdeen to meet with my family, stayed overnight and then came back down to celebrate my birthday.

 

Advice is definately stay away from the ex, its her birthday in just over a week. I plan to phone and wish her happy birthday rather than go see her.

 

I've not spoken to her since last night and well I dont really plan to, I might give her a call on christmas day since I know she will be pretty lonely since its just her parents for company and she wont get on well with them.

[bigacesteve]

Bumped into the ex.

 

She asked me about the police so I told her all what I've been doing and what I'm doing next.

 

I asked her what happened to last Sunday and she told me she bottled out. She's been working all the time and I think I've figured out why she won't have anything to do with me. She's planning to do another course after her nursing course is over and she can only do it in 2 places in the UK; both up North in Scotland. I think she's afraid that she will like me again and that because of my new career we would be apart anyway. I told her that I am moving away anyway to somewhere in Cheshire; she seemed really surprised.

 

Anyway she's not seeing anyone and says she has no intention to. They all say that though.

 

I don't think anything will come from this meeting. Back to looking after myself and starting my new life.

[djones]

HEy Guys,

 

Sukotto-- yeah do the NC thing with the ex, as for heather, still give her a ring thats not your falult if your firend broke up with her friend, you never know....

 

Bigsteve--Hey did she mention about your text message?....I think you right that she will like you again and b/c you both are doing something about your careers in diffent places will cause some problems, it was good that you bumped into her, atleast you guys left it on good terms....but like you said you have to look after yourself right now....

[worm]

Hey everyone,

 

I just wanted to thank all of you who have given me advice concerning my situation. Knowing that there are people out there who know how it feels is a great help. I have some updates on the situation if anyone cares, and I could use a little feedback on them.

 

About a week ago, I met a girl from around my town. We met each other out one night and hit it off pretty well. We have talked a great deal over the past week, and seem to have a lot we can build on. However, (there is always one of those isn't there) she is going through sort of the same thing as myself. Her b/f broke up with her about 9 months ago b/c he needed time. Well, he found out that she had been talking to me and now he wants her back. He gives her all the same old crap like how he has changed and knows he screwed up. She tells me that she explained to him that she is ready to move on. She also tells me that she is a little scared to pursue too much with b/c of the fear of the unknown. I can understand that completely. I too am scared of the unknown.

 

I really think this girl could be something worth pursuing, but I do not want to get hurt again. I know that I am not ready for a full blown relationship yet, but when I see her or talk to her it helps the pain from my past g/f. I love my ex with all my heart and do not know how to go about things.

 

I spoke to my ex last night and basically laid it all out there on the line. I was able to do this b/c of all the stuff I have read on this forum. We talked as normal for a little while, but then I heated up the talk. I explained to her that she was treating me like crap, and trying to make me look like the bad guy. I told her that I did not deserve to be treated this way, b/c of all the things that I have done for her. She tries to tell me she is not being hurtful towards me, but she is. I asked her how she could treat me this way, and at the same time act like this other guy did no wrong. She tells me again that she is confused, and doesn't know what to do. She says she can't say that she doesn't love me, but she can't tell me if there are still feelings for this other guy. When I ask her why then she is putting me on the back burner, and spending time with him she has no answer. Only that she is not casting me out. Yeah right!!! The talk went from me getting mad and finally sticking up for myself, to going right back to being Mr. Nice Guy. For some reason I can't stay mad at her, or I just don't want to give her any reason to not talk to me.

 

Anyways, I told her to just tell me the truth. If she did not love me, just tell me so I could move on. If she did love me, then give me a fighting chance. She did not say one way or the other, so I told her that I would leave her alone. I told her that if she needed anything she could call me but I would not be calling her. I refuse to play second fiddle to a ass like that other guy. I also through in a blow about me meeting another girl. I guess I was trying to get a response, or maybe I just wanted to give her something to think about. Regardless, I felt better at the time. Now it is another day, and I still am missing her. I know that I should just let God's plan play out, but it doesn't seem to help at times like this. I am going to see the new girl tonight, but I am afraid that if the old one calls sometime I might go back with open arms. I do not want to hurt anyone so I do not know what to do about the other girl. Let me know what ya'll think.

[thien_to]

Hey All, as a knucklehead that destroyed a perfectly wonderful relationship, I must say it is DEFINATLY the grass is greener syndrome. You get complacent and overconfident in your relationship. You take the other person completly for granted. You overlook all their wonderful qualities and nit pick at all the tiny negaitives just to rationalize your desires for someone else. My analogy is kinda odd but bear with me. The woderful person you are with is like your right arm. It's always there and you really never notice it. You start to think what it would be like to have a replacement robotic arm with all the gadgets so you chop off your right arm. You discover that the robotic arm was unrealistic and a sham. It pales in comparision to your old arm but you've already done the damage. There is no way of re-attaching your arm, it is damaged and withers away. All you are left with now is a lump of cold metal and feeling incomplete. I think I've been watching too many sci-fi movies but I feel incomplete now. I destroyed that which I should have held dear. Poisoned what I should have nurtured. Replaced trust & love for guilt and lonlieness. Don't ever take your loved on for granted...you always, always, always will regret it.

[head/heels]

well where to start

 

 

BAS-------way to get ahold of yourself mate.....you are finally going through the ups and downs and realizing when you are down how to handle it...you have way too much going for you in life to let a twit like your ex bring you down...you have girls draping themselves on you each time you go out...now that doesnt mean alot since you have feelings for your ex, but realize that the probabilities alone are that there are countless beautiful and confident women out there that will not let you go for the world....i literally would not have given up my ex for all the money in the world....i feel stupid saying that now as i would take the money and run....but then i really wouldnt have given her up for anything....funny i think she would have given me up for a new car or something.... i am bitter today....hate has reentered my vocab and the last word i said before bed was "bitch"! and then i prayed to not think of her anymore and took some sleep meds and bam, i was out!

what happened to your post to fliss?

man, with your fitness (body), work, height, good looks, and straight head on your shoulder as well as being a sound,solid great friend, you are going to have no problem finding someone who is going to snatch (sorry no pun intended) you up in a heartbeat...

 

DRJ----man, do not give into her and dont start calling her.....or talking to her...i think she is fishing for a confidence booster so if you do talk to her dont baby her and tell her she is worthy of all the guys out there...just tell her that you are sorry it didnt work out and that you are talking to someone special and that it is not like you to talk to another woman while you are with someone else..(that is not a lie, and i think you are the same type of man as me,,,i dont talk to any other woman when i am going out with someone, especially an ex or someone that i had a past history with..)tell her good luck in life and then dont call or contact her...then wait and watch her try to worm her way back into your life...I guarantee it....no woman likes to fail or be second in a batttle for a man.... just mark my words DRJ she will be trying to win you back if you do this.....then you will have a decision to make....but until then, just be you with the new girl and dont mentioing the ex...that is a diservice to the new girl....so only go with the flow with the new girl!

 

SUKY-----dont even call on the b-day...tell her if she calls that you dont respect someone that wants to use you for sex but not go out with you exclusively...and say that you deserve better....bc you do....that is bs that she wants to f9ck you but she doesnt want to be your bf....that is BUL****T man....fug her and try to move on.....i dont think that you going out with heather will help things since you are too close to your ex...so go on with yourself.....(and get better...only you can make yourself happy===not heather not the ex....only you...so spend your time on you and not on the ex----plus i wouldnt call the ex on christmas so she know that a. last christmas was so much better than this christmas... and b. that you arent sulking on her every last second of the day...she already knows you care for her and want her .....let her be ...you have done enough!

 

WORM---dont call her and make yourself a better person........only let her do the calling and all, and when she does dont give her too much time...also let her know that you are moving on and that she has made her decision and that she is going to have to live with it....because you are not going to play these games.....let her have the ex that cheated on her..she needs to grow up b4 she is worth a relationship with anyone,,,not just you.....you are better off with out her right now..

 

last post by thien tooo

thanks for the post .....i think we all have to rememer this in out next relationships!

 

derek

[Weird]

Mother ****ner!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That is my feeling for today.

 

We got some snow (5" I'd say although spots on my driveway were about 10) this morn and some freezing rain. I was outside before work shoveling my damn driveway with my bro for about 45 mins. That sucked because it was raining so damn hard that it looked like I came out of the shower when we were done. My hair (my whopping 3/4" long hair;)) was frozen when I got inside.

 

Go drive to work....My RL KICKED ASS on the drive there on the crappy roads. I have this messed up bendy street to get to my subdivision and it has made many cars get stuck. Well, the RL basically bent it over and hit it from behind. There was a van that got stuck twice in one spot. I wanted to help but there was nothing I could have done to help the guy. Hopefully he got up the portion of the street ok on his 3rd attempt. On the other streets the RL did great and I had to shake my head at how stupid people who drive snowplows can be. I saw one car at the side of the road surronded by 3 foot high banks of snow. No way he can get out without some shovel work.

 

Work was a waste of my time. My mom has been having some bad health issues (I won't go into it but will say it isn't anything heart related or life threatening) since Friday and today she was at work for a few hours before my dad took her home. I am so pissed off at whatever is happening to her because she is apparently in pain in some areas of the body and I just pray she gets better soon. One of my co-workers was not there today because she lives far away and my dad told her not to come in because of the crappy road conditions. Well turns out her little girl (2.5 years old) just came down with an ear infection and a fever so looks like that cutie is going to be sick for xmas. That pisses me off...oh and she has bad reactions to many antibiotics so that makes things much harder for her...she also has some other issues going on with ehr body so this junk just adds up to that. Poor girl. It isn't fair she has to go through all this at 2.5 years old. What else...my dad has some bad arthritis in his I think left foot that usually comes on by stress and since my mom got this problem his foot has been acting up big time. A family friend's dad (his dad is in his I think 80s and he is also grandfatehr of my co-worker with the little girl) is in the hospital with some heart problem. My best buddy's mom is not feeling well these days as well.

 

This xmas can kiss my ass and I want all these people to get better real soon. I'm so mad at it all.

 

Oh and I come home from work today and my *****in street didn't get plowed and the damn frozen snow (you know since we had freezing rain fall for 3 hours so there is a ncie layer of ice on the snow) was scraping across the bottom of my car. Better not have done any damage (i did a quick look) or I will be pissed. WTF do I pay 3 grand in property taxes for? *****ERS. Plow the damn street. Sure enough they will plow it after midnight and I will be left with a wonderful pile of snow at the end of my driveway that will be frozen and weigh 5 million pounds and will have to get rid of that tomrorow before work...it is stupid we have the office open tomorrow because it is only for 4 hours and it will be useless. I had the day off but because my mom is having the problems I offered to go and work in her place so it is just my parent's partner, me and my bro tomorrow. What a a waste of 4 hours. GAH. Any client who comes in tomorrow will get shot by me.

 

Sorry for the rant. I'm just frustrated at all this crap.

 

Oh and people are idiots with how they drive on snow/icy roads...it is like some of them have no clue what snow/ice does to a cars traction and handling...amazing.

[Weird]

Doc,

 

car handled it great.

 

Steve,

 

damn your ex...sounds like mine with some things. I hope you won't let her get you down anymore and will go back to kicking ass like you were doing before your minor setback. I also agree....people shouldn't waste time with their exes if the exes show no respect. By trying to talk wiht them and all that jazz all a perosn does is feel bad. Bugs me.

 

Hey if I ever visit the UK again I am gonna come to your town and hang with you. That cool?

 

Worm,

 

dude, I say you just tell this new girl how you are feeling, that you ahave an interest in her but right now you can't do anything serious as you still are healing. She should undertand since she sounds like she's going through the same thing and you two can take things slow and jsut hang out and have fun without making things all serious.

 

 

Sukotto,

 

bro, your ex is mind fugging you BIG TIME. It sure sounds like she wants you to be her ***** puppet and get the physical pleasure without having to be together with you. Screw that...it is wrong and will jsut lead to things being worse.

 

 

Thien,

 

dude, hilarious analogy and I really like it. My personal feeling is that the main reaosn why people give up good relationships is the "grass is greener" line of thinking. Funny how it rarely works out for people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is another thing I was thining about regarding my mian topic question.....

 

 

Why do people get involved and stay with people that abuse them? I know love can be a powerful and pain in the ass thing but how can feelings for a person be so strong that an intelligent perosn would get or stay in a relationship with a person who is evil and abuses them? Is it mianly a self confidence issue? A fear of being alone? All I know is I see/hear of some relationships where a person gets involved with someone who is so obviously an a**h*** (meaning the perosn they eventually get together with is bad from the start) and I don't get why they do it..

 

Thoughts if you have any...

[djones]

Hey Weird,

 

man I hear you about the snow and freezing rain, Puck we got same s*** you guys got up there, my drive was like a skating rink....what a pain in the a$$ that was to clear up.....the plow came and it was real nice of them to come by after i just finished the driveway !!!! oh yeah it was real nice of the garbage truck to only pick up half of our garbage, just b/c one trash can to was to far for the dude to pick it up due to some snow near it....well all i know is that next year a snowblower is on my Christmas list ......glad to hear that the RL kicked butt in the snow....we just put snow tires on my dads truck (blizzak) they are awesome snow tires get them for your car next year,,, they stick on ice!!! I was real impressed i thought meh snow tires all the same, not anymore...take care

[Weird]

Doc,

 

haha sounds like you had a fun morning. Damn useless services that we are PAYING FOR.

 

I am thinking of maybe getting a little snowblower if this winter starts to be bad with the snow lke it apparently is going to be from what i heard. naturally, if i go buy a snowblower it won't snow and will just be cold. $*%(^!!! What I do know is if I get one I think i may clear driveways for tons of houses around here. There are two hot chicks that live right near me (one behind and one 3 doors down) but they are both married so I can't even do their driveways and get orally serviced as my payment. j/k

 

Yeah snow tires are great. I had blizzaks on my IS300 and they were great but the car still handled like crap in the snow but the tires helped out huge seeing as the cars OEM tires were high performance summer tires that could not work at all on snow. I decided to go this winter with the OEM all season tires on the RL and see how they do. So far so good. If they let me down then next winter I'll get a set of snows and also get a set of summer performance tires for the rest of the year, or, I may just get a better set of all season tires as the ones acura slaps on their cars apparently arent all that hot but so far they seem to be fine. AWD with snows would rule all though:D I did inquire about a set of snows form my dealer before I picked up the car and they tried to sell me some 400 buck a piece (not joking you) pirelli performance snow tires and that is WITHOUT an extra set of rims. Yeah right there guys...I don't need pirelli snow tires for the few times it really snows here. Sheesh. If I do go winters I'll just find one of the tire joints around here and order some.

 

Man, if I had my IS300 still I would not have been able to get into my driveway tonight. It was THAT bad with the snow. I was driving along one of the secondary streets in my subdvison and a guy in a mazda mx6 mystere got stuck coming out of his driveway. The poor sap had a few people helping but he was just spinning his front tires making things worse....get a clue and get a shovel to get your drivewheels some traction there buddy.

[Urban Rubble01]

Hey guys. I've been pretty busy, haven't had a whole lot of time to come by and chat. Just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still alive (I'm sure you were all dying of worry).

 

Things are about the same with me. The ex and I are still cool, haven't been talking much, but that's O.K. She's coming home for Christmas tonight and I think we're supposed to hang out, we'll see how that goes. Aside from that, I've been meeting some cool girls and just trying to keep my head together. I just got my grades from my first quarter of school in 6 years, I'm getting a 3.8, which is better than I've EVER done. If I can maintain straight A's with all this stress I'm going to be amazing once I get over all this.

 

Hope everyone's doing alright. Steve, I read you posts, that's rough. Try not to be too insulted, that doesn't mean she doesn't care. Right now she's just concentrated on herself, try not to hate her for it and just go about your business.

[head/heels]

URB===welcome back bro...so what happened with you and the other skater thai chick.....???? any kissing going on there yet or what....keep us posted...plus are you and your ex still fug buddies or did you nip that in the bud?

 

 

good luck and merry christmas to all and to all a good year

[Sukotto]

I just dont understand why it always happens, it seems like if there are other people about its all quite friendly and nothing happens but as soon as we're alone then the friendly thing lasts for a few minutes until eye contact is made and at that point she just melts. Then it takes a few minutes for my common sense to kick in, I just get swept up in the moment. She's definately fscked in the head just now. I just think its her feelings from before taking over and she's just doing it because it feels right and its what she was used to doing while we were going out. I dont really have a reason to see her now apart from just generally meeting up to hang out. I'll let her make the first move though. I've went for the no contact at the moment, though I hope she does phone on my birthday since its the polite thing to do.

 

I think i'll just hang about with an ex from like 6 years ago, her boyfriend of 5 years split with her around the same time as me and apparently she's been finding it quite lonely and well we're still pretty good friends. I guess thats probably because we were just young things at the time and it wasn't really a serious relationship.

[WantanS4]

So, I'm suppose to be in Vegas rightnow... right??? NOPE... I got to the airport and the flight got cancelled! CANCELLED!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?

 

So, I literally sat for 4 hours waiting to have something worked out by ticketing.

 

And on top of that, I had a car accident about 3 hours prior to getting to the airport.........

 

WTF?!?! Was I not suppose to go? What does that mean? And the weird thing is, it really hasn't bothered me, neither the car accident or the cancelled flight. In fact, I've been really happy!

 

Weird.... absolutely weird!

[head/heels]

suky...

 

just leave taht ex alone and let her see what it is like without you and that sex that you guys used to make!

 

she will want to melt into you again and then you will be in the driver seat!

 

derek

[Weird]

Wantan,

 

damn dude, sorry about the car accident and the jerking around at the airport.

 

Oh and it does sound weird...my handle here rules since it is so fitting to life;)

 

Merry Christmas bro

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

How are you all doing? I hope you all are well, I am doing ok, I am keeping it light with my ex like you all said , I dont msn her when she is on line or e-mail. I am just going to let her make any move if she does...however I thought i would be nice if i sent her a e-card for christmas day, I kept it light just said merry chirstmas, I hope you are haveing a good chrismas day and that your wishes came true take and talk soon.....I have it programed to to be sent out on christmas day...so if you all think its too much i can change the message. let me know. Toight the new girl asked me out to a movie so we are going to see spanglish..so that should be a fun time.

 

I also wanted to wish all you guys and gals a Merry Chirstmas, I hope we all get our wish that we all with find a true love and happyiness....this year has been crappy for all of us, but the one good thing is that I found a good bunch of firiends here that care for one another, even though we have not met in person, I think its so cool how we are so close to each other....I know I am getting sappy, but I found a lot of help from you guys when this whole break up mess happened to me....well you guys take care

[djones]

Hey Wantans4,

 

man that sucks about the trip and the car, is the damage alot? I hope not....I dont know why stuff like that happens.....with all the crap that has happen you and the rest of us, it seems like the Gods are angry with us ...hehe i think someone should find a spell or chant that we can do to make us be in good standing with the gods or make a sacrafice (sp?) of a young virgin to them...anyone a young virgin here...hehehe Just kidding....

[head/heels]

howdy all

 

DRJ- I wouldnt even send that card! It seems sappy and just sending anything shows that you are still thinking about her which is all she wants to know!.....i say take it out and let her send you a card! see if she does...you dont owe her sheet..plus you are with this new girl...did you send her an e card? if not whats up? dont send her jack dr J...you are over her and if you arent we dont let her know that!

 

WANTAN-damn bad day man! coool that you handled it so well...i would have just ran out to the runway and put my head under the front wheel of thenearset 747! good for you...

 

all the rest of you all

 

 

MERRY XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE HIM AND THE SON OF MAN!!!!!!!!!!THE GREATEST GIFT THE WORLD HAS EVER RECEIVED!!!!!!!!!

 

 

ok that is my sermon on the mount !

 

 

derek

[djones]

Hey HandH,

 

I will tone down the e-card I'll just put merry christmas and keep it generic....I did get the new girl a card and I actually got her a gift, just a little hair clip made of pewter and it has some blue roses on it....she loves blue roses, it did not cost much but I had to look for it in several stores b/c i could not find what i was looking for....I am giving it to her tonight, so I will fill you all in tommorow...take care

[head/heels]

but i would really reconsider....

but that is just my strong opinion...from an unbiased friend who is outside of your sit

 

but either way....merry xmas and i think that the new girl will love the thoughtful gift no matter the costs! you pay attention to her and know her fav flowers! she will kiss you for that one!

go go go!

 

peace and love to all over the holidays

dont be too cool for the safety belt yall

d

[Urban Rubble01]

Head/heels: Me and that other girl are keeping it on a kind of friendly level. We did kiss once, but we've talked quite a bit and have just decided to be friends. The reason is, I'm not going to let myself start a relationship with any girl right now, no matter how much I like her. She kind of likes me, and so she can't handle kissing me but knowing that it can't go anywhere. So we're just chilling, skating together and being friends, which is really cool.

 

I have been hanging out with a different girl as well. She's cool, a bit young though, 19. Beautiful Vietnamese girl (I seem to attract the asian girls). I've told her the same thing as the other one, that I'm not ready to start anything up. She's cool with that, she even jokes that it's fine to "use" each other just to hold hands and kiss and stuff because she's somewhat recently out of a relationship as well, and we're both craving affection. So we're a little more than friends, but we both understand that we aren't starting anything up too soon.

 

As for the ex, well, I don't know if I'd consider us "fug buddies" =). We hung out last night, but before that I hadn't seen her since last time I was up there, the time we had sex. But yeah, last night we ended up having sex again. But we've had pretty big conversations about it and I really think we're being (somewhat) smart about it. Basically, neither of us feel right having sex with other people, even though we're broken up. I think we both really do see this working out, so if we're mature enough to realize that we have to stick to this break I see no problem with it. Also, it's not like we're doing it alot, we're still planning on only seeing each other about once a month, I see no problem with a little relief once a month. I guess it just comes down to the question: Are we mature to handle this without getting things confused ? I think we are, at least we have been so far.

 

Things are going pretty well, I'm feeling better, I know the ex is still in love with me and I'm starting to accept being single for what it is (for now at least).

 

I hope everyone is doing fine, the holidays can be rough. Eventhough me and my ex are good, there are still nights when it hurts not to be able just call her for no real reason and not have to worry "Am I calling too much?" . Stay strong people, spend time with the family and make an effort to talk to some women. There are tons of lonely girls out there feeling as sad about the holidays as we do, it sounds bad, but take advantage !

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Merry Christmas!!! I hope santa was good to you all, he was good to me. I had a good time last night with the new girl we saw the movie spanglish, from what little we saw of the movie, in between kisses is was meh...not quite a adam sandler funny movie, more of a drama.....well last night she gave me a gift a red scarf which was real nice of her and she drenched it with her perfume! that was nice.

HandH--- I held off from sending the card off to the ex like you said...get this i logged on the net last night to check my e-mail and the ex sent a e-mail saying merry christmas.....so after that i sent her one just saying thanks and you have a merry christmas too...that was it....

 

tonight i am going to met the new girls mom and sister, i will fill you all in...take care

[Weird]

Hey peeps...

 

[font=century gothic] [color=red] MERRY CHRISTMAS [/font] [/color]

 

 

Hope you all have/had a good one.

 

 

Doc,

 

nice to hear you held off on the card and good job wiht the little email reply back to her. Nice to hear you had a good night with the new girl. Sweet! Hope meeting her mom and sis goes well. They'll prolly love you!

[Sukotto]

Well my mum asked me to invite my ex over tonight because she would be awfully lonely should I?

 

She has sent me a few mesages today saying thanks for the gift and asking how everyone was etc.