Stupid Mistakes

[designer78]

Here is the situation.

 

I dated a guy (we'll call him A) for 3 months. No magic, we broke up. Two months later I had a short, just being lonely and needing attention, fling with his friend. (We'll call him B) It was just sex and nothing more. We decided to keep it a secret. That ended quickly after about a month. We were only together three times. Two months after that I started getting really chummy with a third friend. (We'll call him C) We really were just helping each other through problems--me with relationships in general, and he with his current (at the time) relationship. We were there for each other and eventually we fell for each other. He knew that I had dated his best friend, and we went back and forth on what to do. Eventually we decided to be together and had a really satisfying and fulfilling relationship. About 5 months into the relationship I found out that I was really the "other woman." It turns out that he was confused by what he wanted and was trying to hang on to his first love, but wanted out and wanted to begin a new relationship. Anyway, we had it out, but I decided to forgive him and we worked on our relationship. Everything was going great and we were getting closer and closer. We even talked about marriage and family. Now it is almost a year later, and I went to visit him for the weekend. (He lives over 100 miles away) We got into a discussion about our "ex's" and I asked him if he would want to know if I had been with any of his friends. He said yes. I knew that the truth always comes out eventually, and I thought that it would be better for me to tell him, than for his friend to. I broke down and told him. That is where all the mess started. After many nights of crying, yelling, and questions, he says he thinks that we should not be together for now. I think that we should try to work things out together. His friends are not there for him and he has a lot of problems with his family and school and work. Guy "B" and him had a confrontation and my guy, "C" asked him all types of questions about the situation. "B" lied about some crucial stuff and my guy is having a hard time believing me. Now "C" has gone crazy and is talking about needing an STD test. He is drinking hard and his ulcer is bleeding. I have never been the one to do such stupid things, but I have made a few very bad mistakes. I don't want to lose him, because I love him with all my heart. I never meant to hurt him and I don't know what to do. I refuse to let him go and I swear that I never meant anything malicious by being with the three friends. It just happened that I really fell in love with "C." I know that I have really hurt his ego and broken his heart, but I did not cheat on him. To make matters worse, one of his friends says that I have been secretly trying to date someone from his friend's work place. This is totally untrue, but the person (a salesperson who helped me purchase some computer equipment has lied about it) Help me! I feel like I am in the middle of a bad talk show. My heart hurts and I feel like taking a bottle of sleeping pills and chasing it with vodka. I know that time can help me through this and I have been praying constantly, but it is soooo hard.

[Sandy]

The only thing you can do now is wait it out , if he really cares for you he will come to his senses, and realize they had nothing to do with him , you weren't with them during your relationship, so it shouldn't matter as long as your healthy and are not at risk or putting anyone else at risk .

 

past is past. If he doesn't get past it , your better off getting away from the whole group and start over after a period of self evaluation.

 

Wasn't he two timing you at some point?

 

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

Good luck !

[Don]

It's ok to drink vodka in moderation, but don't take the sleeping pills. If you do, you may find yourself in hell. Keep with the prayers, perhaps guy D will come along.

 

Don

Here is the situation. I dated a guy (we'll call him A) for 3 months. No magic, we broke up. Two months later I had a short, just being lonely and needing attention, fling with his friend. (We'll call him B) It was just sex and nothing more. We decided to keep it a secret. That ended quickly after about a month. We were only together three times. Two months after that I started getting really chummy with a third friend. (We'll call him C) We really were just helping each other through problems--me with relationships in general, and he with his current (at the time) relationship. We were there for each other and eventually we fell for each other. He knew that I had dated his best friend, and we went back and forth on what to do. Eventually we decided to be together and had a really satisfying and fulfilling relationship. About 5 months into the relationship I found out that I was really the "other woman." It turns out that he was confused by what he wanted and was trying to hang on to his first love, but wanted out and wanted to begin a new relationship. Anyway, we had it out, but I decided to forgive him and we worked on our relationship. Everything was going great and we were getting closer and closer. We even talked about marriage and family. Now it is almost a year later, and I went to visit him for the weekend. (He lives over 100 miles away) We got into a discussion about our "ex's" and I asked him if he would want to know if I had been with any of his friends. He said yes. I knew that the truth always comes out eventually, and I thought that it would be better for me to tell him, than for his friend to. I broke down and told him. That is where all the mess started. After many nights of crying, yelling, and questions, he says he thinks that we should not be together for now. I think that we should try to work things out together. His friends are not there for him and he has a lot of problems with his family and school and work. Guy "B" and him had a confrontation and my guy, "C" asked him all types of questions about the situation. "B" lied about some crucial stuff and my guy is having a hard time believing me. Now "C" has gone crazy and is talking about needing an STD test. He is drinking hard and his ulcer is bleeding. I have never been the one to do such stupid things, but I have made a few very bad mistakes. I don't want to lose him, because I love him with all my heart. I never meant to hurt him and I don't know what to do. I refuse to let him go and I swear that I never meant anything malicious by being with the three friends. It just happened that I really fell in love with "C." I know that I have really hurt his ego and broken his heart, but I did not cheat on him. To make matters worse, one of his friends says that I have been secretly trying to date someone from his friend's work place. This is totally untrue, but the person (a salesperson who helped me purchase some computer equipment has lied about it) Help me! I feel like I am in the middle of a bad talk show. My heart hurts and I feel like taking a bottle of sleeping pills and chasing it with vodka. I know that time can help me through this and I have been praying constantly, but it is soooo hard.

[Deejette]

This guy has a double standard. He was cheating on you with his ex and yet explodes when you tell him of some past flings that happened before he was in the picture. He is not in the right here and shouldn't make you feel as bad as you are feeling about this.

 

You were being honest, and look what he rewarded you with! I guess he would have preferred it if you lied about it or just didn't mention it.

 

To me, it sounds like he is being irrational and you are blaming yourself, when you should be congratulating yourself for being open and above-board about your past.

Here is the situation. I dated a guy (we'll call him A) for 3 months. No magic, we broke up. Two months later I had a short, just being lonely and needing attention, fling with his friend. (We'll call him B) It was just sex and nothing more. We decided to keep it a secret. That ended quickly after about a month. We were only together three times. Two months after that I started getting really chummy with a third friend. (We'll call him C) We really were just helping each other through problems--me with relationships in general, and he with his current (at the time) relationship. We were there for each other and eventually we fell for each other. He knew that I had dated his best friend, and we went back and forth on what to do. Eventually we decided to be together and had a really satisfying and fulfilling relationship. About 5 months into the relationship I found out that I was really the "other woman." It turns out that he was confused by what he wanted and was trying to hang on to his first love, but wanted out and wanted to begin a new relationship. Anyway, we had it out, but I decided to forgive him and we worked on our relationship. Everything was going great and we were getting closer and closer. We even talked about marriage and family. Now it is almost a year later, and I went to visit him for the weekend. (He lives over 100 miles away) We got into a discussion about our "ex's" and I asked him if he would want to know if I had been with any of his friends. He said yes. I knew that the truth always comes out eventually, and I thought that it would be better for me to tell him, than for his friend to. I broke down and told him. That is where all the mess started. After many nights of crying, yelling, and questions, he says he thinks that we should not be together for now. I think that we should try to work things out together. His friends are not there for him and he has a lot of problems with his family and school and work. Guy "B" and him had a confrontation and my guy, "C" asked him all types of questions about the situation. "B" lied about some crucial stuff and my guy is having a hard time believing me. Now "C" has gone crazy and is talking about needing an STD test. He is drinking hard and his ulcer is bleeding. I have never been the one to do such stupid things, but I have made a few very bad mistakes. I don't want to lose him, because I love him with all my heart. I never meant to hurt him and I don't know what to do. I refuse to let him go and I swear that I never meant anything malicious by being with the three friends. It just happened that I really fell in love with "C." I know that I have really hurt his ego and broken his heart, but I did not cheat on him. To make matters worse, one of his friends says that I have been secretly trying to date someone from his friend's work place. This is totally untrue, but the person (a salesperson who helped me purchase some computer equipment has lied about it) Help me! I feel like I am in the middle of a bad talk show. My heart hurts and I feel like taking a bottle of sleeping pills and chasing it with vodka. I know that time can help me through this and I have been praying constantly, but it is soooo hard.