Love advice...

[RichieScott1]

Hello, I'm new to this forum. A little background on me. I'm 19. I'm in the US Air Force and, I am going to Italy in seven days. Now for my "story" so to speak.

 

Well, last night I learned some really upsetting news. Let me tell you the story. It all started my junior year of high shcool. I was talking to this girl name Lindsey. We had gone on a couple of dates and were talking about seeing each other more often. Then along came Kayla. To make a long story short, I chose Kayla, who I barely knew, over Lindsey, who I felt a strong bond with at the time. The relationship with Kayla lasted a year, and during that year Lindsey had found herself someone else. OK, I could deal with that. We talked as friends and have always kept in touch. I spent numerous hours talking to her while I was in tech school and started to feel those previous feelings from before. Problem is, she is still dating the same guy a year later.

Well, when I got home from tech school we started hanging out and I fell for her even more. I spilled my heart to her and she did the same. She even told me that she loved me as more than a friend. Having said that, we decided to "hang out" last Friday. We did our "thing" and then I took her home. I didn't talk to her on Saturday which wasn't too bad cause I kept my mind off of her. Well, I called her last night and she told me the upsetting news. Her boyfriend gave her an engagement ring for Christmas. Of course she said yes. What I don't understand is why would she tell me that she loved me and "hang out" with me, then decide to marry this guy? I know I'm going to Italy and it probably would have ended this whole thing anyways, but I am still really depressed about the fact that she said she loved me. Those are really powerful words to me. I don't use them lightly. I even went as far as thinking of "finding a way out" of all my problems. Maybe I'm over-reacting to all of this, but I guess that's just the way I am. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

[alphamale]

she knew you were taking off in a week to go overseas so she decided to have a little fun just for the heck of it since you'll be out of the picture right quick.

 

what she said is irrelevant, her actions mean much more.

[RichieScott1]

Should I try to talk to her about this? Find out what her feelings are towards this whole situation? Or should I just leave the county and forget about it?

[LucreziaBorgia]

She stayed with her boyfriend, and accepted his proposal. I think that speaks more loudly than anything she could possibly say to you. Best to just move on, I would think.

[GreenCap]

Yeah, actions > words.

 

Women also want reliability and stability. Despite all her feelings for you (not sure true or not true), she knows you will be off and this bloke provides the stability and realiability she wants. To break it down, why should she wait for you when the she can get it now - a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. Hope this didn't sound too harsh but it appears an apt third party view of the matter. Cheers, enjoy Italy, sample the food and "delicacies"

[RichieScott1]

Thanks guys for all your advice. It has really helped me deal with this whole situation. I think I'm just gonna leave it be. Seems to be the best thing to do.

[Sukotto]

Well you may meet a nice italian girl near your base, you been learning the language prior to shipping out?

 

Basically I'll go with greencap on this one, they want security. The thought of a long distance relationship has put her off, though saying that her marriage has a 50% chance of failing, so you could just wait until your service is over and see whats happening.

[Weird]

Man I feel bad for her fiance since it sounds like she isn't into him 100%.

[RichieScott1]

I thought of that too. When I found out I was so angry that I even considered telling him of the recent events. Then, I got smarter and realized that is not my place. Also, how could I be sure that she wouldn't do the same to me?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RichieScott1

I thought of that too. When I found out I was so angry that I even considered telling him of the recent events. Then, I got smarter and realized that is not my place. Also, how could I be sure that she wouldn't do the same to me?

 

Naah Richiescott1, I would leave it be. Rest easy knowing this dude is marrying a hussie that will most likely fool around on him down the road.

 

Go to italy, eat lots of pasta fazool, drink chiani wine and fool around with some of those hot italian babes. I hear that many of them really know how to "cook" if you know what I mean. Heh he heh heh eh heh....

[reservoirdog1]

Let it go, Richie. She's a cheating bitch. And, look at it this way: by nonetheless agreeing to marry that poor bastard boyfriend of hers -- definitely don't envy him any -- she did you a huge favour by taking herself off the market. At least she won't be YOUR cheating bitch. Tons of hot Italian chicks over there to take your mind off her.

[RichieScott1]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

She's a cheating bitch. At least she won't be YOUR cheating bitch.

 

 

HAHAHA That's funny!

[RichieScott1]

Just I just totally ignore her, or at least say good-bye?

[Weird]

do what you feel si the best thing to do. If you want to say bye then say bye. If you don't then don't waste your time with it.

 

if I am in your shoes I would drop a quick "see ya" to her.

 

Oh and good thing not to tell her fiance about it....let him figure out in due time he made a mistake marrying her.

[XNemesisX]

I disagree.

 

tell her fiance.

 

Why do you all think he deserves not to know?

 

The only way he is going to know is if you tell him. Wouldn't you want someone to do that for you? You have dated her, would you think you deserved not to know if she was cheating on you with an ex?

 

I say tell him. Serves her right....and I'm sure he doesn't REALLY deserve to marry a hussie does he???

[RichieScott1]

This one is really tough for me. I still care about her even though all this **** happened. I don't want to ruin her life but at the same time I want to do her justice.

[GreenCap]

Dude

 

Even if you told her fiance, would he believe you? What is love? To overlook the imperfections of the love you love and love unconditionally. Perhaps, by not telling him - you would give this man a chance to figure her out (hopefully) and allow his own feelings to decline over time.

 

You love her yes, so by telling the dude, you may take away the stability she craves thus ruining her life. Do you want to do that? Since you are not too tied down with this lady, be selfish and think of yourself first, obviously she put herself first - that was what led to this discussion in the first place. you may have the best intentions, most people do, but not all recipients feel the same way though

[Weird]

there are just too many negatives that could happen by telling him. Maybe he will get pissed at you and start hitting you. As stated, he may not believe you and she will spin doctor it to him when he confronts her.

 

Maybe you should tell her to be honest to her fiance and think about him rather than just herself. She wont of course but it is possibly worth a try.

[RichieScott1]

Well, I've decided to let it up to her. I told her that she should consider telling him to prevent anything from coming up after I am gone. Her reply was "I'll think about it." So it's off my shoulders and on her now. Thank you for all of your advice. You have been really helpful.

[Weird]

good choice dude. I think you did the right thing and as you said, it is up to her to tell her fiance. If she loves the guy she will come clean.

[diverbud04]

hey i read about your situation and what i think is that she is confused about what she really wants. it seems that she still has feels for you but also has the feelings for the guy she is with now. she is afraid to choose what to do because she doesn't know the outcome. to make her self feel better and feel secure she chose to stay with the guy she has now. just know that even though she accepted the ring she can always change her mind. but in the mean time you should get out and have fun. if you find someone that you are interested in then go for it. if she decides to change her mind and you are still available then it is your choice to get back with her. that is if you don't have another person that you are with and care about.

 

have fun in italy. i know a guy that is being stationed over there very shortly. i am hoping to get stationed over in europe sometime while i am in i just need to get my job and go through basic. well i hope that you get this all straightened out and just enjoy what you have with her. it might take time but she will see what she missed out on. best of luck in italy and in the future. there are a lot of women out there so keep an open mind.