Why did I put up with this - answers ?

[feelafool]

]My Story – 2 years of hell

I met my ex in August bank holiday 2011, I thought he was gorgeous he worked in a local bar I had not really frequentedmuch so had not ever noticed him nor was he a familiar face from back in the day. I remember feeling particularly confident that night with my new dress and was getting lots of attention. I went into the bar with an air of cockiness about me I suppose. After a bit of banter , dancing around him being a bit flirty he took my number and after finishing at the bar he came to another bar I had gone onto. I do think I would have taken him back home that night but my daughter saw me with him heading towards his car and quickly linked my arm and dragged me in a taxi home with her, after shouting “Who is this Mum he only looks about 12”, Im sure he was flattered as he was 43!! Although I don’t think he remembered he was as you will read further down.[/FONT]

Anyway he rang at some point that week, we arranged to meet a few days if I remember, not for drinks or a meal or anything normal or nice like that but for a quick shag at mine in the middle of the night, looking back I should have stopped right there, but maybe that is all I wanted at the time, who knows. I don’t seem to remember caring at the time it was what it was. Things developed and he was coming to see me a lot at home, it was ok I don’t recall being bothered either way at the beginning. It all seemed to be ok up to Christmas thinking back, you know when you’re in early relationship and there’s the big “are we aren’t we in a relationship” scenario between a couple, are you exclusive, are they into you, all the things a girl (or maybe a guy) asks themselves in the early stages of a new relationship, it was kinda like that, normal I suppose. I think the first suspicion of a what a scum bag he was was him using my laptop one night and him leaving his face book logged on. I of course as we girls do sneaked a peak at his inbox, he was having some flirty banter with a girl or two and I thought I’m getting out of this don’t need it. He was due to come up that evening and although I can’t remember exactly what was in those messages it was enough for me to get dressed and to go out and not have him in the house, however as I was preparing to leave he was at the door!! I was a bit funny with him at first but it was all forgotten by the end of that night - bizarre. Hmmmm alarm bells I hear you saying. It just wasn’t an issue after that. By Xmas I guess you could say we were dating even though we hadn’t had a chat, but we spent most evenings together and it was enough for me to buy him some 100 quid shoes so we were doing something right. Although I didnt get anything in return!! Ring ring again lol... however I was promised my gift in Jan sales so was ok with it and it didn’t seem like a problem at the time, but does now as I’m typing it and I remember it bothered me when January sales came and went and no gift turned up!![/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]By New Years I remember things going wrong, he went from at mine most nights to skipping and I remember just getting a call to say he wasn’t coming one night and I just knew something was up! Hmmmmm this is when it all started going wrong for me.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]The first major upset was on valentine’s night when he told me he was ill.. This was the first of many drive bys at his house that I was going to partake in over the course of the next two years. This time I was accompanied a friend, she seems to be at the forefront of a number of occasions and I couldn’t think of anybody worse being with me, shes a “i told you so” type of person. Anyway we were to check his car was outside his house and that he was in fact ill.. Phew I said as I noted his car was there, and proceeded to drive off only to moments later see from the rear view mirror as I started to drive away that he was getting in his car to go out!!.. nasty tx messages of liar, cheater, twat face were exchanged, it was obvious he was taking somebody else out wasn’t it??? I can’t recall how we made up but I do know I got 12 dozen roses a few days after valentine’s day..and then we were ok again. Im starting to feel sick as I type this why didn’t I just walk away then.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]We seemed to be ok for a bit and then April was pretty crap he went cold again he had said some hurtful things that i had gained weight and it put him off sexually?!! Now I know he had met somebody else and was trying to get rid of me. It was the most hurtful thing a man has ever said to me I remember being absolutely devastated, still I got up brushed myself down and continued with him, I was absolutely besotted with him at that time and would have (and did ) put up with so much crap from him.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Not long after he left his logon on my computer I found he had been on dating sites saying he was 10 years younger than what he was and had chatted up dozens of women all asking for numbers and dates etc.. quite shocking to read he was using my works laptop to chat up other women on websites OMG!! I was really disturbed by this and I think it was at this point I first thought that this man has some serious issues going on here and I need to get out - so I did for awhile anyway.... He started seeing a younger prettier girl (somebody told me a young girl was bragging outside the bar where he worked saying that he was her boyfriend). I confronted him and he denied it then said kind of. He was a very persistent man and chasing was his forte I will give him that. I always said if he left me alone to this day I would be never be with him.. but he never could leave me alone and I could never resist.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]He continued to see me but denied the relationship was going on, I was later to find out he was seeing us both for 7 months.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Trying to re-cap on events and times is a bit difficult but in the middle of all this I caught Chlamydia, I was absolutely devastated!!! 40 years on this earth I know I haven’t been an angel but I have never caught any sexual diseases either!! What on earth had he been doing behind my back I shuddered to think..” It must have been from before I met you” he said, sincere apologies and the rest of his charming crap – it’s over finally I cannot possibly continue with this man after all this... Nope wrong. All this and It still wasn’t enough to drive me away what did this man have over me that I couldn’t walk away with pride where had my dignity and self respect gone??? I knew I had some somewhere??[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Don’t get me wrong during the times I broke up with him I was no angel and had 2 encounters with 2 blokes and later another 1 but that was my way of saying *** you and it helped me deal with it., or so I thought.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Things were ok during the summer (although I was to find out the following year that they were far from it!)... I do remember by September when I came back from Tenerife things were particularly good!! He had practically moved in and things were great, we had a fab Xmas, shared nice gifts with each other, nice meals out, families were introduced and things were great!![/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]By March things started going odd again, phone on silent, taking phone to toilet with him I know he was watching porn in there and entertaining himself. He was a sex addict I know that now. ( I remember opening my laptop and there was a live sex show going on which he had logged into with images of naked women whilst I was in bed – ON MY WORK LAPTOP!!! WTF I could get sacked for this.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]I remember watching him unlocking his phone trying to clock his passcode.. BAM got it. I knew something sinister was going on but I just couldn’t prove it. When he fell asleep this one night I was adamant that his phone was getting searched?! I did make a point that night to give him the benefit of the doubt and openly asked him if he was happy with me and whether he thought we should have a break but no he said he loved me and that was all he wanted.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Ok do I still go through his phone after that conversation – I just had to know if he was genuine and could look me in the eye and lie to me. There was no question about it I had to snoop I was going insane over this guy. What did I find, Text messages to at least 2 girls stating how horny he was and exchanges suggesting he had arranged to go to their house etc.. he caught me within a minute and that was that, it all kicked off and I threw him out in the middle of the night.. this wasn’t the first time his clothes had been laden across the car park floor. But this goes to show the calibre of this guy.. how he can hold me and tell me he loves me then go upstairs and within minutes be texting other women.. by now I knew for sure that he had issues but did I think I could change him.. why didn’t I run and run and never look back I so wish I was strong enough to do that at the time as there was worse to come.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]After that incident he didn’t chase or ring or text as he had done in the past, in fact the tables turned and I ended up feeling quite desperate and needy for him it was almost like all that had happened was ok and I just wanted him and wanted him to love me this was a very hurtful time. Maybe all this has been one big challenge for me, trying to change a man and make him love me I was heartbroken again.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]April we seemed to get things back on track again and I thought we were ok but I was extremely paranoid, really bad in fact. I would drive by his house sometimes up to twice, three times a day to see if he was in as he told me, I was a mess and I knew it but I just couldn’t help it!!![/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Then on 7th May he rang to say he wasn’t coming to my house that night... BAM.. I knew he was lying straight away, call me a pro by now but I just knew. He was telling me he had a family funeral to sort out but all I could hear was blah blah blah I just knew he was lying I had to drive by his house and see for myself. When I saw his car there I knew he had somebody in the house. I started shaking I knew what I was going to find. I walked up to the stairs leading to his front door slowly, I bobbed down so I could slowly peer into the window that he has embedded in his door. Although I knew what I was going to find nothing prepared me for the pain I felt seeing another woman (younger and prettier) sat on his sofa staring into each other’s eyes!! I’m not going to go into detail of events that occurred when I confronted them as if you know me you can probably guess but I did get chance to talk to Becky (the girl who was staring glazily eyed into MY MAN eyes).. she was actually sweet, twice younger I reckon but then again he had lied to her and told her he was 10 years younger than what he actually was.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]It turns out that during May to Nov 2012 she had a flow blown relationship with him whilst having a full on relationship with me?? WOW I was shocked, hurt, devastated. She went onto tell me that she slept with him last on his birthday, the very day when I had bought him a phone and big birthday cake, how could you accept gifts and tell me you love me when you were having sex with somebody else. She also said he took her to his works do and days out with the kids, this was hard to take, It was a clear demonstration of preference and his way of showing off a pretty girl over me.. the older, fatter woman in his life,thats how i felt.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri] This was a big blow I was in bits.. my family and friends were great, as before I had hidden things from them but this one was too big to keep to myself, people had to know what a bastard he was. By the end of the week I was on a plane to Spain to stay with my cousin, my mum and Jim came with me. It was a hard holiday, I remember crying on the beach and lots of tears.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]By early June I had a met another guy, bit if a rebound thing I knew thats all it was, the house renovations were underway, I was ok.. I had survived. I heard odd bits from him where he was trying to hang on to anything to keep in contact, Did he feel bad?? I will never know if that man has any remorse, I very much doubt it.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]My dad passed in June by this time me and him were chatting every day, he was a comfort for me at this sad time and I was extremely vunerable. We ended up in bed a few times and before I knew it we were back together!! Its more than just a paragraph to describe how we got from A to Z in a few months but it just happened. I know what you are thinking of me as you read this and I don’t blame you but I cannot describe why I kept going back to this guy, was it love, stupidity, I really do not know what hold that guy had on me and don’t want to do a Jeremy Kyle participant response and say “its cos i loved him Jeremy”.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]We went on holiday in September and had a fab time, we were doing ok, people knew we were making another go at it and were happy for us.. I knew he wouldn’t change completely so brushed stuff off with his phone being quiet and face book blocking etc he was with me every night and had been for months why should I worry this guy IS NOT going to do this again after what we had been through to get back together. NOT IN A MILLIONS YEARS.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]WOW!! How wrong was I??[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]That brings me to where I am now 5 days ago, I had a call via a friend that he had been in my local restaurant with another woman. This must be the woman he met when I caught him using a dating app on his phone a week before which he had talked his self out of? This guy has no boundaries or morals whatsoever, I have tried to google his condition but SCUM is the only thing I found to identify him.[/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]I confronted him, he went silent and half denied it and thats kind of been it apart from him turning up at the house and getting into a bit of a kafuffle – I did manage to salvage the very expensive boots back I bought him 2 weeks prior which goes part way to the pride element of it,,, you stabbed me in the heart., you stabbed me in the back, spare a stab wound in my purse!![/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]I’M FREE... he’s gone! [/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]I did want some form of revenge, but I am too nice to burn his clothes, get him knee capped or smuggled into the back seat of a car and pushed off a cliff.. so instead I sent him some screen shots of flirty messages from some nobody guys to make a point that anybody can play games including me!! [/FONT]J

[FONT=Calibri]The moral or the story is react on your first instinct ladies because you know we are always right[/FONT]

Edited November 12, 2013 by feelafool