LuvsTrucks2 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 My opinion is that each case is different. Some couples going through a divorce may have been emotionally detached for quite a while before they actually made the decision to split. Some couples lost their chemistry or intimacy long ago. There are so many variables and each situation is different. Since my split, I have done really well with eating healthy, staying active and it has resulted in my losing weight. I feel very confident and I am having fun flirting. Do I think I am ready to get into another relationship, no, but I'm having a little fun that has been long over due. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Then you should...you've given no backstory on why you married too young and are so disgruntled now...my own son is only 18 and I have break up his stupid fights with his 19 year old GF over an f'ing video game..my first exH was 21 when his drunk a** abandoned his daughter and I over getting a job (man up really sucks and yeah, it humbles men when they aren't providing)...so why do you need to leave your marriage....better yet..why did you marry so young to begin with...........??? I married my wife because i loved her and age wasn't going to stop us i was in it for the long hall made plans to spend the rest of my life with her even if i was just 21 at the time.But for half of our marriage she made other plans herself.what she did to me it's going to take years for me to overcome Link to post Share on other sites
GatsbyMH Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Good grief! The day you are filing divorce papers you are discussing her dating? Did you guys really have much of a marriage? I went through a horrible ordeal over my divorce and lost nearly 30 pounds. Well, it wasn't all smooth. I lost ten pounds the first few weeks. We talked a lot. I had to make a decision to either be cold and distant or I could try to be supportive and help her through it. After we had talked for a month she finally realized that I just wasn't happy and she understood why I ended it. I think we get along so well now is because we were always more friends than actually in love with each other. It's been about 6 months since I told her I wanted out. I waited this long to file because we had to be living separate for 60 days and all that. Took a while to figure out the logistics of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I married my wife because i loved her and age wasn't going to stop us i was in it for the long hall made plans to spend the rest of my life with her even if i was just 21 at the time.But for half of our marriage she made other plans herself.what she did to me it's going to take years for me to overcome Leaving - I went back and took a peek at your thread over in the infidelity section. Typical LS advice is to not date during divorce because your emotions are a wreck and you are going through so much stress. It's more that it's not fair to the new person in your life that isn't going through what you are. Some people can just close their hearts off though given the nature of what they have been through...and yes, I read what she did. My humble apologies you had to go through that. My first exH got caught, but not that way, but once I was done, I was done with him. I think you just have to be honest, as much as you loved her and wanted the marriage, she really wasn't ready and that will be her loss. If you are truly over her, don't want her back and have moved on in your heart and your mind then perhaps. I think it really comes down to what you want to see in your future... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Leaving - I went back and took a peek at your thread over in the infidelity section. Typical LS advice is to not date during divorce because your emotions are a wreck and you are going through so much stress. It's more that it's not fair to the new person in your life that isn't going through what you are. Some people can just close their hearts off though given the nature of what they have been through...and yes, I read what she did. My humble apologies you had to go through that. My first exH got caught, but not that way, but once I was done, I was done with him. I think you just have to be honest, as much as you loved her and wanted the marriage, she really wasn't ready and that will be her loss. If you are truly over her, don't want her back and have moved on in your heart and your mind then perhaps. I think it really comes down to what you want to see in your future... Yes what i'm going thru is stressful but for the last couple of weeks this girl that i'm interested in has helped alot with this stress she has been someone i can talk to(she actually listen) and have fun with. I'm honest with myself i know it's going to take time to move on and heal and she understands that and willing to wait(I know it's unfair to her,but she says she really likes me and as do i)... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Listen to AZ.. Do you really want to be the person who just "can't be alone" for a moment? Take time to grieve what you lost. If not, it can and will effect your future interactions/relationships etc. With this divorce i lost the only family i had left and it wasn't my fault(i been grieving that fact for almost a year) time to move on and enjoy myself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Hard to want someone back when you see that they are capable of I feel where you're coming from.It took two times for me to be finally done with my stbxw Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Is it OK for someone to date while going thru divorce even if the marriage have no hope of being saved or should a person wait until the divorce is finalize? Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. It isn't wise. Look at it this way... if you start dating when your divorce is final, you probably stand a better chance to be with this awesome girl, as you would also be more stable. Regardless of the situation, a lot of women don't like picking up the pieces all the time. Don't start your relationship off with small resentments, where she has to be this overly understanding one because youre going through something. Get through what you need to, don't drag her through your emotions and when you are emotionally available, engage in a relationship with her, if she will still have you. This is the safest way to go about it in MY opinion. Good luck, OP! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Yes what i'm going thru is stressful but for the last couple of weeks this girl that i'm interested in has helped alot with this stress she has been someone i can talk to(she actually listen) and have fun with. I'm honest with myself i know it's going to take time to move on and heal and she understands that and willing to wait(I know it's unfair to her,but she says she really likes me and as do i)... Then you need to respect her and her feelings, you also need to cut you and your relationship with her some slack (I say this for a reason)...perhaps not present now, but when your heart or her heart gets deeper in....could be REBOUND....OR...it could be REAL. So be appreciative of her and don't hurt her....and don't be hurt if she can't deal either. When you get to this point, you have to learn responsibility due to what you have been through, it's really easy for you to become possessive...it's really easy for her to walk...mutual respect. The road of infidelity to divorce is a hard one, and you are young....I was too, 23....married to a serial cheater.....I did feel at that age that I deserved better, be kind and good to those in your path of moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 Then you need to respect her and her feelings, you also need to cut you and your relationship with her some slack (I say this for a reason)...perhaps not present now, but when your heart or her heart gets deeper in....could be REBOUND....OR...it could be REAL. So be appreciative of her and don't hurt her....and don't be hurt if she can't deal either. When you get to this point, you have to learn responsibility due to what you have been through, it's really easy for you to become possessive...it's really easy for her to walk...mutual respect. The road of infidelity to divorce is a hard one, and you are young....I was too, 23....married to a serial cheater.....I did feel at that age that I deserved better, be kind and good to those in your path of moving forward. I have nothing but respect for her and that's why i'm trying to take it slow get to know her as a friend and more if it leads there I have always been a kind person and not going to change just because two losers did wrong by me............ Link to post Share on other sites
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