FWB - Threesome - More... VERY LONG

[RoxStar]

This is in response to my earlier post...

 

In my post I stated that my "FWB" and I had a threesome... it wasnt all out threesome and its something we have done a few times and we really have a very open line of communication with what each others boundaries are so I guess I just wanted to clarify that. We have a lot of respect for each other within out threesome and we talk about it before we do it and after to make sure we are both ok with things. I dont think that is whats unsettling to me right now (the threesome) but maybe that my feelings have grown. BTW - The guest star of our threesomes is usually the person that has ended up somewhat left out and he and I are the center point for each of us. We look at it as trying to pleasure each other and usually the guest star only gets kissing from either of us while he and I do other things to each other. Our threesomes will never be full blown intercourse with the three of us. That is something that he and I talked about and discussed ahead of time. Just fun and fooling around. I know I dont need to clarify anything to anyone but I just want to paint a realistic picture to get feedback.

 

The person that posted to me said to fish or cut bait (I love that - and to a degree agree with it) and I just am curious to know if anyone else has developed feelings for their "FWB" and stayed "as is"? He has feelings for me too - its been verbalized by both of us. We both have so many relationship issues and problems with trust and we have had bad relationships in the past and to top it off in learning about each other we had very similar childhoods that have given us both jaded persepectives on relationships and committment.

 

And I guess right now I am growing somewhat confused because in many respects this situation between us has become very much like a relationship. We both say we dont want a full blown relationship. Neither of us wants to answer to anyone (not that we think that is all relationships are all about) and we both want a lot of freedom. At this point though we dont hook up with others and we arent looking for other people... When he needs something - support, companionship, a ride or whatever he calls me and vice versa. We are best friends that have a sexual relationship. He has gotten jealous of me talking to other men - not even hitting on other men but just talking and he has told me that he has feelings for me and doesnt want to lose me and doesnt know what he would do with out me. The other day he told me I was one of his blessings and his eyes started to well up.

 

We both suffer from bouts of depression - he more then I. We probably go out drinking too much but we also do hang out at home sometimes. People from the outside that dont know us at all assume we are together. There have been some sexual issues between us. We dont have sex often and I think there are a few reasons for that. One being is that his ex girlfriend (the last real relationship he ever had over 5 years ago) never let him touch her. He is so not the kinky type that you could imagine being creeped out by. Plus he has issues with drinking and when he drinks he cant always keep his erection during sex but seems to do ok during head. (Is this possible or is it an excuse??? Maybe it isnt the drinking that makes him limp during sex and maybe he has other issues) Again these are all details I am sharing to see if I can figure out what the heck is going on with me and with us.

 

I have told him that I honestly feel that if we ever had a relationship we would ruin our friendship and we would end up hurting and hating each other. We are both insecure and we are both very gaurded. We have both been cheated on in the past. He has never asked for us to be in more then a relationship and nor have I but one day he did ask me that if we were ever in a relationship would I ever cheat on him. Too which I of course said no - never.

 

I guess I just really love him and I know he has feelings for me outside of straight friendship or attraction. I dont know if this is still just a "FWB" relationship or if this has grown... Thoughts... Anyone....

 

Thank you to my prior poster... I do appreciate the feedback.

[MissTaerie]

I will take a few minutes to post on this one as I can relate on some level.

 

I had a threesome earlier this year with two of my best male friends....full blown intercourse. It was something that had always been a fantasy of mine, and I have no regrets about it. The first male was my best buddy for about 3 years, and he declares himself as bisexual. We had slept together occasionally, but nothing ever developed between us relationship wise. There was always some level of sexual tension/bond between us, but nothing even close to what one would call a relationship (thank goodness). With him, sex felt more like "the fag and the hag", and happened because we got too drunk at the clubs. He had some performance issues. I think it was the booze/our lack of chemistry.

The second male was very heterosexual, and very interested in a relationship with me. He had always gone to great lengths to catch my eye. After the threesome that night, I definetly got caught up in him.....eventually becoming his girlfriend. We have been together for 4 months.

 

I think your situation sounds a little different than mine. I had two close friends who this happened with, whereas you and your buddy engage with another person outside your friendship. I know that there was a long road for me between the time I had the threesome and the time I entered into a relationship. If I were you I would think about a few things here...

 

1.) Are you really ready to have a relationship?

 

At the time of this threesome I was in the process of cleaning up my drug problem and trying to get a grip on my booze issues. There is no way I could have had a relationship any sooner than I did. I just wasnt ready for him. Until you can cope with yourself, you cannot fully cope with someone else.

 

2.) Is the other person ready to have a relationship?

 

If they are saying things are just casual and this is how they want things to stay, this is how it will be. I wasted many years of my life, chasing men who were not the right ones. It does sound like your male friend has some interest, but DO NOT hold yourself back from seeing other people for him. If you do, you will end up cold and alone later. I almost did. I went through this with first male I spoke about above. He and I were sooo close and best buds. He definetly exhibited some jealousies over me and Male #2 (or any other male for that matter) as we progressed towards becoming more than friends.

My advice to you would be not to limit yourself to just this man..it sounds like you are both understanding and open minded. However, let it be known to him that you are going to see other men and begin dating. Let him know you love him very much and that someday if he were ready, you would consider a relationship with him , HOWEVER you are ok with being friends with him and keeping things as they are. This puts the ball is in his court, and gives you the freedom to make your moves..

 

3.) Are there drugs involved?

 

If there are serious drug and alcohol issues involved (as in my case there were), seriously think twice before getting into the relationship. You need to look out for yourself and your own interests. Drugs alter the fabric of one's reality and perception and the moment you clean up things and feelings change. Getting into a relationship if you are both heavily using anything can doom you both. It may be better to stay just friends if there is substance abuse involved.