Why is the burden of conversation ALWAYS on me?

[NGC1300]

That's what it feels like. I'm so tired of these social failings and pretty much believe I'm on the autistic spectrum.

 

See a pretty girl, or anyone really, and you can say "hi" and they'll just say hi back and walk away. It's like if I want to have a conversation I have to blurt out some inconsequential nonsense or play a game of 20 questions. It feels wrong, it feels like I'm simply bothering them or holding them up.

 

I don't know why people don't engage me more often. I guess I just give off a cold or distant vibe and people just leave me alone. Truth be told I hate small talk and meaningless conversations but it seems mastering this is a prerequisite for attaining deeper relationships with people.

 

And it seems the burden is always on me to say and do all the right things, even if the other person says nothing.

 

Just so tired of this. I wish I wasn't a person who had to analyze or contemplate such trivial things; things that come natural to everyone else.

 

I hurt inside, and fear nothing will ever change.

[todreaminblue]

Sorry you feel that way I think the best way to challenge yourself,start a conversation with a complete stranger on the street always smile when you meet people and start conversations wherever you have to wait somewhere.

 

The only problem I have found with doing this is it attaches a sign to your back and to your front which people are drawn to like magnets I wear headphones a lot I just end up having to take them off to talk.

 

sometimes I like alone time it does work but is harder when you meet shy people...............deb

[d0nnivain]

Saying hi to random people is not a conversation starter Most people won't enagage with someone they don't know.

 

Are you carrying the bulk of the conversation in relationships you already have?

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm also in the NE.. Not sure if it may just be the tendencies of that general region of the US, who knows, I've never been anywhere else personally. Maybe Pennsylvania was the farthest I've gone from where I'm at, and that ain't really far.

 

It's hard to say what the issue is, why you may not be able to hold anyone's attention. I've been in your shoes before, I don't think that I acted any differently when I had to beat people off with a stick, either. And I think it may have been in my head, when I felt ignored. I was just very quiet and un engaging to begin with, really. My idea of reaching out was not going to most likely get me noticed at all.

 

If you feel like people blatantly ignore you or shut you down, sometimes people do, don't feel too bad.. Some people are just really weird like that, trust me, I would know. I try to treat everyone with basic human decency and say hello and smile or whatever, but some people just do not reciprocate, for whatever reason, leaving you wondering why you even bothered. And I used to be a very quiet person, very much hidden away in my head.. I'd say that I'm more "balanced" now.

 

The grinches shouldn't stop you from being a friendly person, either way.

 

The person you may have exchanged pleasantries with could be a very interesting person who you might get to know over time.. But if they think you're cold, or just don't notice you because you didn't make yourself known (like any other person in the crowd who just keeps a blank stare going about their business), they will most likely never open up.

 

You just have to consider the millions of possible reasons why a person may not have been outgoing or friendly at that specific point in time, and believe those reasons over the loonier ideas that they're not talking to you because your face is ugly, or you give off the vibe of a sexual deviant, or whatever crazy **** you could possibly come up with. I'm sure an overactive mind can create a lot of (potentially insane) theories where there is no clear answer..

 

Where around NY do you live, if you live anywhere near there? I'm assuming you do as well.

[todreaminblue]

Saying hi to random people is not a conversation starter Most people won't enagage with someone they don't know.

 

Are you carrying the bulk of the conversation in relationships you already have?

 

 

 

 

I don't see how you can't see it is a confidence starter and most people can converse with strangers if you can't I suggest you try some one liners I know when to back off and the weight of the conversation is always on a good listeners shoulders who listens to cues so yes that is often me even though I talk less

 

 

Isn't it a beautiful day today

 

This weather sucks think we have had enough rain yet

 

 

Do you know how to hypnotise a chook ok not that one

 

 

If you want to challenge yourself........read them and try and pick a topic you know they would know about or possibly have interest in this is advancing then when you speak to people you would like to know better your conversations will flow

 

 

I can carry a conversation with grumpy people I also can get people to open up to me by being who they want to talk to

[Lemonitaz]

I don't know what the circumstances are when you are saying 'hi' to people and feeling ignored, but personally if someone just randomly said 'hi' to me in some public place, I probably would not initiate a conversation beyond that. I would say 'hi' and smile and continue about my day. Not because I'm trying to be rude, or that I would find you saying 'hi' offensive, but rather the same reasons you give.... I'm not big on small talk and don't know what else to say!

 

Plus if someone is saying 'hi' to me and they want to engage ME in a conversation, they are going to need to do the engaging. I'm guessing either people aren't realizing you want to have a conversation... or you are trying to talk to people who also don't know what to say. Unfortunately I have no actual suggestions on how to solve that problem.