Girl123 Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 I've been in a relationship for six years, and he is truly the love of my life. When we first got together up to about five months into our relationship, I was still flirting and kissing other guys. I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, but I've been plagued with feelings of guilt ever since. I once tried to have a conversation with him about it a few years ago, and it ended with him saying that had he known, he would've never moved forward with me, but that he would rather not talk about it again. I still feel guilty about some of my actions and I can't shake the sense that I have duped him or been dishonest with him. I assured him that I would tell him anything he wanted to know. I don't feel like my actions were all that abominable, but he is such a great man that deserves better. Is it selfish of me to want to absolve myself of these feelings by confessing all the details? Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Don´t go into details, absolute honesty can be viewed sometimes as a very selfish thing. It looks like you want to pass some responsibility of your actions onto him by confessing him the details. He already knows you have cheated on him in the past and thats fair enough. You should be glad he was able to get over it and shouldnt hurt him even more. I know you feel you have to spread everything out but he is now in a position where he is trying to close his mind off. What will you gain by telling him more details? Will you feel less guilty? You have done something wrong and unfortunately the feeling of guilt is something what you going to have till the rest of your life. You have to bear the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 What he deserves is the right to decide what he wants to know about. You have been honest about telling him this did happen. He knows now. If he wants further details you should be honest. If he doesn't want to know all the lurid details you should respect that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Agree with Devildog. However, depending on (1) your age (2) whether he really thought you two were exclusive and details like that, it may not be that big a deal to him. But to chime back in with Devildog, the cheater always has a difficult dilema: are they being selfish in confessing because it relieves them of their guilt or are they being disloyal by keeping secrets? The answer I think is plain: as the cheater, you don't really have the right to make any decisions on behalf of your SO -- the cheater has already shown they aren't capable of making proper decisions for themselves, why should they be permitted to make them for the SO? People have a right to know who they are involved with. The more I get the impression that the world is full of people saying "what he/she doesn't know won't hurt them..." the more I realize that I am never getting married and putting by default a 1 year limit on all relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 I've given this advice before .: Take a pen and paper, write down all of the guilty stuff and how you feel about it and how sorry you are and how you will never do it again. Then, go into the forest, or similar place, dig a small hole, and in one sentence vow that this is all over and will now be sent into the forgotten annals of time. then strike a match, light the paper on fire, watch it burn, cover the hole and ashes, and walk away . Never think about any of it again. It's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts