I scare him during sex :-(

[Candygirl716]

I have a friend that I've known for about 6 years. I'm 27 and he's 41. We had just been friends up until this year. We had never had sex in the years I've known him until September this year. I'm frustrated because, before I had sex with him we would go out and do things. But now when I see him it's primarily for sex...we don't go anywhere. And if I do see him, even for sex, it's either once a week or every other week.

Yesterday, while talking on the phone, he says that I scare him during sex. And I'm like what do you mean. And he's like I become a different person. So I ask him what does that mean. Initially, I thought he meant that because I'm usually reserved and shy. But then he says that I'm from another planet. So I took offense to his statement. Then he kept saying that I scare him but would not elaborate on what I exactly do to make him feel scared. I told him doesn't ever have to worry about me scaring him again because I won't be having sex with him again.

So does anyone know what that means?

[Toddbt12y1]

Offhand comment. Lol, meant to be a compliment, I suppose. Made improperly. Good, if this sex stuff ebded. Sounds like that's all he is for, after getting some.

 

Goodbye jackass. right?

[bluedays]

He sounds very immature for a grown man, and two, he is probably just bored of using you for sex only and wants something else.

[KathyM]

Could be a variety of reasons why he's scared. Maybe he feels he can't let go when he's with you because subconsciously he's afraid you'll get pregnant. Maybe he thinks you're too rough or unpredictable, and he feels very vulnerable because of that. Some men like rough and unpredictable, some don't. Maybe he thinks you're too dominating in bed or bossy, and that makes him feel scared. Again, some men like being dominated, some don't. Maybe he's afraid of developing feelings for you through sex, and he's more comfortable with friend status. Maybe the kinds of things you are into make him uncomfortable. Could be any number of reasons why he feels the way he does. Maybe you should ask him why he feels scared of you.

[KathyM]

Actually, I think the most likely reason is that, because you've been friends for so long, he sees you as a friend, and adding sex to the relationship makes him see you in a different light which feels ackward to him because he's only known you as a friend for all those years.

[Zahara]

If someone is going to make a statement like that, they better say it with conviction and have a darn good explanation for why they feel that way. So passive and immature. You can't say something like that and refuse to elaborate.

 

I'd pass on the sex. If you do have sex with him again, you probably can't ever be yourself, sexually. You will probably be so conscious about what you're doing and what he's thinking.

[stillafool]

Is there a shortage of younger men?

[Candygirl716]

Thanks everyone. I'm done with him. I don't feel comfortable being with someone knowing that I scare them. I'm not aggressive at all. I'm actually very passive and submissive. But yesterday when I preformed oral sex on him because I was on my monthly, when it was over it sounded like he said you're so good it's scary. But when I asked him what he said, he wouldn't repeat.

 

Not to stereotype men, but they really do not mature as fast as women. Not all, but many really don't.

[newmoon]

oddly I've had a guy say this too. he was 'scared' of the aggression I showed because he had a much more sensitive/quiet personality and I do too, but outside of the bedroom. I suppose he thought he was getting a quiet, compliant woman in bed too. perhaps your man is just a 'weaker' man in the sense he's more sensitive and wants things loving and gentle etc all the time?? or maybe it's just an excuse.

[HorseLuck]

If he's coming back for sex he must not be that scared. I think you're misinterpreting it; sounds like he's complimenting your performance. He should have elaborated though. I understand how it might make you feel a little insecure.