zilverenvlinder Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 A week after we started dating, my new boyfriend got a little drunk and told me he loved me. I said it back. He hasn't said it since. That was three months ago. Then, one night, I got a little "happy" drunk, not to the point where I was unconscious of my actions, and I told him I loved him. He said, "aww, Adria, I have much love for you too." Grrrrrrr. Absolutely nothing along those lines has been said since. I do love him, though. I want to tell him that, but I'm just afraid he's going to say something like that again. Or Thank you. Or aww how sweet. I can't handle it anymore. I get so jealous when other couples are around, saying stuff like, "Oh I love you honey," or "Bye, I love you!" and all we say is, "I'll see you tomorrow" and an occasional "Bye, I'll miss you!" Then, I was reading his emails while he was at the store (oh I'm SO bad ) and one of his girl friends was telling him about her new boyfriend, and so he said "Yeah, I have a wonderful girlfriend!" (meaning me) and then he added, "Isn't love great?" AH what's that mean!? I'm so confused! (By the way, I haven't met everyone here yet, so even if you don't have any advice for me please introduce yourself so I can get to know everybody!! ) Thanks!! Luv Adria
quankanne Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 hee-hee-hee ... try throwing a bit of redneck into the equation: I told my husband that I loved him when we just started to see each other, but at that time, it was the love for a friend. needless to say he FREAKED OUT and STAYED AWAY from me for a long while. jump forward two years from that period: when he took me to meet his family in N. Alabama, he got all bent out of shape because some redneck (even moreso than him) was saying things that offended him. I was up at the lakehouse sitting with his mom and he barrels into the house, complaining about how some people should refrain from insulting other's girlfriends (me). Now, we'd been lovers off and on for those two years, but I wasn't expecting anything more out of that relationship because of his initial reaction to my declaration of love for him! I had been telling his mother that he and I were "just" friends, and he comes in and says that. Then adds, "you know I love you dearly." Threw me for a loop, to say the least! Adria, people can be funny about sharing their feelings, especially men. sometimes ya just gotta jump right in with both feet and say it to him like it's a sure thing or matter of fact and leave it at that. Often, if a guy doesn't feel pressured into saying those words, he finds it easier to say them, or at least follow your lead. in the meantime, just continue to be loving toward him and he'll know where you stand.
quankanne Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 BTW, welcome to the 'Shack. You're gonna love it here!
Author zilverenvlinder Posted December 21, 2004 Author Posted December 21, 2004 aww why thank you! it's nice to meet you Wow that's a crazy story O_O Men can be absolutely psychotic! You know, at least he didn't freak out when I told him that. LOL well I'm glad everything worked out for you!
clandestinidad Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Hi there Adria!! I usually wait for the guy to initiate love talk, and especially "future" talk. There's nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself for a bit. The reason I wait for them to make those kind of moves is b/c guys are really weird about things like that, and if they take it upon themselves to say them then you know its safe. Otherwise you'll be in the position that youre in right now Also, whenever youre feeling a little down b/c youre not HEARING the words, look at how he treats you....and especially remember what you read in his email about love being great. (side note: dont check his email ever again....the truth about hidden things ALWAYS comes out, he will find out.....just trust him)
Author zilverenvlinder Posted December 21, 2004 Author Posted December 21, 2004 nice to meet you kat!! yeah the love is great thing was really nice, and he is very nice to me. guys are super weird about love and future talk and i wish they weren't. then again, i wouldn't want them to tell me anything they didn't mean, you know? i mean, if he told me he loved me just to say it or because he felt pressured to, it would be even worse. oh i won't check his email anymore, it was just sitting there on his computer tempting me! i would kill him if he read my email. lol
Teag Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 It sometimes takes guys a while to tell you how he feels. It took my husband 6 months of us dating before he told me he loved me, but when he said it, I KNEW he ment it, unlike the other guys I had dated which told me they loved me a week after we're together which in my opinion is too soon to know if you actually LOVE someone. Ya know? I wouldn't worry about it especially if you read his email & it said what it said. If you fell that strongly toward him just tell him while you are both sober. Good Luck
roxy_silver16 Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Ive been dating my new boy for about three months as well and we have had a few incidents with the "love" factor. About a month and a half into the relationship, we were very drunk, arguing, and he said...."Do you just want me to tell you I love you? Cause I do!" and earlier that night as we were bar hopping, I was acting loopy and being kinda witchy to him and he told my sister, "She's so crazy, but I love her." Ok I decided to pretend that never happened, cause I wasn't sure if I loved him or not. A week ago, we were at a bar, and we were with another couple. I barely remember this, but he said something to the extent of, "I've told you I loved you!" and I was arguing with him that he hadn't. Then the next day nothing is said and its all forgotten. So he has a tendency to say it when he's drunk. I feel like I'm falling in love with him, and there are moments when I look at him and I want to say it. But for me, its the actions that keep me content until he decides to bring up the love issue. His getting tipsy, telling me he loves me maybe his way opf being too shy to tell me in a regular context. So when he says it sober, I know he will mean it. So in the meantime, I figure saying I love you when drunk, doesn't count. What do u guys think?
VirginiaBob Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 kat23, I'm a guy and I've had the opposite problem. When I talk about love and future talk, the girl starts to freak. So I quit doing it. If I met someone like you, we'd never tell each other we love each other because we'd both be afraid the other would freak out.
clandestinidad Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Haha....thats a good point, bob. I didnt think of it that way earlier, but I definately see it now. I'm wondering how soon youve told these girls that you love them and stuff. And I'm sorry that they've reacted that way to you....that sucks! I've never freaked out when someone said they love me. I guess if I didnt, I might be uncomfortable...maybe I would freak out....hmmm...This has got me thinking now.....
VirginiaBob Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 I used to say it about after a month or so into the relationship to say the L word. Now, I wait for the girl to say it, and even then, I don't say it back until another time. I've learned to think things through.
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