bakker3 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm 19 years old, Ive been single for about 3-4 years now and both times I was cheated on. I was homeschooled for a long time and honestly was deathly shy for a while, Ive had some very attractive girls into me, however they were all long distance, I work out so I am fit, I don't think I am uglier than most, but when I talk to any girl it just goes nowhere, either instantly friends only or they have a boyfriend. Honestly I suspect the reason is that I am not pushy, if they say friends I leave it at that, I don't push for sex, or spend tons of money on someone who is adamant on not liking me. And I just don't do the typical college stereotypes, I'm not the ultra geeky genius, or the big needle loving frat boy. And I hardly drink, I suspect that honestly 80% of women are about as sleazy as men as far as just wanting to hook up to some drunk person and very few are interested in a guy who does not consume enough alcohol weekly to supply a booze store. A friend of mine asked a girl I work with if she had to bang 2 co workers and kill the 3rd who would it be and I was the one who got killed, The other option she picked to bang was a married alcoholic ******* with teeth rotted from chewing tobacco, I don't honestly think I am that ugly so It really makes me think most girls honestly prefer that. I just don't know what to do, I am sick of being single and missing class due to the rare depression bouts that start small and grow as I realize i have nobody and no hope. But at the same time I don't want to start drinking and treating girls like objects just to get one to like me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 You are young. I know that sounds patronizing & it doesn't help but it is a fact. If you are depressed, contact mental health services at school & get some assistance. You need some self-confidence & some social interaction skills. You miss out on some of that being home schooled. See if there is a ToastMasters group near you & join it. It will help you interact with people more confidently. If parties & drinking are not your scene, don't worry about it & don't force yourself to do those things. Instead get involved with groups that do things which interest you. Interact with those people to find somebody who shares your passions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyjuan Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Shyness puts some people off, they don't know how to handle shy people. Do you go out? Even if you don't drink you can still go to clubs and bars not everyone is out with the same intent. Maybe even have a few drinks while your'e out? it might help you out in some way. You don't have to be generalized. I am probably the most in shape person out of my friends but I still go out and get drunk and I used to do other things. It doesn't have to become a habit , just enjoy yourself now and then. I had friends that refused to go to clubs and bars, now they love it. Their social life has improved so much and all have relationships with people they met out. You have to put yourself out there it doesn't mean you have to be a hardcore drinker or treat women like dirt Link to post Share on other sites
Mcle Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 It's not the lack of drinking that girls hate, it's that judgmental holier than thou attitude. Could be a leftover from your home school days as it seems many such kids are socially isolated. Some parents forget that social skills are just as important as book smarts for happiness and success. I agree with the above poster go to the bars and clubs but don't drink if you don't like to. Not everyone there is trashed, it's just a social venue. Or, try meetup groups that interest you. Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Hey at your age why you want a relationship anyway? You will be fine honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
peonybloomer Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 At this age, we young people might feel rushed to find the true love of our lives, but life is only beginning as we come out of the bird's nest. For now I'd recommend not to think about it, and busy yourself with hobbies or talents. Such things like a hearty relationship come when unexpected and naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
patrol Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I don't think there's any good that will come from constantly seeking/needing to be in a relationship. It makes you seem desperate. Still if you really need somebody that bad I'd say just go find someone that you know likes you and you don't really like them back. I know it sounds horrible but sometimes you just need to get back into the game. I would also recommend not spending too much time in this kind of relationship. Break up with them before it gets too serious so no one gets any deep gashes. Link to post Share on other sites
jeremy2125 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I got something for u but keep in mind this is not the holy grail of dating tips. I was in the same position u are now but I have come to understand people (not just girls) on another level. The info works 80% of the time. just thru my first attempt its been successful for the most part. Here is the site (lovepanky.com) IT IS NOT A FORUM DISCUSSION COMMUNITY! It is a series of articles and how to's that work for any gender. It is some of the best advice Ive ever got and its free with no signup. just remember, this is just knowledge unless you apply it. There is a lot of reading and not all articles are good just most of them. The rest after reading is to grow a pair and get out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 That is a useful site, thanks for the link. well I've been single 3 and half years, but I'm certainly not giving in, when i do find 'her' she will be worth the wait, all good things take effort. Link to post Share on other sites
befriendlyplease Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm 19 years old, Ive been single for about 3-4 years now and both times I was cheated on. I was homeschooled for a long time and honestly was deathly shy for a while, Ive had some very attractive girls into me, however they were all long distance, I work out so I am fit, I don't think I am uglier than most, but when I talk to any girl it just goes nowhere, either instantly friends only or they have a boyfriend. Think about your personal narrative and how it makes you feel. In life there is no storyboard behind the events surrounding your life. There is no overarching theme to your story other than the one you give it. Your theme as I read it is "even when I succeed I actually fail." I don't think that changing your attitude will change things but it can change how you see your circumstances. Honestly I suspect the reason is that I am not pushy, if they say friends I leave it at that, I don't push for sex, or spend tons of money on someone who is adamant on not liking me. Your supposed to push for time with the girl, not sex. I think I can relate though. I've had girls that were friends and that was nothing to be disappointed about. Then I've also spent time with girls that I wanted to be romantic with and was very disappointed when nothing happened. A friend of mine asked a girl I work with if she had to bang 2 co workers and kill the 3rd who would it be and I was the one who got killed, The other option she picked to bang was a married alcoholic ******* with teeth rotted from chewing tobacco, I don't honestly think I am that ugly so It really makes me think most girls honestly prefer that. That's something you should laugh at. Because it's so awful and ridiculous. That's just them being ****ty. And I just don't do the typical college stereotypes, I'm not the ultra geeky genius, or the big needle loving frat boy. And I hardly drink, I suspect that honestly 80% of women are about as sleazy as men as far as just wanting to hook up to some drunk person and very few are interested in a guy who does not consume enough alcohol weekly to supply a booze store. A trick for parties where people are drinking alcohol is that as long as you have a drink in your hands people will mostly leave you alone. You can put ginger ale in a cocktail glass or water in a solo cup. Don't play drinking games, just kick back and talk to people. Maybe the women where you are in school want to drink and hook up but I don't imagine they'll care if you are drunk or not. I just don't know what to do, I am sick of being single and missing class due to the rare depression bouts that start small and grow as I realize i have nobody and no hope. But at the same time I don't want to start drinking and treating girls like objects just to get one to like me. A girl won't fix this. You have more options than these: Single and depressed Alcoholic womanizer Link to post Share on other sites
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