LostOne08 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Kind of stuck here, looking for input. I've been friends with a former co-worker of mine for a fair amount of time. She's beautiful, smart, funny and we are very similar in a lot of respects. When we first started working together, I felt some physical attraction for her, but was able to deal with it mostly because of the fact she was in a long-term relationship. Fast forward from that and she's out of the relationship and is doing some dating. I finally give in to my feelings for her (which had grown considerably from just physical to more emotional) but I don't tell her what I'm feeling. I'm doing some dating also and we comiserate about that often, along with just regular conversation. We both end up in short term relationships that go bad and support each other through the fallout of that. What is particularly strange to me is that more than one person has commented that we should date. Including her best friend, who had repeatedly dropped hints to me before explicitly telling me I should make a move. Thing is, I don't know if her best friend has gone rogue and is acting without my friend's knowledge. We all hang out a couple of times a month at max, but I value her friendship a lot. I was (and still am) very much into my latest ex. I know my friend was into hers as well. I don't want to feel like any feelings I express to my friend are just displacement from my ex. I'm not so concerned with this, because like I said I had feelings for my friend before I started dating this recent ex. One big hurdle that's been overcome is that she's my former co-worker, so there's no added issue of us still working together. Any input on handling this? Should I just tell her what I'm feeling? Is there a tactful way to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostOne08 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Anybody have any advice, input, caution or a similar experience to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Kizza Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Any signs she might feel the same way? Maybe pull her friend aside one time and ask the friend why she drops these hints to you about you guys being more than friends. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 telling soemone you like them is never tactful it is fraught with emotion tact has no place with a flying heart......say what you heart tells you to say, let it be natural embrace your fears....and jump with them.......if you crash you crash deal with it when it happens....if she is compassionate and a giving woman she will make it easy on you when you start to speak either way you will know ....forget the ex........deb.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostOne08 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks for the responses. There hasn't been any firm indication that she has romantic feelings for me. But, then again, I don't think I've indicated any romantic feelings for her to her, but I definitely have them. It's a weird situation, though. She used to tell me about conversations she and her best friend would have. Apparently, at one point they were even discussing my last relationship to some length. I found that odd, but it also made me a little hopeful. Her best friend has even dropped hints in her presence about the two of us dating, but neither of us responded. I agree that there's no tactful way to handle the situation other than to put the cards on the table and deal with whatever response does come. Talking to her best friend one on one would be a good idea, but again, I don't know if her best friend is operating on her own or not. Plus, it may look bad if I approach this by discussing it in a roundabout way with the friend rather than tackling it head on with my friend. Hmm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostOne08 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Share Posted December 16, 2013 Here's an update to this situation, I could use some input. So, this friend of mine and I hung out with her best friend recently. My friend ended up getting pretty drunk and wanted to leave. Even though it was somewhat of an inconvenience for me, I volunteered to take her home. This is where things got tricky. My memory is a little fuzzy on the situation but I know at some point as we were heading out, we started holding hands. I'm almost completely sure that I initiated this. I don't think I tried anything beyond this, but I can't be sure of that (I was feeling pretty good as well). As a matter of fact, I didn't know I had volunteered to take her home until days later. So, we're holding hands for a good long while, she's not objecting or pulling back. Once I drop her off, though, she essentially rushes me out the door. Granted, I was not planning on trying anything at that point, but I found it weird. She did text me the following day apologizing for getting that drunk and to thank me for taking her home. Days later, we were all hanging out again and we barely spoke to each other before she took off early. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I feel like our whole dynamic has changed at this point and that I made her uncomfortable. Again, her best friend has always suggested that we date, and there's been strange points in our conversations with each other where I felt she was letting on a possibility of something occurring. There's definite chemistry there. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about the situation or change what we had (though it may be too late for that), but I'm pretty concerned now. So, I'm asking for guidance here. Anyone think that I pushed too hard and she doesn't feel the same way and is backing off? Should I bring up the situation and discuss it with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Delilah1623 Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Why talk to her when you can wallow around in misery and confusion for several more months! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lizard Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Here's an update to this situation, I could use some input. So, this friend of mine and I hung out with her best friend recently. My friend ended up getting pretty drunk and wanted to leave. Even though it was somewhat of an inconvenience for me, I volunteered to take her home. This is where things got tricky. My memory is a little fuzzy on the situation but I know at some point as we were heading out, we started holding hands. I'm almost completely sure that I initiated this. I don't think I tried anything beyond this, but I can't be sure of that (I was feeling pretty good as well). As a matter of fact, I didn't know I had volunteered to take her home until days later. So, we're holding hands for a good long while, she's not objecting or pulling back. Once I drop her off, though, she essentially rushes me out the door. Granted, I was not planning on trying anything at that point, but I found it weird. She did text me the following day apologizing for getting that drunk and to thank me for taking her home. Days later, we were all hanging out again and we barely spoke to each other before she took off early. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I feel like our whole dynamic has changed at this point and that I made her uncomfortable. Again, her best friend has always suggested that we date, and there's been strange points in our conversations with each other where I felt she was letting on a possibility of something occurring. There's definite chemistry there. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about the situation or change what we had (though it may be too late for that), but I'm pretty concerned now. So, I'm asking for guidance here. Anyone think that I pushed too hard and she doesn't feel the same way and is backing off? Should I bring up the situation and discuss it with her? That's a tough one. I know you so want to tell her, I've been there and am dealing with something similar right now but my situationhas no chance of coming to fruition. Yours might and THAT is why it may be in your best interest to talk to her and get it out there. Go for it. If you wait and she hooks up with someone else or whatever you'll be devastated you didn't try. You both seem to enjoy each other's company and have some common likes and such. Like I said, I'm almost jealous of you that your deal might come to something. Don't waste that moment if you really like her. Link to post Share on other sites
bbrad Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Why not just ask her out on a date, just you two, and take things slowly, and see where it goes from there. She doesn't need to know how strongly you feel towards her. Have a few drinks, have a good time, life is short. Today you are the youngest you will ever be. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Here's an update to this situation, I could use some input. So, this friend of mine and I hung out with her best friend recently. My friend ended up getting pretty drunk and wanted to leave. Even though it was somewhat of an inconvenience for me, I volunteered to take her home. This is where things got tricky. My memory is a little fuzzy on the situation but I know at some point as we were heading out, we started holding hands. I'm almost completely sure that I initiated this. I don't think I tried anything beyond this, but I can't be sure of that (I was feeling pretty good as well). As a matter of fact, I didn't know I had volunteered to take her home until days later. So, we're holding hands for a good long while, she's not objecting or pulling back. Once I drop her off, though, she essentially rushes me out the door. Granted, I was not planning on trying anything at that point, but I found it weird. She did text me the following day apologizing for getting that drunk and to thank me for taking her home. Days later, we were all hanging out again and we barely spoke to each other before she took off early. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I feel like our whole dynamic has changed at this point and that I made her uncomfortable. Again, her best friend has always suggested that we date, and there's been strange points in our conversations with each other where I felt she was letting on a possibility of something occurring. There's definite chemistry there. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about the situation or change what we had (though it may be too late for that), but I'm pretty concerned now. So, I'm asking for guidance here. Anyone think that I pushed too hard and she doesn't feel the same way and is backing off? Should I bring up the situation and discuss it with her? one of the best things that i have past onto my daughters that is commended at school is the ability to approach difficult subjects and open discussion son things no one wants to discuss ...and then be able to discuss them....the only way to knock a difficult subject out of the ball park is to approach it with honesty understanding and no expectations other than a discussion......be honest be open face it head on..be accepting either way......even if it crushes you....its done, you know where you stand, no hiding, no regrets.... i recently asked a guy where i stood....i got my answer i just said it out right...i know guys appreciate my honesty its part of my appeal....and as a woman i appreciate and respect honest answers....mutually beneficial to beopen and honest.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostOne08 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Another update. Now I'm REALLY confused. I finally had the opportunity to confront her best friend about pushing for me and my friend to get together. Shockingly, her best friend pulled a complete 180. She told me that she still thinks that's the best situation but that my friend doesn't know what she wants right now and that she is attracted to the wrong type of guys. She said I should focus my attention on someone else. Then she asked me a few times if I would be hurt if my friend was with someone else. All of that is weird, because it's a complete reversal and my friend isn't with anyone else. The best friend also made it a point to confirm it was completely her idea that we get together. I guess I just don't know what to do. That was a completely unexpected turn of events. My friend and I have seemed to have gotten past any awkwardness from the previous situation and picked up where we left off. Ultimately, it comes down to her and I (regardless of what her best friend's input is). So, I'm thinking of just confessing for the sake of having complete honesty in our friendship. This situation keeps getting more confusing and taxing as the days go on. Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 How about you just do a completely normal rational human thing and ask her to your place for a movie, take out and a few beers... What's the worst that can happen? "No thanks I'm too busy..." (make up your own version of hell here - ..."f.ing my new boyfriend" "washing my hair to avoid you") - so now you know, one way or the other... Merry Christmas, your welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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