Tracked her Cellphone to Cheating Tryst

[JBird2001]

I know I am not the first guy to be cheated on by his girlfriend, nor will this story be very interesting to most who read it. But, when it happens to you, the cliché is true; it is devastating!, and you want to feel like your story deserves special attention

 

I received an email by an anonymous source when I was out of town 2 weeks ago. It was very disturbing. Telling me that by girlfriend of 5 years, with whom we share a house, was cheating on me and she slept with the guy in OUR house, that she f*cked him in our bed, and even in his car. The source sent me a photo of him, and of his car. Sure enough, I’ve seen his car before; he is her co-worker, and I’ve seen his car parked next to hers at their work parking lot (she works not too far from me)

 

Even more disturbing was that this anonymous source had hacked into her daughter’s account, and gave ME the username and password. This account allows me to track her cellphone location.

 

I started tracking her and discovered that she was going to all these places over town where we never went. I received another email from this “source”, telling me what I had already observed myself; that they went to this restaurant and then down to his house. It all fit in together so I could not refute this evidence. I wonder who this “source” is, how they know me, how do they know enough to give me very specific information, and why are they helping me?

 

So, a few days later I tracked them to a Starbucks near my workplace and saw them together. I SAW them but did not confront them, just yet.

 

Our relationship had not been good lately; we’ve been together for five years and she has often accused me of cheating, and of being up to no good, which was not only untrue, but unjustified. She is a suspicious-minded, untrusting control freak, and succeeded in making me feel like a bad person.

 

Because of this, I withdrew a little and started showing disinterest in continuing the relationship. I guess I can be to blame, at least partly, for what she’s done. But the truth is I have NEVER cheated on her.

 

However, I do not want to simply ask her about this, because she will deny it, and then become more careful in covering her tracks. This access to her cellphone tracking account is my proof of her infidelity.

 

This is what I want to hear your thoughts on:

 

I want to CATCH them both! I want to confront them. I want the other guy to see my face and know that he destroyed our home and our lives. I want her to see how her affair with this guy wasn’t worth throwing it all away. Right now I feel I can’t ever forgive her, nor even have sex with her anymore.

 

Unfortunately, right now I can’t think of a single person to talk about this with just yet, so I’m posting it here. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!

[Dimepiece]

Just dump her she's not worth your time. Your biggest mistake will be staying with her trust me.

[d0nnivain]

Catching her & having them see your face is not going to give you the satisfaction you think. It's just going to be dramatic. It could also lead to somebody getting physically hurt; people are unstable when their emotions run strong. Confrontation is a bad idea.

 

 

I's just end it with her . . .no drama. Just I know you are cheating. Don't bother to deny it. I'm done. Get out.

 

 

I hope that you can afford your place on your own.

[soccerrprp]

Just tell her to leave. That will be dramatic and sobering enough. You don't need any additional DRAMA or confrontation from this.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, you THINK catching them in the act will be a way for them not to deny what's going on. But, when you see them in the hotel together or at his place, or in your bedroom, it's too traumatic and you don't know what you'll do in that situation.

 

Best to show her the evidence and then show her the door. DO you know if this guy is married or has a girlfriend?

[Zahara]

Our relationship had not been good lately; we’ve been together for five years and she has often accused me of cheating, and of being up to no good, which was not only untrue, but unjustified. She is a suspicious-minded, untrusting control freak, and succeeded in making me feel like a bad person.

 

It's called gaslighting. Cheaters tend to point the finger and project their actions so that the focus is off them, and this leaves you feeling guilty and blaming yourself for their bad behavior.

 

If I were you, I would just get out of the relationship. Show what you know, and I am sure she'll refute everything you say and blame it all on you again so be prepared for that. She'll probably say they're just friends, and you're overreacting. If you believe your source, and you have a gut feeling it's true, best to trust it and move on. No need to set the stage for dramatics. It may just hurt you more.

[Chi townD]

Why do I get the feeling that this is a hit and run thread.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I did what you wish to do...please, learn from me, don't do it.

 

It was devastating and an image I will never be able to erase. I wish I would have just dumped the poop head and showed him I didn't need him. Been a strong prideful woman and walked away without saying a gosh damn word. Versus me doing all the dirty hard work and spending my precious time proving a point that was already there and only hurting myself in the end.

 

Cheaters don't care. They won't be hurt that you caught them. Probably thankful that they don't have to hide anymore.

 

Walk away. Do it for your own good, not hers.

[Zahara]

Maybe OP is out tracking, hot on her trail as we speak.

[JBird2001]

LOL @ Zahara. You’re not too far off … Wow, such a great response from everyone. I truly appreciate your perspectives! and from what I learned, a confrontation may not be my best option after all.

 

My original intent was not to catch them “in the act”, so to speak, but confront them, in a calm manner, as they’re walking out of a hotel, or Starbucks, or him dropping her off at her car (and NOT at the place she SAID she was).

 

Ultimately, I learned there are two questions you need to ask yourself before taking that plunge:

 

1. Can I give her a second chance?

2. Am I ready to walk away?

 

I’m not sure about #1, but for #2, I already have a bag packed and I’m ready to leave on a moment’s notice.

 

And even though I am a bit devastated, I’m also ambivalent about the whole thing. Perhaps this mystery “source” adds a level of intrigue that makes this seem more like a detective novel, rather than a story of love and heartbreak.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I wouldn't show her the evidence.

 

Tell her you know she's cheating then let her squirm and try to defend it. Don't say anything just look at her and let her talk. Then you tell her she can't deny it and that you have proof.

 

She'll want to know what that is but don't tell her. She's the manipulative type so those kinds of things that can be used against her are important to her. She'll probably throw a fit but it's ok because at that point you are walking out the door.

 

And stay calm until you are out of her vicinity.

[jphcbpa]

who owns the house?

[JBird2001]

Thanks again, everyone. I'm not worried about my living situation; I am prepared to move out, even though the house's lease is under my name (we're renting it). I would tell her that I gave 30 days' notice to the landlord and she would have to move out anyway. Forget about transferring the lease to her; she is financially irresponsible and has a low-paying job, so no doubt her credit rating is poor.

 

I agree about not showing the evidence of her cheating. It wouldn't do any good, and I would rather she torture herself about wondering how I found out. This mystery 'source' may someday reveal him/herself, but that's out of my control.

[Chi townD]

Thanks again, everyone. I'm not worried about my living situation; I am prepared to move out, even though the house's lease is under my name (we're renting it). I would tell her that I gave 30 days' notice to the landlord and she would have to move out anyway. Forget about transferring the lease to her; she is financially irresponsible and has a low-paying job, so no doubt her credit rating is poor.

 

I agree about not showing the evidence of her cheating. It wouldn't do any good, and I would rather she torture herself about wondering how I found out. This mystery 'source' may someday reveal him/herself, but that's out of my control.

 

Dude, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that out. Just get someone that's tech savvy and have them trace the IP address.

[JBird2001]

I wish I could do that, Chi townD. Remember, this source hacked into her daughter's account and sent the messages from there, then deleted them and emptied the Trash. I'm hoping they get a little careless so I can find out who they are and what their stake in all of this is.

[tom670]

Tell her to go move in with the other man and that you know she is cheating.

[ExpatInItaly]

My immediate thought is that the source IS the other guy. If he wants her to himself, he's got a reason to expose her and play dumb if she questions him about it.

[drifter777]

Ultimately, I learned there are two questions you need to ask yourself before taking that plunge:

 

1. Can I give her a second chance?

2. Am I ready to walk away?

First off, why would you want to give her a second chance? You aren't married and reconciling with a cheater is probably the hardest, most painful thing you will ever do. If you don't have children together there is no reason to put yourself through all that hell.

 

You are getting good advice as far as not going through with the confrontation thing. It won't help and it doesn't matter. I would tell her what you know from the mystery informant but not tell her how you know it. When you tell her you must guard against the lies and manipulation she is probably going to dump on you. She might beg, cry, get sexual ... be prepared for any of this. Remember one thing: every word that comes out of her mouth will be a lie. You need to just walk away and don't look back. Go out and live your life without a lying cheater who has been gaslighting you for who-knows-how-long. Walk away.

[BeholdtheMan]

My original intent was not to catch them “in the act”, so to speak, but confront them, in a calm manner, as they’re walking out of a hotel, or Starbucks, or him dropping her off at her car (and NOT at the place she SAID she was).

You don't need to confront the guy, you can if you really want to, but he owes no loyalty to you so I don't really know what would be the point, unless you want to fight him and don't mind the legal consequences

 

Confront you GF in a calm manner, inform her you know she's been cheating, tell her to move out as you've ended the lease. Maintain your composure. This will drive her crazy inside, trust me

 

 

1. Can I give her a second chance?

2. Am I ready to walk away?

1. No

2. Yes

 

Why would you want to keep a hypocritical cheater (control freak who suspects you of cheating then does so herself)?

 

She's not the only woman on this planet and you're no so pathetic that you can't find another woman. Time to move on

[tom670]

You don't need to confront the guy, you can if you really want to, but he owes no loyalty to you so I don't really know what would be the point, unless you want to fight him and don't mind the legal consequences

 

Confront you GF in a calm manner, inform her you know she's been cheating, tell her to move out as you've ended the lease. Maintain your composure. This will drive her crazy inside, trust me

 

 

 

1. No

2. Yes

 

Why would you want to keep a hypocritical cheater (control freak who suspects you of cheating then does so herself)?

 

She's not the only woman on this planet and you're no so pathetic that you can't find another woman. Time to move on

 

Calmly tell her to leave and move in with mr coworker since you have been screwing him and have a nice life.

[crederer]

Well what you gotta do is anonymously send your gf pictures of you having sex with her mom, then tell her to get out of your life.

[Chi townD]

I wish I could do that, Chi townD. Remember, this source hacked into her daughter's account and sent the messages from there, then deleted them and emptied the Trash. I'm hoping they get a little careless so I can find out who they are and what their stake in all of this is.

 

Well, if her daughter is old enough to have an email account, maybe it's her daughter. Maybe she's sick and tired of seeing you get jerked around.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Well, if her daughter is old enough to have an email account, maybe it's her daughter. Maybe she's sick and tired of seeing you get jerked around.

 

Whoa... hadn't thought of this.

[Realist3]

Well, if her daughter is old enough to have an email account, maybe it's her daughter. Maybe she's sick and tired of seeing you get jerked around.

 

 

That makes some sense. And how would having access to this account allow the wayward to be GPS tracked?

[JBird2001]

Thanks everyone! Again, I appreciate all your responses, as they have really given me food for thought.

 

Interestingly, I think my girlfriend set up her cellphone tracking account using her daughter's email account, for reasons unclear to me.

 

I do know for sure that the mystery source is NOT the teenage daughter; the English is too horrific for it to be her. It definitely comes from some Filipino whose first language is Tagalog. My girlfriend is Filipina and her daughter was born in the US and speaks only English.

 

Another interesting twist I forgot to mention earlier is that this source left a voicemail on my WORK phone! Fri night on 11/01, while I was still out of town. How the hell he got that I don't know. It was a male voice with a heavy Tagalog/English accent but I don't want to rule out a female being the source, and perhaps using a guy she knows to do the dirty work.

 

@ExPatinItaly, that's quite a perceptive viewpoint. I, too, thought it might be that same guy she's cheating with IS the source, judging by the level of detail I'm getting, and believe he may be devious enough to plant the demise of our relationship.

 

I may be naive to believe that when I finally do confront her, either she won't want him anymore or he won't want her, now that she's single again and there's no longer the excitement of being the "other guy"