Help, I can't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop

[mr wonderful]

Ok here is the deal. I have an amazing girlfriend. She truly is the most incredible woman I have ever met. Yet I am always looking for her to be doing something shady. I can't help it. I need help, I really do want to trust her. I do trust her with everything but I can't help but wonder if she is doing something and hiding it behind my back. I am not accusing her of anything. I have never found anything to support this fear. What can I do to stop this??????

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by mr wonderful

I need help, I really do want to trust her.

 

Have you considered getting some counseling or talking to someone about your issues with trust? It might help to have an objective person to talk to about it.

[tattoomytoe]

well if you do not get over it you will more than likely lose her......... it would certainly push me away.

[johan]

Maybe consider how much you NEED her to be faithful. Is your fear and paranoia excessive compared to the consequences? Obviously it hurts to lose someone and get cheated on, but could you move on if she let you down like that? Maybe in some respects you don't trust yourself to deal with the letdown gracefully.

 

Can you remember to blame her for it if she betrays you? In other words, if she does something like that, wouldn't you want her out of your life anyway? Or would you start looking for your own inadequacies and blame yourself for not keeping her interested?

 

Also, try to put yourself in her shoes: does it really make sense for her to do the things you suspect her of? Probably not. And how easy is it to keep something like that hidden anyway? Do you really think she wants to lead a double life? I doubt it. Who has the time or energy? If she wanted to cheat on you, for instance, why wouldn't she just dump you?

 

If you have faith in yourself, then it should be easy for you to have faith in her. Do you tend to choose women who do that sort of thing? Do you trust yourself to recognize the signs when you see them and then to move on?

 

Just some thoughts.

[Debster]

I've found that insecurity is often based on low self-esteem.

Maybe you should get out there and do things that will make you feel good about yourself.

[bicyclejunk]

[color=darkred]YES...

 

 

If you have Self Esteem issues, you're more likely to be Uncomfortable

with the way things are and worry that something's gonna happen.

You're just Waiting for bad things to happen. If U

have never found anything to support this fear, why worry?

 

I used to be this way. I had a girl and had a hard time believing that she wouldn't

leave me for someone better. It was dumb and stupid and so I snapped out of it.

 

You gotta find that Balance... That happy medium where you can feel good about yourself

without getting too Big-Headed and thinking YOU are too good for your girl. Some people

start venturing out to find that confidence and then start thinking they deserve 'This' or they

deserve 'That'. Just relax, Start finding somethings to better yourself, Hobbies, Exercise, Music and

keep thinking Positive thoughts, Good thoughts.

 

Don't lose your Girl over this.......[/color]

[hurtinheart]

you WILL push her away!!!! I have been in a marriage for 13 yrs and he thinks and accuses almost everyday that i am cheating & doing all kinds of crap behind his back!!!!! I laugh in his face and tell him well i belive it is u feeling guilty!!! but i don't accuse why gets ya know where if he is me just saying it w/out proof won't help!!!! If he or anyone is gonna do wrong they are gonna do it regaurdless!!!! I can't spend my time wondering what if!!!!! Enjoy your g-friend!!! Spend time love her!!!!!! unless you have a reason to acusse don't cause u may loose a good thing!!!!!

[johan]

but i don't accuse why gets ya know where if he is me just saying it w/out proof won't help!!!!

That one took several readings. I think I got it now.

[mr wonderful]

I don't accuse her of anything. As a matter of fact she has no idea that these thoughts are going through my mind. I do love her with all my heart. It is my own in-securities. She tells me how wonderful I am and how she has never been with anyone who makes her feel the way I do. The thing that bugs me is the statement that you tell everyone the same thing (she said this a few days ago). See what I mean why can I not just take what she says and not over think it?

[Devildog]

Something I have learned in my counseling. Look at actions, not words. Anyone can say anything. But their actions don't lie. If she hasn't done anything to give you reason to doubt her, then don't doubt her.

[mr wonderful]

Thank you everyone for your insight. I will attempt to not continue this. I am actually a lot better than I use to be. It gets easier everyday. I just wish there was a way to change quickly, like flipping a switch.

[hurtinheart]

what i ment was if he is gonna cheat......me accusing without proof will get me no where!!!!! yeah that was confusing!!!!!!!sry!!!!

[hurtinheart]

face it mr wonderful you are her mr wonderful her everthing!!!! just live up to that souds like your doing everything right for her and if u contiue to do so she will have no reason to stray!!!!! you sound like a great catch!!!!!