Is Kissing Cheating?

[Jenks]

So I'm new here and have a context-specific question: Is kissing cheating?

 

Here is the context:

 

 

A little over a year ago I was invited by my older brother to a Halloween Costume Party at a dance club. At the time I was in a 5-month old relationship with my girlffriend. We were both 23 but we had known each other all throughout college, and started our dating in grad shool / medical school. My brother and his wife invited several friends and their significant others, but my girlfriend wasn't able to go that night.

 

 

While at the dance club I didn't do much drinking to begin with. However my brother's friends started buying me drinks to loosen me up- I guess I was acting reserved/awkward since I was the only one in the group without their significant other. I got more buzzed as the night wore on but always stayed near our group: shouting over the music to have a conversation, complimenting people on their costumes, drinking. I did eventually loosen up and danced along with our group. At one point there was a girl who walked by our group and started dancing with me face-to-face. She then took my hand and led me toward the dance floor (accompanied by several "OOhhhhs!!!" by the guys in our group).

 

 

Once we were on the floor she started grinding with me. I didn't make the effort to walk away, but I also didn't grind with her- I just kind of stood there with my beer in hand. She then went in for a kiss, and again I didn't resist. This was a pretty long & sloppy kiss- I could literally taste the alcohol on her mouth. After the kiss I thought to myself "What am I doing?". I then waited for the song to be over and just said "I have to leave", and I slinked away back to our group. I never got her name. And I probably wouldn't recognize her if I saw her today.But I could have resisted everything that happened, and now I regret even walking on the dance floor with her.

 

 

The reason why I mention this now is I recently ran into one of my brother's friends who was at the club that night. He said something along the lines of "I haven't seen you in like a year. Weren't you making out with that chick at [insert dance club name here]?" I played it down and tried to shrug it off, but I felt really guilty when he mentioned it and all of these memories rushed back.

 

 

So again, does this kiss constitute cheating? And should I tell my girlfriend about it?

[d0nnivain]

At this point -- a year later -- one drunken kiss should be a mistake left in the past. Don't tell your GF. It will only cause drama.

 

 

It's definitely not the best most honest thing & if you had kissed somebody you see regularly, my advice might be different. But what you described, let it go.

 

 

If for some reason your GF finds out, tell her the truth. You were drunk (not that being drunk is an excuse) & within seconds of the kiss starting you realized what was going on & stopped it. You are sorry & nothing like that ever happened again. A sane woman will forgive you.

[PoohGirl90]

While, yes, I consider kissing cheating, I would not tell your GF just because the incident happened so long ago. If it's really eating you up inside, then you can try to communicate to her by stating that you feel really sorry about this, but want to let her know because you can't live with yourself knowing you've done something that might hurt her.

In your case, you were drunk, that really doesn't help much when making judgement calls, so I wouldn't beat yourself up too much--and you do seem sorry about it!

 

Bottom line - yes, kissing in my book is cheating. But you were drunk, it was a long time ago, you seem sorry, and it may do more harm than good to bring up something that happened so long ago!

 

Best of luck!

[ScienceGal]

Yes, it's cheating and you know that, which is why you feel guilty. You're only thinking about it now because it's come back to haunt you. You should've told your girlfriend back when it happened.The problem with not telling her is that if she hears about it now it's 10x worse that you lied by covering it up, then what will you do? She likely won't believe it was just a kiss, I wouldn't.

 

How would you describe your relationship?

[Toddbt12y1]

My opinion is the same as Sciencegirls. She deserves to know, so she can make an informed decision on this relationship. Regardless of whether this was a mistake or not over a year ago.

 

I know I would like to have known, if it were me. Same with many of you I am sure. Better than spending more years with a person who had done this, then, couldn't man up and apologize for it.

 

I welcome all the heat I'll take for this, ty!

[Clockwork]

You have to remember one thing, there were a lot of people who would have seen that. Possibly your brother and his wife. That is a huge, huge disrespect to your girlfriend that this many people know about this kiss. It was a drunken kiss that you eventually pulled away from that you didn't initiate. What you should have done was tell your girlfriend at that time, have your brother corroborate your story and it would probably be done with. But you didn't.

 

Just another tip, you were drinking. You could have said "no" to more drinks but you didn't. You kept going. This would have impaired your judgement too.

[Leaving]

So I'm new here and have a context-specific question: Is kissing cheating?

 

Here is the context:

 

 

A little over a year ago I was invited by my older brother to a Halloween Costume Party at a dance club. At the time I was in a 5-month old relationship with my girlffriend. We were both 23 but we had known each other all throughout college, and started our dating in grad shool / medical school. My brother and his wife invited several friends and their significant others, but my girlfriend wasn't able to go that night.

 

 

While at the dance club I didn't do much drinking to begin with. However my brother's friends started buying me drinks to loosen me up- I guess I was acting reserved/awkward since I was the only one in the group without their significant other. I got more buzzed as the night wore on but always stayed near our group: shouting over the music to have a conversation, complimenting people on their costumes, drinking. I did eventually loosen up and danced along with our group. At one point there was a girl who walked by our group and started dancing with me face-to-face. She then took my hand and led me toward the dance floor (accompanied by several "OOhhhhs!!!" by the guys in our group).

 

 

Once we were on the floor she started grinding with me. I didn't make the effort to walk away, but I also didn't grind with her- I just kind of stood there with my beer in hand. She then went in for a kiss, and again I didn't resist. This was a pretty long & sloppy kiss- I could literally taste the alcohol on her mouth. After the kiss I thought to myself "What am I doing?". I then waited for the song to be over and just said "I have to leave", and I slinked away back to our group. I never got her name. And I probably wouldn't recognize her if I saw her today.But I could have resisted everything that happened, and now I regret even walking on the dance floor with her.

 

 

The reason why I mention this now is I recently ran into one of my brother's friends who was at the club that night. He said something along the lines of "I haven't seen you in like a year. Weren't you making out with that chick at [insert dance club name here]?" I played it down and tried to shrug it off, but I felt really guilty when he mentioned it and all of these memories rushed back.

 

 

So again, does this kiss constitute cheating? And should I tell my girlfriend about it?

 

? if your girlfriend went out one nite got drunk and let some random guy kiss her and she doesn't stop him is she cheating or not

[emva07]

? if your girlfriend went out one nite got drunk and let some random guy kiss her and she doesn't stop him is she cheating or not

 

Not to mention the HUGE humiliation to the gf of him letting her grind on him to multiple oohs and ahhs in the crowd. This girl must be made fun of behind her back without even knowing it. Biggest horns in town.

[crederer]

Ya it's cheating and she'll probably find out about seeing as people are still talking about it a year later.

[Spectre]

First of all, the fact that you even need to ask if this is cheating is a pretty big red flag to me.

 

Second, do not listen to any of the people telling you to not tell your gf about this. It does not matter that it happened a year ago: what matters is that it happened at all and you owe this person to truth. Whether or not it is a deal breaker for them is irrelevant, they deserve to know about the type of person they are with, bottom line. It is never ok to keep secrets like this. It is in fact just as disrespectful as cheating.

 

That is like if you see someone on fire and you try to help them out by throwing a bucket of vodka on them. Even if in some bizarre way you were legitimately trying to be helpful, you're just adding fuel to the fire.

Edited November 18, 2013 by Spectre