siwellbr Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 Hello, My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. In May 2004, she told me that she wanted space from me, and I had a tough time with that but I tried to relax. Well one day I went over to her apartment and she was lying in bed with another guy (fully clothed, and still in May 2004). Well from May - August we tried and tried, but things felt to funny being around each other. Finally in September she got "tired" of telling me she wanted space and flat out came with the "it's over!" I was devasted, but from that moment on I stopped calling her, emailing, texting, any form of contact. Well from September-October she fell for another guy and they had a sexual/intimate relationship and she really liked him. She told me that even though she was with him she couldn't shake the fact of how we ended, and then she comes to my house and proceeds to tell me how "messed up" her life has been since I left her. She wants to work things out now and said that she to be with me. I don't get it, if you love someone why do this type of stuff to someone? Her actions do not speak louder than her words right now, and I'm so confused. I hate these psychological games. Just say what is on your mind! Please advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 Do you want to be with her? If not then dont waste your time on this girl. If you do then son, you have a lot of stuff to deal with. If I am in your position I do not just take her back simply because she is saying that and act like things are ok. I would make her prove to me she isn't going to pull this crap in the near future by slowly working abck to where we were close again. I also question whetehr she truly loves you or just sees you as the nice comfort in her life. To be perfectly honest I wouldn't take her back but that is just me. I have issues with people breaking up, going and humping other people then coming back soon after. To me it is like a "cheat for free" card they are playing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 21, 2004 Author Share Posted December 21, 2004 I wonder why she just doesn't tell me what she wants. With me or not! I hate this. 4 years man, and all of a sudden she's out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 what is her age? Problem is people are selfish. They may not intentionally try to be selfish but they are. She wont tell you what she wants because she is a female. Nah, it is because human are, by, nature, wussies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 21, 2004 Author Share Posted December 21, 2004 Well I'm 23 and she's 21. We have been together since she was 16 and I was 18. There was a time where she felt like she couldn't live without me, then she lost like 60 pounds and more guys tried to talk to her when she went out. After the guys came, she basically left me when she asked for space. Now she's saying that she's' changed and that I need to change with her. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 Originally posted by siwellbr She wants to work things out now and said that she to be with me. I don't get it, if you love someone why do this type of stuff to someone? Her actions do not speak louder than her words right now, and I'm so confused. I hate these psychological games. Just say what is on your mind! Please advice. Women will usually come back to the ex b/f when things don't work out with the new guy. If i were you i'd tell her "Sure we can be together again... but I'm not going to be exclusive with you." Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 I dont like how she acts. She becomes physically more appealing to guys, gets confidence form it then ditches you? Now she wants back? To hell with that. The guy she was with probably dumped her and she is going back to a guy she knows cares for her and can be there for her. Dude I ahve a friend who jsut went thorugh this with his ex. She left him, got with another dude, didn't work out and now wants back with him and acts like nothing happened. She needs to grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 Oh i can join in. Girlfriend lost 40lbs gets hit on by more guys goes on holiday and makes out with another guy comes back and tells me her feelings have changed and we break up 2 weeks after that I find out about this guy on holiday and she's still seeing him 2 months go past without talking that much suddenly i'm back in bed with her but managed to refrain from sex we go out on a date a few days later 1 week goes by and she ignores me I confront her and she says she doesn't know how she feels So that was sunday we had that discussion and its back to not talking now. You'd need to make sure that she has definately made her mind up and just start dating again but only if thats what you want, dont do it for familarity. Do it because you want to be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted December 21, 2004 Share Posted December 21, 2004 ohhhh...love to join this shizzle too rob!! Oh i can join in. Girlfriend lost 40lbs gets hit on by more guys goes on holiday and makes out with another guy comes back and tells me her feelings have changed and we break up 2 weeks after that I find out about this guy on holiday and she's still seeing him 2 months go past without talking that much suddenly i'm back in bed with her but managed to refrain from sex we go out on a date a few days later 1 week goes by and she ignores me I confront her and she says she doesn't know how she feels So that was sunday we had that discussion and its back to not talking now. You'd need to make sure that she has definately made her mind up and just start dating again but only if thats what you want, dont do it for familarity. Do it because you want to be with her. my ex lost about 15ibs buys more skirts then normally this summer don't know if she got hit on by guys if i was around, but would not be surprised. pretty much tell her, "hey i am paying more attention to you now then ever" were together every night in the same bed and every day around each other when we have free time example I get home from work and log on to aIM ex: hey babe, are you going to come over for dinner in a bit me: yep be over in 15 mins ex: ok can't wait to see you ex leaves me a nice sexy short note in my car at work 1.5 weeks before she drops a atom bomb on my nuts ex and I go to a dodger game with my grandfather and her parents, things are well ex and I 2 days before she drops a bomb, we talk about future trips, roadtrips the whole 9 yards then of course ex drops bomb out of nowhere after I showed her that I changed for the better in this relationship for a whole month and that any g/f would be so lucky and full of joy seeing that (its like winning the freaking lottory!!) ex gives me a excuse that she doesn't love me and that she can'T love me at 100% as me ex is really saying, she wants to be single and be like her friends, get drunk and enjoy it(although she never really admitted it) ex has not communicated once with me or even attempts to re-established communication ex has not responded to my friendship email last week, not even a "stay out of my life reply" how lame bottom line: I win, she loses, in the end she going to look like a biatch and a total asshat for leaving me amd failing to attempt to be friends at least. THE END! Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 My "girl" went to visit her aunt today in Austin after we talked last night. Last night she said that over the past year she has figured out what she wants in a man, but I'm still the man of her dreams. LOL women are so full of ****! Anyway, she called this morning to say that she is leaving for Austin and won't be back for two days. She didn't call me the entire day today, not even to say goodnight, and I believe that she is just taking time to herself. She probably won't call back until Thursday night, so what do you guys think? Should I buy this girl a Christmas present? She obviously doesn't want to talk to me, but I know that she right before Christmas. Please advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 hehehe yeah I know about nick's situation. Mine was in a way quite similar. Hell, our exes ahve the same friggin name and are around the same age. siwellbr, do YOU want to buy her a xmas present? If you do then go for it. Personally, I wouldn't buy her one. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 I'd go for the buy a generic one for her and if she doesn't come to give you a gift then recycle the present or use it yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 It's so weird because for each year, i've brought this chic really nice gifts (braclets, rings, necklaces, stuff she needed through the following year). I wonder what generic is? Maybe you guys can help. I would think generic is like a gift card. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 I'm guilty of this too. Expensive watch, necklace and earings, Sony DVD player, Sony stereo system and this year I've already purchased and will probably just give her it just cause. It was a hand document scanner for her to use at university. Generic, just get her some a nice jumper or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 QUESTION: When you are in a long-term relationship from teens into adulthood (Been together since 16 and 18, now 23 and 21), there will always be changes i understand, but how do you know when to give up or just say that this is all part of "our story." For example, my aunt and uncle have been together for like 50 years, and they always talk about their good/bad times, and they are glad that they never gave up on each other. This really is the only thing that keeps me going with this. I wonder is it a "dry time" for us and things will eventually pick up or is it really really over? It's so hard to tell because there was one time where we were really in love, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to not be in her life, and I want her to be in mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by siwellbr I wonder what generic is? Maybe you guys can help. I would think generic is like a gift card. A gift card would be perfect. From somewhere like Ace Hardware, Home Depot, Cabela's, or Farm & Fleet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 HAHAHHA, MAN I NEED THAT LAUGH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 QUESTION: When you are in a long-term relationship from teens into adulthood (Been together since 16 and 18, now 23 and 21), there will always be changes i understand, but how do you know when to give up or just say that this is all part of "our story." For example, my aunt and uncle have been together for like 50 years, and they always talk about their good/bad times, and they are glad that they never gave up on each other. This really is the only thing that keeps me going with this. I wonder is it a "dry time" for us and things will eventually pick up or is it really really over? It's so hard to tell because there was one time where we were really in love, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to not be in her life, and I want her to be in mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by siwellbr I wonder is it a "dry time" for us and things will eventually pick up or is it really really over? It's so hard to tell because there was one time where we were really in love, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to not be in her life, and I want her to be in mine. It is hard to tell, more like impossible. If I could predict the future I would be spending my days at the racetrack or casino instead of work! I don't have to tell you the changes that occur in the transition from teen to young adult. You're both different people (or at least I hope you are), your needs have changed, along with your attitudes, priorities, values & a host of other things. Perhaps she feels that she hasn't had the opportunity to meet other kinds of people. It's not unusual for people to date numerous people when they're young. Finding one's soul-mate at age 16 is highly unlikely. Most people that age have little idea of the direction in their own lives, much less what they need in a love relationship. I know that's how I was. People are very complex. It is difficult enough to understand them as it is. How much more so when one has gotten to know only a few of them. That is one of the reasons why teens are encouraged to meet & to cultivate friendships with a lot of different people. People grow & mature in different ways, along varied paths. Based on her telling you she doesn't want you to not be in her life, I would say she still has feelings for you, albeit confused feelings. It's hard to say where this will go. you will simply need to watch things & see if actions bear out what she said. With a view to this & what I wrote earlier, it certainly wouldn't hurt you to cultivate some other interests & relationships of your own. Just avoid doing anything to ruin the friendship that you do have. As for Christmas gifts, I'm sorry about my other post. I was joking. If you feel so led, get her a nice present with a card saying that you're thinking about her & looking forward to seeing her soon. If she's traveling you could take it to her parents or someplace similar. Link to post Share on other sites
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