No love for my wife, too different and love elsewhere

[onlyhumanjim]

it is a good sign that you can recognize this. Your conscience and love are telling you to tread lightly.

 

Please try to communicate as much as possible with your wife and son, and have as many discussions as possible about everything.....in my situation, my wife did not tell me a single thing about what she was going through in having an ea and pa, and she very suddenly left me. If she had given me one single time to try to let me in on what was happening with her, who knows how things could have been different now.

 

You owe it to yourself, your wife, and son to explore every single avenue there is available to all of you....please do not choose the avenue by yourself and leave everyone else wondering what happened.

 

thank you!

[underpants]

There are many things I am telling myself... For one, the victims are my wife and son... I have my feelings yes, but they are the ones who will suffer for my actions. I understand all this.

 

I guess part of me is trying to rationalize and justify what I am doing...

 

To be honest, I have never felt so god damn lost and yes, I am the *******!

 

 

Ugh, victim mentality. That is manupilation, on your part.

 

Have you told your wife exactly how you feel? All of it, of course not.

 

You are not a bunch of ***'s , but you will be if you cannot face the honest truth of your situation now and stand honest in your decision. Don't cop a plea in your life. How sad.

 

You will regret it.

[onlyhumanjim]

It is a good sign that you can recognize this. Your conscience and love are telling you to tread lightly.

 

Please try to communicate as much as possible with your wife and son, and have as many discussions as possible about EVERYthing.....in my situation, my wife did not tell me a single thing about what she was going through in having an EA and PA, and she very suddenly left me. If she had given me one single time to try to let me in on what was happening with her, who knows how things could have been different now.

 

You owe it to yourself, your wife, and son to explore every single avenue there is available to all of you....please do not choose the avenue by yourself and leave everyone else wondering what happened.

 

Last year there was a big discussion about this, marriage counselling and the eventual revelations that I have mentioned here. My wife knew these things at that time, it was a shock actually.

 

I tend to avoid confrontation and upset. But this does need to be discussed ASAP. I have now decided to tell my wife exactly how I feel so that she is aware and on the same page as me. Then we can discuss the potential things we can do to fix this. As I know my wife to an extent, I know how she will react, but she needs to know.

 

I am even considering telling her I am having/had and affair. Not sure if this is the best thing to do or not. But I should possible be completely honest.

[onlyhumanjim]

Ugh, victim mentality. That is manupilation, on your part.

 

Have you told your wife exactly how you feel? All of it, of course not.

 

You are not a bunch of ***'s , but you will be if you cannot face the honest truth of your situation now and stand honest in your decision. Don't cop a plea in your life. How sad.

 

You will regret it.

 

I have told her everything in the past... But I have not told her that I now no longer feel for her. I think this is because I do not want to cause conflict. HAHA... Jesus! Well, I am going to tell her as she has a right to know how I completely feel.

 

However, telling her I am having an affair may not be best. But I have considered it, that is for sure.

 

Thanks for your bluntness.

[AZtragedy]

I tend to avoid confrontation and upset. But this does need to be discussed ASAP. I have now decided to tell my wife exactly how I feel so that she is aware and on the same page as me. Then we can discuss the potential things we can do to fix this. As I know my wife to an extent, I know how she will react, but she needs to know.

 

I am even considering telling her I am having/had and affair. Not sure if this is the best thing to do or not. But I should possible be completely honest.

 

 

I understand completely - both my wife and I are/were the "type" of people who avoid confrontation with those we really love. Ultimately, this got wayyy out of hand as she thought she could not tell me things at all, until one day she told me she did not want to be married anymore & that she had cheated on me. I am still in shock over this, 6+ weeks later.

 

If you wait to tell her about your affair, it will likely only compound the problems on both sides. For you, you will build up more anxiety and guilt and frustration over keeping it a secret. For your wife, she is being treated with disrespect because she deserves to know everything that is going on with you. You owe it to her, and to your son, to put everything out in the open and talk, talk, talk, talk.

[Canadiangirl78]

Why don't you commit to moving with her for 6 months? See how things go and revisit the relationship then. That way you have given it a chance. At least you could say you've done all you can.

[onlyhumanjim]

Why don't you commit to moving with her for 6 months? See how things go and revisit the relationship then. That way you have given it a chance. At least you could say you've done all you can.

 

This was the original plan... But I will be living with her family and would be in a far worse situation if things were to end then. Yes, I sound like a pussy when I say that, but there is a cultural difference where this is concerned and for partners to separate, it is extremely frowned upon. I need to raise these concerns now before she leaves.

 

Her and my son leave together the end of this month, I leave later to tie up loose ends here first.

[Canadiangirl78]

So that's a no?

[lollipopspot]

I understand what you mean, but what happens when one of us needs something? Soon enough, someone would come along? In this case it has happened to me and please I cannot stress how much this goes against my morals, but now I cannot change that fact.

 

If married, but not being together romantically, sexually or lovingly. How is that a marriage? Then if I were to stray (which I have) or she was to do so, this would then be considered wrong.

 

Marriage doesn't have to be a certain way. It doesn't have to be sexual. Marriage can also just be a friendly partnership where people raise their children with civility.

 

But even if you don't stay married, you ought best to live in the same city and country as your child.

 

This is just my opinion and values though.

[Mcle]

Did you really become unhappy with your marriage and wife before you cheated on her? Or, are you now rewriting history to justify your bad actions. Your wife is a warm good mother but not loving to you? Maybe because you are cheating on her and not being honest with her about how you really feel.

 

You have not told your wife how you feel because you hate conflict? Do you have any idea what kind of conflict is coming your way? You had an affair on your wealthy wife with a married woman and you have a small child. Your wife will find out or the OW husband will. The choices you think you have are merely an illusion.

 

If you continue on this road there is a good chance you will lose everything that matters. The "happiness" you are chasing is an illusion called limerance.

[Canadiangirl78]

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean when you say if you were to go there with your wife and end things after the 6 months that they would be worse, culturally or however you put it. You either want to exhaust every possible option here or you don't. If you don't want to do 6 months, commit to 3 months instead. You mentioned your wife being unhappy in your country, maybe this is causing her some inner turmoil and it's affecting her being able to be vulnerable to you. I don't know, I'm just saying maybe her being away from her family and home have something to do with it. Is it possible that when she gets back home she could change and start to open up? Of course it's possible but how would you ever know if you don't give it a chance. At the very least wouldn't you want to go with your son just to help him adjust to the move and know where he will be laying his head down to sleep at night? It will be a much easier transition for the little one if you are there aswell. I'm just finding when I read your posts that you seem to have a lengthy, wordy explanation as to why the proposed idea won't work. I don't know who you are trying to convince here, us or yourself.. Go for one month with them if you can't commit to 6. Just try.

[Yasuandio]

Have you vacationed in your wife's country since the marriage? Have her relatives come to visit you all? If not, perhaps there is just some home sickness, a yearning to see her family, and to share her son with them. Could this be behind some of the unhappiness? Yas