New in Town, in Search of?

[Drakaunus]

Greetings and salutations to all of you fine folk here at Loveshack. I have to admit right off the bat that I tend to be wordy and intend on telling a huge life story in hopes to help people who might have felt the same way I have at any point in my life can benefit from my experiences.

 

I will try not to be too boring or detailed though my words can pour out of me at times. It all started back in the days of school as is the place all stories of romance and desire for companionship start, or for you scientific minds out there, Puberty. I was very shy and liked to keep to myself and was easily flustered when a girl would even so much as sit next to me. I went through all the same things I am sure many of you have, falling for any girl who showed me even a monocle of kindness thinking there was some kind of secret agenda of love finally shining down upon my rather boring life. But that was my major problem I was just waiting for it to happen and not doing anything to help it to happen. You can't meet a girl and date a girl if you can't even walk up to them and talk to them. So high school was uneventful, and I didn't have my first kiss until I was a senior but as is the age old story, I fell hard and the girl was crazy and didn't know what she wanted, because it was high school who the hell knows what they want in high school.

 

I thought I did, I thought I was different than the rest of society, special in that regards. But the truth of the matter is I didn't know what I wanted either, but regardless of that it still polluted my mind well into my later years all the way to the age of 25. I didn't attend a University and experience the dorm life so I was basically thrown into the real world much faster than everyone else my age. I went to an accelerated program to study computer engineering that was so accelerated that I literally started my first day of college 3 days after I graduated high school. I went through my three years and got my degree all the while hearing stories of all of my fellow classmates getting drunk and getting laid and all of that University "excitement" But I had a perfect GPA and already had a job so my adult life already started. Because I missed out on that University part of my life I still had the mentality that all I needed was to have a girlfriend and my life would be complete. You know, the stupid mentality every teenager has in high school which I never gave myself the change to grow out of.

 

So I made myself miserable and super depressed thinking I would never have a girlfriend, I was unlovable there was something wrong with me, etc. Because of this I didn't really like myself very much, the root of the problem naturally. Despite that though I eventually found a girl named Vicki who changed my life forever. I had joined several online dating sites and like most guys out there understand perfectly, sent out dozens of messages daily never getting any responses. Sure I got the occasional response, and even dates, it was my first experience dating so naturally I did what any self respecting computer nerd does and googled how to date women. I would follow everything by the book written by self proclaimed "experts" on the Internet.

 

I recall my first date very well, it was with a girl named Sarah, and we met at a starbucks even though I hated coffee because every expert said that was the best idea for a date. We had a great time, even had a second date planned, but having no experience I let my excitement overtake me and already in my head I was going to have a girlfriend and everything would be better. In my excitement I undoubtedly came off as clingy and that is apparently a no no. Needless to say she cancelled the second date before it happened and I never heard from her again.

 

So I went through the motions, had so many first dates and never got a second date. So I decided there was something wrong with me and decided to change who I was, I would alter my personality to fit the needs of whomever showed the slightest bit of interest. And sure, it worked, and I had plenty of mediocre dates because of it. I decided enough was enough, I was tired of lying about who I was just to keep a girl's interest. I found them boring and had no shared interests, that's what happens when you lie and that is when I realized that lying to make yourself sound better was a stupid idea and I created my 100% honesty policy. I would answer a girls question with 100% honesty and would have no secrets and if she didn't like me for who I was then she could disappear from my life. That is when I was finally fed up and gave up looking.

 

Getting back to Vicki, she messaged me on the dating site. I had actually seen her profile and decided to pass because I though she sounded too good be to true. But when she messaged me first and I saw myself in her. The old me who came out of high school completely naive to how dating should work. She showed signs of clingyness, but understanding how she must feel I wrote it off as cute and something we could work on. So we dated, and she would come over my apartment, and 2 minutes after leaving she would text me that she missed me and I wrote it off as adorable and tried to be understanding. Eventually she got to me though, and I broke down and went back to old habits. I would do the same thing she did to me, texting that I missed her, can't wait til I see you again, etc etc. Thinking because she does it that I should reciprocate the same behaviors completely throwing out of the window the cool and reserved guy I had become through evolution of dozens of horrible first dates.

 

We dated for two months, then I got a breakup TEXT. A freaking text. Needless to say I was devastated and fell back into a depression worse than I had ever been in before and everyone around me was worried about me. She had given me the age old speech that she is too busy with her Masters program and that she doesn't think it is fair that she couldn't give me the kind of time and attention a guy like me deserved. Which of course is the worst thing a girl can do, just cut a guy free don't give him false hope just because you like the idea that you have an option to fall back on if things don't go according to your new plans.

 

But of course I was still stupid and learning and completely fell for that BS and held onto the hope that things could start anew after time has passed. I completely shut out any other potential girls, and there were a lot, because I had this idea that Vicki and I would get back into it and it. How could I have possibly messed up a girl who seemed to be into me to the point of clingyness in the beginning I must be a horrible person and no one should date me, cue pity parties every weekend. Finally my best friend who had told me from the get go that Vicki was a liar and that there was nothing wrong with me, finally enlightened me. He had joined the dating site Vicki and I met on, and messaged her, and in his messaging back and forth he found a way to get her to open up about other guys she had dated from the site, and when I read the reason she broke up with the last guy I was pissed off.

 

She had the audacity to tell a complete stranger that I was a stalker who wouldn't leave her alone, would show up at her apartment without being invited waiting outside for her to get home from work. She felt unsafe and scared and that is why she broke up with me. I will admit that I was guilty of texting stupid stuff like, I miss you, after she left my apartment, and texts that would say can't wait to see you again etc, but I was always a perfect gentleman and would never hurt her or any other girl for that matter. I didn't even know where she lived because she always came to me for Christ sakes. The fact that she is dragging my name in the mud to complete strangers painting me to be a bad guy, and for what end. What does that do for her apart from making her look like the perfect little angel that can do no wrong.

 

Then I flashed back to our pillow talk when we talked about our previous relationships and how she told me stories about how the last guys were *******s and creepy, and she was scared for her life, and then it dawned on me. There was probably nothing wrong with the other guys either but she likes to lie and play the victim for your sympathy and I was just done. I have since never talked to her again, she texts me randomly still but I never answer because I lost all respect for her.

 

At that point I fell in a pretty dark place, not depression, not by a long shot. In fact I improved every aspect of my life. Why I call it my dark place is because I had suddenly lost all respect for women. I was raised and always acted the perfect gentleman and I had always had dreams of finding the perfect girl and having a family, and suddenly I didn't want any of it. I became an *******. Suddenly girls were coming out of the wood work, but all I wanted was sex. I didn't care about the relationship, the love I had craved all my life was meaningless. I met some great girls who probably deserved so much better but I just wasn't able to commit any feelings for fear of being hurt again. So I had lots of empty encounters, Vicki was my first everything, and in the same year, I was with 5 other women. A guy who just at 25 didn't think he would ever have a girlfriend or experience sex. Sure 5 probably isn't a lot by most people's standards but for me, I thought it was a lot. But at the same time I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

I have lived more than I have in the last 2 years than I did in the first 25 years of my life. I decided to forgo the quest for love and work on myself. I dedicated myself to my job, and I started new hobbies on the side like a fairly successful gaming podcast where I have made lots of friends, including some celebrities in the gaming world like game designers and video game voice actors. I started reading audiobooks in the public domain which eventually lead to me recording professional audiobooks. When then lead me to start work as a professional voice actor doing cartoon voices and commercial spots. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this if I was still locked in my room lost in thought throwing pity parties saying I would never find that perfect girl I have always imagined being with. I perhaps did things I wasn't proud of, but I wouldn't change it because it helped me to become who I am today. What am I now?

 

Well I just recently started to casually look for someone to date in hopes of finding someone to settle down with. I am fully ready for commitment, but I know now that obsessing over it, fabricating personalities, all of this stuff I did wrong in my life I learned is not the way to go about it. I am now just myself, and if a girl shows interest great, but if she doesn't, oh well, it's not the end of the world. There are so many fishes in the sea, so many single girls who imagine and fantasize about me not knowing I really exist. I am damn sexy, and I have my **** together, and I am also caring and can wear my heart on my sleeve at times, but I am no longer your typical "nice guy" anymore because just being nice isn't enough, you have to be so much more and now that I have taken this time in the past couple of years I have found myself. I am now 27 years old. All of this happened over the course of two years of my life. That is why I hope people can learn from my mistakes and story.

 

You can't live in your perfect little bubble, it isn't like the movies, love is hard work, and you cannot let it get to you. You cannot cling to the first girl who shows you interest. You cannot be the "nice guy" and expect that to be enough. And you can't let every little failure of the heart get to you because, I know it is cliche and people are saying it and you truly don't believe it is all it takes, you have to love yourself. Work on you and be the best you you can be, and realize that you don't need another person to complete you, it is just a nice added bonus should you find it.

 

Of course in the end I am still single and having a hard time meeting people. I don't believe in dating at work, and I am not big on the bar and club scene which is why i still have online dating profiles. I have looked into the premium dating sites but it is just a little bit more money than I would like to spend on something that isn't really that important. I have stupid stuff like rent and bills I have to take care of. I am looking to branch out, maybe meet some new people but really I don't know where to start, but I am eager to take the next step in this journey that is life!

 

Chris

Edited November 14, 2013 by Drakaunus