heyitsmike Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 8 moths now. I'm 22, shes 20, very mature, a pre-med student and a JR in college. shes gorgeous and still models which sometimes worries me about other guys trying to hit on her, etc/ unfortunately this has built up a false sense of distrust in my mind that "she could get anyone if she didn't have me." i have complete confidence in myself , its just i wouldn't ever want to lose her, that's all. And by no means am i saying shes the kind of girl that would be unfaithful. shes been hurt a lot before and shes head over heels for me. she even frequently discusses the future and possibly marriage. -------- now before i go any further I'll admit my faults that led to this whole post: my ex fell asleep and this false sense of distrust acted up and i looked through her facebook messages. yeaaaayeaaaaa i know. be careful what you might ask for, because you might just get it. i was wrong and i know that. --------- anyways.......... its not like i found this whole double life or anything, but i found one little mention of her talking with her friend 2 weeks before i read this conversation casually mentioning that she had sex with one of her friends in the past. shes told me about a exes, and kissing a few other guys here and there, but nothing crazy, but why did this example slip through the cracks? i've only met the guy once, but whenever she mentions him i just clam up because i'm not good at holding anything in, it just shows on my face. ---------- its just something that's been slightly bothering me, especially when hes mentioned or if he interacts with her in anyway. but the cruel twist is that i cant being it up to her because i violated her privacy by looking through those messages and it'll look like i don't trust her. i really do trust her i swear. i just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone could make sense of this situation for me and possibly provide me with any advice on how to proceed from here. and also...i know i did a bad thing here ok? no need to harp, im not like this ever. Link to post Share on other sites
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) You said your ex fell asleep, did you mean your GF? The first sign of weakness and jealousy might be seen as sweet. Key word: MIGHT. Anything after that and you lose the whole game. Whatever you gotta do to keep yourself from holding on to that resentment, do it. Don't act on impulse. Really figure out if this is something that matters in the big picture. I'll tell you it doesn't. I guarantee one day you will not care about this and you would be very embarrassed if you ever caused a scene bringing it up. I suggest you keep a private journal. Make sure she NEVER sees it. Whenever it bothers you, write down everything that comes to your mind. Don't let the thoughts twist around in your head. Get them on paper where they can hold still and be analyzed. Keeping them in your head will make the resentment last longer. As much as you can each time, try to look at the underlying causes. The emotions on the surface aren't always the emotions deep inside. You may even want to destroy these entries. Oh yeah. Don't go through her stuff again. You need to really find the strength to respect her. Not only as a person but as someone who has lived her own life and has her own experiences and you would be selfish to judge her for that. Edited November 14, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 i just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone could make sense of this situation for me and possibly provide me with any advice on how to proceed from here. Forget about it and move on. It's not like she's having sex with him now, is she? And you have a past too right? So it would be double standard to hold it against her. And don't ever snoop again. You will always find something you won't like. Honestly I have a fear you might be too insecure to handle a very attractive woman. Guys hit on me all the time even though I have a bf and sometimes even mentioning I have one doesn't stop them. He knows about it and doesn't worry too much. He knows I am with him Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I suggest you keep a private journal. Make sure she NEVER sees it. Whenever it bothers you, write down everything that comes to your mind. Don't let the thoughts twist around in your head. Get them on paper where they can hold still and be analyzed. Keeping them in your head will make the resentment last longer. As much as you can each time, try to look at the underlying causes. The emotions on the surface aren't always the emotions deep inside. You may even want to destroy these entries. Great advice here. I actually have 2 journals. One is a gratitude/prayer journal that I write in every few days. The second is a "crazy thoughts" journal. Here I enter crazy/jealous/fearful thoughts at the top of a page. Gut level honest. Below that I write out the reality of what is going on. Sometimes it might take a few days to complete the reality section because I do not have all the facts/information to fill in the blanks. Getting these thoughts out of my head and onto paper helps tremendously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Yeah, I caught that too! You said you looked through your Ex's facebook. I'm starting to see bunnies hopping around here! Link to post Share on other sites
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