give my cheating bf another chance?

[girl8485]

So I had been going out with my bf for 6 and a half years, we have a great relationship together, we love each other and hardly ever fight, we had plans to get married, have kids and spend the rest of our lives together, everything was good except we didn't have sex nearly as much as i felt we should.

 

I just found out that for the last 2 years he has been cheating on me with prostitutes, his sister found out and told him she would tell me if he didn't tell me himself, at first he just said it was a hand job and just once, then he told me it was 8 or 10 times over the last 2 years but only hand jobs, after me pressuring him for the truth he told me all times it was sex.

 

i was crushed that someone so close to me could hurt me so much and lie to my face for so long

 

my mind keeps telling me to break up with him and find someone better, but my heart keeps telling me to give him another chance, he drinks a lot and has a lot of childhood issues he has told me he will give up drinking but how am i to trust this guy ever again? or even have sex with him after what he did? i find it disgusting he could do this to me.

 

I just broke up with him but keep having the urge to go back and give him another chance

[PegNosePete]

You did the right thing. If you think anyone who loves you could treat you like this, then your definition of "love" needs to be refreshed.

You need to get checked out for STDs. He has put your life at risk on multiple occasions.

He's been doing it for 2 YEARS... wow. I would instantly kick him out if he did it ONCE.

Your relationship was built on a lie.

 

Yes you did the right thing. Don't take him back. He has shown his true colours.

 

Would you want this to happen again when you are married with kids? Do you know what kind of life-threatening conditions can be passed onto kids through STDs acquired from prostitutes? Do you think he would make a responsible father?!

[Zahara]

my mind keeps telling me to break up with him and find someone better, but my heart keeps telling me to give him another chance, he drinks a lot and has a lot of childhood issues he has told me he will give up drinking but how am i to trust this guy ever again? or even have sex with him after what he did? i find it disgusting he could do this to me.

 

Please get tested for STDs right away. The thing that should be of priority at this moment is your health.

 

I can't imagine having to be intimate with a partner after knowing they have been sleeping with prostitutes for 2 whole years. It's disgusting. And even if you took him back, how could you not be looking over your shoulder wondering if he's out handing out a 20 for sex? Just because he tells you he's not doing it? What kind of life would you have? Stop thinking with your heart, use your brain. What happens when you're pregnant and sex dwindles down, are you going to be wondering if he's getting it from the streets?

 

In addition to him having a drinking problem and mental/emotional issues, anything would be better than being with this man. Please have higher expectations for yourself. And you do not want to bring children into this sort of toxicity.

 

You're hurting and missing what you had with him. But that's temporary. You'll heal from this. If you go back to him, you're going to face permanent emotional damage.

[pattipooh]

No. Honestly, please don't waste anymore time. He won't change. I know from experience. He will hurt you again.

[Babolat]

So I had been going out with my bf for 6 and a half years, we have a great relationship together, we love each other and hardly ever fight, we had plans to get married, have kids and spend the rest of our lives together, everything was good except we didn't have sex nearly as much as i felt we should.

 

I just found out that for the last 2 years he has been cheating on me with prostitutes, his sister found out and told him she would tell me if he didn't tell me himself, at first he just said it was a hand job and just once, then he told me it was 8 or 10 times over the last 2 years but only hand jobs, after me pressuring him for the truth he told me all times it was sex.

 

i was crushed that someone so close to me could hurt me so much and lie to my face for so long

 

my mind keeps telling me to break up with him and find someone better, but my heart keeps telling me to give him another chance, he drinks a lot and has a lot of childhood issues he has told me he will give up drinking but how am i to trust this guy ever again? or even have sex with him after what he did? i find it disgusting he could do this to me.

 

I just broke up with him but keep having the urge to go back and give him another chance

 

Man here, do not go back to this man. Cheater, liar, selfish, <insert more here>.....and please, you did not have a great relationship together.

[JBird2001]

Another response by a male ... Short answer: NO! Don't give him a second chance and don't take him back. The other responses posted here about getting tested for STD's, and what the rest of your life with him would be like if you took him back, has been spot on.

 

You said he has childhood issues and drinks alot, but I've heard this all before. He's justifying his destructive behavior by blaming a bad childhood, but ultimately he is accountable for his actions and has NOBODY to blame but himself.

 

Move on! as painful as these words are to hear, and as hopeless as it seems right now, things WILL get better. Immerse yourself in activities, join fun groups where you can meet new people (meetup.com is excellent) and surround yourself by people who love you.

Edited November 14, 2013 by JBird2001
adding that I am a male respondent

[nescafe1982]

Don't take this one back. Aside from the cheating, a horrifically regular and incredibly risky behavior in this case (showing a particular disregard for you), you've been together for over 6 years with no real commitment from him?

 

I know marriage isn't for everyone, and it's not the goal of everyone's relationship. BUT you mentioned in your OP that you had plans to get married. Thank God you didn't, in light of his serial cheating. But what is more... if you guys have been together for over 6 years and he hasn't committed? He wasn't going to commit to you anyhow. Don't wait on this one... he's clearly not worth it.

 

The drinking is also a dealbreaker. Sorry, OP, but he needs to grow up and he won't do it with you.

 

You are going to have the urge to reconcile with him a lot... it's only natural! After 6 years you are thoroughly bonded to someone and not seeing them anymore will hurt like hell--- even if the person is scum and did something really rotten to you.

 

PLease, be kind and patient with yourself, surround yourself with supportive friends, and stay no-contact with this guy. I think you will find that you are going to discover a lot of stuff about yourself in the coming months (it's impossible not to after a LTR breakup)... enjoy it and let yourself have fun whenever you can. You will, in time, date again and discover just how great a relationship can be with a man who treats you well... you deserve more, so don't give up on yourself until you get it.