ex wife pregnant right after divorce

[rizzla]

Divorce was final in July. Yesterday I found out that ex wife is 3 month pregnant from boyfriend she cheated with. That means she got pregnant just a couple weeks after divorce. We were together for over 7 years and she never mentioned her interest in having kids. She's 23, he's 49.

 

I should feel devastated, but instead I smirk. I think I got over the divorce and feel relieved. My current life is far from great (she kept our small business and I'm still looking for a new job) but I'm working on the realization that I prefer being alone for a while.

 

Is something off here, or is this normal? Do people change their views so drastically?

[rizzla]

I'm posting this thread for two main reasons: to share my experience and to get some feedback from the community about this kind of behaviour. I read Loveshack right after the breakup and it was a great resource for me, so I guess others would also benefit from my experience as well. I'm no longer coping though the first few months were, as usual, awful.

 

Yes, my impression is that somehow I dodged a bullet here. I'm working on rebuilding my life and so far I'm quite happy with some minor achievements and a sense of awareness, so so far so good. I see myself being alone for a while and that's not a problem at all, on the contrary. I smile every morning.

[karnak]

Divorce was final in July. Yesterday I found out that ex wife is 3 month pregnant from boyfriend she cheated with. That means she got pregnant just a couple weeks after divorce. We were together for over 7 years and she never mentioned her interest in having kids. She's 23, he's 49.

 

 

Is something off here, or is this normal? Do people change their views so drastically?

 

You can ask most divorced men in LS and they'll tell you that, most of the times, what a woman says she wants it's not what she really wants.

[GuyInLimbo]

All I gotta say is good for you and not your problem!

[Chi townD]

Three words for you.

 

DODGED A BULLET

 

she cheated on you with this guy, she'll cheat on him too. In a few years he's going to be much older. Things don't rise to the occasion as easily as they used to. She'll start getting sick and tired of being mistaken as his daughter out in public. And now, she's linked to him for the rest of her life (or his).

 

You are and open book and have the world out in front of you. Skies the limit!

[RightThere]

Is something off here, or is this normal? Do people change their views so drastically?

 

I'm in a bit of a similar situation in that my STBXW and the guy she cheated on me with are planning to start a family right away. He is 47 and has always stated (up until a few months ago) that he doesn't want kids.

 

In my opinion, people don't change their views that drastically. They just try to convince themselves that they have changed their minds.

[rizzla]

If I especulate (out of sheer curiosity) then the only reasons I can think of are:

 

a) she always wanted to have kids, but never told me about it since she knew I had no rush.

b) she has entered a new stage in her life and the whole dynamic has changed, so she's ready for it.

c) she simply does'nt know what she's doing. She's spiralling into a new world.

 

My decision after the divorce was to take things slow, heal completely and maybe entering in a new relationship when the moment is right. I want to be fully aware and I have no problems living on my own, in fact I'm enjoying it more and more as days go by. It struck me that she decided such a drastic change afer three weeks. Oh well I won't overthink this. I just simply believe something is very wrong.

[karnak]

she cheated on you with this guy, she'll cheat on him too. In a few years he's going to be much older.

 

You may be sure that this will happen. People never change their inner "core". If she's the kind of person with low enough ethics to commit this kind of ultimate disrespect, there's no logical reason for her not to do it again.

 

Besides, you can ask any cheater: 95% of them will say that the first betrayal was the hardest. Cheating comes much more easier from the first time onward.

[rizzla]

What happens from here on is obviously none of my business, but yes I guess she'll cheat again. Is the whole quick pregnancy thing which puzzles me. Seven years never even mentioning children and then getting pregnant from the get-go simply makes no sense, unless she was hiding her true colors all along or she drastically changed her views overnight, two very twisted options.

[Chi townD]

What happens from here on is obviously none of my business, but yes I guess she'll cheat again. Is the whole quick pregnancy thing which puzzles me. Seven years never even mentioning children and then getting pregnant from the get-go simply makes no sense, unless she was hiding her true colors all along or she drastically changed her views overnight, two very twisted options.

 

Dude, I can tell you right now, that pregnancy is an unwanted pregnancy. No 23 year old girl wants to have a kid with a 49 year old man. She's young and had time to make stupid young mistakes. She was looking for some fun and she got burned. Now, this 23 year old girl has to grow up really fast.

[philadivorce]

you dodged a bullet.. she didnt want to have a kid with him.. it happened.. sooner or later she will be taking him to court next.. stay away.. stay far away

[rizzla]

Everyone seems to agree about this being a mistake, even though she seemed to be very much in *love* with the guy. I agree about dodging a bullet myself. I'm not so sure about the pregnancy being unwanted. She can be very cold hearted so maybe this was carefully planned to get the guy hooked. Yes, she can be like that.

[TheBladeRunner]

I seriously doubt that relationship will last, in the end HE will be paying. It's just a matter of time. As far as the age difference, some people are OK with it and that's their "bag". Me? I'm 46 and won't date below 40, I just don't have much in common with anyone younger than that. Also, the thought of having intimate relations with (sorry, lack of better words) a kid just doesn't do it for me.

 

The rest of the crew on this thread is right, you dodged a bullet.

 

Congrats on that!

[rizzla]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I now remember some mantra that she was always repeating: that she would become an evil person when she grew up. I always replied that it made no sense and that in any case it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I see that she meant it. Somehow she knew she had it in her. Scary uh?

[karnak]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I now remember some mantra that she was always repeating: that she would become an evil person when she grew up. I always replied that it made no sense and that in any case it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I see that she meant it. Somehow she knew she had it in her. Scary uh?

 

It's more common than you think. Most of the times we have deep within ourselves certain things that we know will surface sooner or later. Some times we can't even recognize them properly. It's a very subconscious stuff.

[carhill]

Regarding the age difference, it appears the exW is consistent, in that the OP reports himself as being 46yo

 

Given her focus on business, the baby could be a smart business move if she anchored to a wealthier male. Establish paternity, hook him up, then move on to the next opportunity. It's very pragmatic.

 

Any green cards (legal alien) in her past?

 

Today's news is that, evidently, life lessons come at every age. Best wishes to putting this one behind you.

[rizzla]

Yes, it's not the first time that she hooks up with an older man. I'm 46 now. The new guy is older than me. And yes, she was a legal alien being mexican of origin. All very valid points.

 

Life lessons never stop coming, regardless of age. She can be stone cold.

[Chi townD]

Wait she was Mexican and illegal? Okay, what's the law on divorce to a foreign national when no kids are involved? Would there have been a chance that she may have gotten deported?

 

If this is the case, then pregnancy was planned. And anchor baby so she could stay in the country.

[rizzla]

Fluorescent, I admit that I made a mistake in my judgement when I thought that a 23 year old could be emotionally and rationally mature for a relationship, but this is not about healthy vs unhealthy, but mature vs immature. However, I think it's a bit harsh to blame me for her cheating, lying and getting knocked up three weeks after divorcing. I've been able to understand the whole proccess as well as the consequences on my side, reading as well as practicing awareness. My previous relationship was a loving one for over 13 years that ended when our jobs pulled us apart for over 2 years.

 

I'm just trying to understand her side as well. The most painful part of closure is not understanding what was going on on your partner's head.

[rizzla]

I'm taking care of understanding my flaws as well as analyzing my emotional needs to avoid future pitfalls, don't be mistaken. I'm in a much better place that I was months ago.

 

Maybe you have nothing to learn from this thread, but I'm sure others will. Many of the relationships posted in this forum can be seen as templates of failed marriages, with many common reactions and outcomes. Some people see shocking similarities with their own experiencies and can get some valuable lessons. It happened to me as well.