suegail Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 I don't know that anyone will listen, but I can tell you about getting involved in affairs, 'cause I was in one, and let me tell you, I have deep regrets, actual grief over the knowledge that I was involved like that and had such a negative impact on the life of the woman who had pledged to be with him forever. Many years prior I had been married and had a horrendous experience. One night I took a physical beating which I now wonder why it didn't kill me, but anyway, I lived, and for many years after that, had little or no involvement with any man. Well, one day I wanted to have a computer, which I'd never had, and when I got one I almost immediately logged into some chat rooms. Anyway, I hadn't realized how truly lonely I was until that machine came into my life, and I could chat and flirt and kid around and there was no pressure, no face to face things going on. I thought it was so great. Well, I met a man in chat, lonely married guy, and I wanted to be a friend. I did tell him that, but as we talked, and talked and talked, it all took a turn, and I felt, in my heart, that I was falling in love with this incredibly interesting and talented man. He said things to me no man had ever said; it was just a powerful experience, for some reason, and I'd never ever seen the guy. And you know, it's a dangerous combination. Lonely people, married sad people, thinking there's probably someone out there they could be happier with, internet. It's dangerous. When his wife found out about us, it was not pretty. She was angry. She was furious. She was hurt. They did break up over it. He came to me, and whilst she was having the heartache, we were having the love blitz, or whatever you want to call it. There was this window of time when we were genuinely delighted with one another, but it didn't last forever. Within a year he was sliding back into serious depression, and I was truly unhappy. (You can only cover up what's wrong for a time. This sort of thing doesn't 'fix' problems, and actually creates more.) I've come to the full realization of how dreadful my actions were. You don't reach in and grab your happiness at the cost of someone else's. If I could take it all back, I surely would. He should have been with her. She needed him so much in so many ways. I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed before God. I really am. He and I have remained friends. He's tried a few times to 'respark' my interest, and I've explained at length that I just could never do that. For one, I don't feel the same about him, which makes me even sadder. It just makes me wonder even more, what was I thinking?? I guess what hurts even worse is the thought that I walked into that situation knowing it was wrong. I did. I can't come up with a single excuse. I had no business being involved with this man in any way, shape or form. And I do believe that the law of reciprocity spoken of in the Bible, doesn't only apply to what you give in life in terms of personal earnings, but also, what you give in love, in respect, in honor and kindness. I do believe that what you give, you eventually get back, be it good or bad. These things we don't just walk away from. You pay, eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 things happen i dont think u should beat yourself up ive been involved with a married guy for 3 1/2 years im so miserable depressed ivs tried to end it he says hes leaving soon for the past year he married her cause of a child (we met and became friends when she was preg &we were friends 2 yrs before affair started)i love him &i hate him because if he really loved me he wouldnt stay cause its easier then leaving but anywaydont beat yourself up forgive yourself every saint has a past every sinner a future Link to post Share on other sites
Woz Posted December 26, 2004 Share Posted December 26, 2004 Suegail, It sounds like I could have written that post with you. The important thing to remember is that we are accountable for what we do. There is no getting off scot-free in this world, no matter how trivial and private some of our actions are. I would break off contact with him, because he is only going to keep you in a state of misery. The first few days are really, really difficult. But as time goes by, and the less he is on your mind, the better your life will be. Believe me when I tell you, because I have just done it and I survived. Please take care. Don't beat yourself up, just move on and get out of this relationship because it is only going to continue to hurt him and his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suegail Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 Thank you both for the kind words. I am OUT of that relationship now, no doubt about it, and I feel good about that, but I still find myself wishing we'd never started in the first place. It's sort of a haunting experience to find yourself regretting past relationships with men. I've met people who've had one man, ever, and they've never really looked back, or regretted anything about their marriages, other than perhaps the little things about a person that tend to annoy another, but no real moments of despair. Truthfully, I'm a better person when I'm not in a relationship. I don't understand why that is, but it just is. Once I'm adjusted to the loss of a relationship, I return to a more stable state of mind. When things are going real well in a relationship, I'm tip top, but if things begin to go south, I really don't handle that well emotionally, and unfortunately, I've never ever been in a relationship that didn't go down the tubes. I'm just not one of those people who is very good at sitting down and working through the problems. "if it works, don't fix it," but if it doesn't work, let's just drop it, period. That's been my modus opperandi or whatever you call it. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 What a courageous, open and honest post.... We all learn from our mistakes, that's part of being human. I hope one day you can totally forgive yourself....because you gotta know, God has definitely forgiven you I hope your post will be a huge wake-up call to the many OM/OW/MM/MW reading. Bless you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suegail Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 Thank you, Indigo for saying that. You don't know how much I do appreciate your words. God Bless.... Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us..." In all the time that I've posted and lurked here, I've never read anything so candid. Great post, suegail. If anyone here deserves to find themselves some peace of mind it's you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suegail Posted January 1, 2005 Author Share Posted January 1, 2005 It's very kind of you to say that, G.M., and I thank you for taking the time to let me know your thoughts. May your new year be a happy one..... Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I echo Grining Maniac's words - whatever you did, for whatever reason, happened and cannot be changed. How you feel, how you behave, how you recognise your own mistakes can affect everything though. You made a mistake, we all do/have. We are, after all, only human. The difference between you and so many others however, is that you, without sounding holy and pious, have seen how our actions have direct and frequently devastating repercussions on other, often entirely innocent parties. Respect to you hun. Here's wishing you a very happy, and emotionally fulfilling 2005. You truly deserve it. V x Link to post Share on other sites
Author suegail Posted January 4, 2005 Author Share Posted January 4, 2005 and I wish you the same, Veronese - - thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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