munkeygirl Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Like many of you, I have recently broken up with my partner, and am thinking about possible reconcillation. I am quite boggled by his behaviour, and am hoping some of you may be able to translate for me. We broke up three weeks ago. I am a 25, he is 22. Our relationship only lasted about six months, but was very intense emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Prior to the breakup, we had been fighting intermittently for two weeks. The last night we were together, I expressed feeling generally unhappy in the relationship. In the morning, as he was being ever so sweet to me (like he always was) I insulted him and made him cry. Then I said *maybe we should break up* and he eventually agreed to this. I did this because I was unhappy with, my life and the way our relationship was working (ie me sacrificing too much and resenting him even though I gave it up willingly). Later that day I tried to take it back, but it was too late. His mind was made up and I don't blame him. Since then I have been doing all the things that I'm supposed to do to get over it.. I've made huge life changes (with my career that I have been wanting to do for some time), I got a kitten whom I adore, pierced my VAGINA (which I also adore) and been hanging out with friends a lot. I have also been dating other people casually since then, but no one compares to him. He has said recently that no one compares to me as well. My ex and I have mutual friends, and he knows what I have been up to but I haven't really been in contact with him because I realize we both need space right now. He has NEVER reconcilled with any of his previous ex-girlfriends, but I know I have made a grave mistake. He loved me like I wanted to be loved, and I treated him in a way he didn't deserve. Even after we broke up he said that he had never loved anyone as much as I, and never been as close to anyone as I. He has been partying a lot since then, although he couldnt go to work for several days after the breakup because he was so distraught. Ideally I would like to reconcile with him when we are both ready, however I'm not sure if he would be open to that. Is there any way I can get him back? I don't want to hound him with calls, but I know he is thinking about me everyday because I work across the street from his apartment. Do any of you have any advice for me? I realize he is young, and I can accept that I screwed up and have to deal with the consequences. How do I go about trying to have him in my life, even as a friend? Im confused because apparently he is still in love with m, as I him, but he thinks when something is broken in cannot be fixed. Please help me, guys (and ladies) Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 thats good..ur proof that when the woman is the dumper..there is possibility for reconcilliation..u should post on here to give guys hopecause mostthink its not possible wehn the woman is the dumper. anyways, im sure if he loves you he just needs time tothink about the whole situation..allow himthat time. i know that if u were to contact him..that would make him feel good, just dont talk about the two of u. i suggest lettin some time pass and then call himto see hows he doin..and ifhe sounds like hewants totalk to you..then ask to see him to hang out. since u dumped him..u gonna have to really prove to him u love him and broek up with him for whatever the reasons u gonna give him..just tell him that ur sorry and would like to take things slow. if he triestoplay the tough guy and say no, or says he dont want to talk to you..u gonna have tolevae him alone for a bit..but telll him that u understand and that hecan contact you when he is ready to do so..then u just wait from there. now if i may ask..since you dumped him, how were u feelin after doin taht being the dumper? this would hep a lot of the guys on here Link to post Share on other sites
Author munkeygirl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 Thanks for the reply, Puma, but I think you are misunderstanding something ( I was a bit tipsy when I wrote the original post). Yes I dumped him (although he seemed to agree at the time) and he was crying etc, then I walked out of his apartment, which he considered to be a sign that IT WAS TOTALLY OVER. I tried to make amends immediately, but it was futile. He proceeded to grieve the next few days.. and now I'm giving him space. How do I feel being the dumper? Like an absolute IDIOT. I was stressed out and not thinking straight; I lost the most important person in my life and it seems there is NOTHING I can do to rectify the situation. Why do men have to be so stubborn!!? arg. There have, however, been situations in previous relationships where it felt great to end relationships. This was because I was sure the relationship wasn't working and we would both be better off without eachother. Many of those men are now in great long term relationships with women whom adore them. So, if you are a dumpee, it is possible to move on and find the right person to complete you. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 i understand..and although he seemed to agree at the time u still initiated it so udumped him. idid the same thing..i agreed just so i wouldnt seem like i was beggin her to not go through with it and see me as weak, but she dumped me whether or not i agreed it was still her. sorry to hear u felt liek that...but its comforting cause it shows that u werent heartless..i think thats a very widely misconception here about the dumpers. that they dont care and just go on liek nothin happened..id understand if there was reall problems in the relationship that cause one to just feel liek they needed to escape and could feel happy about it, but if for the most part the relationship was good..then ur comment just helped us out so thanks. and woman are just as stubborn!! haha of course...nothin is impossible but most here want their ex back as the relationship is worth hangin onto. and a lot of us have seen the types of people that are out there..and have come to the conclusion that our ex is that great of a person Link to post Share on other sites
Author munkeygirl Posted December 24, 2004 Author Share Posted December 24, 2004 So today not only does he (my ex, obviously) visit me at work *just to say hi* for the first time since we broke up.. and we have chit chat and I look in his eyes and I see how much he wants me in so many different ways (or perhaps Im imagining it cause that what I want to see).. I mention I am going out to the bar tonight (where he NEVER goes).. we have separate bars now to avoid discomfort. Then I get off work, and guess who is at my bar being uber friendly and huggy and flirty.? what does he want? Is this about him wanting to be friends three weeks after we broke up? He apparently dragged his buddy along to MY BAR. so confused.. Does this mean he wants me back or wants to see me? arg. WTF!?? anyone want to translate this form of male behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 loooks to me lke he havin second thouhgts there buddy! just go with the flow..dont give intoo quickly just in case hes pullin ur chain.could be hewnats to be friends..but then he wouldnt be so flirty huggy feely..could also behe just misses that female companionship and might want something sexual..so he might try to lure u in for that. just relax..be aloof,let him chase ya, then if he wants to talk or go out do that but let him do most of the talkin if its gonna be about the two of you.have a merrry christmas Link to post Share on other sites
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