siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Hello, My girlfriend weighted about 230 pounds, and I weights about 185 pounds. I am physically fit and she was just fat. Well after 3 years of constantly complaining about being fat, I finally decided to do something about it. We both went on a strict low fat diet and she lost around 70 pounds! I was so happy for her. I love this girl guys, I really do. I always saw her as beautiful, I pasted up many other pretty girls and dates because I knew that she was the most physically beautiful person, but I loved her heart and mind. Now she lost all this weight and started going out with friends and all of a sudden she doesn't know what she wants anymore. This really frustrates me because I know that more guys are hitting on her and she's loving the attention. She got involved with a sexual/intimate relationship with another guy and now I'm devasted. Well after 2 months with this clown, she finally came back and said that her "life has been miserable without me." I am a man with pride and I just hate to think about my woman sleeping around with some guy she doesn't even know, but cared about. The visual images are in my head and I think about them OVER AND OVER again. What should I do because I love her, but it sucks because how can someone do this to you, and then act like nothing happened? Please advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by siwellbr Now she lost all this weight and started going out with friends and all of a sudden she doesn't know what she wants anymore. This really frustrates me because I know that more guys are hitting on her and she's loving the attention. So after probably a lifetime of being overweight, and probably years of being ridiculed and teased for her weight, probably never had many dates because she was overweight, she finally lost weight and became more physically appealing. She has guys hitting on her constantly for probably the first time in her life. Yeah, she is going to like the attention. After a lifetime of being made to feel less desireable than most people, she is suddenly in the drivers seat. It can overwhelm a person very easily. She got involved with a sexual/intimate relationship with another guy and now I'm devasted. Well after 2 months with this clown, she finally came back and said that her "life has been miserable without me." So she got the feeling of newfound power out of her system and realizes there is more to a relationship than just the physical. She realizes she had something more than that with you. I am a man with pride and I just hate to think about my woman sleeping around with some guy she doesn't even know, but cared about. The visual images are in my head and I think about them OVER AND OVER again. What should I do because I love her, but it sucks because how can someone do this to you, and then act like nothing happened? Please advice. So you really love this woman, but you won't set aside your pride? Do you really know what love is? Your woman? She had the decency to end your relationship before she got involved with someone else. She wasn't "your woman" during that time. Did she have any sexual partners before you got together? If not would it have made a difference? It shouldn't. Did you initially get into this relationship because no one else had "had" her? Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 no offense, but from your first post, even though you directly claim not to be, you sound a bit shallow and it's not hidden very well. perhaps your girlfriend picked up on this attitude from you also and thought, "eff this, i can do better. " then she realized she missed you and that no guy is perfect. who knows. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by siwellbr Now she lost all this weight and started going out with friends and all of a sudden she doesn't know what she wants anymore. This really frustrates me because I know that more guys are hitting on her and she's loving the attention. This almost always happens when one partner changes dramatically. See, she is not the same person now that she was when heavy. This will modify her personality and behavior somewhat. A male co-worker I worked with about 10 yrs ago had same thing happen to him. His wife lost 100 lbs and went from from about a 3 to a 9 (on scale of 1-10). She left him and married a rich older dude and now lives in a mansion and is still skinny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 To be honest, I'm not being shallow at all. I just wanted her to tell me what she wanted of me and she couldn't tell me. I think I deserve that after 4 years, and on top of that when she did tell me that she didn't want to be with me anymore I stopped calling her cold turkey. That's when she came back in a couple months with her tail between her legs. Well soon after, I decided to try it again, but she hadn't resolved her situation with this dude and was talking to him on the side. I said screw it and now I gues it's no contact because she is so indecisive right now and it drives me crazy. QUESTION: When you are in a long-term relationship from teens into adulthood, there will always be changes i understand, but how do you know when to give up or just say that this is all part of "our story." For example, my aunt and uncle have been together for like 50 years, and they always talk about their good/bad times, and they are glad that they never gave up on each other. This really is the only thing that keeps me going with this. I wonder is it a "dry time" for us and things will eventually pick up or is it really really over? It's so hard to tell because there was one time where we were really in love, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to not be in her life, and I want her to be in mine. Link to post Share on other sites
j_nelson Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 You aren't being shallow at all...I know exactly how you feel...and I wish I could answer your question but I am wondering the same thing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Author Share Posted December 22, 2004 QUESTION: When you are in a long-term relationship from teens into adulthood, there will always be changes i understand, but how do you know when to give up or just say that this is all part of "our story." For example, my aunt and uncle have been together for like 50 years, and they always talk about their good/bad times, and they are glad that they never gave up on each other. This really is the only thing that keeps me going with this. I wonder is it a "dry time" for us and things will eventually pick up or is it really really over? It's so hard to tell because there was one time where we were really in love, and she tells me that she doesn't want me to not be in her life, and I want her to be in mine. Link to post Share on other sites
jonnyb Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Hello,one reaction will turn out one of two ways, either of them being what you want weather you know it or not. First off let her know that you are impressed with all her progress and the way she looks. You have to let her know that you are an adult no matter if she acts like a 18 yo slut or not. The last thing you want to do is seem vulnerable and desperate. Let her know that you don't like the ideaof her sleeping with someone else but that you can certainly do without her. think of all those girls you passed up along the way. If there is one thing I know about women its the fact that if things get boring they will start looking for a way out. Women are attracted to whatever makes them feel good. They want to feel special to someone but depended on to hold things together. Its all about finding that perfect medium between making them feel special but also that they aren't the only ones that have something to offer. This will keep YOU interesting to HER and also keep her at home. But that is scenario #1. OK, on to scenario #2. One thing that alot of men have to realize is that it's not all about women. You can go into a book store and find a thousand books about how to keep women happy. You might find three about keeping men happy. If you do things to make your woman happy, she damn well better return the favor. I say to hell with always trying to figure out the mysteriouse female code. I will hold up my end if you hold up yours. Spending your life trying to make someone else happy with no reward is no way for a man to live. If you want to know my honest opinion about it i'll give you these quotes along with it. A man can build bridges all his life and and at the end if he sucks one dick he won't be known as a builder of bridges, he will be known as a damn fag. The point is, once you begin doing things that damage a relationship as bad as cheating does, you can never really go back. Once a whore always a whore. Anyone who's relationship standards can be changed by something as simple as losing 70 lbs doesn't have the self control to resist the urge to do it again. If I were you I would be a man about it and tell her pack it up and go. Don't waste you life trying to turn a whore into a housewife. rules of life 1. YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE 2. YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOUR JOB, IT'S THERE'S 3 YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE Good luck buddy, JonnyB Link to post Share on other sites
whereismylifegoing Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 well said! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 no offense, but from your first post, even though you directly claim not to be, you sound a bit shallow and it's not hidden very well. What nonsense. It's the girl that had a fling, then wanted siwellbr back, not the other way around. She's the shallow, erratic one, not he. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristram Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 You dont need someone that is like that. You are not obligated to her in any way so why bother. Go find someone you will be happier with and will actually have some decency. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 As far as you should be concerned, she missed her chance with you the moment she ditched you for another man. Even if she hadn't lost the weight, she would have cheated on you sooner or later because that is who she is as a person. Her weight loss is in this case, like alcohol in that it didn't make her do anything other than what she would have wanted to do in the first place; all it did was give her the opportunity she couldn't have otherwise exploited because the options she had while in a Rubenesque state were limited. Even then, there are plenty of men and women who like chasing the chub, sort of speak. So if she could have found someone with whom she considered worth sleeping around while still with you, she would have cheated anyway. The reasons why she's running back to you are less out of love than out of regret (relationships built on infidelity of any kind don't last in the long run) and narcissism (it's all about her needs for a warm body with which to spoon while sleeping and fill her lonely moments.) You don't seem all that shallow; in fact, you probably didn't demand enough of her to live up to two of her responsibilities as a lover in a relationship: Stay loyal to the relationship and keep one's appearance pleasing to the other (and this goes for both women and men). She lost her chance. Find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 This post is a year old. Link to post Share on other sites
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