unsure

[Alex]

Need advice please. I have dated my girlfriend for a number of years. She is constantly talking about marriage. This bothers me. I feel like she is forcing marriage on me. She seems so sure of our relationship and moving ahead into marriage, but I am unsure. I wish I was sure but, I'm not. I don't want to hurt her. I wonder if I am being unfair. I don't know about marriage, I possibly see it in our future. I am wondering how I can know or figure out if she is really the woman I want as my wife? I have dated her for so long and I am wondering when I will finally know. She is my first serious relationship, is it that I need to experience other women? Each time we get closer to a deeper commitment, such as living together, I tend to back away but, the thought of losing her is unbearable. I am scared. I have yet to witness or hear about a happy marriage. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. My peers are unfaithful and unmarried. I have never seen or heard about an actual couple that is truly happy and faithful in a marriage. I am wondering if my feelings are due to these influences. I was wondering if we should break up but, I don't want to lose her and then regret it after on. I don't know what to do. Please help. How do I know if she's the one?

[sissi]

You couldn't force yourself to do something you are not willing to do. She is sure about the fact you are what she wants, but it's your right to feel uncertain. I don't think it is absolutely necessary to experience other women, the experience makes you know more about yourself, and avoid things that have hurt you, but it doesnt mean you have to have had several women to commit yourself. Commitment is scary anyway, but commitment doesnt mean you are loosing freedom.

Need advice please. I have dated my girlfriend for a number of years. She is constantly talking about marriage. This bothers me. I feel like she is forcing marriage on me. She seems so sure of our relationship and moving ahead into marriage, but I am unsure. I wish I was sure but, I'm not. I don't want to hurt her. I wonder if I am being unfair. I don't know about marriage, I possibly see it in our future. I am wondering how I can know or figure out if she is really the woman I want as my wife? I have dated her for so long and I am wondering when I will finally know. She is my first serious relationship, is it that I need to experience other women? Each time we get closer to a deeper commitment, such as living together, I tend to back away but, the thought of losing her is unbearable. I am scared. I have yet to witness or hear about a happy marriage. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. My peers are unfaithful and unmarried. I have never seen or heard about an actual couple that is truly happy and faithful in a marriage. I am wondering if my feelings are due to these influences. I was wondering if we should break up but, I don't want to lose her and then regret it after on. I don't know what to do. Please help. How do I know if she's the one?

[Vega]

I believe it could have a lot to do with the relationships you've been around. You've seen only the negative aspect of a relationship, not the positive. You haven't had the chance to witness a strong, loving, devoted relationship, thus you don't really see it being a possibility. There are many people out there who have been married longer than we've been alive!! Not all relationships come to an end. Give it a little thought, but don't make any decisions until you are 100% positive that she is who you want to spend your life with.

Need advice please. I have dated my girlfriend for a number of years. She is constantly talking about marriage. This bothers me. I feel like she is forcing marriage on me. She seems so sure of our relationship and moving ahead into marriage, but I am unsure. I wish I was sure but, I'm not. I don't want to hurt her. I wonder if I am being unfair. I don't know about marriage, I possibly see it in our future. I am wondering how I can know or figure out if she is really the woman I want as my wife? I have dated her for so long and I am wondering when I will finally know. She is my first serious relationship, is it that I need to experience other women? Each time we get closer to a deeper commitment, such as living together, I tend to back away but, the thought of losing her is unbearable. I am scared. I have yet to witness or hear about a happy marriage. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. My peers are unfaithful and unmarried. I have never seen or heard about an actual couple that is truly happy and faithful in a marriage. I am wondering if my feelings are due to these influences. I was wondering if we should break up but, I don't want to lose her and then regret it after on. I don't know what to do. Please help. How do I know if she's the one?

[ashesmum]

This is what I think... I think that you know somehow if you want to marry this woman already. If you have been with her for three years and don't have some idea then something's wrong. You obviously have alot of doubts towards this marriage thing. It could be because of influences around you or it could be your thoughts telling you that you don't want marriage. I don't think that having lots of experiences with women is gonna help you know if you want a marriage sometime in the future or not though! You have to realize that this is your relationship and not someone else's problemed marriage. Or if something in the past had happened, doesn't mean it's gonna happen this time. Make sure you tell her that you don't want to be pressured into marriage. But she does have the right to know if you have any potential in marrying her at some point. There's no reason for her to sit around hoping you'll pop the question when you already have in your head you don't want to. Good luck to you!

Need advice please. I have dated my girlfriend for a number of years. She is constantly talking about marriage. This bothers me. I feel like she is forcing marriage on me. She seems so sure of our relationship and moving ahead into marriage, but I am unsure. I wish I was sure but, I'm not. I don't want to hurt her. I wonder if I am being unfair. I don't know about marriage, I possibly see it in our future. I am wondering how I can know or figure out if she is really the woman I want as my wife? I have dated her for so long and I am wondering when I will finally know. She is my first serious relationship, is it that I need to experience other women? Each time we get closer to a deeper commitment, such as living together, I tend to back away but, the thought of losing her is unbearable. I am scared. I have yet to witness or hear about a happy marriage. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. My peers are unfaithful and unmarried. I have never seen or heard about an actual couple that is truly happy and faithful in a marriage. I am wondering if my feelings are due to these influences. I was wondering if we should break up but, I don't want to lose her and then regret it after on. I don't know what to do. Please help. How do I know if she's the one?

[Ed]

There is not just one person "out there" that is "right" for you. There are many women you could potentially have a long term relationship with. One woman may be a better choice than another, but there are still many to choose from.

 

There is no sure fire scheme, battery of questions, or litmus test that can tell you, for certain, if this woman is "one of the ones" you could maintain a long term relationship with. There are just too many variables that (could?) come into play over time.

 

Many of us wish and hope for life-long partners. But keep in mind, a life-long partner is only life-long for one. The other partner will be left alone, eventually, if things last that long.

 

The bottom line is - there are no guarantees in any relationship. The only thing we can do is make the best choices we can when the time comes. You have told her you are not ready to make a commitment yet. But if she keeps hammering on you, you may be forced to make a choice. If it comes to that, you will have to make you best judgment based on what you know at the time, live with the consequences. Each choice and decision we make builds character and adds to our knowledge so we can make more informed choices the next time.

[Rogue]

Hmmm. Your question is a lot more interesting than you realize. The real question, I think, is what are you really so afraid of?

 

Is it marriage that scares you or your girlfiend that makes you nervous? Is it her or the idea of marriage that makes you uncertain?

 

If it's marriage that scares you, then it's normal to be nervous about it staring you in the face.It's a huge commitment,and anybody would get nervous about it. But ,really, if you don't get married what do you plan on doing? Scouring 'meat markets' at age 75, looking for a girlfriend? Now, that's pretty scary too, huh? Don't be scared of marriage if you love your girlfriend, because the alternatives aren't much better.

 

If it's your girlfriend you're unsure of, then nows the time to start making up your mind about her. You have to start communicating, really try to work some of these issues out with her. Better to work things out now, rather than work things out later when married. What you should be concerned is how good are you two at dealing with your differences of opinion.You should lay it all on the table, tell her exactly how you feel.Then you should LISTEN to her, and try to completely understand how SHE feels! Make sure you're clear on her side in all this...don't just think of your own views.

 

Nevermind the consequences, just sit down and talk with her no-holds barred. Let whatever happens from the discussion happen. Just tell the truth to her, and let her tell it to you.The right thing to do will become clearer then.