Valley Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 "ve been dating a 40 yr. old man, who has been divorced for 3 1/2 yrs., and who also has a 5 yr. old son. We've been going out for close to 2 yrs now. He and I are extremely close, seeing each other nearly everyday and he also calls me at least 3 times daily, almost at any chance he has free while at work and then later in the evening until we meet up again. So here is my dilemma. Back in November he had invited me to have dinner with his family for Thanksgiving. This was going to be our very first holiday spent together ever. There I was, so completely excited about finally being invited to a family event, which he has very often, as he's 1 of 10 siblings. As I was literally walking out the door to go and meet him, he calls me to tell me that he had bad news. He said that his ex-wife and son were both going to be there and he didn't want any conflict with his son. I've met his son about 6 times and his son does not even know that Daddy has a girlfriend. In fact, on one occasion his son had asked if he had a girlfriend and my boyfriend had denied me. Anyway, I was completely devastated by this and really hurt. I'm I seriously thought that maybe we were going places and that we might be able to take things to the next level. So, here we are once again at Christmas time and my fear is becoming more of a reality and that is that he's not going to invite me to his family's for any holiday celebration. And I know FOR SURE that his ex-wife is going to be at one of the two celebrations that they are having. What should I do. I'm really bothered by this entire mess and very confused to say the least. He just recently asked me if I would consider buying a house with him too. With separate rooms and another buyer though. Like how weird is that!? Is it just business???? I don't know if should confront the guy that I truly am in love with or just brush it off and hope for a better 2005 holiday season. But then again, at that point I'll be going on 3 yr in a relationship with a guy who doesn't bring me around his child or family. Help Please! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 Frankly, Valley, I wouldn't be able to handle that at all. It sounds like you are both at a different level of committment, you want more than he is currently giving. You need to think about what you are willing to accept. Do you want to be with him so much that you are happy to hang in for a while longer, on his terms? Or would you rather end it, if he doesn't offer you a greater degree of committment and involvement? If you are prepared to take the latter step, then you should talk to him (maybe after christmas if you dont want tension right now) and tell him what you need/expect. After this amount of time, if I were you, I would be very hurt if his son did not know me, and I did not get to go to the thanksgiving dinner etc. Your man needs to consider your needs, and not just his own in this respect. Children do complicate matters, I know, but steps need to be taken to include you, if he loves you and wants you as a part of his life. Either you are an included part of his life now, or you are not. And how long can you handle not being totally included? I wish you the very best of luck in sorting this out, and hopefully, getting a situation you are happy with. Link to post Share on other sites
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