Parents' Jealousy of my in laws is stressing me out

[starzarebrite37]

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. I am an only child who has grown up with two overbearing parents. Furthermore, they dislike my husband and sometimes talk bad about him. They also talk crap about his family, who they never got to know. They called the "white trash" just because they like wrestling. They also claim I put his family before mine, which is not true. I call my parents every day, whereas I talk to my in laws once a week.

 

There's a trend on Facebook where in the month of November, you write a status about something you are thankful for everyday. Friday, I wrote that I was thankful for my brother and sister in law. My dad went on there and chewed me out for not yet writing a status about my grandmothers. I called my mom and she said he had a point and that im always putting his family before mine. This was a week ago, and im still livid.

 

I am a good daughter. I visit them bi monthly and see them on all holidays. They made a big stink one year because I wanted to also go to his family's for thanksgiving, instead if spending the entire time with them. I'm over their pettiness.

[d0nnivain]

Yikes. Nevertheless, I am going to assume the best about them. As an only child, your parents are afraid of losing you.

 

 

You need to sit them down, away from your husband & before the holidays. Tell them how much you love them & appreciate everything they have done for you. Remind them that that raised your right & that you make good decisions. Then tell them -- nicely but firmly -- that they have to respect your choices & let you honor your marriage vows. Assure them that they are not losing a daughter but are gaining a son although if they continue to badmouth him they stand to lose you both.

 

 

You need to set boundaries. You also have to make your family -- your husband & child -- a priority over your family of origin.

[starzarebrite37]

Sadly, I've told them nicely that I'm not going anywhere and I love them very much. Sadly, they can't get that through their heads. To be honest, yes I do feel more confident to tell my mother in law things than my own mom, just because she's less judgmental. I grew up being criticized for my weight, and I was constantly reprimanded for not having any friends, because I was bullied. For that, I was called a snob. They also talk crap about everyone, even their own mothers. It's exhausting.

[d0nnivain]

Then back off. You have to make yourself happy. You can't be responsible for their judgments.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh boy,

 

We must be related.

 

Same family pattern.

 

Parents who are unpleasable and reasonable enough in-laws.

Granted, my mother-in-law is nuts BUT even given that, I feel more comfortable with her than my own parents.

Given what you've posted, the only choice here is to be driven nuts or not.

 

You, you husband, and the in-laws your parents "barely know" will never be good enough for your parents.

 

You will always be the brunt of their criticism abd an excuse for the crappy way they behave.

 

My patents never even met my in-laws. They refused. Selfish jerks they are. Just awful. And yet, my in-laws are just these "awful, not worthwhile people." Pathetic.

 

Honestly, having been through this crisp with my own parents, I'd go 180 with them.

Let th contact you and not vice-versa.

My parents also didn't listen to my feelings on any matter and made it about "well, you just like so-and-so better so I'm not going to change and be civil to you!"

 

It wasn't a "competition" I simply wanted them not to be so damn soul-crushing ALL THE TIME. They couldn't even do that. Because somehow it meant someone who wasn't soul-crushing was "winning." Even though the comparison was never made nor implied.

 

You can never get through to someone with such massive insecurities. It's impossible.

 

List of things that are more possible:

 

1. Getting blood from a stone

2. Catching lightning in a jar

3. Lassoing the moon

4. Convincing some of the dateless men in this site that actually ASKING a woman out improves their odds of getting a date.

5. Winning the lottery

6. Resurrecting Richard Dawkins, proving to him that Jesus is the Christ abd getting him to go forth and preach to the world.

7. Convincing any global government to be 100% honest and transparent to its citizenry.

8. Getting my daughter to stop pestering the dog.

[starzarebrite37]

You guys are right. My parents are very insecure and unhappy with their lives. You want to know what triggered my dad to go all HAM on me on FB? Apparently, my sister in law (hubby's sister) had a Facebook post bragging on her children's grades, and it rubbed my mom the wrong way. Who knows what kinda crap my parents have been saying about them. Just ugh.

 

My parents actually have met my in laws TWICE. The in laws have been nothing but nice to my parents, yet they still act ugly. They helped us with our wedding as well. Just senseless.

 

After my dad chewed me out, my mom in law wrote a reply defending me, so that felt great. Im like her 2nd daughter at times lol

[Nyla]

An adult child marrying brings up many uncomfortable feelings for parents. If they are overbearing, they are upset about "losing" their child. When your parents see how well you get along with your in-laws, it reinforces the fact that you have joined another family.

 

My mother has always been very jealous of me getting along with other families. I was very close to my first boyfriend's mother and not my mom, because my mother was an abusive battleax. Every time I went to my first boyfriend's mother with my pain instead of my mother, it reminded my mother of how her own behavior ruined our relationship.

 

My mother also gets jealous when I am on the phone with my in-laws and I do not answer her calls. She snarls when I speak excitedly about my niece on my husband's side and my mother pouts when I visit my in-laws around Christmas. I don't pay any attention to her childish nonsense. I know my mother is painfully aware of the reasons she and I will never be close, which is why she says things like "You never pick up my calls whenever you talk to those people!"