How to tell if a guy is interested - are there subtle signs?

[Imported]

Well I can guarantee you......

 

I am sure you're friendly to all the guys equally.

[Phoe]

Why not ask her out for a drink?

See what you can discover first hand...

 

Not a bad idea. If nothing else I actually think she and I could be friends, I've had nothing but fun conversations with her at work as it is.

 

 

It's a bit embarassing to think I might need to ask for advice though, she's been coming to ME about advice, asking how to go about letting a guy down professionally in the workplace. Apparently she thinks I have experience with doing that lol. I just gave her a standard answer about being gracious and polite lol.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Well I can guarantee you I am rude to no one. Being a friendly and kind person to EVERYONE - every single person I meet - is something I make a point of doing. If I can brighten someone's day by talking to them, smiling at them, just saying hello, then that brightens my own day.

 

I think this matters.

 

If you are bubbly, outgoing, and super-friendly to everyone you see, how will a decent guy know he's special? Sure, he may not be that special if you don't know him very well, but you can make him feel special.

 

That's how I got together with my GFs. I liked the girls that treated me differently than every other guy they talked to. If I saw a pretty girl being super-friendly to every guy, I'd think twice about getting to know her.

 

I think this is true even for some guys who aren't insecure. It just might not seem worth the trouble if they suspect you have a TON of guy friends, or seem too comfortable being flirty with everyone.

[Phoe]

I think this matters.

 

If you are bubbly, outgoing, and super-friendly to everyone you see, how will a decent guy know he's special? Sure, he may not be that special if you don't know him very well, but you can make him feel special.

 

That's how I got together with my GFs. I liked the girls that treated me differently than every other guy they talked to. If I saw a pretty girl being super-friendly to every guy, I'd think twice about getting to know her.

 

I think this is true even for some guys who aren't insecure. It just might not seem worth the trouble if they suspect you have a TON of guy friends, or seem too comfortable being flirty with everyone.

 

I can't pick and choose who I'm nice to. I just can't.

 

 

I can't in a split second decide that some person isn't worthy of me being nice to them, and just go into some forced bitch mode. I can't do it and won't do it.

 

 

There is no person in this world who is so special that I need to treat everyone else around us as less special just to make him feel good. I absolutely will not do it. That's crossing the line for me.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I can't pick and choose who I'm nice to. I just can't.

 

 

I can't in a split second decide that some person isn't worthy of me being nice to them, and just go into some forced bitch mode. I can't do it and won't do it.

 

 

There is no person in this world who is so special that I need to treat everyone else around us as less special just to make him feel good. I absolutely will not do it. That's crossing the line for me.

 

LOL, I'm not saying go into bitch mode. But have you ever made a guy feel like he's the only guy in the room?

 

I'm telling you that if you are too bubbly with lots of guys, you will intimidate a lot of people. Not just the 'fraidy-cats

[Phoe]

If I saw a pretty girl being super-friendly to every guy, I'd think twice about getting to know her.

 

It just might not seem worth the trouble if they suspect you have a TON of guy friends, or seem too comfortable being flirty with everyone.

 

 

Why in gods name would you not want to get to know a girl who treats all people with kindness and friendliness? It's not just guys, it's women too, children, elderly people. EVERYONE.

 

 

Makes no sense.

 

 

And there is a difference between friendly and flirty. I am not flirty. Flirty is not my style and doesn't work for me. To me, flirty means having a sexual vibe to the conversation, or getting touchy feely. My friendliness towards people is, for lack of a better word, innocent.

 

 

Flirting is reserved solely for a guy I have taken an extreme interest in and am actively trying to pursue, or for a guy I am already in a relationship with. I don't just flirt with a random stranger.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Why in gods name would you not want to get to know a girl who treats all people with kindness and friendliness? It's not just guys, it's women too, children, elderly people. EVERYONE.

 

 

Makes no sense.

 

 

And there is a difference between friendly and flirty. I am not flirty. Flirty is not my style and doesn't work for me. To me, flirty means having a sexual vibe to the conversation, or getting touchy feely. My friendliness towards people is, for lack of a better word, innocent.

 

 

Flirting is reserved solely for a guy I have taken an extreme interest in and am actively trying to pursue, or for a guy I am already in a relationship with. I don't just flirt with a random stranger.

 

Hey, just trying to help. Take it or leave it.

[Phoe]

But have you ever made a guy feel like he's the only guy in the room?

 

I dunno if I have, you'd have to ask them, lol.

 

 

I do know that if I'm into a guy, I pay him a lot of attention. If I'm at a party, I'll be near him most of the night, talking with him most of the night rather than others.

 

 

It's only one in a blue moon though that I find a guy I'm into enough that I consciously make these choices to pay more attention and be near him

[Phoe]

Hey, just trying to help. Take it or leave it.

 

I know you're trying to help, and I get what you're saying, but unfortunately it just is not something I can do. I can't pick and choose who gets special treatment.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I know you're trying to help, and I get what you're saying, but unfortunately it just is not something I can do. I can't pick and choose who gets special treatment.

 

It takes a certain type of guy to be with a woman like you. He has to have like, no insecurity. Maybe even bubbly like you. This is giving you a smaller pool to choose from.

 

Are you a bit hyper? If you have ADHD then some people could be put off.

 

edit: I say this not as an insult, my wife has ADHD and is very hyper and outgoing. Very bubbly, lights up a room with her personality.

[Salvatore85]

Sure, SOME might be intimidated, but I don't intimidate the whole world! I am a kind person and do my best to be friendly to all people, so that people can feel comfortable and at ease with me.

 

 

There's a VERY pretty new girl at my work. She's been there a little over a week, maybe 2 weeks and has been asked out twice already, and is currently cheating on her boyfriend with my good friend. Little does she know he's also seeing 6 other girls at the moment. >.>

 

 

Anyway, guys clearly aren't intimidated by her and she's stunning. A few other girls at work have described her as slightly bitchy, but I haven't seen that from her, I think she's pretty nice. I've been kind of watching her, observing the way she acts to see what it is about her that compels men to want to date her.

 

Her interactions with them are different though. She doesn't treat the guys as friends so the guy doesn't think he's been friend zoned, he thinks he has a shot with her. Your guy friends don't think you're interested because you aren't making a play for them, therefor they've been friend zoned in their mind.

[Phoe]

It takes a certain type of guy to be with a woman like you. He has to have like, no insecurity. Maybe even bubbly like you. This is giving you a smaller pool to choose from.

 

Are you a bit hyper? If you have ADHD then some people could be put off.

 

edit: I say this not as an insult, my wife has ADHD and is very hyper and outgoing. Very bubbly, lights up a room with her personality.

 

I'm hyper, but not to the ADHD level. I'm able to tone the hyper down when in a serious and professional environment. But when I'm in a non-serious environment? Wooooo!!! Phoe is here yayyyyy!!! Lol

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

I'm hyper, but not to the ADHD level. I'm able to tone the hyper down when in a serious and professional environment. But when I'm in a non-serious environment? Wooooo!!! Phoe is here yayyyyy!!! Lol

 

I bet you are such a handful. (I mean that in the sweetest way possible)

 

Them boys are scared.

[Imported]

Cause I interact with these same guys on a daily basis and am very friendly and bubbly, they're some of my closest friends. I need to figure what makes them want to be friends with me, and what makes them want to date her.

 

 

She's doing something right.

 

Why in gods name would you not want to get to know a girl who treats all people with kindness and friendliness? It's not just guys, it's women too, children, elderly people. EVERYONE.

 

 

Makes no sense.

 

 

And there is a difference between friendly and flirty. I am not flirty. Flirty is not my style and doesn't work for me. To me, flirty means having a sexual vibe to the conversation, or getting touchy feely. My friendliness towards people is, for lack of a better word, innocent.

 

 

Flirting is reserved solely for a guy I have taken an extreme interest in and am actively trying to pursue, or for a guy I am already in a relationship with. I don't just flirt with a random stranger.

 

 

You answered your own question.

[Phoe]

Your guy friends don't think you're interested because you aren't making a play for them, therefor they've been friend zoned in their mind.

 

The thing is, and I think I mentioned it in this thread, is that I HAVE made plays for them, the ones that are single at least. I'm the one being friendzoned by THEM. I'm the one being told "Phoe, you're awesome, but I don't see you like that, you're like a sister to me". And a handful of them offered their opinion on the matter without even being prompted. On the topic of the new girl at work they'll say things like "it's about time we got a hot chick in here" and I'll raise my eyebrows and say "thanks ya jackass, lol" and I'll get a response along the lines of "phoe, you don't count." Or "I could never bang phoe, that would just be weird, I mean, she's... Phoe!" Which promptly earns them a scathing death glare and then we laugh about it. It's all good and I'm not bothered by their declarations, but I am not comfortable asking WHY they feel this way. WHY I don't count. I do not want to put them on the spot.

[Phoe]

You answered your own question.

 

So I should start flirting with every guy I come across? I don't really like the idea...

[Imported]

So I should start flirting with every guy I come across? I don't really like the idea...

 

 

I'm just saying, you say those guys asked the new girl out, but never bother with you even though you're friendly and bubbly with all of them. You don't flirt, she does. She makes them think they have a chance with her. You are just friendly.

 

You know what a lot of girls do is **** that makes a guy go..."hey, I think she might like me!" And that plants a seed and sometimes even if the guy wasn't thinking it before, he'll start liking (romantically) that girl too. And eventually ask her out.

 

I think you should do as you are doing. But stop wondering why another girl gets all the guys asking her out and all those same guys just treat you like a little sister.

[Phoe]

I bet you are such a handful. (I mean that in the sweetest way possible)

 

Them boys are scared.

 

It's possible I'm a little too bubbly and chipper and excitable. Which is odd because when I'm not with my friends I'm quiet lol. There are people I don't know well who say "phoe, you're so quiet" and I laugh to myself

 

When I'm just messing about with my friends they tend to laugh and shake their heads at me, saying "oh phoe, what on earth are we gonna do with you?"

[Salvatore85]

The thing is, and I think I mentioned it in this thread, is that I HAVE made plays for them, the ones that are single at least. I'm the one being friendzoned by THEM. I'm the one being told "Phoe, you're awesome, but I don't see you like that, you're like a sister to me". And a handful of them offered their opinion on the matter without even being prompted. On the topic of the new girl at work they'll say things like "it's about time we got a hot chick in here" and I'll raise my eyebrows and say "thanks ya jackass, lol" and I'll get a response along the lines of "phoe, you don't count." Or "I could never bang phoe, that would just be weird, I mean, she's... Phoe!" Which promptly earns them a scathing death glare and then we laugh about it. It's all good and I'm not bothered by their declarations, but I am not comfortable asking WHY they feel this way. WHY I don't count. I do not want to put them on the spot.

 

It may not make you feel comfortable but you're going to have to ask. It may just be that they see you like a sister, honestly. I mean I honestly don't know what to tell you at this point? From your pics you seem rather attractive and your personality seems cool so at this point you're going to have to shake some things up and just ask. Ask them how you can improve, see if they volunteer reasons like what you may be doing wrong.

 

I mean are you literally never being hit on, ever?

[Phoe]

I mean are you literally never being hit on, ever?

 

I get hit on by elderly men a lot, I'll chat with them for a bit and then they say they want to take me home with them, haha. I also get catcalled occasionally by random men in passing cars but there's nothing I can do about that. Once in a blue moon I'll get some kind of crude remark about my ass or boobs from a stranger on the street, but again, nothing I can do about that.

 

 

I get "hit on", I don't get asked out on dates. I got asked out twice this year, which I thought was quite good considering I hadn't been asked on a date since 2010 before that.

 

 

I honestly didn't think I was that bad off until coming to this forum and being led to believe that any female with a pulse ought to have men chasing her and will at any point in time have suitors lined up and have men to pick from and can just monkey bar from guy to guy. Cause I don't have that. If there are any guys interested in me right now, they're keeping quiet about it.

[Salvatore85]

The old men wanting to take you home is quite funny. Well look, you're a good looking girl and you're funny. And you're also a chick who rocks a COD shirt, I mean that's awesome in itself.

 

The worst possible thing you can do is change yourself to met a guy. Be who you are or it won't be worth it when you do finally meet someone. Hell, from the way you describe yourself I totally would've hit on you by now if I worked with you lol. And now I feel creepy but anyway you'll get it figured out, you've got a good head on your shoulders.

[Phoe]

The old men wanting to take you home is quite funny. Well look, you're a good looking girl and you're funny. And you're also a chick who rocks a COD shirt, I mean that's awesome in itself.

 

The worst possible thing you can do is change yourself to met a guy. Be who you are or it won't be worth it when you do finally meet someone. Hell, from the way you describe yourself I totally would've hit on you by now if I worked with you lol. And now I feel creepy but anyway you'll get it figured out, you've got a good head on your shoulders.

 

 

 

Thanks. I think I'm just gonna suck it up and ask my guy friends what I can do to improve my situation. It'll probably be ungodly amounts of uncomfortable, but if I can legit learn something from them, perhaps it'll be worth it.

[Salvatore85]

Thanks. I think I'm just gonna suck it up and ask my guy friends what I can do to improve my situation. It'll probably be ungodly amounts of uncomfortable, but if I can legit learn something from them, perhaps it'll be worth it.

 

Good for you Phoe. It will be worth it, and since they're your friends they will give you constructive criticism instead of just being brutal about it. This is going to sound weird but will you update it when you do ask, this thread has actually been rather interesting?

[spiderowl]

The thing is, and I think I mentioned it in this thread, is that I HAVE made plays for them, the ones that are single at least. I'm the one being friendzoned by THEM. I'm the one being told "Phoe, you're awesome, but I don't see you like that, you're like a sister to me". And a handful of them offered their opinion on the matter without even being prompted. On the topic of the new girl at work they'll say things like "it's about time we got a hot chick in here" and I'll raise my eyebrows and say "thanks ya jackass, lol" and I'll get a response along the lines of "phoe, you don't count." Or "I could never bang phoe, that would just be weird, I mean, she's... Phoe!" Which promptly earns them a scathing death glare and then we laugh about it. It's all good and I'm not bothered by their declarations, but I am not comfortable asking WHY they feel this way. WHY I don't count. I do not want to put them on the spot.

 

If this is really what's happening Phoe, it suggests to me that they all like you but you've become an honorary 'mate' of theirs. I'm sure it has nothing to do with attractiveness, but more taking you for granted and not daring to cross the line. I think perhaps this sometimes happens when several guys are fond of the same girl, none dare step over the line change the group dynamics.

 

You could try changing the dynamics yourself by separating yourself off from being their 'best mate'. Spend a little less time with them as a friend, maybe be a bit quiet at times rather than jokey with them. Keep a bit of a distance, not in an unpleasant way, more as if wrapped up in your own thoughts. They are going to sense a change and I wouldn't be surprised if someone breaks ranks and gets you alone and asks if you are OK. It's the getting you alone they are afraid of because suddenly they are taking a personal interest in you and, well, what would their mates think if they break the pattern that has developed? It would be interesting to see who breaks rank first.

[Blade96]

I know this thread is some weeks old but it might help Phoe to know she is not alone - I only had two relationships and neither one lasted more than 6 months In between I have had guys interested but went nowhere so I think I'm pretty garbage at flirting too and relationships

 

I think my skills are garbage because I do not think I like flirting much and do not really know how to do it - if I liked a guy I always just told them. I'm garbage at those touchy feely flirting stuff. But I am like Phobe - most guys just see me as a friend and they never like me as more than that.

 

In fact I have NO idea how my Russian guy who tutors me in Russian over skype got to like me. He does get jealous though. I have a personality rather like Phobe - I am nice to everyone and on good terms with pretty much everyone. And like her, my flirting skills are garbage I also have no idea why that makes guys turned off by that though. Like tonight. I said hello to the Russian, then said I had to go study. He said ok and left skype again though I told him I'd be back in an hour. He gets so upset when I am not here. He gets jealous by the fact I have a lot of friends, many who are Russian.

 

I have NO idea why guys aren't interested in people like myself and Phobe. My Russian guy has fallen for me though - he noticed again yesterday when I changed my profile skype pic and I said it seems you always notice me and he said "Even on the other side of the planet."

 

But, he lives in goddamn Russia. Not in eastern Canada where I am.

 

People like myself and Phoe have the worst luck in the world. It seems like if you are on good terms with a lot of people guys get intimidated and jealous. Either one. Or both. Or neither - they won't approach you or they'll see you as friend material. Which is great - I'll always accept a guy's offer of friendship - but inside I still think,

 

well damn.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Blade96