How to tell if a guy is interested - are there subtle signs?

[gaius]

Gahhhh I'm still waffling on it.

 

I've been told by so many people here that it's awful and that I shouldn't do it, it's got me kind of scared. There's also a part of me that's worried that if I still fail after trying OLD, that there'll be nothing left to try and that I'm just screwed. It's a sort of a "final frontier" for me, and finally bridging that gap is gonna have to be a mental thing, mostly.

 

I've browsed POF a few times but have not yet made an account.

 

Perhaps after the holidays I will officially do OLD and hopefully start off the new year with a bang.

Like many other things it is what you make out of it. You'll get a lot of messages don't worry. Just look at the attention here from the COD shirt. If you keep at it, weed out the bad guys and pick the good it will be good for you. But maybe you aren't fully ready yet. I spotted your post in the breaking up forum.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend about 6 weeks ago and the first thing I did was hit OLD and picked up a handful of numbers. It felt good just to test the water and feel wanted but I don't think I'm ready. I canned my account after a few days and never called anyone.

[Phoe]

Like many other things it is what you make out of it. You'll get a lot of messages don't worry. Just look at the attention here from the COD shirt. If you keep at it, weed out the bad guys and pick the good it will be good for you. But maybe you aren't fully ready yet. I spotted your post in the breaking up forum.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend about 6 weeks ago and the first thing I did was hit OLD and picked up a handful of numbers. It felt good just to test the water and feel wanted but I don't think I'm ready. I canned my account after a few days and never called anyone.

 

My COD shirt got some compliments, but it also got some insults lol.

 

 

It's not a matter of "not being ready", I've been ready my whole life, lol. I was single for 6 years up until the beginning of this year, was in a 1 month relationship that wasn't much of anything.

 

 

My posts in the coping areas are simply me moving past a hard rejection in a very bad situation. Falling hard for someone I will never have. I have accepted it and am healing as well as anyone can ever really expect, but I cannot let that man be a reason for me to hold myself down when I have spent 6 years very much so wanting a relationship and failing to find one.

 

 

I know that even if he did want me and even if it did pain him to know that I found someone else, that he would also be very glad for me to find someone who adores me. He's always told me I deserve it. He would hate to be the reason why I stay single.

 

 

I just want a relationship. I want companionship. I don't NEED it, I've managed 6 years just fine on my own, but I would very much so love to have a boyfriend. But I need to DATE in order for that to happen, and in order to DATE I need to learn to properly flirt (cause I'm pretty sure I suck at it), learn to properly approach(again, I'm garbage at it), or find interested men, or learn how to find out whether men are interested when they might be too shy to say something. I need lessons on how to be dateable, how to attract men! I need to start with the very basics and work my way up from there.

[Valen]

Phoe, have you consider getting a secondary job? I think it will open new doors for you to meet guys. Lots of relationships start off as co-workers. Work is usually my main source of dates.

[Phoe]

Phoe, have you consider getting a secondary job? I think it will open new doors for you to meet guys. Lots of relationships start off as co-workers. Work is usually my main source of dates.

 

I've been trying to get a 2nd job just for the sake of having a 2nd job for quite a while now, but living in this small town with this economy doesn't make it easy. Not to mention I'm going for some big promotions in early 2014 that may make having a 2nd job unrealistic. I can work 50 hours a week some weeks as it is, the 2nd job was always going to be a stretch, but I need the income if I plan on getting my Masters Degree any time soon -.-

 

 

I already work in a male dominated field though. There's a new temporary girl at work, she started today. She got asked on a date within the first 2 hours of being there. She's a doll though, I don't blame the guy, haha.

 

 

I'm actually gonna try watching and observing her while she's here, see what it is about her that made a man want to instantly start chatting her up and within 5 minutes ask her out on a date.

 

 

Sadly, she was quite appalled by it and later came to me and asked for help on how to kindly and professionally tell someone NO while in the workplace. She said she wanted to pull the Jenna Marbles face but I convinced her it probably would not have been a good choice

[Valen]

I'm actually gonna try watching and observing her while she's here, see what it is about her that made a man want to instantly start chatting her up and within 5 minutes ask her out on a date.

 

 

 

lol Phoe you crack me up. Guys are really not that complicated. There is 4 ways to attract guys:

 

1. Be cute

2. Be pretty

3. Be beautiful

4. Be sexy

 

Yup, guys will always judge a girl by her appearance first. Then they will decide if they want to get to know them. If the girl has positive energy and is honest and fun. They'll be interested.

 

By the way, when you go to work, do you do your makeup or do you go full natural? Cuz I have seen girls who do full makeup looking like 8/10 and when they don't it goes down to 6/10. It's crazy how girls can look so drastically different with makeup.

 

Personally, I don't think you should feel you need to put on an "act" to attract guys. You ultimately want someone to like you for who you are. Besides it's difficult to maintain that act for long, you'll eventually revert back to yourself anyways. Honestly, I think your dorky personality is adorable and it fits perfectly with certain guys out there. You just haven't met the right one.

 

If there is no time for second job, how about extracurricular activities? Like take a ballroom dancing class? One of my friend met her husband from a fencing class.

[jimloveslips]

Phoe, I think you're over thinking this.

First off hunting for guys is a sure way to make you not who you are - it changes you're dynamic, and you may come across as a completely different person than you really are, which could be problematic down the line - it's not "lying", but it isn't being honest, and some people (men) have a problem with deception and being deceived.

Second, you look freakin' great, and you obviously have a nice personality - why not just see where your natural talents get you?

And advice I've dished out here to a lot of guys, is stop looking - find something you like to do, be it a sport, hobby or whatever and fine a group, club, course, whatever that will fulfill you're interest in it. Being distracted by something you are like to do will take away that panic of "looking for Mr Right" and before you know it you'll have new friends, new environments and you'll meet someone you may have missed, some one more like you who isn't into online dating, but has a shared interest. Or, as Valen says, do something slightly outside you comfort zone that will stretch you personally, and again introduce you to a whole new slew of friends and potential lovers...

[jimloveslips]

Did you notice you've got guys leaving you their numbers on your pic comments Phoe?

 

we can do that???!!!

[Phoe]

lol Phoe you crack me up. Guys are really not that complicated. There is 4 ways to attract guys:

 

1. Be cute

2. Be pretty

3. Be beautiful

4. Be sexy

 

By the way, when you go to work, do you do your makeup or do you go full natural? Cuz I have seen girls who do full makeup looking like 8/10 and when they don't it goes down to 6/10. It's crazy how girls can look so drastically different with makeup.

 

If there is no time for second job, how about extracurricular activities? Like take a ballroom dancing class? One of my friend met her husband from a fencing class.

 

It HAS to be more than just looking nice. Because while I'm not some gorgeous creature, I'm not a bloody ogre. I'm normal looking and I would think that would be enough. I try hard to take care of myself, I'd be disappointed if I wasn't doing enough. Unless I'm grossly overestimating my looks, I don't think they are a problem.

 

 

Yes I wear makeup most days at work, but not all. If I have to be at work at 4AM I am not about to put on makeup. And again, maybe I'm overestimating myself but I don't think I look like an ogre without makeup. Me with makeup and me without makeup isn't much of a difference, There are a few photos in my album without makeup. I just look more polished when I put some eye makeup on.

 

 

Since this is a small town opportunities for classes are limited. There's no ballroom dancing or fencing around here, lol. I do classes at gyms, TRX, kickboxing, stuff like that. I am an active person and am out and about doing things regularly, but there aren't a large amount of things to do. I'd have to drive 2 hours round trip to go anywhere with a significant population, and I really do not have THAT much time or gas money to devote to doing that regularly.

 

 

My issue isn't a matter of not being around men, it's about not ATTRACTING them. Men like being friends with me, but they don't want to date me. This is why I want to observe the new girl at work, see how she acts. Cause guys clearly want to date her, shes already been asked out on a date.

[Phoe]

Phoe, I think you're over thinking this.

First off hunting for guys is a sure way to make you not who you are - it changes you're dynamic, and you may come across as a completely different person than you really are, which could be problematic down the line - it's not "lying", but it isn't being honest, and some people (men) have a problem with deception and being deceived.

Second, you look freakin' great, and you obviously have a nice personality - why not just see where your natural talents get you?

And advice I've dished out here to a lot of guys, is stop looking - find something you like to do, be it a sport, hobby or whatever and fine a group, club, course, whatever that will fulfill you're interest in it. Being distracted by something you are like to do will take away that panic of "looking for Mr Right" and before you know it you'll have new friends, new environments and you'll meet someone you may have missed, some one more like you who isn't into online dating, but has a shared interest. Or, as Valen says, do something slightly outside you comfort zone that will stretch you personally, and again introduce you to a whole new slew of friends and potential lovers...

 

It's just weird. When I don't actively look, people say "Phoe, what do you expect if you're not even trying? You get what you put in. You need to put in effort if you want something."

 

 

So I start actively trying, pursuing, "hunting" so to speak, and then I get told "No Phoe, you gotta stop looking, the minute you stop searching he will come to you, just live life".

 

 

So I don't know what to do. I get conflicting and mixed messages.

 

 

And it's not like I'm spending my life sitting at home on this forum trying to figure out how to get a date, yes I spend too much time here, but when I'm not at home or work, I'm out doing things. I'm in the gym, I'm taking classes, I'm out with friends, I'm DOING things. I'm living life.

 

 

I'm just being exceptionally more aware of the men around me and am actively trying to pursue them. It's just one more thing added in to what would be regular day to day activities.

 

 

I just don't wanna give up

[Charlie Harper]

Sorry for the long post>

 

The problem is that maybe you can read the signs correctly or you are passive on the connecting side, let me explain:

 

Some signs the guy is interested in you: They talk to you and follow your conversation, then they try to impress you.

They might touch you, they will make aye contact with you while you talk. They smile and if you ask small favor they will comply.

Surefire signs they will get your phone and check if you are available (time/relationships),

 

If you hang out with a passive man (such as myself), they will not hunt you or be out spoken on his intentions, in fact they might flirt with you back and wait.

 

I saw your pictures and you are an attractive woman, and sometimes men will not approach such a woman directly, in fact hey will try to pass as just friends an wait, maybe that is your problem.

 

Passive men are so because they don't need to hunt and be aggressive in pursuing a relationship, in fact they normally have lots of female friends and are considered, nice, good listeners and a catch, but you need to reel them in...

 

Example:

 

You seem like a great guy, I wonder why you don't have a girlfriend, or maybe there is something you haven't told me...

 

I have so much fun with you and you are smart! I wonder why you are available ...

 

Those 2 phrases will make them tell you if they are interested and if they have something on the side...

 

OTOH, in my case they have been very forthcoming ... they have kissed me ! (talk about being direct!)

 

Hope it helps...

[Phoe]

You seem like a great guy, I wonder why you don't have a girlfriend, or maybe there is something you haven't told me...

 

I have so much fun with you and you are smart! I wonder why you are available ...

 

Those 2 phrases will make them tell you if they are interested and if they have something on the side...

 

You know, I think saying something along these lines may work! It's possible they could waffle around with an answer, but it's at least an attempt at getting some good information without being overly brazen.

 

 

The kiss is not for me though. I'd hate to offend a man who isn't attracted to me by getting waaay too touchy lol.

 

 

I'm gonna put those phrases into my arsenal!

[MissBee]

Hmmm...if I can't tell that you like me, I really don't fret about it. If you like me and are sooo subtle about it that I have to decode it, it doesn't make sense to me.

 

I am usually able to tell if a man is interested, but sometimes with acquaintances it is harder to tell if it is just friendly or something else. Based on how you interact with me, how much time you want to spend with me etc. I may think you like me, but I wait for you to make it more obvious before I bother with thinking about it too much.

[Phoe]

Well, it would appear that, according to the handful of hints listed throughout this thread, one of my coworkers might be interested in me.

 

Still hard to tell as he hasn't said or done anything obvious, but some of his actions match up with the things people posted in here that a shy guy might do. My senses are telling me it's a good possibility, but, of course, with the LAST guy I posted about in this thread who I thought maybe was interested, I was wrong. So my senses are not to be trusted lol

 

 

My dilemma is what to do if he IS interested. I'm not terribly interested in him, he's morbidly obese and I'd prefer a guy who takes care of himself a bit more, and he has a speech impediment, sometimes I have trouble hearing him (I've gotten better at getting what he says over time), but he's such a sweet guy. Funny and quite nice, and we have quite a few things in common.

 

 

I just worry that if he was interested, I'd never be able to develop attraction. I feel awful.

[Khyla]

Look really closely at his crotch area. You see anything moving there?

 

LMFAO ROTFL LOL LOL

 

OMG! If I feel somewhat attracted to a guy I just met, it takes ALL MY STRENGTH and willpower to NOT look THERE!

[jimloveslips]

I'm not terribly interested in him...

 

So what's the point?

 

Pity?

[Phoe]

So what's the point?

Pity?

 

God no, come on now. That's awful

 

 

The point is that he's got a great personality, we have a lot in common, and we get along well, so ideally I'd like to look past the attraction issue if he is interested, I'm just worried that I might not be able to. Morbid obesity has always been one of my only dealbreakers, but now in feel like maybe that's me just being way too picky and wrong.

 

 

I'm legit having anxiety about it...

[jimloveslips]

I'm legit having anxiety about it...

 

Sorry, a little heavy handed there. (Pun intended)

 

So, find out if he likes movies, and casually mention you'd like to go see…

 

(or if his weight is that much of a problem, watch a DVD at home).

 

 

Don't ask if he likes food though, to obvious…!

[NYC-BigKat]

A few weeks ago there was an intense discussion regarding females who have male friends.

 

Mainly, people wanted to argue that men are never friends with a woman simply because they want to be friends with her, they only do it because they are interested, "orbiters" so to speak, waiting for an opportunity.

 

 

I steadfastly don't believe this. I have plenty of male friends who would never ever EVER be interested in me. They have said so, a completely lack of attraction has been established, and we both know the friendship is so very platonic and we just really like hanging out as we have a lot in common.

 

 

But then I started thinking about a handful of guys I know who aren't as close friends as the guys mentioned above. Guys I might not know too well, but am reasonably acquainted with, get along with, hang out with sometimes and have not yet made any sort of statement along the lines of "I could never date Phoe, she's like a sister!"

 

 

My question to men is - what signs should I look for? Are there subtle hints that I should pick up on?

 

 

There were 2 male friends over the past month who I thought maybe could be interested, or maybe would BECOME interested if they knew me better or spent more time around me.

 

 

I think I read things very wrong though... my attempts at flirting went nowhere. I mostly got polite disinterest back. So I went back to acting normal with them.

 

 

How can I tell the difference between a guy that really is just friends with me, and one who might actually be interested? I feel like the orbiter discussion got me thinking about things I shouldn't have thought about. I always believed my male friends were truly just my friends, and I think I was right all along, and just THINKING about things has caused me to start acting silly. I don't wanna botch up my friendships.

 

 

 

The same problem u have is the same exact problem I have trying to read girls' mind. I just cant do it.

[Salvatore85]

From your picture you're a pretty attractive girl and based on your postings you have a damn good personality. What I think the issue really is is maybe they're intimidated by you? I don't consider myself to be unattractive but all the females I've dated or talked to approached me, I just have a shy personality when I'm around a female I find attractive. I absolutely hate it that I'm shy but I'm willing to bet some guys are just intimidated by you.

[Phoe]

From your picture you're a pretty attractive girl and based on your postings you have a damn good personality. What I think the issue really is is maybe they're intimidated by you? I don't consider myself to be unattractive but all the females I've dated or talked to approached me, I just have a shy personality when I'm around a female I find attractive. I absolutely hate it that I'm shy but I'm willing to bet some guys are just intimidated by you.

 

Sure, SOME might be intimidated, but I don't intimidate the whole world! I am a kind person and do my best to be friendly to all people, so that people can feel comfortable and at ease with me.

 

 

There's a VERY pretty new girl at my work. She's been there a little over a week, maybe 2 weeks and has been asked out twice already, and is currently cheating on her boyfriend with my good friend. Little does she know he's also seeing 6 other girls at the moment. >.>

 

 

Anyway, guys clearly aren't intimidated by her and she's stunning. A few other girls at work have described her as slightly bitchy, but I haven't seen that from her, I think she's pretty nice. I've been kind of watching her, observing the way she acts to see what it is about her that compels men to want to date her.

[jimloveslips]

to see what it is about her that compels men to want to date her.

 

and

 

There's a VERY pretty new girl at my work

 

we can't help it, it's in the DNA - attractive means fit means procreation means more genes...

 

Plus, she's very pretty!

[Imported]

 

Anyway, guys clearly aren't intimidated by her and she's stunning. A few other girls at work have described her as slightly bitchy, but I haven't seen that from her, I think she's pretty nice. I've been kind of watching her, observing the way she acts to see what it is about her that compels men to want to date her.

 

I'm not intimidated with how a girl looks or acts. How overly attractive she looks won't prevent me from approaching. How she acts might.

 

Regardless, I approach nearly 100% only the girls that I felt indicated to me that they wanted me to. I'm not out there to bother with girls that don't show me something. I will leave them alone.

 

I am not going near women that act ..."oh ho hum hhmmmmm..." about me or behave rudely to me to hide their **** or are a cold fish. I am not here to break you out of your shell. Show me something. Give me something to work with. Flirt.

 

When I come up to you, your reply is positive and happy. Not a mask of indifference.

[Phoe]

Plus, she's very pretty!

 

Well I can't do anything about how I look, short of plastic surgery I'll never be as pretty as her, so I need to figure out if there's anything else I can do to help myself. Watch how she flirts, how she interacts with these guys.

 

 

Cause I interact with these same guys on a daily basis and am very friendly and bubbly, they're some of my closest friends. I need to figure what makes them want to be friends with me, and what makes them want to date her.

 

 

She's doing something right.

[Phoe]

I am not going near women that act ..."oh ho hum hhmmmmm..." about me or behave rudely to me to hide their **** or are a cold fish. I am not here to break you out of your shell. Show me something. Give me something to work with. Flirt.

 

When I come up to you, your reply is positive and happy. Not a mask of indifference.

 

Well I can guarantee you I am rude to no one. Being a friendly and kind person to EVERYONE - every single person I meet - is something I make a point of doing. If I can brighten someone's day by talking to them, smiling at them, just saying hello, then that brightens my own day.

 

 

Positivity is a constant in my life. I refuse to let negativity have a place in my life. When I start feeling negative I do everything I can to push that away. It's how I stay happy.

 

 

Of course, this forum has become a bit of a venting ground for negative feelings for me. Get them out as soon as I feel them, not giving them a chance to take hold of me in my daily life.

[jimloveslips]

She's doing something right.

 

She probably isn't doing anything consciously.

Pretty women get treated a certain way and they get used to it and their modus operandi adapts to that. Just as a shy person becomes more introverted with their experience of the world.

 

The important thing here is beauty is only skin deep - it's a cliche but true. The person beneath is what is important.

 

Why not ask her out for a drink?

See what you can discover first hand...