I am an OW and I was born as I result of an affair

[C00kie]

I guess I really had never thought much about it.

 

My father was married and my mother was his OW. She went through hell when pregnant. He totally left her, didn't care much, and my grandmother wanted her to have an abortion because it was such a shame to the family to be a single mom...and a single mom to a married man's child. However, I'm sure my grandmother has loved me from the day I was born, did everything for me and still does.

 

But I was thinking...could this be a coincidence? Is this lack of pattern, of a normal relationship, the absence of my father, that maybe had a huge impact on me and myself esteem and makes me want to be loved at all costs? I do have huge attachment issues, fear of getting abandoned, etc. Daddy issues, maybe?

 

I don't want history repeating itself...I don't want a child to have this deeply rooted issues as I have. I want my child, if I ever get to be a mother, to be as happy and balanced as possible.

 

Not trying to play the victim though. I'm sure everyone has their own problems to deal with...and I know I deserve to be as happy, and maybe will be lucky to be happy someday.

[ladydesigner]

But I was thinking...could this be a coincidence? Is this lack of pattern, of a normal relationship, the absence of my father, that maybe had a huge impact on me and myself esteem and makes me want to be loved at all costs? I do have huge attachment issues, fear of getting abandoned, etc. Daddy issues, maybe?

 

This is a huge connection. Have you ever discussed this with a counselor? I know that all of my relationships have had one similar theme, emotionally unavailable. My father was emotionally absent and was very critical and sometimes emotionally abusive. I too have attachment and fear of abandonment issues. One counselor had told me that we choose these situations, sometimes unintentionally, because we are hoping for a better outcome. To heal the past. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I struggle with these issues too.

[hurtnomorerika]

This is a huge connection. Have you ever discussed this with a counselor? I know that all of my relationships have had one similar theme, emotionally unavailable. My father was emotionally absent and was very critical and sometimes emotionally abusive. I too have attachment and fear of abandonment issues. One counselor had told me that we choose these situations, sometimes unintentionally, because we are hoping for a better outcome. To heal the past. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but I struggle with these issues too.

 

I think this is dead on. I mentioned that before I met MM, I was in a abusive relationship (abuser is now in prison). Soon after my abuser left, I met MM, they were both like day and night. Of all the men I meet MM was perfect, it was just something about him. I stayed with him because I thought well maybe if I just hang on a little while longer he'll bring me all the happiness and love that longed for with my ex. At the time I felt like he was taking me away from everything I had been through. He was so sweet , charming, etc, I put into my mind that he loves, I love him and one we will be together and everything will be good.

 

He knows tadbits of what I went through and he still turned out to be jackass.

[whichwayisup]

But I was thinking...could this be a coincidence? Is this lack of pattern, of a normal relationship, the absence of my father, that maybe had a huge impact on me and myself esteem and makes me want to be loved at all costs? I do have huge attachment issues, fear of getting abandoned, etc. Daddy issues, maybe?

 

You're aware of this, so make better choices for yourself. You can't blame your parents or past forever. Not saying you're doing this or playing victim, but since you are aware that you do have some issues, do counseling and face them, deal with them with the help of a therapist who can lead you to a healthier life and choices that won't repeat what your parents lives were.

[Grumpybutfun]

 

I don't want history repeating itself...I don't want a child to have this deeply rooted issues as I have. I want my child, if I ever get to be a mother, to be as happy and balanced as possible.

 

Cookie:

Just by knowing that history is repeating itself, you must have some cognition that this is a result of reliving your trauma over and over again. The emotional fallout from being the ignored child of an A must have been traumatic to you.

Best,

Grumps

[Artie Lang]

you had a chance to redeem your fathers deficiencies by living an honest and authentic life, yet you chose to become the very same person he was. whether this happened by coincidence is irrelevant. we all have choices no matter how we come into being.

 

epic fail.

[Mount]

Agree.

 

BTW- I really like the username "Grumpybutfun", so funny....and cute:laugh:

 

Cookie:

Just by knowing that history is repeating itself, you must have some cognition that this is a result of reliving your trauma over and over again. The emotional fallout from being the ignored child of an A must have been traumatic to you.

Best,

Grumps

[C00kie]

you had a chance to redeem your fathers deficiencies by living an honest and authentic life, yet you chose to become the very same person he was. whether this happened by coincidence is irrelevant. we all have choices no matter how we come into being.

 

epic fail.

 

Do you know whatelse is an epic fail? The condescending tone, the i'm-a-cool-know-it-all profile pic and basically wasting your time on other women forums. We all OW are dishonest and live in denial so thanks for being there to give us the wake up call. What would we do without you, Artie Lang?