How do guys feel after breakups?

[greenfairie]

I noticed guys dont really share feelings about breakups. Do they share with their guy friends or just keep it to themselves? Dont they ever get upset in any way? Why are some guys so closed up and acting carefree about feelings on their breakups even if it was a super significant break up?

[ks0985]

I try my best only to talk about the details of a breakup with my close friends. Hitting the gym hard and focusing on nutrition is my best way to get over a breakup. Rather than let myself go i tend to go overboard with the diet and workout

[Confusedguy81]

I'll share mine since I'm pretty sensitive. I usually talk to a female friend after I've beat the crap out of my punching bag for awhile. I also feel a tad betrayed and led on because of all the future talk that can happen in relationships. I almost feel like something was stolen from me. I usually hope that they will contact me but once I decide NC I stick with it really well. If i get breadcrumbs I just ignore it because I know they are wanting some kind of ego boost (most of the time). In short, my feelings are mixed and I have a lot of self-loathing stuff.

 

I also lose sleep, but I have cried over it or yelled and then continue to beat up my punching bag. I'm not the type that looks for a rebound either. I am emotionally drained and eventually reach a point of numbness. It then cycles back to anger and talking to people I know (usually people from work who I've gotten close with many of them). I Eventually move on, which either means a new relationship or I'm content being single.

 

Not sure if this post did anything. Was mostly a ramble.

[BC1980]

I noticed guys dont really share feelings about breakups. Do they share with their guy friends or just keep it to themselves? Dont they ever get upset in any way? Why are some guys so closed up and acting carefree about feelings on their breakups even if it was a super significant break up?

 

In general, I would say that men are socialized not to share their emotions in the same way women do. Specifically, I would say that you don't know about a person after a breakup unless they open up to you. You have no idea who else they may be talking to or if they are going to therapy, ect.

[alex007]

I agree with what people on here said 100%. Everone is different but all normal people have feelings.

 

For me I broke up with my at the time gf but asked for her back and to work on things the next day, she accepted... 2 months later she broke up with me then we got back together again a few days later after i pursued her again...I tried to make things perfect between us... got along with her friends and family, made dinner for the family every now and then, took her sisters with us to places because she wanted more time with them, i tried to do everything i could to make her happy and told her i would always be there for her through thick and thin. I was always going out of my way for her and felt it was very one sided as far as showing love and paying for things and enjoying time together.

 

In the end she said she did not think we were compatible... and she was done. I don't know why she would want to give it all up... but i cant stop her. She always wanted to hang out with her gf's and bring them places with us or all of us to hang out and we got hardly any alone time. She also said i was the first person she could see having a life with and her family even told me she had changed a lot and was never like she was with me. I don't get it. why just throw it all away.

 

I felt mad that she had wasted all of my time and money, and mostly felt lied to about a future with her and all of our plans. She does not even care to contact me and after she said she would like to be friends she is hanging out with her gf's and has not tried to even contact me in the past month. she did a complete 180 in about a weeks time. Girls are so weird.

[Salvatore85]

I was pretty devastated. I did my best to bottle it up because my friends and my brother basically told me "go bang chicks" lol. I started talking to my cousin(female) a lot and that helped substantially. I was able to open up and talk about the things that really bothered me and it was a major relief.

 

What I felt was embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, scared and worthless. We were together 5 years and she moved on quick and at that point I became indifferent. She text me about something and I wasn't willing to talk, I told her to never speak to me or contact me again. We feel the same way females do for the most part but we just can't express it the same way because we get made fun of for it or are told to suck it up.

[2fargone]

I shared my feelings.... With my ex though. Big mistake.

 

 

After that, with some people close to me (father, friend). I guess it doesn't really pay off to share the feelings. Everyone has an opinion, most do not help me.

 

 

Not sharing them doesn't mean I don't have them or let them out. I just do it in the comfort of my own home.

[mtnbiker3000]

I noticed guys dont really share feelings about breakups. Do they share with their guy friends or just keep it to themselves? Dont they ever get upset in any way? Why are some guys so closed up and acting carefree about feelings on their breakups even if it was a super significant break up?

 

Have you not been reading the millions of threads on here posted by guys? Plenty of gut-spilling going on, myself included. Seriously, there are lots of guys expressing their feelings about their RS, BU and everything else here...

[greenfairie]

I'll share mine since I'm pretty sensitive. I usually talk to a female friend after I've beat the crap out of my punching bag for awhile. I also feel a tad betrayed and led on because of all the future talk that can happen in relationships. I almost feel like something was stolen from me. I usually hope that they will contact me but once I decide NC I stick with it really well. If i get breadcrumbs I just ignore it because I know they are wanting some kind of ego boost (most of the time). In short, my feelings are mixed and I have a lot of self-loathing stuff.

 

I also lose sleep, but I have cried over it or yelled and then continue to beat up my punching bag. I'm not the type that looks for a rebound either. I am emotionally drained and eventually reach a point of numbness. It then cycles back to anger and talking to people I know (usually people from work who I've gotten close with many of them). I Eventually move on, which either means a new relationship or I'm content being single.

 

Not sure if this post did anything. Was mostly a ramble.

 

 

Yeah this helped a lot.. I appreciate any thoughts. Random question but how long were you together with that girl you cried over? Was it a good relationship?

[greenfairie]

Have you not been reading the millions of threads on here posted by guys? Plenty of gut-spilling going on, myself included. Seriously, there are lots of guys expressing their feelings about their RS, BU and everything else here...

 

Well yes I see that but I was talking about guys like my ex boyfriend... Im wondering how he would cope with the breakup.

[2fargone]

Well yes I see that but I was talking about guys like my ex boyfriend... Im wondering how he would cope with the breakup.

 

 

Mind reading is not my strongest trait, but I can't imagine anyone not sharing at least with someone. That would be a reason by itself to not want to be with someone....

[mtnbiker3000]

Well yes I see that but I was talking about guys like my ex boyfriend... Im wondering how he would cope with the breakup.

 

Unknown

[Keenly]

I let my emotions out when I'm alone.

 

 

If its REALLY bad, and I can't put a lid on it, I will tell my friends I'm with, look... I'm going through a hard time right now and I feel like ****. We are not talking about it. If I'm crying. Don't acknowledge it. Just continue the conversation like normal and after a minute or two I will man the hell up and quit blubbering.

[yorkie]

i talked to anyone who would listen tbh , but im very mixed up and still trying to find myself and what i want in life i think once you get to a point when you accept its over after a bad few months then it gets easier and i dont talk so much now with friends before any oppotuninty i would discuss even the stupid simple things as the more you talk the more you think feck me im boring and you question everything depends on how long u were in the relationship and if you have kids to! when it was long and have kids its much harder because you cant not see them!

[HorseLuck]

It's dependent on the male, but I'm guessing they may share similar habits. I know that my ex consumes himself with work, as he has the ability to numb himself down emotionally. He keeps his mind occupied, and on the outside he looks oh so unaffected.

 

If he's blue, he'll chat with his closest male friends and they'll encourage him to go out with them- grab some beers. If he's overwhelmed with emotions, he'll seek physical activities. I envy the discipline some men have; wish I was like that.

[sun1972]

I noticed guys dont really share feelings about breakups. Do they share with their guy friends or just keep it to themselves? Dont they ever get upset in any way? Why are some guys so closed up and acting carefree about feelings on their breakups even if it was a super significant break up?

 

Speaking as a guy..

 

we care and get upset definitely, in fact i think women may handle it better

 

But while i might discuss how i feel on an anonymous board, i wont show upset in front of people i know..

[Covert]

I think it is our instinct to not show weakness. (Or what could be perceived as weakness.) It is a self defense mechanism. We are vulnerable, just like women, after break ups. So we protect ourselves with a mask of indifference so that our vulnerabilities are not exploited by those who wish us harm.

[aybc123]

I share my feelings with friends that i know can be trusted and are loyal to me (i.e. not mutual friends) and family. Around mutual friends or the ex in question i'll be completely serene, not unfriendly or cold but seeming like you say 'happy and carefree'. If we break up you lose the right to see any kind of vulnerability or pain from me about anything, including the breakup. And i know that mutual friends often talk and report back (either unprompted or prompted) so they do too.

 

Doesn't mean i don't have feelings just that im not willing to ever appear weak in front of you anymore by showing them.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I felt awful and talked to an online friend a lot but not guys in real life, they don't really care. I talked to my sister a little and my mum a lot. Which is crazy because we have a really bad relationship but I found out she is still there for me when I really do need her.

 

She actually really cared and I feel a bit bad I talked to it so much about her but she still listened.

 

Haha that makes me sound like a right mummies boy but I'm the opposite.

 

Going to gym and powerlifting helps too. I drink a liter of water everyday when I wake up and before meals. My diet really helps feel good too, not eating meat or dairy keeps your hormones and moods in check. Eating lots of fruit keeps you going with all the sugar and energy.

 

Also writing music and riding 25-30mph down pitch black bike tracks at 1am with metal music blasting feels ****ing amazing.

 

Then I get in and smash three pizzas down me and knock myself out for bed.

[greenfairie]

I was pretty devastated. I did my best to bottle it up because my friends and my brother basically told me "go bang chicks" lol. I started talking to my cousin(female) a lot and that helped substantially. I was able to open up and talk about the things that really bothered me and it was a major relief.

 

What I felt was embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, scared and worthless. We were together 5 years and she moved on quick and at that point I became indifferent. She text me about something and I wasn't willing to talk, I told her to never speak to me or contact me again. We feel the same way females do for the most part but we just can't express it the same way because we get made fun of for it or are told to suck it up.

 

 

Wow, thanks for sharing. This definitely helps with my healing process to hear from other people who went thru similar things. Just a curious question, what was the reason you told her to never speak to you again?

[greenfairie]

I felt awful and talked to an online friend a lot but not guys in real life, they don't really care. I talked to my sister a little and my mum a lot. Which is crazy because we have a really bad relationship but I found out she is still there for me when I really do need her.

 

She actually really cared and I feel a bit bad I talked to it so much about her but she still listened.

 

Haha that makes me sound like a right mummies boy but I'm the opposite.

 

Going to gym and powerlifting helps too. I drink a liter of water everyday when I wake up and before meals. My diet really helps feel good too, not eating meat or dairy keeps your hormones and moods in check. Eating lots of fruit keeps you going with all the sugar and energy.

 

Also writing music and riding 25-30mph down pitch black bike tracks at 1am with metal music blasting feels ****ing amazing.

 

Then I get in and smash three pizzas down me and knock myself out for bed.

 

 

Yeah, it's kind of amazing because after breakups or hard struggles like a breakup, it brings you closer to some people you've been disconnected with in life. I was, too, a bit disconnected with my mother until the breakup. We got so much closer and we talk about everything. We even smoke pot and drink together too. She's like my best friend. I tell her everything so it really helps to have that older woman perspective too. I am a mama's girl too hahah

[greenfairie]

It's dependent on the male, but I'm guessing they may share similar habits. I know that my ex consumes himself with work, as he has the ability to numb himself down emotionally. He keeps his mind occupied, and on the outside he looks oh so unaffected.

 

If he's blue, he'll chat with his closest male friends and they'll encourage him to go out with them- grab some beers. If he's overwhelmed with emotions, he'll seek physical activities. I envy the discipline some men have; wish I was like that.

 

I do envy their discipline too. Sometimes, I'm like, why can't I just be a dude? I mean, I curse like a ****ing sailor. I like to burp and fart. But seriously, it's ****ing amazing how guys just can hone their focus on for example, working out or their nutrition or anything sport-related.

[greenfairie]

Speaking as a guy..

 

we care and get upset definitely, in fact i think women may handle it better

 

But while i might discuss how i feel on an anonymous board, i wont show upset in front of people i know..

 

What do you mean women may handle it better? I never thought that was the case! Hahah I would like to understand more.

[xUnknown]

What do you mean women may handle it better? I never thought that was the case! Hahah I would like to understand more.

 

I feel like with women being the dumper (my case) she's like, okay, done, whew thats it...then shes over it.

 

I'm left confused, wondering why, how could she be over me this fast, did I mean anything to her. I, as the dumpee, have talked to many people...family, friends, therapists, a person here that is going through the same thing via PM. I think guys take it worse, especially if they're the dumpee...but maybe thats my opinion because thats all i've really ever known.

[bubbaganoosh]

Men have been taught from the time their little kid to be tough and when you fall down, shake it off and keep going. Don't worry about all that blood, just pick your arm up, put it in your pocket and we'll get it reattached tomorrow, yeah I'm taking it to the Nth degree but women have always had the luxury of being allowed to show emotion. That doesn't mean that a guy doesn't have feelings but for the most part we choose to hide it away due to our upbringing.

 

Lord only knows that in my life, I have been hurt in a big time way and I have at times talked too my close friend about it but still try not to show emotion. We'll get it out by saying things like "Hey! I didn't want to be with her anyway. She was a royal pain in the ass," but deep down it hurts just as bad as it would for a woman. Women will sit down with her friends and put a gallon of ice cream on the table and demolish it in one sitting and a guy will do the same but rather than ice cream, we choose buffalo wings and a six pack.