How do guys feel after breakups?

[mutant]

Beyond the feeling of betrayal and sadness, I let myself be the doormat for about 7 months and did not share this with anyone as I expected things to change. I also thought we were just going through a rough patch and things would get back to normal.

 

Now that I discovered LS, I will probably never share my feelings with anyone else IRL

[Confusedguy81]

Yeah this helped a lot.. I appreciate any thoughts. Random question but how long were you together with that girl you cried over? Was it a good relationship?

 

The relationship was just over a year and I most likely hung around too long trying to make it work. That is kinda my own issue-I try to make it work and usually end up getting dumped. Letting go can be difficult for me.

[mirage12]

The relationship was just over a year and I most likely hung around too long trying to make it work. That is kinda my own issue-I try to make it work and usually end up getting dumped. Letting go can be difficult for me.

 

I am the exact same way. My very recent relationship I was getting very frustrated with it and thought about ending it several times in the month before we split. I didn't do it though because I loved her so much, even though she wasn't treating me well and was in a bad place. Ultimately, she ended up ending things and now I'm so messed up. I also can't let go and even though I also thought about ending it, now that it's happened all I want is to have her back. What can we do to help ourselves...?

[Ruby Slippers]

It's good to be able to read the viewpoint of men going through breakups.

 

I just broke up with someone a month ago, and that was our second chance, which didn't work out.

 

After the first breakup, once we got back together, he told me he was very angry for a while after I broke up with him. He said he felt like he meant nothing to me because I just cut him out of my life and moved on so easily.

 

I just wanted to share my perspective, in case some of the men here feel that way.

 

Making the decision to break up with him - the first time and the second time - was NOT an easy decision. He meant a great deal to me, and I loved him very much. I had never felt so hopeful about the possibility of happiness in marriage with a man before him. In many ways, he completely blew me away as a person.

 

I just felt that we weren't compatible for a lifetime together and we'd both be better off with a better match. There's a small part of me that envies the woman he'll end up with someday, because I think that when everything's aligned, he'll be an amazing husband and father, and that woman will be very lucky. But I'd rather we both be with a good match than try to force a union that makes us unhappy.

 

It's because he meant so much to me and I loved him so much that I had to go NC. I just couldn't bear being "friends" with him so fast. That just sounds like a poor, sad substitute for the love I hoped we would have together.

 

So it's not because I didn't care that I made a clean break - it's because I cared a lot.

[mtnbiker3000]

Making the decision to break up with him - the first time and the second time - was NOT an easy decision. He meant a great deal to me, and I loved him very much. I had never felt so hopeful about the possibility of happiness in marriage with a man before him. In many ways, he completely blew me away as a person.

 

I just felt that we weren't compatible for a lifetime together and we'd both be better off with a better match. There's a small part of me that envies the woman he'll end up with someday, because I think that when everything's aligned, he'll be an amazing husband and father, and that woman will be very lucky. But I'd rather we both be with a good match than try to force a union that makes us unhappy.

 

Man. I wish my ex would have even a tenth of this viewpoint. Would make me feel so much better. I know she had the same thoughts of incompatibility, but the way she went about them and the BU were really un-cool. And I know she doesn't even have the slightest thoughts as you describe regarding me and the future. She turned her back and will never look back or think about what she left behind. Tossed like yesterdays coffee grounds

[greenfairie]

Like crap. It sucks when you love someone and they decide to end it. I felt hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, lonely, you name it. Guys tend to bottle up their emotions inside. Working out helped a lot.

 

 

I wonder if it has a lot to do with the lack of communication that makes us even more sad, feeling betrayed..

 

I got mutual friends who are guys and they're good friends of my ex…. would they most likely know the details of whats going on during the breakup?

[greenfairie]

Beyond the feeling of betrayal and sadness, I let myself be the doormat for about 7 months and did not share this with anyone as I expected things to change. I also thought we were just going through a rough patch and things would get back to normal.

 

Now that I discovered LS, I will probably never share my feelings with anyone else IRL

 

 

I did the same for about a year, I decided not to date anyone and to wait for my ex to come back. I only shared with my best friend and she understood. She thought we would work things out since she always believed we would get married and so did I. I thought we were going through a rough break since we never sat, faced each other, and officially ended things. Then I found out he was seeing someone from somebody else we both knew and I decided not to share myself with him anymore from that point since he was still in my life as "friends".

[greenfairie]

It's good to be able to read the viewpoint of men going through breakups.

 

I just broke up with someone a month ago, and that was our second chance, which didn't work out.

 

After the first breakup, once we got back together, he told me he was very angry for a while after I broke up with him. He said he felt like he meant nothing to me because I just cut him out of my life and moved on so easily.

 

I just wanted to share my perspective, in case some of the men here feel that way.

 

Making the decision to break up with him - the first time and the second time - was NOT an easy decision. He meant a great deal to me, and I loved him very much. I had never felt so hopeful about the possibility of happiness in marriage with a man before him. In many ways, he completely blew me away as a person.

I used to think he was the one for me. He transformed me as a person throughout the five years. We've stuck with each other through thick and thin. I just knew I had to end it. I think I was numb for so many months after I made the decision to end things. I avoided him for so long and I avoided the situation/subject for so long. It was painful, I was in a world of hurt for a while. But with friends, family, working out, and productive hobbies.. the pain lessened.

I just felt that we weren't compatible for a lifetime together and we'd both be better off with a better match.

 

Exactly how I felt. I felt like we had polar opposite personalities. He was bold and would say outrageous things I would never say to anybody. I have more of a shy personality. I felt like he deserved so much more too because he had a love and passion for sports and I didn't have a care for that. I'm like this hippie bohemian chick and he's this regular sports guy.

 

 

There's a small part of me that envies the woman he'll end up with someday, because I think that when everything's aligned, he'll be an amazing husband and father, and that woman will be very lucky. But I'd rather we both be with a good match than try to force a union that makes us unhappy.

 

It's because he meant so much to me and I loved him so much that I had to go NC. I just couldn't bear being "friends" with him so fast. I did the same. I didn't want to be friends at all, I told him it would be too hard because I still loved him and I couldn't bear to see him with anyone else at all. But he begged and pleaded to stay friends. Then when he stopped responding, I would beg and plead then he called me crazy. After that, I stopped responding. That just sounds like a poor, sad substitute for the love I hoped we would have together.

 

So it's not because I didn't care that I made a clean break - it's because I cared a lot.

 

I cared a lot too. It was so hard to let go. Sometimes I feel the guilt and it sucks that they don't really believe that. They think we somehow betrayed them by ending things so soon, but the truth is, in the relationship it was somehow coming. We were not in a good place, things weren't changing for way too long, so I thought going on a break would be good for the both of us but instead, it destroyed us.

[Never Again]

I just felt that we weren't compatible for a lifetime together and we'd both be better off with a better match.

 

That must be an incredibly difficult qualification to make.

 

To be completely honest, I cannot even fathom making that kind of distinction.

 

I believe 100% that you thought that through thoroughly - I just personally cannot make those kind of telescopic views.

 

When I look at compatibility, I guess I tend to look at an alignment of life goals and personalities that "click" - and from there, it's all about the maturity, understanding and ability to communicate. I've seen some very "incompatible" couples work because they were happy to support each other, help each other grow, and meet halfway.

 

However, I'm sure some incompatibilities are simply insurmountable.

[Valen]

I usually feel sleepy after a break up. I'll sleep like 12 hrs then wake up, feeling pretty ok about the break up. Life goes on.

[greenfairie]

Yeah, whenever I get depressed, I like to sleep.

[RDawg]

I feel totally bewildered. Unable to make sense of what happened, why it happened. Almost three years together, bought a house together, spoke of marriage and kids and then the unthinkable happened.

 

So confused, we were so happy for the first 2 years and then I started making mistakes that pushed her away and she fell out of love. I am having a hard time forgiving myself because I feel I messed up something great. Geez do we never learn?

[greenfairie]

I feel totally bewildered. Unable to make sense of what happened, why it happened. Almost three years together, bought a house together, spoke of marriage and kids and then the unthinkable happened.

 

So confused, we were so happy for the first 2 years and then I started making mistakes that pushed her away and she fell out of love. I am having a hard time forgiving myself because I feel I messed up something great. Geez do we never learn?

 

 

 

I'm really sorry. I totally understand how you feel. It sucks. We live and learn too…. are you doing NC or anything to help you deal with the situation?

[mcfcjay]

I just wanted to show her what she was missing... And to sleep with a ton of women.

[greenfairie]

I just wanted to show her what she was missing... And to sleep with a ton of women.

 

Really? What compels you to sleep with so many women that you have to show her what she was missing..? How is she going to find out you're sleeping with a ton of women? Sounds like she hurt you..

[mcfcjay]

By show her what she was missing, I went to the gym, worked on my appearance, saved up money bought a nice new car soon to have a house and go travelling the world, i wanted her to see how happy i was and how easily i could cope without her, i treated her like a angel i guarantee she isnt going to get noone like me which is why im not to fussed now shes with someone else, weve been split up around 6 months now, shes been with him about 2, so once the honeymoon period wares of and she realises what she lost, itll to little to late.

 

As for the sleeping with other women, that just helped me deal with my feelings, wasnt bothered if she found out or not i didnt go out my way to let her know if anything i hid it so she still had the image of me being this really nice guy in her head.

 

I know she will come back, she knew i was going afghanistan for 7 months shortly after she split up, i dont think she wanted to be committed whilst i was away for that long so she used the break up as a excuse not to get back together, we was together 3 years, when im back from afghanistan she will realise her mistake, and ive already realised mine

[greenfairie]

By show her what she was missing, I went to the gym, worked on my appearance, saved up money bought a nice new car soon to have a house and go travelling the world, i wanted her to see how happy i was and how easily i could cope without her, i treated her like a angel i guarantee she isnt going to get noone like me which is why im not to fussed now shes with someone else, weve been split up around 6 months now, shes been with him about 2, so once the honeymoon period wares of and she realises what she lost, itll to little to late.

 

As for the sleeping with other women, that just helped me deal with my feelings, wasnt bothered if she found out or not i didnt go out my way to let her know if anything i hid it so she still had the image of me being this really nice guy in her head.

 

I know she will come back, she knew i was going afghanistan for 7 months shortly after she split up, i dont think she wanted to be committed whilst i was away for that long so she used the break up as a excuse not to get back together, we was together 3 years, when im back from afghanistan she will realise her mistake, and ive already realised mine

 

 

I've done the same.. having to go to the gym more often, worked on my appearance, went a couple of vacations, kept busy with my studies and work, but I don't think it'll change anything for my ex to come back. Have you guys done the NC thing since you guys broke up?

[Dumped85]

Feel like crap, especially in my case where I should've led the RS. She was more of the traditional type. And I got to comfortable to soon

[greenfairie]

Feel like crap, especially in my case where I should've led the RS. She was more of the traditional type. And I got to comfortable to soon

 

How was she more of the traditional type? Yeah, I learned that I got too comfortable and that causes a lot of us to stay in the relationship because we don't wanna rock the boat. You can take your lesson to mind into the next relationship you're in since you realize that now so you don't have to go through that again.

[Dumped85]

How was she more of the traditional type? Yeah, I learned that I got too comfortable and that causes a lot of us to stay in the relationship because we don't wanna rock the boat. You can take your lesson to mind into the next relationship you're in since you realize that now so you don't have to go through that again.

 

I just feel that she was always waiting on me to initiate the important things in a relationship. And eventually time got away from me.

[sun1972]

I feel totally bewildered. Unable to make sense of what happened, why it happened. Almost three years together, bought a house together, spoke of marriage and kids and then the unthinkable happened.

 

So confused, we were so happy for the first 2 years and then I started making mistakes that pushed her away and she fell out of love. I am having a hard time forgiving myself because I feel I messed up something great. Geez do we never learn?

 

I feel the same way

 

I have concluded she slowly fell out of love with me during the last 18 months.

 

And it was down to me really, so many times i took her for granted or didnt make the effort..i guess i got comfy and didnt appreciate her

 

Its harder to move on because i KNOW i could have prevented her falling out of love.

[greenfairie]

I feel the same way

 

I have concluded she slowly fell out of love with me during the last 18 months.

 

And it was down to me really, so many times i took her for granted or didnt make the effort..i guess i got comfy and didnt appreciate her

 

Its harder to move on because i KNOW i could have prevented her falling out of love.

 

 

I felt like I gradually fell out of love with my ex over the last year of our relationship… He got way too comfortable with me, started to not really think about my feelings as much.. He wasn't that excited guy in the beginning that I knew anymore, I almost felt like I was stifling him in a way too, like I was in the way of something personally deep that was going on in his life and I felt he wouldn't really share on a deep, intimate level with me. He used to do the sweetest things for me in the beginning of our relationship.. the happiest times and he stopped doing that… I think that was one of the factors that led to the breakup..

[greenfairie]

I'm wondering if any of you guys would get insulted/or angry/or compelled to ignore your exes for the rest of your lives if your ex chooses not to maintain contact until you both are fully healed enough to have a friendship again?

[John Grogan]

I”ve read a while back something that said: a man will suffer less, but when he will, it will be more intense than ever, the pain of a man can”t be mesured because is pure.

 

Dunno what to say about the whole deal, i think men heal slower than a woman.

 

I for instance, i am ... and just realised this now, a month, exactly a month since it ended and i can feel that time helped me. I went NC, but without ignoring or blocking her.

 

In the past i did the NC all the way, but i felt that somehow by doing that i let the other person know how i miss her and so on. This time i decided to go NC without blocking her and use that as a motivation for me to grow and prove her i am fine without her. Yeah, is hard, but for the moment, i feel i can really do it, maybe in time i won”t care anymore.

 

Is hard to cope in these moments, but you need to speak your heart and mind out and weirdly enough, the people that are here, on this forum, can help you more than anyone in the real life, because everyone here was even once in the shoes that you are. Was or is. People heal people.

[Never Again]

I felt like I gradually fell out of love with my ex over the last year of our relationship… He got way too comfortable with me, started to not really think about my feelings as much.. He wasn't that excited guy in the beginning that I knew anymore, I almost felt like I was stifling him in a way too, like I was in the way of something personally deep that was going on in his life and I felt he wouldn't really share on a deep, intimate level with me. He used to do the sweetest things for me in the beginning of our relationship.. the happiest times and he stopped doing that… I think that was one of the factors that led to the breakup..

 

Out of curiosity, did you say or do anything to him about this as it was happening, or did you just let it happen?