WYSWYG Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I understand what Green is trying to ask. To be honest, I was heart broken by the fact that I wasn't going to be with her. Like everyone else, we shared a lot of things that we wanted to do in the future. My brother went through this and he said the best way to get over it is stay busy. Try to workout everyday and do stuff to keep you away from those thoughts. When I'm with my family I try to have a good time but they all have girlfriends so it's hard. The way I coup with it is to think I'm not the only one going through this and there can be worst things going on. Definitely make PLANS to stay BUSY! I went to the gym more, took weekly dance lessons, cleaned up my closets on the weekends and spend lots of time on youtube. One of my effective distraction is, I wrote all the things I hated about my ex in a yellow card and would look at it everytime she invades my mind. And at the bottom, I wrote "there are others out there suffering worst than you".... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
k100danny Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I think that all depends on the guy really, i have a few close female friends who when a relationship has ended it seems a lot easier to talk to, i mention some things to my close male friends but not as much detail. I'm not sure why i find it harder maybe just society putting it in our heads that we shouldn't be like that which is stupid. I'm quite a sensative bloke guy though. we definitely hurt after break ups and studies also show that men deal with break ups worse than women as we aren't as good at processing the loss and another theory is that unlike women we don't tend to turn to friends ect and process the feelings before moving on, we tend to try and ignore them which can make them last a lot longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I guess it depends on the breakup? If the ex cheated, the tendency is anger, thus the i'm-never-going-to-contact-them-ever-ever-ever-again. If it's gigs, it's confusion and the endless why why whyyys. But generally there is hurt in every case. I suppose it's boring for people who have been here for a long time, but definitely not for those who stumbled upon this site say just a few days ago. It's not boring as much as it's an unfailing foundation, I guess. Granted, the church of NC preaches it a little heavy-handedly some days, but it's better than any real alternative I can think of. Breakups hurt and they cause us to panic, and men are especially guilty of entering "fight or flight" mode. Either we panic and try desperately to win back our ex, or we run away so that they can't see us lick our wounds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
haggard969 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 well i shut down, went quiet, i dont talk about it , when some one brings her up i change the subject asap, how do i feel? well i lost my best friend, my lover, my perfect life i was building crashed into the ground, i lost all her family that i considerd mine aswell, i also lost my mind, i cant trust anyone now, i avoid certain places, basically my life got ruined , and for her, well shes with the new guy and im just trying to disappear, man loses his wife, feels like he lost everything 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 well i shut down, went quiet, i dont talk about it , when some one brings her up i change the subject asap, how do i feel? well i lost my best friend, my lover, my perfect life i was building crashed into the ground, i lost all her family that i considerd mine aswell, i also lost my mind, i cant trust anyone now, i avoid certain places, basically my life got ruined , and for her, well shes with the new guy and im just trying to disappear, man loses his wife, feels like he lost everything What if the couple weren't married? Would the guy still feel that intense pain as a husband losing a wife? I remember my ex freaking out on me last summer, and he was like. "I don't want ANYONE touching my future wife." Then after that, he acted like he didn't say that until I was like… Why are you lying? You did say that. Then he kind of admitted it and changed the subject to something else. Why do exes do that? Also, the last time I had a conversation with my ex.. He kept avoiding serious questions of mine by being all like, "Yes or No." and then he'd give me criticism on my mistakes and my friendships which I haven't even told him crap about for months. I maintained my cool while he was giving me all these opinions about bull****, I felt like. I just wonder why he had to feel the need to talk to me like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 It's not boring as much as it's an unfailing foundation, I guess. Granted, the church of NC preaches it a little heavy-handedly some days, but it's better than any real alternative I can think of. Breakups hurt and they cause us to panic, and men are especially guilty of entering "fight or flight" mode. Either we panic and try desperately to win back our ex, or we run away so that they can't see us lick our wounds. I'm confused with the whole fight and flight mode. I mean, I see guys do that but I also see men getting girlfriends right too soon after a breakup. Isn't that how men move past the breakup with a really serious, committed relationship of a few years? Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfairie Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 You're damn right it does. And that's exactly my intention If my ex said that, I'd think… "For lack of a better term, you're heartless and maybe scarred from the pain that you would never risk going back to MAYBE feel that again?" Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I'd think… "For lack of a better term, you're heartless and maybe scarred from the pain that you would never risk going back to MAYBE feel that again?" You are correct on both points. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts